What I've written in my story so far - basically two guys on the bus to College

[evlbzltyr]

So yeah, I've started writing a little novella from the point of view of a person who doesn't give a shit about his arrogant, overachieving, lazy and absolutely unbearably rude friend's rant about college.

[quote]Considering the recent news, my friend Christopher Taylor and I board the bus on our way to college without attracting too many suspicious looks. As students, we’re expected to be out protesting over the increased University fees, breaking windows and throwing fire extinguishers off buildings, but at the moment, University is the last thing on either of our minds. Something we share in common with the horrifically uneducated passengers we have the misfortune to share the bus with, no doubt. As we make our way to the back of the bus, Chris continues his boring and self-centred spiel on how the college is completely unjustified in their decision to threaten him with expulsion should he consistently miss lessons like he has been prone to these past few weeks.

“They haven’t got a fucking leg to stand on, and they [I]know[/I] it,” he professes, much to the annoyance of a nearby mother with her small children on board. We reach the back of the bus and sit ourselves down, the weight of our book-filled bags causing an audible thump as we do so. I brush my denim jeans down to stop any more rainwater from soaking through before shaking my green checked shirt down, a hilariously ill thought out piece of Top Man clothing considering the terrible yet typical British weather. My white Converse All-stars have seen better days, but they’re by far in better shape than they have any right to be in considering the amount of rainwater I can feel on my feet. My iPod is still functioning, thankfully, and provides a constant stream of Daft Punk to my left ear for me to enjoy in contrast to the boredom I feel being forced to listen to Chris’s self-centred rant. And while I normally don’t really pay attention to my hair, I realise that it obviously looks like shit and try raking my hand through it in an attempt to make it at least half decent, before giving up halfway and shaking my head slightly to get the excess water out.

Chris isn’t much better off. His jeans and trainers look like they’ve been salvaged from a lake, and his normally white hoodie now appears to be grey. The current song on my iPod stops - I realise that I’ve lost focus and quickly try and listen again.

“I’m a [I]college [/I]student for Christ sake. I don’t have to [I]be[/I] there. I could walk out of the classroom any time I [I]wan[/I]ted. But I don’t. You know why? Because I’m one of the best fucking people those teachers have the honour to [I]teach[/I]. If you can [I]call [/I]what they do ‘teaching’. I spend half my fucking time telling them how [I]wrong[/I] they are about... About [I]everything[/I]!”

I nod my head, hoping to avoid either condoning or condemning his arrogant, one-sided conversation, because while I know he’s telling the truth, quite frankly there’s nothing I’d want more in the world for him to shut up and let me listen to my music in peace.

“I could write down everything I’ve learnt since the beginning of the college year on a sheet of paper, and still have room to write a fucking grade A [I]essay[/I] on how every teacher I have to [I]endure[/I] is an unqualified, retarded piece of...” He pauses halfway through his sentence as his phone, an old iPhone 4G, buzzes in his pocket. I can barely believe it still works, considering the state of his jeans. Apparently he thinks the same way as me, as the buzzing causes him to look down in disbelief at his pocket for a few seconds. Eventually he takes it out, breathing loudly, far too emotionally involved in what he’s saying in comparison with his audience, which consists of me and the rest of the bus, who can be described as - in [I]very [/I]polite terms - lower class, unimportant wastes of space.

With the absence of any further words from Chris, I listen to an old Gorillaz track through my single earbud, which goes surprisingly well along with the patter of rain on the window of the bus. Again I zone out, staring into space, before realising that Christ could start talking at any second. I know from experience that, when talking about something he feels particularly strong about, it’s best to listen to what he has to say, as he is prone to getting overly upset over the fact that no one actually gives a shit about what he has to say half the time.

I see his eyes narrow as he reads through his text, before he sighs dramatically and plunges his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. He looks at me, obviously hoping that I ask what the text was about. When I deliberately avoid complying, he – almost grudgingly – returns to the previous topic of conversation.

“I mean, if I wasn’t so brilliant at everything they wouldn’t give a shit. They won’t [I]suspend [/I]me. I’m too good a student. I must have missed, what, a hundred hours of lessons altogether? And I’m [I]still [/I]more prepared for our summer exams than [I]anyone [/I]else in the college. They’re just [I]saying [/I]they’ll suspend me so that my parents force me to come into school.” He jumps as the bus jerks to a halt at a stop, before catching himself and swearing under his breath. “Fucking incompetent bus driver as well... But yeah, I don’t have to [I]be [/I]there. There is [I]abso[/I]-fucking-lutely [I]no [/I]reason for me turning up at school. And believe me, if my parents weren’t threatening me with the idea of forcing me to look for a job, I’d be in [I]bed[/I] right now.”

“Will you mind your language?” an overweight mother-of-three hisses at us, cradling her youngest child as her other two play a videogame - maybe the latest Pokémon game, though it’s hard to say – on an old, scratched-up Nintendo DS.

Chris gives the woman the finger, causing her to gasp in astonishment and lift herself out of her chair, before waddling to the front of the bus to complain. Chris doesn’t give a shit, and slips down in the chair, stretching his legs and folding his arms.[/quote]That's all I've got so far. It's just a start, and I still need to go through and edit it, but it's about five in the morning where I am and you guys will probably tell me what to do with it better than my friends would. Even as I type this up, I've been going back and adding to it.

Chose the "school" icon because they're going to college, and I couldn't really think of any other icon that would suit it. I wrote this purely for the sake of writing it, it's not some school thing.

[DainBramageStud]

the narrator seems a little hypocritical when he says that christopher is an arrogant prick one moment then describes the passengers as lower class wastes of space the next

[evlbzltyr]

Ah, that's fair enough. I'm trying to put get the idea across that they're both assholes, but I guess it'd work better if he agrees with Christopher's arrogant views rather than condoning them.

Although I'm not sure - is he more unlikeable or less believable as a hypocrite, or would it be better if I changed it around so he agrees but just finds Chris's conversation boring?

[DainBramageStud]

[QUOTE=evlbzltyr;28146129]Ah, that's fair enough. I'm trying to put get the idea across that they're both assholes, but I guess it'd work better if he agrees with Christopher's arrogant views rather than condoning them.

Although I'm not sure - is he more unlikeable or less believable as a hypocrite, or would it be better if I changed it around so he agrees but just finds Chris's conversation boring?[/QUOTE]

have one of the passengers come out with an unexpectedly witty retort to christopher's egotistical rantings, thus putting chris in his place, and forcing the narrator to re-evaluate his opinion

[evlbzltyr]

I'll try that, but I'm not particularly good at writing witty things :frown:

[Deleted307904]

[QUOTE=evlbzltyr;28146129]Ah, that's fair enough. I'm trying to put get the idea across that they're both assholes, but I guess it'd work better if he agrees with Christopher's arrogant views rather than condoning them.[/QUOTE]
rather than condemning them. You meant to say condemn.

Also, why should I care about listening to this guy's rant? What's the point? The character is really annoying, you've managed that. So why would I want to read about an annoying guy, unless he is interesting in some way? You have to rethink what's driving your story here.