my siense fiction novel - General

Chapter 1 Once upon a time, there was a peaceful planet named Kazzin. Kazzin had three moons. The moons were called Kazzin 1, Kazzin 2, and Kazzin 3. An evil army of giant slugs invaded Kazzin. Ummerk was the boss of the slugs. The slugs were eating everyone on Kazzin. The Kazzinoids tried to fight back, but they killed only three slugs. They were not ready for the battle. They got better at it. And they killed five slugs. there was a Kazzinoid named Mantic. he could fight five slugs at the same time. And so he did. Seven slugs were killed in that battle, but twenty Kazzinoids, too. Mantic decided to do something about it. Chapter 2 Mantic found a cannon. A big laser cannon. He used it to kill two slugs. He fired again and killed two more. The slugs were fighting in pairs. He shot four slugs with one blast! Ummerk came. He captured Mantic! He put Mantic in a secret chamber in his base. Mantic still had the cannon. A guard slug grabbed it away and put it outside the chamber. It was pointing right at Mantic! The chamber was small, so he could not get out of the way. he was also chained to the wall. If Mantic moved one inch, he would be shot. mantic secretly moved the chain. The cannon fired. It broke the chain! Now all Mantic needed was the key. Chapter 3 "Yorrrga! If I only had the key I could unlock myself." He moved a bar just a little to one side. He reached out and grabbed the key from the floor. The key had fallen from the lock. He put the key back into the lock and unlocked the chamber. "Back to the war!" He took the cannon, which was standing outside the chamber. He fired the cannon. He blew a hold in the door and ran outside. He found himself among 15 slugs. Chapter 4 Mantic was badly outnumbered. He had to think fast. He noticed that the slugs had their backs to him. They were fighting other Kazzinoids. One slug had a different back than the others. It had a bloody scar down its back. Meanwhile, a space ship was landing. Crushing a few slugs. The slug with the scar got on the ship. Mantic went up the ramp that led inside. Once inside the ship, Mantic fired at the controls. Chapter 5: Mantic narrates The ship exploded halfway down the corridor. The ship was not badly damaged by the explosion. The ship took off and flew into space. A few slug fighters were coming in at twenty degrees. They fired, all at the same time, missing our ship's cockpit by inches. I fired back, three times. I hit the three slug ships directly in the cockpit, and they went spinning down to the planet Kazzin, which is my home planet. Chapter 6: Mantic narrates My ship had three guns. More slug fighters came. There 20 of them! All of them fired at once. I was hit! I spun down to Kazzin. My fighter exploded. I got blown out, blackened. I hit a rock and was knocked out. Everything went black. I woke up at night. Three slugs were standing over me. One of them had the scar on its back. They tied me up. One of them said, "Now Mossa will kill you." I had a small handgun in my pocket. I fired twice and two slugs died. Now I was in command of the slug that was left. It was the slug with the scar on its back. I told it to untie me. It untied me. "My name is Mossa," said the slug. Chapter 7: Mantic narrates "I'm Mantic," I said. "What should I do with you?" I wondered out loud. "Please, don't kill me!" said Mossa. I stunned Mossa. He woke up in about three hours. "I'll be a good slug from now on," he said. "OK," I said. I set up a camp big enough for both of us. I lit a fire by rubbing two sticks together. "What do you want to eat, Mossa?" I said. Mossa said he wanted a drunt. A drunt is like a deer with spikes coming out of its cheeks and clawed feet. I went and shot it with my handgun. When I got back, Mossa was gone! Three slime trails led off into the darkness. I began to follow the slime trails. The tracks led me to a secret base. I heard Mossa being tortured inside. I snuck in. I secretly blasted the guards with my handgun. I followed the screams to the torture chamber. There was Mossa.

This is something I would write if I was extremely bored and didnt have my thinking hat on. But other than that it was short and simple, so its alright.

Classic

Siense = you're gunna be famous

I feel that you have too much filler in your story. Things like "coming in at twenty degrees" are too much detail for the average reader to take in. They may get confused by not knowing what 20 degrees the slug fighters came in from. If you could simplify it, it would make the novel much shorter and pleasing to readers. It's a good story so far keep it up!!!

A+++++ thread would read again

SIENSE Haohoh god

This is like sex for the mind!

I demand a trilogy.

Best story ever. [b]Kill it! Kill it with salt![/b]

Chapters are too short... [editline]02:24PM[/editline] Oh, right, it's Uberslug.

[QUOTE=broo20;23581647]Chapters are too short... [editline]02:24PM[/editline] Oh, right, it's Uberslug.[/QUOTE] Hey he had help from TH89

What I just read was the most THRILLING, WELL-WRITTEN & BRILLIANT PIECE OF LITERATURE EVER WRITTEN.

Will this be concluded?

Dude, you have to finish this, I can't stand living not knowing how this will end.

Where is Mossa? [b] I need to know.[/b]

[QUOTE=fishsticks;23587996]Will this be concluded?[/QUOTE] It was concluded, we just lost the later pages. Here's a synopsis: -Mantic and Mossa steal a ship, but accidentally land on the Ice Planet Grince. There they encounter a bunch of tribble-like creatures, and a yeti thing. After a harrowing escape from the yeti thing, they leave. -Mantic and Mossa travel to Zunt, the Tatooine stand-in. There, from what I can remember, they participate in a "speeder bike race" to raise money. -Mantic and Mossa cross paths with a legendary bounty hunter and assassin named Cel Kondar. Since he is a wanted man on Kazzin they subdue and capture him easily. -They return to Kazzin. Cel Kondar offers to win his freedom by killing the slug king Ummerk. Mantic and Mossa agree. -After fighting through a planetary blockade and the slug military on the surface, they reach the Capitol Tower, where Ummerk is holed up, protected by his henchslugs Joe, Moe, and Papa. -Cel Kondar infiltrates the tower, and from what I remember, Papa ends up getting knocked out of the Capitol Tower just as Ummerk leaves on the ground floor. Papa hits Ummerk, killing them both and saving Kazzin. -Mantic and Mossa, being the upstanding citizens that they are, renege on their word and turn Cel Kondar in to the police. He is thrown into "the pit." Mantic and Mossa receive large rewards and spend the rest of their lives in comfort.

Glory to the authors.

Speeeeelllllllllll Cheeeeeeeeeck.

Heh, I like it.