Hey guys, I haven't been here in ages and there's little chance any of you will remember me, but I just remembered the existence of Facepunch and with good timing too, I must say.
I'm currently in rehab (alcohol), and it's not something I'm proud of and therefor I'm trying my best to keep it hidden from most family and friends. It just feels like my head is gonna explode if I don't tell anyone though, which is the reason I'm posting here. It's anonymous and it makes me feel a wee percentage less like shit to tell someone that no, I'm not on holiday, I'm not bedridden with the flu, I am in fact in a shitload of pain and it fucking sucks major league horse genitalia. I have to say that alcohol withdrawals are almost worse than opiate withdrawals. I can't quite explain why, my head is a bit of a cloudy mess at the moment, but I can get back to that later if anyone for some reason should have interest to know more about the levels of suckage of both.
I will give myself some credit though. Cause I'm here. And I haven't had my daily liter of vodka in 5 days. And alcohol is about the only thing I've used all summer; almost no coke or even weed at all.
Uhn. And now my head is derailed again and I don't know what I'm writing. I just wanted to share with somebody before the rest of the benzos kick in and I pass out again. I guess this post is therapeutic in some way.
Thanks for reading
Idk if you were successful (I hope so) but how did you get over opiates? I am having THEE hardest time doing so.
[QUOTE=zach1193;45862716]Idk if you were successful (I hope so) but how did you get over opiates? I am having THEE hardest time doing so.[/QUOTE]
I put myself in a position where I was completely unable to get a hold of any for about a week. And then therapy (only out-patient that time though). But really I just had to get it together, because I didn't function at all in daily life and it had gotten to that point where I was barely able to get myself food (I remember trying to bbq bacon over a lit candle because I was so fucked up I had forgotten we had a kitchen. Sorta unrelated but I still find it funny).
It was fucking hard and painful like nothing else but it did work out after a couple of tries
Edit:
Oh and I might add, for the actual quitting process. Oxycodone was my thing. I used to snort around 200mg a day together with around 100mg of oxazepam, vodka and weed. When I really decided to quit I had saved up a couple of 10mg OxyContin (the time release tablets) and I'd take only one a day for a couple of days. It sucked but it kept most of the withdrawals symptoms at bay so it didn't hit me just as hard as pure cold turkey would when I finally stopped taking it all together.
Yea, right now I'm taking enough just to get me through work, today was 4mg of dilaudid. My addiction isn't that bad, it's that I have a serious anxiety issue along with the constant pain and cold and mental pain and have to maintain this job I have. and I keep cutting it so damn close... I have 1 pill to last me 2 more days unless I find some money, and even then I still need to find an opiate after that.
You'll pull through, keep your head up and you can only receive benefits.
It's cool that you're still checking in every once in a while!
keep going dude, you're going the right way.
I do remember your name , you left around the same time as KyleV2
I sincerely hope you can learn to control your habit(s?), I can't really say that I can relate since I've only had a minor problematic relationship with cocaine but I have family that has been trough it so I know I can really only wish you the best of luck.
also lol @ candle bacon :v:
I never really left. I have kept forgetting then finding out again about Facepunch for about 9 years now. What can I say? I suck at long relationships :P
Oh well, for an update! Tomorrow I am starting my long term mental health and drug counselling. I am terrified and excited at the same time, and I hope I finally can get some proper help to get where I want to in life. I think my first step is to get to that point where the concept of a sober day doesn't scare the shit out of me.
[QUOTE=Remi;45874406]I never really left. I have kept forgetting then finding out again about Facepunch for about 9 years now. What can I say? I suck at long relationships :P
Oh well, for an update! Tomorrow I am starting my long term mental health and drug counselling. I am terrified and excited at the same time, and I hope I finally can get some proper help to get where I want to in life. I think my first step is to get to that point where the concept of a sober day doesn't scare the shit out of me.[/QUOTE]
I know you wanna be completely sober, but is weed an option? It could really help get your mind off of being sober from harder things, I know it helps me.
I've smoked weed since junior high, and I can say for sure that when you're trying to figure out and better your own mental health issues, throwing weed into the mix won't do any good. That's why I haven't smoked in almost three months now.
I don't think full sobriety is what I'm looking for, but I want to have the option. Because now being sober is the hardest thing I know. I wanna have a healthy relationship with alcohol, I wanna be able to smoke weed now and then, and I want to be able to go on a total binge once in a blue moon without that binge lasting for weeks or months on end. The truth is that I love being wasted. I love getting totally messed up and fucking on a balcony down town not caring who sees. I'm adventurous! I just have to gain a way more healthy relationship with drugs before I can get where I want to be.
