Daily Mail: There's nothing more embarrassing than a British man in shorts - Polidicks

[quote]Like most other men across the country, this warm weather leads me to wonder: ‘Should I be wearing shorts?’ The answer: No, not in a million years. Not until hell freezes over. Sadly, though, there are a very large number of other men who think otherwise.[/quote] [img]http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/07/09/01/1A808CDC000005DC-0-image-m-86_1436400834783.jpg[/img][img]http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/07/09/01/20073E5600000578-0-image-a-87_1436400843146.jpg[/img] [quote]Look down any High Street and you’ll see what nature never intended you to see — the bare legs of the adult British male. This current heatwave is causing menfolk in our rough island race to ignore the lessons of the centuries — that British men’s legs must never be exposed to daylight for fear of frightening the horses or causing riots in the streets. Why? Have you not seen them on display? British male legs are available in two styles. One is the uncooked pork sausage model, hideously hairless and chubby. [B]These legs look as though one jab with a fork would release a stream of sizzling fat[/B]. And oh, the temptation . . . The other is the bent stick. Long, clumsily hinged, with skinny ankles, stringy calves and sunken thighs, all coated in what looks like goat hair. I saw a man yesterday with such legs. He was carrying a twisted rustic walking stick and for a moment I thought he had three legs. [B]And then there is the question of their colour.[/B] There are two shades and both can also be found in a packet of bacon. First, those chubby legs, which once exposed to the sun rapidly become the shade of angry back bacon. And then there are the others, [B]stick legs, which, regardless of the weather, remain the unhealthy off-white colour of bacon fat.[/B] I realise that in other countries men fearlessly flash their legs. But I understand why. They have smooth brown legs, gracefully muscled as though carved by a master sculptor. Americans, Australians, Italians — they’re all natural shorts wearers. Look at the confidence with which they flaunt their legs. We Brits just can’t compete. Shorts simply infantilise their wearers. Part of the trouble is the awful popularity of football shorts — worn by men with pot-bellies who think they are athletes — or at least mini-me Wayne Rooneys. What they don’t seem to realise is that [B]considering the England football team’s recent dreadful history, short-wearing is therefore associated with failure.[/B] Back in the noble days of the sport, footballers such as Stanley Matthews wore shorts that were so long they practically brushed their boots. You would never have seen his ilk take to the field wearing the sort of skimpy shorts seen on today’s men. (Such items are much more suited to be Kylie Minogue’s stage costume.) Talking of sporting greats, there was dignity, too, in tennis champion Fred Perry, who swooped around Wimbledon in what looked to me like a pair of wide-legged chinos. [B]But today all that dignity has long gone the same way as the British Empire.[/B] Of course, there may be a connection. Perhaps this collapse of a once-great nation may have been due to the fact that the colonies lost all respect the moment British officials abandoned their cream flannels with neat creases and adopted shorts. Of course, there was a time when the young British male was obliged to have his legs on permanent display from his birth until voice-break. After that point in their growing up, their legs never saw daylight again. Somehow we have abandoned this honourable tradition, and if you want to know where Britain lost its way, that was it. In that era, all little boys wore short trousers. Without exception. This was in the BJ era — Before Jeans. Riding bikes, climbing trees, playing football, all these activities were best accomplished in short trousers. One of the cruellest tricks ever played on emerging males is the Scout movement. Boys were sent off into the country wearing shorts, made to dig lavatories in the woods (and then use them). They were made to chop wood, light a fire and sing nonsense songs around it, after which they could then eat the burnt sausages which were just a heartless reminder of their own pale sausage legs. Mothers were to blame, too. They loved their sons wearing shorts. At the first sign of rebellion, bad manners, sulkiness or a cheeky look, at any expression other than gentle breathing, the mother could lean forward, and, with a meaty hand muscled from years of kneading dough and scrubbing floors, give that leg a mighty slap. This was followed by a sharp yelp and the promise of another slap if you didn’t shut up. No one ever needed a second slap. Short trousers had other benefits. They were responsible for the low crime rates of years gone by. For it was quite impossible to commit a serious crime while wearing short trousers. I mean, can you imagine someone in short trousers buying drugs off a dealer? If someone stopped you in the street with legs naked from above the knee to crumpled socks, and threatened you for money, you’d never stop laughing, would you? As for sexual offences — don’t be silly! Shorts protected boys from the various sorts of wickednesses which their sex is invariably prone to. It made them into comic figures, easily ridiculed and humiliated, which is of course very good for their development. [/quote] [img]http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/07/09/01/2A5C23F100000578-0-image-a-93_1436400994140.jpg[/img] [quote]Speaking personally, I shall never forget the time as a boy when I was playing footie in the street and my friend Mickey Davies’s dad was heard to say: ‘That lad’s got legs like knotted string.’ After that shame, I wouldn’t leave the house for a fortnight. But it was that sort of general derision that kept us quiet. All that was left for us to do was to play conkers and collect train numbers, so we spent our early years in a state of numb boredom. Short-trouser-wearing years ended when your voice turned from tinny treble to squeaky tenor and the first few mouse hairs appeared on the upper lip. Only then would your dad take you down to the men’s shop for your first pair of men’s trousers — ‘longs’, as they were known. After that, you were encased in longs much as the Eskimos are said to be sewn into sealskin for the winter. In the remoter parts of my childhood Yorkshire, it was said that some men had to be cut out of their longs in their coffins. Today, though, we are witnessing a complete role-reversal: while boys have covered legs, grown men flaunt their disgusting bare limbs. Certainly, they are not sexy. When did you ever hear a British woman say she fell for her husband when she saw him in shorts at the Tesco till? ‘His knees looked really hot…’ — I don’t think so. Ultimately, whenever fate wishes to makes fools of us men, it puts us in shorts to destroy any sense of pride. Can anything save us from this sartorial horror story we are witnessing on our streets, parks and beaches? Well, 2ft of snow would be a start … [/quote]

on a recent visit to the UK, it was almost funny to see how easy it was to tell foreigners apart from locals, because locals wore pants and long sleeves regardless of the weather :v:

freddie mercury could rock shorts tho [img]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ab/a2/83/aba283ebf5886ba55c37e93b995ba391.jpg[/img]

