ChristWire says Skyrim is teaching todays youth "Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers"
45 replies, posted
[URL]http://christwire.org/2011/11/is-skyrim-teaching-your-children-how-to-perform-rim-jobs-and-other-homo-erotic-sex-maneuvers/[/URL]
[QUOTE][B]What is Skyrim?[/B]
If you are a responsible parent, then the world of MMORPG first person shooters should be something of a foreign language to you. In games like Skyrim, players are teleported to a far way lands that are cream filled with demonic spell crafting, violent shirtless blood shed and exposed not only Satanic critters, but bombarded with gay under tones of fecal fornication.
In the land of Skyrim, the player starts off as a captured terrorist, who has been caught plotting to destroy the golden empire by using dragons. Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal’s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one’s self is fun and normal. Once the player has decided if they want to be a female wood fairy or an black ogre from Stormwind, they get to take control of their hell spawned fictitious demon.
Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard, shows the player images of decapitations and after the third of forth head chopping, a necromatic dragon appears and sets the player free from righteous punishment. Now that the player is free, they will spend the next 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animals and also learn how to conjure up black magic.
Throughout the game, the played is exposed to full frontal violence and replay style death killing finish moves. The graphics of this game are way too realistic for the type of blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor.
The spells the player are taught are directly out of The Book of Wiccan and are far more dangerous than anything your child is watching on that [I]Wizards at Waverly Place[/I] and [I]Sabrina The Teenage Witch[/I]. When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.
Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim, his final battle is to have a mass dragon orgy with his feel homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs. Once the dragon has been backdoor feasted, the player must kill it. The dragon needs to be killed, so the spirit of death and gayness can enter the new eggs and reek havoc onto the rest of the world. This new destruction will be playable in the next Skyrim saga.[/QUOTE]
[I]I literally couldn't make this shit up if I wanted, and this is only [B]PART[/B] of the full article.[/I]
My black ogre from Stormwind can fuck Alduin 4 ways from Sunday
The website is satire...
it's a gag post
what the fuck
Oh my god :lol:
Sigh these people need to get their heads fucking checked.
ChristWire is a satire website.
Stupidity like this can't be naturally occurring. It's gotta be a troll.
Its still funny as shit because some parents will believe it.
I really wouldn't take it seriously when the name of the website is called Christwire.
the gay supporting software company [i]Blizzard[/i]
You know something's wrong when a mythical land of Vikings that practices Polytheism is more open and progressive when it comes to gay marriage than some modern countries [sp]cough*U.S*cough.[/sp]
[quote]Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim, his final battle is to have a mass dragon orgy with his feel homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs.[/quote]
Shitty grammar aside, how the fuck did they come up with this shit?
Maybe after they snorted pulverized myrrh laced with cocain?
Mmmm thats good satire
Reading through that filled my head with
[video=youtube;i3My4MHr51c]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3My4MHr51c[/video]
[QUOTE=MR-X;33412693]Oh my god :lol:
Sigh these people need to get their heads fucking checked, if it was real. I don't think it is.[/QUOTE]
satire
And this is why I hate those who deeply integrates religions into their everyday mental thinking
Only someone with a higher intellect than the normal extremist could come up with something this laughable.
That being said this is obviously satire (as stated a few times before me).
You can fuck an elf? What quest is that?
Seriously, this must be a troll article.
completely ignoring saints row 3 here
[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;33412789]You can fuck an elf? What quest is that?
Seriously, this must be a troll article.[/QUOTE]
[U][B]IT IS.[/B][/U]
[QUOTE=Camwi_003;33412671]
blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Camwi_003;33412671]
ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Camwi_003;33412671]
player’s CPU monitor[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Camwi_003;33412671]
CPU monitor
[/QUOTE]
[img]http://www.c-sharpcorner.com/UploadFile/scottlysle/CpuStateInfo12172006052413AM/Images/MonitorCPUState2.gif[/img]
[quote]SKYRIM LINGO: DOVAHKIIN – Is the supposed citizens of Skyrim, but is a code word that means:
D – Dirty
O – Orifice
V – Violation
A – Always
H – Hurts
K – Keep
I – Injecting
I – It
N – Naiant[/quote]
A [B]satirical[/B] website made a [B]satirical[/B] comment in a [B]satirical[/B] thread on a [B]satiicarl[/B] forum. Why is this news again?
[QUOTE=RuinedIt;33412864]A [B]satirical[/B] website made a [B]satirical[/B] comment in a [B]satirical[/B] thread on a [B]satiicarl[/B] forum. Why is this news again?[/QUOTE]
You were doing so well until that last satirical.
[QUOTE=RuinedIt;33412864]A [B]satirical[/B] website made a [B]satirical[/B] comment in a [B]satirical[/B] thread on a [B]satiicarl[/B] forum. Why is this news again?[/QUOTE]
It's news so everyone can smack themselves in the head and groan about how Christians can be this dumb, knowing full well they're fucking numbskulls for believing it
[editline]24th November 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=SomeDumbShit;33412966]You were doing so well until that last satirical.[/QUOTE]
i believe that was a "satiicarl"
This one was over the top, even for ChristWire. How anyone couldn't recognize it as satire, I have no idea.
Wow, how can you some of you not see the satire?
I mean they even said "fecal fornication". How could you not catch that.
[editline]24th November 2011[/editline]
And the pun in the title of the article:
Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?
[quote]This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.[/quote]
Oh my god I can't stop laughing.
Sentence of the year every year.
Sky-rim jobs
Had me going until Blizzard.
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