I think I might be rambling. I'm fucked up on pills, but hey, at least they're legal :V
[QUOTE=zach1193;45874594]I know you wanna be completely sober, but is weed an option? It could really help get your mind off of being sober from harder things, I know it helps me.[/QUOTE]
Weed is good for postponing dealing with your troubles, terrible for working trough them.
[QUOTE=Remi;45875041]I've smoked weed since junior high, and I can say for sure that when you're trying to figure out and better your own mental health issues, throwing weed into the mix won't do any good. That's why I haven't smoked in almost three months now.
I don't think full sobriety is what I'm looking for, but I want to have the option. Because now being sober is the hardest thing I know. I wanna have a healthy relationship with alcohol, I wanna be able to smoke weed now and then, and I want to be able to go on a total binge once in a blue moon without that binge lasting for weeks or months on end. The truth is that I love being wasted. I love getting totally messed up and fucking on a balcony down town not caring who sees. I'm adventurous! I just have to gain a way more healthy relationship with drugs before I can get where I want to be.
I think I might be rambling. I'm fucked up on pills, but hey, at least they're legal :V[/QUOTE]
It's going to be very hard to go back to alcohol after abusing it the way you did. There's a reason why people have relapses that turn into hard core binge fests.
Basically your mind creates an association with the settings and tools you use to take said drug. Crack heads have their crack pipe, stoners bongs, and alcoholics have their bottle, glass, etc. When you take a drug that activates the reward center of the brain (nucleus accumbens) it creates an association with the surrounding stimuli, your brain is like "fuck dude this shit is good as fuck, what does this shit look like and is there more of it!?" It conditions itself to recognize things that are related to the drug like the room you are in, time of day, and tools you used to take it. This phenomenon exists due to evolution; imagine being a rat in the wild, you see a small oval on the ground and you are hungry as fuck, you eat it, activating the reward center and then look around for more oval like objects on the ground (a nut or seed), you find more of em you strengthen the association that oval=good ass food so you end up looking for more thus ensuring survival of the rat. When the reward center is activated an automatic consumption behavior is also activated, this means your brain goes into search mode and begins to not only look for more food (or drug) but for things that may cue the location or incoming of more food or drug.
So lets move this from rat to human. You are at the bar, got your first beer in front of you and you drink it, alcohol enters your system and activates the reward center. Your brain looks around to find the source of this feeling, lo and behold the beer bottle is the tool that gets the good stuff into your belly/mind. The brain wants more reward so the consumption reflex activates and you go for another. You order another, drink it, feel nice. After a few more you get the lack of judgement and stuff associated with alcohol use, however by inhibiting your conscious decision making you give more influence to your primal brain. The impulse to get more drug keeps going eventually turning your planned couple of drinks into a full blown binge. Alcoholics often talk about this revelation, where they were trying to be sober and go to a bar to at the very least hang out with old friends. They will sit at the bar and shockingly find themselves reaching for a bottle or something to drink, almost as if it was against their will. Their conscious self doesn't want to drink but their unconscious or rather primal part of the brain does since it recognized the cue of being in a bar, seeing a bottle, or even talking to people you usually drink with. This is why addiction is so hard to kick and relapses turn into binges, you conditioned your brain to desire alcohol (or whatever other drug of abuse) and it will try it's best to keep activating the reward system.
Basically trying to only have a few drinks as an alcoholic is incredibly difficult not because of cravings or other side effects but rather because after all of this time your brain lights up when it sees the cues and will want to do anything to activate the reward center that grew so accustomed to it (drinking til drunk).
well honestly, drugs may help us out at times, but what we don't see if that alcohol and drugs mainly deal to our downfall in the long run
So I went to my first counselling thing today. What is on the table now is a one to three month drug rehab program where I'll be staying at a facility in Oslo. There'll also be mental health therapy all along. I'm gonna take a few days to consider it, but I have to say it does sound like a good idea. I have been abusing drugs since junior high, alcohol abuse has just been the latest installment. I am not an alcoholic, I am a drug abuser in general. I've been trying to keep away from opiates and cocaine for a few months now and it ended me in the hospital with severe alcohol withdrawals instead. It's very clear that being sober is a concept I've forgotten, no matter the current drug of choice.
So uh, gotta do a lot of difficult thinking and considerations over the next few days.