[QUOTE=Timebomb575;48156433]on a recent visit to the UK, it was almost funny to see how easy it was to tell foreigners apart from locals, because locals wore pants and long sleeves regardless of the weather :v:[/QUOTE] What part of the UK did you visit? Newcastle is kind of stereotyped that guys wear t-shirts all year round. Also why is this article being posted as news? Isn't the dailymail one of those sources we don't post

[QUOTE=mdeceiver79;48156445]What part of the UK did you visit? Newcastle is kind of stereotyped that guys wear t-shirts all year round. Also why is this article being posted as news? Isn't the dailymail one of those sources we don't post[/QUOTE] I got pulled up last week for still wearing jeans in that heatwave (north west)

Every person in my shithole city that isn't arabic or of arab decent rocks a fucking tank top and shorts when the sun rears it's ghastly head I don't want to see your chicken legs stay at home.

[QUOTE=mdeceiver79;48156445]What part of the UK did you visit? Newcastle is kind of stereotyped that guys wear t-shirts all year round. Also why is this article being posted as news? Isn't the dailymail one of those sources we don't post[/QUOTE] St. Andrews, so not too far north from Newcastle.

[QUOTE=Thomo_UK;48156456]Every person in my shithole city that isn't arabic or of arab decent rocks a fucking tank top and shorts when the sun rears it's ghastly head I don't want to see your chicken legs stay at home.[/QUOTE] If the sight of people's knees upsets you that much, it's not them who has a problem.

[QUOTE=Thomo_UK;48156456]Every person in my shithole city that isn't arabic or of arab decent rocks a fucking tank top and shorts when the sun rears it's ghastly head I don't want to see your chicken legs stay at home.[/QUOTE] Ewwww, humans! They should cover themselves up entirely, the disgraces!

[QUOTE=Thomo_UK;48156456]Every person in my shithole city that isn't arabic or of arab decent rocks a fucking tank top and shorts when the sun rears it's ghastly head I don't want to see your chicken legs stay at home.[/QUOTE] Its just the human body though, I can understand why people are prude or nervous around sexual organs, but you are seriously upset that people are displaying their legs and arms? Just because you think its ugly? Indecent exposure while I don't agree with it 100% has some points, such as children seeing your sexual organs, but legs and arms are not at all sexual organs. I'm sorry but you're going to have to get over it.

Since I can't rate it dumb... [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Why reply?" - Starpluck))[/highlight]

How dare people dress how they want eugh cretins

there's nothing more embarrassing than the daily mail.

[QUOTE=Handsome Matt;48156642]I thought daily mail "articles" weren't allowed[/QUOTE] you know what else isn't allowed? [editline]9th July 2015[/editline] ok fuck this joke I search "british man legs" and a bunch of amputees show up oh my god my day is ruined

[QUOTE=J!NX;48156647]you know what else isn't allowed? [editline]9th July 2015[/editline] ok fuck this joke I search "british man legs" and a bunch of amputees show up oh my god my day is ruined[/QUOTE] (blank space to commemorate the x1 funny rating which was denied the opportunity to be attributed to your post) [highlight](User was banned for this post ("why reply?" - Gurant))[/highlight]

[QUOTE=dot.rich;48156605]Since I can't rate it dumb...[/QUOTE] yeah, this article is pretty dumb [QUOTE=Handsome Matt;48156642]I thought daily mail "articles" weren't allowed[/QUOTE] it's to be avoided

So the Daily Mail are now the fashion police?

[QUOTE=Fangz;48156835]So the Daily Mail are now fashion police?[/QUOTE] Nope just sad, desperate journalists who don't pay taxes.

if the weather is good, if the shorts are good n you got pretty decent legs with nice calves, then why NOT?! but, if this: [img]http://itcolossal.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Cloudy-Weather-01.jpg[/img] [img]http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=17190696[/img] [img]http://images.t-nation.com/forum_images/c/1/c11cb_ORIG-skinny_legs_jon_jones.jpg[/img] then it is NOT a good idea

"But today all that dignity has long gone the same way as the British Empire" Couldn't help but find that line deeply amusing. Can plausibly imagine some Daily Mail turdscribe wanking over an 18th century map of the British Empire.

Now on the other hand British women in shorts... nope still bad.

I legit wear cargo shorts all the time It's okay in Vermont

I really don't see what's wrong with legs

i can't say i really pay attention to people's legs lots of people were wearing shorts in the heatwave doesn't matter if there legs are white.

Why is this an article? I'm wearing shorts, it's hot, end of.

Okay Daily Mail, I'll just wear trousers and incinerate myself.

Some men can pull it off, some men....they'll make god and little children cry. [IMG]http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/thumb/msid-16988703,width-300,resizemode-4/Legs_show-jpg.jpg[/IMG]

I don't know, I'm pretty sure working for the Daily Mail would be more embarrassing.

I think mens shorts should be kept in the backrooms of clothing stores and the only people who should be allowed in are those people who can demonstrate they can squat at least 3plate, for reps.

I honestly see nothing wrong with what people wear. Some people might not pull a look off very well but it isn't going to stop them from wearing it.