Your Lyrics - General - Facepunch Forum

Hello Facepunch. A lot of us here are musicians, judging by the guitar and drum thread, so why not have a thread where we can post lyrics we wrote? This is for lyrics you wrote, not the discussion of other artists lyrics. Post them here for criticism and discussion. You can also share tips of writing and such. Heres some of my work. Incomplete but oh well. [Quote]As we lined them up side by side, Shoulder to shoulder We took a look at them And saw them grow older Crimes against humanity Watching all this insanity[/Quote] [Quote]Frozen in time Frozen in fear I have lost myself All throughout the years I feel no pain Ice cold blood Running through my veins I walk on down the road Alive outside But dead a thousand times I fall down before I fly And soar on through the sky Taken by my mind I crawl and die[/Quote] [quote] I cried myself to sleep this night Given no food, no breaks, no light A life sentence I was given at birth To work for the white mans earth My spirits broken My body is weak I can't get up My future is bleak The whipping man is coming To hurt me today I feel my heart drumming My vision turns gray[/quote]

It'd be a lot easier to hear if you gave us some form of accompient or a finished song. Try giving us some surface to stand on.

I have no music for it yet. I just mainly write. Just judge it as if it was a poem.

My lyrical skills aren't too impressive, but then again I don't believe that lyrics are that important in music. That is likely my own view on it, but I think you should be able to tell what a song is about just by listening to the music, the words shouldn't give the song meaning, the song should give the words meaning. I guess in some way you can say that is my ego compensating for my lack of lyrical writing abilities, but then again it is something that I do truly believe. Anyway, here are two lyrical pieces I've done with lyrics. Click on the link to see the lyrics (and the song if you want). I don't want to take up too much room on the page. [URL="http://soundcloud.com/pepin/sleep-1"]Sleep[/URL] [URL="http://soundcloud.com/pepin/awkward-dinosaur-1"]Awkward Dinosaur[/URL] [editline]04:20AM[/editline] As for some criticism on your lyrics, you will want to custom it to the song's structure or chord progression. There are common line and rhyming schemes and these usually can go with a chord progression, but you really want to think out the chords and emphasis. For example, with the frozen in time one, are you aware at all how that would sound in a song? Where are the places of emphasis and what chords would support what part? To provide and example, look at Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd with relation to the chords. [code]C D So, so you think you can tell, Am G Heaven from Hell, blue skys from pain. D C Am Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail, a smile from a veil, G Do you think you can tell? C D And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts, Am G D Hot ashes for trees, hot air for a cool breeze, cold comfort for change, C Am G And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage[/code] Notices that the chords change on places of emphasis, and a lot of the times the chord adds to the lyric. Am play on the words 'war' and 'Hell' which adds more impact. The G on "cool breeze" works greatly because it is [I]relieves [/I]the tension from the Am chord and a cool breeze is [I]relieving[/I] especially when you are just talking about hot ash.

[QUOTE=MirageKnight;24893827]Hello Facepunch. A lot of us here are musicians, judging by the guitar and drum thread, so why not have a thread where we can post lyrics we wrote? This is for lyrics you wrote, not the discussion of other artists lyrics. Post them here for criticism and discussion. You can also share tips of writing and such. Heres some of my work. Incomplete but oh well.[/QUOTE] You're falling into a common poetic faux pas here. The lyrics you've posted mostly consist of rhyming couplets, which is amateurish and simplistic. The rhymes are too regular, and sound forced. Use some more devices in your poetry, and try using a form that isn't just AABB. Greater vocabulary usually works, too, provided that it's executed properly.