Learn from your mistakes you know you don't do well with drugs so don't do any of them. If you feel you still need something I suggest herbal smoking.... its when you take herbs like Mint or Strawberry Leaves and smoke them for their flavor.
[QUOTE=mushroompizza;45883801]Learn from your mistakes you know you don't do well with drugs so don't do any of them. If you feel you still need something I suggest herbal smoking.... its when you take herbs like Mint or Strawberry Leaves and smoke them for their flavor.[/QUOTE]
In all my years of drug abuse and mental health problems I never realized the solution was just to not take drugs! Ok, now I'm sounding cranky and stuff but I took a bit too much diazepam and I'm scared shitless about all this long term rehab stuff. Uhn. I know there was a point to me starting to write this post but now I'm just running around in circles in my head
We'll be here for you buddy, keep us updated on your condition. Remember to set goals for yourself and look ahead to where you'll be once you've gotten past your addiction.
I'll keep you guys updated. Writing really helps me cope anyway. I'm doing okay so far, though I am shoving down a lot of diazepam and codeine continuously. Better than a liter of vodka a day though.
I'm really feeling my fair share of guilt now. This is not where I wanted to be at 22 years old. Though it might make a good story in the end.
[QUOTE=Remi;45884867]In all my years of drug abuse and mental health problems I never realized the solution was just to not take drugs! Ok, now I'm sounding cranky and stuff but I took a bit too much diazepam and I'm scared shitless about all this long term rehab stuff. Uhn. I know there was a point to me starting to write this post but now I'm just running around in circles in my head[/QUOTE]
you're fine to be cranky; mushroompizza is a dipshit.
[QUOTE]you're fine to be cranky; mushroompizza is a dipshit.[/QUOTE]
Hey man,
not cool....
I'm trying to help here....
[QUOTE=mushroompizza;45891785]Hey man,
not cool....
I'm trying to help here....[/QUOTE]
Trying and failing.
[QUOTE=mushroompizza;45883801]Learn from your mistakes you know you don't do well with drugs so don't do any of them. If you feel you still need something I suggest herbal smoking.... its when you take herbs like Mint or Strawberry Leaves and smoke them for their flavor.[/QUOTE]
Yea sure, just stop taking them, because addiction is a huge issue because people are so stupid as to not realize that if they quit taking the drug they won't be addicted... wow man...
Okay, okay, I have decided in favor of the long term rehab facility. The past days have made it clear. I have diazepam from my doctor to control the alcohol withdrawals, but yesterday I took abou 100mg of it and tried calling everyone I know for opiates or coke. I really need some god damn help.
Went to a meeting today. There's a waiting list, but two weeks from now I'll be in long term rehab. I see this as having a two week license to party hard as fuck. I think that's what I'm gonna do
Wouldn't you rather want to make a smooth transition into rehab rather than party hard and make your brain suffer going cold turkey?
rehab is just a place where you go to quit drugs
rehab can also be a mental place
[QUOTE=Remi;45940393]Went to a meeting today. There's a waiting list, but two weeks from now I'll be in long term rehab. I see this as having a two week license to party hard as fuck. I think that's what I'm gonna do[/QUOTE]
I get where your coming from, the "oh yeah last few days to get fucked up lets go!!" but TBH bro, if you really wanna get clean doing that is gonna make it much harder for yourself, maybe even inducing a relapse after your program. Of course its still your choice but those are my thoughts on it
Don't get me wrong. The phrase "party hard" might have been a bit of an exaggeration. What I mean is that I'm giving my self permission to, say, go out and have a few drinks with mates, smoke a bit of weed, enjoying myself out on town for a bit before confining myself to a facility of complete sobriety. I'm, however, not gonna sit here and shoot meth for two weeks straight just because "they'll come pick me up and everything'll be alright then so it doesn't matter what I do now".
Went to a bar with a mate yesterday, had a few drinks, some ghb, some xanax. It went fine, I went home early and went to bed. The point is I don't want to spent the next two weeks just sitting here waiting. I want to be able to spend some time with my friends, and if that involves drinking or a line of coke, I'll do it. But they all know what I'm about to go through, and I've told them I'm doing this within very strict limits, and that I am 100 % serious about this rehab.
So I'm sorry, I didn't mean to seem ignorant by "giving myself permission to party hard", like I said earlier. And again I want to thank you for your support, which means so much to me. Even though I'm not changing my mind about rehab, the closer I get the more I freak out about it. It's actually getting to that point where the thought of it sometimes gives me panic attacks.
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