Sorry if this sounds like it's meant for fast threads, but I'll post here.
Earlier today while I was out with my mom eating breakfast, we we're talking about finding a new house in the neighborhood (legal reasons as to why I'm moving) and while I was telling her about how attached I am to the house (grew up, a lot of stuff happened there) she kept mentioning how the new house was up to me to make it the home I want. After catching on, I asked her why she kept mentioning me and the new house, to which she told me the house was gonna be mines. After clarification, she finally explained how the house was gonna be mines, bills and all, I'll live alone with my own things, basically starting my new life. Hearing that caused a wave of anxiety to wash over me, but she explained how her and my dad were gonna live with me to help me, but when the time comes that I can handle myself, they'll move back to Chicago. What makes me anxious is that I'm afraid it'll all be too much to handle, I feel like I'd either have a job to keep me living good, but I won't be happy, or vice versa. Every time I hear about living on your own It's always bad.
My question is, how do you guys who live alone do it? Any advice you can give me? It's gonna be a while before I do, I'm 16, but I the anxiety still hits me.
I'm 18 and about half a year ago I moved out from my parents' house due to some disagreements. I've been living at my brother's house but as he's at his girlfriend's house pretty much 90% of the time I am here alone a lot. Honestly there isn't much to be anxious over, sometimes I just prefer being by myself (probably because I'm a bit introverted). The freedom is really great, I can walk around the house naked if I wanted to and nothing would stop me. Taking on responsibilities such as cooking has also been to my benefit as I've been able to experiment with food. I suppose I still mostly make microwavable meals but on occasion I've experimented with some curries and they were amazing.
It won't be too much to handle. Rather than doing dishes like once a day (or a week if you're disgusting), wash dirty dishes just after you use them. It will only take you a minute or two and it saves you from having to deal with a big pile of shit later on. Washing clothes or mowing the lawn really doesn't bother me, they actually relax me in a way haha. It's not going to be bad so don't worry. If you need human contact I'd suggest you invite someone to live with you, but not a friend. As weird as it sounds, living with a stranger would be ideal because you both don't know what the other one is capable of and you'll probably have a kind of mutual respect for each other out of fear of what the other person can do.
[editline]1st August 2013[/editline]
I suppose getting a pet could help deal with anxiety, but it'd have to be a pet you could interact with. So no, don't get a fish which will be stuck in a fish tank all day long, consider a cat or dog. A cat would be best as dogs do require heaps of attention, and I should know as I go to uni full time and work part time and often I have to leave my dog alone by herself and I can tell she really doesn't like it. And that is fair enough, I've been contemplating discussing with my brother of letting another family take care of her.
Thanks for the insight, I really appreciate it. I'm still more or less anxious about staying financially afloat while still having hobbie things, (games, coomputers , etc) I know I'll have to cut back but I'm afraid I'll never have enough for something
If you feel a house may be too much to handle by yourself, honestly, you might be right. If everything goes well you'll save money over renting, but you're the one responsible for upkeep and repairs.
If you're confident in your ability to look after a house and your anxiety only stems from being away from family, take the time to teach them how to use Skype/Google Hangouts/whatever so you can video chat with them from time to time after they leave. But if your worry is about the house itself, maybe look into an apartment.
Getting a house free from your parents is a hell of a deal though, assuming I understood the story correctly. Personally I'd do it. If you have a spare bedroom you could even rent it out to a college student or something and make a bit of cash on the side. (Check local laws yada yada)
Yea I know it's a deal. I'm just hoping to actually get money to save, since I do wanna move out the city since it's getting pretty bad (Detroit) but I am getting handy on stuff, I suffer from anxiety so the littlest things make me overthink, I'm sure I'll be fine, I just want your guy's insight to help.
Get a job, embrace the responsibility and be more prepared for life as an adult as a result. No point in worrying if you make sure nothing can go terribly wrong ahead of time.
Moving away from home was the best thing for me. I'm in dorms currently so it's not like I'm alone, but I will soon be moving out to an apartment and I can't wait.
Oh yeah another thing, just have your mates come over every now and then. Just think of a reason, some quiet drinks maybe or get one of them to bring a console around and play splitscreen games the night. If alcohol is involved there will definitely be cleaning up to do the following morning but it's hanging with your mates so why not.
[QUOTE=ChicagoMobster;41669782]Thanks for the insight, I really appreciate it. I'm still more or less anxious about staying financially afloat while still having hobbie things, (games, coomputers , etc) I know I'll have to cut back but I'm afraid I'll never have enough for something[/QUOTE]
Good time in your life to invest and always keep spare money on the side. Monitor your spending/etc
wow you sound like a kid the way you describe the situation op
and your mom is buying you a fucking house.
in that case,get 3 dogs
There's not much to be anxious about. If you're worried about eventually living on your own, get yourself a pet and maybe a partner.
Otherwise have friends over a lot, less lonely that way.
You really shouldn't be anxious over this, the benefits of living alone
is quite big. You won't get bored very quickly, as there's always housework to do,
you can create your own meals, therefore you choose what's on the table,
personally I say living alone would be a huge achievement.
But as the above poster said, you can also invite friends over to make yourself more comfortable.
you're gonna get robbed and murdered, you must find a roommate
You will have some sort of independenec, and that's good
I know the feeling OP; back in January I came back to the states from Crete, Greece with only $300.00 in my account and no job prospects. It was a decision I made and my parents supported, but that was it. I was entirely on my own to make my way. Though I lived with my sister and her three children I still had bills to pay, I had to buy a car, get a cell phone; but most importantly before all of that I had to find a job.