Hey hey, this is my kind of thread. Pepin, what you've posted is actually very interesting. However, since I have no experience playing any instrumental other than the euphonium for four years - and I never learned my chords or scales - it doesn't mean much to me, because I don't know what those chords correspond to. I've been trying for a while now to compose instrumentation to accompany my lyrics (if you've seen the Guitar Pro 5 Songs thread, then you know what I mean), but with limited success. Do you think you can help me understand what you're trying to say a bit more, via PM? Okay, lyric dump. Since all my lyrics are pretty long, I'm just going to link them individually. Just ctrl-click them to open them in new tabs (assuming your browser supports tabs; by now, most browsers should). These are for my most recent "album", which is really just a compilation of lyrics of a similar lyrical nature, that, if actually composed would be on the same album. [url=http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8416055/My%20Lyrics/Equilibrium%27s%20End/Cold%20Water%20-%20Equilibrium%27s%20End.txt]Cold Water[/url] [url=http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8416055/My%20Lyrics/Equilibrium%27s%20End/A%20Point%20of%20Return%20-%20Equilibrium%27s%20End.txt]A Point of Return[/url] [url=http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8416055/My%20Lyrics/Equilibrium%27s%20End/Out%20of%20Time%20-%20Equilibrium%27s%20End.txt]Out of Time[/url] Lyrics only, no music. However, I do mark tempos, solos, and vocal styles, to try and help other people hear it in their heads more like I do. I know it isn't enough, but it's the best I can do right now. :smith:

When I made the lyrics to my song I just made something up in about 5 minutes. :ohdear: I'd probably just make a fool out of myself if I posted it, because people didn't even like the instrumental of the song. :saddowns: But I have it in a .txt file ready to be copied and pasted if anyone is feeling awfully curious.

[QUOTE=Stizzles;24898287]When I made the lyrics to my song I just made something up in about 5 minutes. :ohdear: I'd probably just make a fool out of myself if I posted it, because people didn't even like the instrumental of the song. :saddowns: But I have it in a .txt file ready to be copied and pasted if anyone is feeling awfully curious.[/QUOTE] People hate the compositions I write for my songs, too. Didn't stop me from posting my lyrics. Go ahead and post em. If you don't want people to be reading them in the post, just do what I did - upload it somewhere (maybe pastebin, since it's text) and link it. :unsmith:

every time i write lyrics they always end up ripping off another song

Fuck it, I'll post it. :siren:WARNING! YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE IT:siren: Hide! From the monster Hide! In the closet Hide! From the failure that is your life Bury all your memories dig into eternity live your life behind a mask bury all the bodies fast You're so fake, oh can't you see? Nothing but a memory your life is pure insanity nothing but a memory x2 Hide! Hide! Hide! Hide! x2 Oh my fucking GOD! What the fuck is this? Oh my fucking GOD! What the fuck is this? Oh my fucking GOD! BOOM! :smithicide:

Actually to the right music that could be pretty interesting. Basic, but it gets the point across.

[QUOTE=Stizzles;24901722]Fuck it, I'll post it. :siren:WARNING! YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE IT:siren: Hide! From the monster Hide! In the closet Hide! From the failure that is your life Bury all your memories dig into eternity live your life behind a mask bury all the bodies fast You're so fake, oh can't you see? Nothing but a memory your life is pure insanity nothing but a memory x2 Hide! Hide! Hide! Hide! x2 Oh my fucking GOD! What the fuck is this? Oh my fucking GOD! What the fuck is this? Oh my fucking GOD! BOOM! :smithicide:[/QUOTE] Seems like it'd go well to really heavy metal or even growling death metal. If I had a better Microphone and instruments to go with it, I'd sing it for you free of charge. Of course, I'm not a very good singer, but it'd be free, right?

I've heard his stuff It's cybergrind It works and it's not serious fun music type stuff

[QUOTE=Stizzles;24901722]Fuck it, I'll post it. :siren:WARNING! YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE IT:siren: Hide! From the monster Hide! In the closet Hide! From the failure that is your life Bury all your memories dig into eternity live your life behind a mask bury all the bodies fast You're so fake, oh can't you see? Nothing but a memory your life is pure insanity nothing but a memory x2 Hide! Hide! Hide! Hide! x2 Oh my fucking GOD! What the fuck is this? Oh my fucking GOD! What the fuck is this? Oh my fucking GOD! BOOM! :smithicide:[/QUOTE] That would be awesome with fast-paced progmetal In fact I just wrote a riff that fits great with the first paragraph

Thank you guys, I was worried you'd be rude, I know how Facepunch can be sometimes. :love: If any of you actually want to use it for anything, that would just be awesome.

