• Flatulence Etiquette
    10 replies, posted
Hi Facepunch. Today I am going to tell you how you can fart effectively without anyone noticing. You may be able to do it at home rolling on Facepunch with the window open sitting in your chair, but when you are out in public, it can get hairy. We are going to be looking at a few things. You better get rid of that swank and start to stank because you need to read this. [b]Ammo[/b] If you have a little squeezer coming out, it'll be easier to pass just by ripping. However, if you need to start a fucking holocaust, you better be ready to haul ass out of there before the the carton of old eggs opens. You know when to hold it until you get home, or you need to know how to do improv because it's gonna be hard if someone can track that stank to the sauce. [b]Disguise[/b] If you can do it when there's nobody around, your fine. If you are with a large group of people, you are about as safe as a virgin's vagina in Africa. You need to come up with a plan and quick, especially when you're packing heat. You can usually blame it on someone else and they'll take it like the sick fart loving fuck that they are. When you are with a bunch of fart sniffers though, you need to figure something out because you are gonna be doing a bid. [b]Execution[/b] When you let that bad boy fly, you are already a spy in enemy territory. There's no HQ to save your back when you are in deep shit, literally. When the bomb drops, you need to think like a president and release a statement, because if you stand there like a retard driving a boat through an intersection going "I didn't do it" like all the others did, they are gonna blame you, especially if they ask you last. You could get out of it easy if they ask who did it, but from my experience it hardly happens. [b]Rip Tips[/b] 1. When I need to blow the top, I let it go in small puffs, with one big rip when nobody is around. 2. From my experience, passing gas can be a conversation ruiner, and will get everyone away from the radiated area. (Get out of there Stalker) 3. If you feel it boiling really bad, head to the bathroom, sit by the window, pull those cheeks apart, and unload on them Kevin, unload. Try to do it when someone isn't look or it will look like your trying to play with your asshole. The reason being is that you can do it without making noise most of the time. 4. :siren:DONT DO IT WHEN YOU ARE WITH A GIRL YOU COCK SMUGGLER.:siren: 6. Sometimes when you are with guys, you can do it as a joke. Don't do it too much, or you better be waiting for your dark horse, because your honor will go down, very far down. 6. If you do it when there is one person around, you are definitely doing it wrong and should tape your ass shut. [b]Extended tips[/b] 1. Sometimes when you need to, simply tell them "It's Time", and rip the nastiest ass you will ever rip in your lifetime. Start a World War 3 if you need to. Walking away casually after doing it works effectively as well. Hopefully more people will be smart when dishing out the after dinner mint, because if they aren't, say hello to Lonerville ass monkey. Discuss.
This is too complicated. If you're smart you cropdust.
It's not fun unless it's extremely loud. Hiding it is plain fucking stupid. Hold it in while in public and save it until you get to destroy the seat you are in with your friends.
[QUOTE=Ninja Duck;29967857] If you're smart you cropdust.[/QUOTE] That is covered in the guide. Make sure you aren't near anyone, rip, wait a few seconds for the trail to stop, then get out of there. Disguising farts is a hard to do. [QUOTE=Tippmann357;29967888]It's not fun unless it's extremely loud. Hiding it is plain fucking stupid. Hold it in while in public and save it until you get to destroy the seat you are in with your friends.[/QUOTE] Yea but if you do that too often you'll get a stomache ache and be constipated.
On This Forum: See one thread that's funny and make horrible parody threads of it.
Can I still shit myself?
[QUOTE=Sourcream&onion;29967969]Can I still shit myself?[/QUOTE] No, save that for the bathroom.
Just let it out slowly, and it won't make a noise. Works every time, unless it smells.
There's nothing here for an "Its Time" circlejerk, terrible thread.
Farting while drinking is always a winner.
[QUOTE=Viper202;29968033]There's nothing here for an "Its Time" circlejerk, terrible thread.[/QUOTE] Fixed.
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