For the Record: I missed out on life (and gained nothing as a teen) - General

Yes, it's probably going to turn into a life story but hey, either you can read it to pass the time or go laugh at reposts in the LMAO pics thread. Well, here I am two weeks into turning 21. Congrats to me. I am now effectively legal everywhere for pretty much anything short of a seniors discount at the corner grocery store. I should be proud of this, right? In short, what is there to be proud of? I remember so little from my early years. It all went slightly smoothly while going through my misdiagnosed state (Before I was born, my mom worked in several fields which were sprayed with chemicals which today are known to cause damage to a fetus in the form of neurological and physical defects (by the way, I was almost a stillborn) so from my first diagnosis at age 4, it was assumed I had the whole shebang: ADD, ADHD, OCD, and Tourettes and was managed by various medications) with the usual rough spots usually attributed to the above mentioned. Then a little over ten years ago I was plucked from the Ontario suburbia I used to call home. My new place of residence was some hic-ass town known as kamloops. Gone was the assistive learning I had up until grade 5 when I moved and in I went to a new system which was all black and white: you were either a genius or you were a retard. I suffered horribly. For the next three years (yes, right into grade 8) I was put through a low-level educational program where I learned pretty much nothing. Integration to the mainstream educational system always resulted in humiliating failure in terms of marks and performance. There was one thing though I did however get good at: Computers. While I was bombing in every subject and then retreating to a special needs classroom where I was not actually graded yet still managed to pass each grade each year. It's also painful to be stuck in a fenced 600 square foot paved special needs playground and watch everyone else play beyond the chain link. By the time I hit highschool the educational ssytem was being tuned and my integration plan was changed and suddenly I was in the mainstream system now. Unfortunately by now I was antisocial (at least I could roam the school grounds but I was still not permitted to leave them like everyone else). I knew nothing about real people did or talked about so I could not fit in, even if I tried. I did improve a bit learning wise through highschool and improved on my subjects but I still loved computers. I could totally bomb a science test but when it came to CAD, I was an ace. I had also started building the workshop which would serve me as my new home for the next five years. [IMG_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/around%20the%20house/comproom.jpg[/IMG_thumb] Anyways, at about this time the bullying really started to kick in. It came to a full peak in 2005 when I was invited to a party and ended up 20km up a logging road in the middle of a night with nobody around. I walked the whole night and didn't find a place to call my parents until five or so. I never went to private events like this again. Then on October 28, 2006.... [IMG_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/Report/P1010017.jpg[/IMG_thumb] [IMG_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/Report/P1010018.jpg[/IMG_thumb] [IMG_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/Report/P1010019.jpg[/IMG_thumb] [IMG_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/Report/P1010020.jpg[/IMG_thumb] [IMG_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/Report/P1010021.jpg[/IMG_thumb] [IMG_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/Report/P1010022.jpg[/IMG_thumb] (I'm going to regret posting that, I know it but what the hell it's not like we have not seen more fucked up shit) The fallout was awful. While I was expelled I was let back in a year later when it appeared that the assistive learning center downtown was not going to work, charges were dropped, and no marks ever appeared on both my criminal or permanent record but [i]nobody[/i] wanted to be seen around me as I was [i]that kid[/i]. The only thing that came out of this was a reevaluation, something I had no seen in over ten years. The results were a suprise to me and my parents. My intense facination with computers was a key object that had not developed in the 90's but by now it was present enough to confirm that I ahd Aspbergers. That's right, I suddenly went from all-around wacky...to autistic. Anyways, I graduated a year later (and evena t teh expense of $60, I discovered I was written out of the yearbook and didn't exist according to it) and spent the next year working to try and get a job which was a feat for me who was now 17 and had absolutely NO work experience while everyone I graduated with (thank god I was at least allowed to walk across the stage and not have to endure a private graduation. I'm sure I would of lost it then and there) so I didn't find a job until April 2009. Meanwhile, my once empty room had exploded. [img_thumb]http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a166/ballsandy/computer%20room/P9063039.jpg?t=1301118703[/img_thumb] It was my own little place to escape to. Living un a rural area meant no friends but there was always you, Facepunch. Anyways, My first job was