An extremely short story, that will bore you so don't even try - General

The blades of conifer bushes sparkled in the morning dew and sunlight. Their irridescent glow acted like an alarm clock for the small insects. They gave their chirping songs and began fluttering about as if to greet the new day. The sun shined from the lake, as a sleepy Kaprosuchus reared its head and noticed the light. It slid into the water and bobbed about, taking small naps on passing logs. A small Dryosaurus herd skipped about the beach, foraging for breakfast among the ferns. A massive Argentinosaurus bellowed as it raised it's head high above the sparse treetops. It munched upon some of the prickly leaves of the trees, and shifted its body to one side, brushing a small Pterosaur off its shoulder. Meanwhile, a mated pair of Rugops kept to their nest, protecting their only hatchling against Giganotosaurus. They sat next to eachother, tails curled around their tiny offspring. It was a new day and life was going to take it by the chain. More and more animals awoke, getting ready for either a day of survival, or a day of the hunt. Large herds of Stygymoloch pranced about the hills, sliding in and out from an Argentinosaurus as it lumbered about. The Kaprosuchus was fully awake now, and was ready for some food. It slid slwoly towards the beach, keeping only its nose out of the water. A lone Dryosaurus skipped down to the shore for a drink, constantly checking the brush nearby for predators. It lowered its head to drink, and closed its eyes. Then the water ruckled and the Kaprosuchus flung itself at the Dryosaurus, mouth open, knocking the small dinosaur to the ground. Before it could scrabble to escape, the Dryosaurus found itself pinned within the massive jaws of an unrelenting predator. It was over in one final "SNAP" of the jaws. The Kaprosuchus, happy with its success, slid back into the water to feed. The Rugops pair sat near their newborn as it bounced around and tried to catch small insects and lizards. A deep bellowing roar echoed over the plains, and almost all sounds stopped. The Dryosaurs and Stygymoloch swarmed together and went a seperate direction from the sound. The Argentinosaurus stood stone still and raised its stiff tail like a warhammer, and peered into the distance, and saw it. A massive bull Giganotosaurus. It stood at 18 feet tall and weighed in at 7 1/2 tons, and its teeth looked like daggers. There was almost no equal to the brutal predator. The two Rugops stood and barked for their offspring to come between them. The Giganotosaurus came to a scrawny carcass of an Ananotitan and dug in, its 5 foot jaws tearing massive chunks out of the side. It reared its head once more and roared so loud the trees shook. Almost all of the life had scattered, aside from the small Pterosaurs that darted back and forth to snatch up small chunks of meat. EDIT: Added some more to it, and when I get back from the Museum later today, might add some more.

Way too many adjectives, though you're going the right way. Also every sentence has the same length- which is why it's boring. Change up your sentence structure. And that's not a story. That's a beginning of a story. Finish it.

I'm a terrible writer, I admit it. I tend to do the same length sentence thing over and over again. Adjectives are my friends, because I tend to describe things into detail, but I agree; I overuse them.

Ugh. I never told you you were a terrible writer. Don't say that. I like your concept here. It's not difficult at allll to shake things up. Ask a question. Break some sentences in half. Combine some. It's not hard to do. Read it out loud. How does your inflection naturally go? If all of your sentences end with your voice starting high and ending low, you need to change it. Not perfect, but here's a start to what I'm talking about. Hope ya don't mind. The blades of the conifer-bushes sparkled in the morning dew; their irridescent glow was an alarm clock for the small insects. They gave their chirping songs and began fluttering about. It was clear they were greeting the new day. As a sleepy Kaprosuchus reared it's head, the sun shined off the lake. Its eyes glistened as it stared at the light. Into the water it slid and bobbed about, taking small naps on passing logs. Meanwhile, a small Dryosaurus herd skipped about the beach. It foraged for breakfast about the ferns. A massive Argentinosaurus bellowed as it raised it's head high above the sparse treetops. It munched upon some of the prickly leaves of the trees, and shifted it's body to one side. In the distance, a mated pair of Rugops kept to their nest. They fiercely protected their only hatchling against Giganotosaurus. They sat next to eachother, tails curled around their tiny offspring. It was a new day... I just realized that you didn't have too many adjectives, it was just your sentence structure was making it seem like it. They were fine.