You'll be surprised with what you can accomplish under pressure; you just can't buckle under your anxiety. After 6 months and many, many awful days of stress I am finally getting a place of my own with a good friend. Stability does seem like a far off goal but don't think of it that way; just focus on what you need to do to ensure stability and once you have that you'll be golden.
That's a hell of an awesome thing to receive from your parents, I want to move out but my mothers past boyfriends screwed her over financially so we're making trouble making ends meet from week to week. It can be scary, and you may feel a bit anxious, but it's normal. It just means you're not stupid and getting cocky about it.
Thanks guys, I really appreciate it, I know I'm luckier than most because of the free house, and I know my friends will always be over, they kinda are in the first place. I'm just hoping I don't screw myself over financially like miss a payment on something or don't have enough to fix something (which is why I want to be handy)
anxiety over living alone is normal. i had a panic attack the first few nights when living on my own for the first time. finally becoming independent is a scary thing. just embrace the fear, do your best, and things will probably work out alright.
I lived alone over the last year - I grew up and lived in the countryside until now, and I moved into a city completely unfamiliar to me with no friends nearby, to start University there.
There was some initial homesickness, but after that it was smooth sailing. Really all you have to do is make sure you read your tenancy agreement carefully and make sure you stick to the rules your landlord has. No trouble at all, to be honest.
Well that's another thing (and forgive me if I don't know) I'm not gonna have a landlord, it's a regular house all for me to own. If my mom is telling me correct.
Getting your own place at 16, that is quite an achievement. What kind of job do you have to pay the bills?
I would recommend finding a friend you know isn't a slob if you want a roommate, really helps with splitting the bills and peace of mind if you're nervous about having the house to yourself.
I wish I would live on my own
Having your own flat in Russia is not cheap, even if I somehow manage to buy a flat no way I'll be able to pay all the bills by myself until I (hopefully) graduate from uni and get a job (even then I gotta save).
[QUOTE=_Kent_;41673656]Getting your own place at 16, that is quite an achievement. What kind of job do you have to pay the bills?
I would recommend finding a friend you know isn't a slob if you want a roommate, really helps with splitting the bills and peace of mind if you're nervous about having the house to yourself.[/QUOTE]
I'm not getting it now, my parents are gonna buy a new one for us to move in, and when the time comes for my to start my life, they're gonna leave the house to me. In fact all my close friends ( who aren't slobs and are working) want to move in together and we'd all split bills and do our part.
That's where my fear kicks in the most, finding a job to pay for it, I don't want to always work, or be sad about my job.
[editline]1st August 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=qwerty000;41673800]I wish I would live on my own
Having your own flat in Russia is not cheap, even if I somehow manage to buy a flat no way I'll be able to pay all the bills by myself until I (hopefully) graduate from uni and get a job (even then I gotta save).[/QUOTE]
Good luck on that, hopefully everything works out
If you're gonna move in with your friends make sure you fully trust them money-wise - people may be great friends but may turn out to be really greedy or just not very fair when it comes to money, they may not even realise it themselves, and it can ruin friendships :v:
I haven't had this issue myself but I know some who have.
[QUOTE=ChicagoMobster;41674046]
That's where my fear kicks in the most, finding a job to pay for it, I don't want to always work, or be sad about my job.[/QUOTE]
im sorry to tell you this, but this is life for a large portion of people. most people aren't particularly happy with their work, it's one of the downsides to modern civilization. if you have a passion, pursue it. if you don't have a passion, or don't have a marketable passion, then the best you can do is pursue a job you can tolerate and try to enrich your life in other ways(hobbies, relationships, etc.).
I moved out at 17. After a few weeks it's not such a big deal
[QUOTE=yawmwen;41674618]im sorry to tell you this, but this is life for a large portion of people. most people aren't particularly happy with their work, it's one of the downsides to modern civilization. if you have a passion, pursue it. if you don't have a passion, or don't have a marketable passion, then the best you can do is pursue a job you can tolerate and try to enrich your life in other ways(hobbies, relationships, etc.).[/QUOTE]
Yeah, this is pretty much it - you have to work, unfortunately. There's no two ways about it. Hopefully though, you can find a job that's as rewarding as it is useful!
I understand I have to get a job, I accept that, I just hope I can make the best of it while pursuing something else.
[QUOTE=MrJazzy;41674446]If you're gonna move in with your friends make sure you fully trust them money-wise - people may be great friends but may turn out to be really greedy or just not very fair when it comes to money, they may not even realise it themselves, and it can ruin friendships :v:
I haven't had this issue myself but I know some who have.[/QUOTE]
Well my friends had to deal with a mooch/freeloader who use to be our fried, so we have an understanding of it. All of them have had problems making money in their families so they know the value of it. We never mooch or rely on others for money, and when we do, we end up paying each other back when we have the chance
[editline]1st August 2013[/editline]
I guess because of so much media and readings I just assume there is no middle ground, you're either successful and happy blah blah, or poor and struggling blah blah. I know there isn't but I just can't see it.
As long as you can actually afford to pay the bills and you have some common sense you should be fine. You should still have time (and money) for hobbies when you have a job and other responsibilities, just manage your time and budget properly. Moving out of home can seem like a big scary thing but everybody does it eventually, you'll be fine dude, have fun
Thanks, well one issue now that I'm focused on is a " Hipster vs. Local" turf war going on in my city. It'll affect me significantly. If anyone wants, I don't know if I should put a thread in SH to explain more.
I was completely psyched when I moved out for the first time. After my family who had helped me move got in the car and went home it all came down on me when I realized it would never be the same again, and I sat down on on the tile floor between my moving boxes and cried like a little girl.
I was right. A couple of months later my parents got divorced.
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