working from 11PM to 7AM at wal-mart. The hours meant that I could not go for a post-secondary education but I didn't care. I couldn't afford it as my misdiagnosis meant I never saw a penny of goverment educational money so I couldn't afford to go and my marks still sucked. Failing english, Failing math, and competition by foreign exchange students meant I never had a chance. Finally I moved to Vancouver in May 2010. I was finally on my own and the few friends I made whiole working nights left a lasting mark. Int he summer of last year I was greatful enough to spend two weeks in japan. NOBODY in my family had gone anywhere near as france in over thirty years. But all things came to an end and here I am now. I moved to vancouver expecting to escape the night creature life I had and tried to start over with everything as by now I was actually sociable. I thank five years of being an Air Cadet for giving me the boost there. Unfortunately I'm nearing the first year of me being here and if anything I'm worse off than before. My T4 says that at my new job pays me only $13000 a year with no medical or dental. I work in a windowless workshop selling the things I love, vintage computers, for a company who mainly services and recycles computers. It's painful to live now that my salary went from $22000 at wal-mart to $13000. the sum-minimum wage meas that there are days when I can't afford to eat. I can't return home either. The room I once called home no longer exists. It's been replaced with a craft room. All my computers, my live, my life, the only thing I was ever really really good at, is now probably going to see the rest of its life in storage. I'll never be able to afford a place big enough to put everything in now. I'm still no better off getting into a community collage or university that I would prosper in. BCIT? VFS? Forget it. I don't have $50000 to toss around. I don't even own a credit card. No credit, no loan and no way to do anything and I could never pay any loans off. The friends I also expected to amek here didn't really develop either. In the end I occasionally talk to a man who is gay, furry, and autistic, a black guy who is gay and furry (you seeing a pattern here?), a girl in the UK who is 18 and tries to give me sex advice in the hopes I ever meet a girl...oh, and a man who si really a girl (yes, he looks like a guy but is really a girl and no, I ain't tapping that). It's depressing. I can spend hours at a bar in Granville street and then walk home hearing the cheery night life of Vancouver. All I can do is go home and go to bed. It also strikes me that my autism also is against me. As mentioned before, if you are Autistic, you are good at one range of subjects and you are promised to ebcome the BOSS of that area and you will ahve no way to fix this. Some people end up being pros at physics, some are able to graduate early and some can even go against Einstein and his own theories. Me? I got REALLY good at computers from one decade: the 80's. I'm okay with systems fromt he late 70's and early 90's but the moment you reach around 1997, I suddenly no nothing. I guess you could also call me computer illiterate. I have no idea how to use an iPod Touch (a device which is technically foolproof as it has a touch screen and a button) or even how to configure networking in Windows 7. Linux? Screw that, I'm more knowledgeable in Unix. The downside to all this is that my line of knowledge is no longer needed. The systems have come and gone, any innovations have been made and cashed out and there's nothing left now but the systems themselves which slowly fall out of service as their contents is migrated to hardware I have no idea how to operate or maintain. I have all the skills to design a multichannel 9-track tape system for a minicomputer and nobody would care. I have the schematics to make an ancient Virtual Reality headset work with more powerful video cards and nobody would take interest. In the end, I'm 20 years too late. It's 2011 now. Everyone I graduated with should be getting out of the universities and such they all went to pretty soon. Some will be doctors, others will be tradesmen, others will eb alwyers orwho knows what. I'll just stay here, listing the parts to the great machines I love and learned so that some middle aged people can fix their hobby. I'll be fixing your laptop while you are out with your family. I don't intend to see age 41. With 19 years left I promise myself that I will not become the 40-year old virgin. I'll end myself sixty seconds before my 40th birthday. I'm sorry, I just can't live with [url=http://www.impawards.com/2005/posters/forty_year_old_virgin.jpg]this[/url] until I hit my 50's and die of a stroke in my bedroom like my single uncle did and not eb found for a week. I feel so selfish spending the last hour typing this but hey, it's a friday night. It's not like I have anything to do besides get ready for tomorrow. You all can go relax and sleep off your high or hangover but I gotta work. Goodnight y'all. MIPS (Formerly known as Pentium) PS: Mods, I am not under the influence right now, I'm just in another depressive rut. It happens a few times a month and I'll get out of it in a few days. PS Again: I don't see the fun in Minecraft either. The steps to get to a point where you can make shit is too long and boring.