I didn't say that you said that (lolwut?). I'm just trying to make sure that I don't pass off as one of those "HEY I MADE A STARCRAFT FAN FIC! I"M THE GREATEST IN TEH WRLD!" kind of people. I didn't mind your edit.

Small critique, here. Also it's not so much a story as several descriptions of things one after the other. ;o [QUOTE=Zillamaster55;28022196]The blades of [b]conifer-bushes[/b][Why hyphenate?] sparkled in the morning dew and sunlight. Their irridescent glow acted like an alarm clock for the small insects. They gave their chirping songs and began fluttering about as if to greet the new day. The sun shined [del]off of[/del] [i]from[/i] the lake, as a sleepy Kaprosuchus reared [del]it's[/del] [i]its[/i] head and [b]stared at the light[/b][?]. It slid into the water and bobbed about, taking small naps on passing logs. A small Dryosaurus herd skipped about the beach, foraging for breakfast [del]about[/del][i]among[/i] the ferns. A massive Argentinosaurus bellowed as it raised [del]it's[/del] [i]its[/i] head high above the sparse treetops. It munched upon some of the prickly leaves of the trees, [b]and shifted [del]it's[/del] [i]its[/i] body to one side[/b][Must be a better way to convey the image in your head than this, it's vague and seems pointless]. Meanwhile, a mated pair of Rugops kept to their nest, protecting their only hatchling against Giganotosaurus. They sat next to eachother, tails curled around their tiny offspring. It was a new day...[/QUOTE]

Those are some pretty important things you bolded Mako. Really helps. And I did It's instead of Its! :smith: My grammar nazi hurts me...

Haha, you did say it, "I'm a terrible writer, I admit it." Are you going to make this longer?

[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;28022550]Those are some pretty important things you bolded Mako. Really helps. And I did It's instead of Its! :smith: My grammar nazi hurts me...[/QUOTE] Aw, glad I was helpful. That it's/its rule is very shaky tbh, "its" never looks right to me. I often do it the other way by mistake. ._. IMO the rule should work as It's = It is, and Its' = belonging to It.

Hate to bump things, but I added some more for you guys to review.

Have more confidence in the future, Zill. I'm happy to go through and edit peoples' stories as best I can, but if you tell me not to bother with it then I won't. Editing a story line-by-line takes quite a while, and if the writer doesn't have enough confidence in himself to put forth his story in a serious manner then why should the editor take the time to help him improve? [QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;28024230]Aw, glad I was helpful. That it's/its rule is very shaky tbh, "its" never looks right to me. I often do it the other way by mistake. ._. IMO the rule should work as It's = It is, and Its' = belonging to It.[/QUOTE] I always mess up on this, too. You can't just write the word the way you [i]want[/i] to, though. :P It's = it is Its = Possessive

all of the sentences seem too short. You could easily combine a few of them. They seem so blocky as is

[QUOTE=Vedicardi;28032203]all of the sentences seem too short. You could easily combine a few of them. They seem so blocky as is[/QUOTE] I tried lengthening them, but not too much to were they become a run-on sentence that doesn't really feel like it would belong in a story that has lots of choppy adjectives and other problems. See what I did there?

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;28031633] I always mess up on this, too. You can't just write the word the way you [i]want[/i] to, though. :P[/QUOTE] Who's gonna stop me? You? [img]http://img29.imageshack.us/img29/9516/derisive.jpg[/img] Seriously though, I should make up a petition about that. Its' writes so much better than Its, and makes far more sense. Oh well. OP, you sure love dinosaurs. I'm a little confused about how this would ever be a story, since the only characters are dinosaurs, which eliminates dialogue xD It also gets a bit wearying that you've just painted this picture of all these dinosaurs, and for your second part you've gone back and done even more descriptions thereof! Where are the time travellers Zill, answer me that. Also I will critique this one line, too lazy to do more (besides which there are less mistakes this time round.) Large herds of Stygymoloch pranced about the hills, [b]sliding in and out from an Argentinosaurus[/b] [Very strange wording] as it lumbered [b]about.[/b] [You overuse the word "about" following verbs. If any writer uses a single word or phrase too often, it's very easily picked up and really takes you out of the experience, though it can be easy to miss as the one writing.]