[QUOTE=Stizzles;24902600]Thank you guys, I was worried you'd be rude, I know how Facepunch can be sometimes. :love: If any of you actually want to use it for anything, that would just be awesome.[/QUOTE] Really? I'll totally make something out of it as soon as I get my soundcard fixed, awesome :buddy:

[QUOTE=mynames2long;24902775]Really? I'll totally make something out of it as soon as I get my soundcard fixed, awesome :buddy:[/QUOTE] This makes me proud. :3:

Inspired by White Room by Cream [Quote]In a a cold lonely room Pictures of misery lining the walls I looked out the window At the damp frightening road As I walked out to the sad streets A life, I wish to not repeat Laid down on my side I saw shadows starting to cry[/Quote]

Wow. Maybe if I act more insecure about my lyrics, people will actually recognize them and possibly, just maybe, say nice things about them. And for my own two cents, Stizzles, I can easily see that being a DevilDriver song. Whether or not that's a good thing, you can decide. I personally like DevilDriver (at least [i]Fury[/i]; their later albums I don't much care for), so... Yeah. :unsmith:

[QUOTE=MirageKnight;24908620]Inspired by White Room by Cream [quote]In a a cold lonely room Pictures of misery lining the walls I looked out the window At the damp frightening road As I walked out to the sad streets A life, I wish to not repeat Laid down on my side I saw shadows starting to cry [/quote][/QUOTE] Bitchin.

[QUOTE=Gmod4ever;24910770]Wow. Maybe if I act more insecure about my lyrics, people will actually recognize them and possibly, just maybe, say nice things about them.[/QUOTE] I can understand your need for attention so I will give you some. I'm impressed with this the cold water piece, you seem to know what you're doing and have a good system in place and I could see the lyrics being interesting in a song. The point of no return song I do not like so much because it is a too repetitive with all the lines that share the same first couple of words. I'd try making a few lyrics about other less serious things. You don't want to get stuck in a theme and want to be able to write about anything.

[QUOTE=Pepin;24919763]I can understand your need for attention so I will give you some. I'm impressed with this the cold water piece, you seem to know what you're doing and have a good system in place and I could see the lyrics being interesting in a song. The point of no return song I do not like so much because it is a too repetitive with all the lines that share the same first couple of words. I'd try making a few lyrics about other less serious things. You don't want to get stuck in a theme and want to be able to write about anything.[/QUOTE] I tend to write serious things because that's what I listen for. I'm of the opinion that the lyrics are one of the most important aspects in music, and especially in melodic death metal - if the lyrics are whimsical, silly, or weak, then I generally don't like the song nearly as much. Likewise, if I can't find or understand the lyrics, then I generally don't like a song as much as I would otherwise. My fascination with important and serious lyrics in the music I listen to is, predictably, transposed into the lyrics I write. As for being stuck in a theme, I write what I like. I've tried writing about mysticism, philosophy, science-fiction, etc, but I've never really been satisfied with anything written in those themes. So, shrug. Thanks though. :unsmith:

I find it really difficult to write lyrics so the bassist in my band is writing most of it for the music we're producing, but here's a small spoken word rant I'm gonna work on and implement hopefully. It's about disconnection and loneliness. Walk through crowds of thousands alone, Appeasing loneliness one fuck at a time, We trade conflict, hate, love and passion for ambivalence and ease, We know we have not earned our heaven, But we deserve no place in hell, Too weak to die, too afraid to live, Too stupid together, in reverie apart, Sitting like mirrors in the funhouse of being.