wow man that really sucks. Gotta get out of that rut some how.

Kind of unrelated, but OP when you said Kamloops, do you mean Kamloops, BC? Cause I'm there right now :v:

Whats with the influx of "I got bullied" and feel bad for me threads lately?

[editline]26th March 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=SpartanV2;28813124]Kind of unrelated, but OP when you said Kamloops, do you mean Kamloops, BC? Cause I'm there right now :v:[/QUOTE] I think he means kamloops since the letter says he attended sahali secondary also the part about being invited to a party and ending up somewhere deserted.. that was fucking harsh. Don't know anybody here who's a big enough asshole to do that.

Its ok MIPS. You'll be fine.

k didnt read the whole thread but im quoted anyway so just rate dumb i guess

[QUOTE=lum1naire;28813136]sahali always beats my school at basketball in valleys [editline]26th March 2011[/editline] I think he means kamloops since the letter says he attended sahali secondary also the part about being invited to a party and ending up somewhere deserted.. that was fucking harsh. Don't know anybody here who's a big enough asshole to do that.[/QUOTE] Ah, I'm usually in Vancouver, like the OP, but I'm currently on a roadtrip.

snip

[QUOTE=BackOnCrack;28813148]also how did you miss out on life? you are still living aren't you? stop wallowing in self pity and go workout or something to boost your self confidence. dwelling on something that happened in your past is not a good way to live your life[/QUOTE] Oh god Maverick is multiplying

You're only 21, there are people much worse off (believe it or not) and your whole life is ahead of you. Honestly, pull yourself up and enjoy life, you've got plenty of time. I'm 18 and sometimes I feel that life has past me by, but then I think hard about it and realize I'm only bloody 18 years old, life isn't as exciting as some people make it to be though so keep that in mind. Don't expect to be jet-skiing with hot women everyday.

[b][u]Steps to follow[/u][/b] Realise that you [b]live only once[/b]. Stop doing shit you hate and start doing what [b]you[/b] want to do. Make what you want to do your business and find a way of supporting yourself through that. You seem pretty down atm, so log each day of your progress and see it as success that is continually multiplying day by day, use this to motivate you to continue.

[QUOTE=SCopE5000;28813187][b][u]Steps to follow[/u][/b] Stop doing shit you hate and start doing what [b]you[/b] want to do. [/QUOTE] That is honestly the best advice you can ever follow, I've been to my fair share of parties and.. partly I enjoy them, but I'd much rather spend a night in with friends playing Garry's mod or building something spectacular in Minecraft.

[QUOTE=SCopE5000;28813187] Realise that you [b]live only once[/b]. Stop doing shit you hate and start doing what [b]you[/b] want to do.[/QUOTE] That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813214]That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=SCopE5000;28813187] Make what you want to do your business and find a way of supporting yourself through that. [/QUOTE]

An average human works around 90,000 hours in a lifetime. Spend it doing something you like, not something you hate or even marginally dislike.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813214]That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?[/QUOTE] I'd rather be homeless and doing what I love than rich in a job I absolutely hate.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813214]That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?[/QUOTE] Looks like you missed the next line, bro!

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813214]That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?[/QUOTE] yeah but you're fuckin useless

[QUOTE=Paramud;28813228]I'd rather be homeless and doing what I love than rich in a job I absolutely hate.[/QUOTE] philosophy aside na I'd rather be rich noob :xd:

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813214]That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?[/QUOTE] 2. Post on facepunch less and get a job. [editline]a[/editline] Alot [b]fucking[/b] less.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813214]That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?[/QUOTE] Living with your parents at 20 isn't that shitty I'd rather live with my parents till 25 and have a nice stable life/job than move into a hellashit house at 18, especially with BC having the highest housing prices in the country

I don't "really" know how bad your situation really is. But the only thing I can think of is getting another job. Working 2 min wage jobs isn't that uncommon. Sure you might have little to no free time, but you'll be able to eat along with increasing your job experience. Offing yourself at age 39.999 because you are a virgin is a p bad reason to kill yourself imo. You still have your youth. 21 is still young and you still have a lot to do before you settle down with a final career. You said something about air cadets but I'm not too familiar. Maybe you should try doing military service to meet more people and to get free food/board/cash etc. Trust me there are much more people worse off than you. Hang in there.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813214]That advice has gotten me unemployed and living with my parents at 20, is there a second step that you left out?[/QUOTE] That advice got me killed.

Well, if you really wanted to get into some current linux systems, you can thank the IEEE for the POSIX standard, which should make it easy, if not a walk in the park to learn most of what you need about it. And if you're confused, someone else has already had your problem and it has been solved.

The part with the false party invitation made me cringe. :smith:

[QUOTE=Captain Lawlrus;28813250]Living with your parents at 20 isn't that shitty I'd rather live with my parents till 25 and have a nice stable life/job than move into a hellashit house at 18, especially with BC having the highest housing prices in the country[/QUOTE] Living with your parents is pretty much not a choice anymore, it's a certainty, with the global housing prices as high as they are currently. [b]EDIT:[/b] in the UK.

[QUOTE=SCopE5000;28813233]Looks like you missed the next line, bro![/QUOTE] Yeah just start a business Not like you need a good plan and lots of capital and shit My plan is to just keep taking whatever work I can get and save money until I figure out what I actually want to do, and then use the money to do it

[QUOTE=Zeke129;28813353]Yeah just start a business Not like you need a good plan and lots of capital and shit My plan is to just keep taking whatever work I can get and save money until I figure out what I actually want to do, and then use the money to do it[/QUOTE] If you can't do it with what you have, expand your list of things you enjoy doing and can make money with. The capital argument is B/S, all businesses come from nothing. Through investment, loan or otherwise.

I generally touch ipod touches. Try that.