So I'm working on a new novel and i think I've got the introductory narrative down, post your constructive criticism here.
JANUARY 9, 2053
This, this was the day that it happened. Some will tell you it was raining, some will say it was clear as the lowly full moon, but none of that mattered when it happened. They came down, wrecking entire landmarks as the drop pods fell to the earth. Like acid rain corrodes great statues over time, the pods tore away at the skyscrapers, piece by piece. In an instant, just moments after it started, it stopped. Humanity crawled from the rubble of their bombarded civilization and stood as the first witnesses of what happened after the rain. The earth began to tremble, the pods were opening. They planted themselves into the ground, and deployed single file lines of drones. The Humans were struck down one by one as they fled.
JANUARY 25, 2056
Its been a whole two weeks since they first came. The military, almost robotic creatures poured out onto the streets. They each stood 6'3'' tall, wielding energy weapons. our bullets couldn't easily penetrate their armor, as it took concentrated fire to bring them down, but they were too much, too fast. We thought it would never happened. We thought we were alone. It was easy to think that, however, when we have the fear that what we call earth, our small, blue planet could be dwarfed by something so beyond us. It was easy for humanity as a whole to simply ignore the odds and silently whisper to its self, "its okay, we are safe, we are alone"
But we were wrong. The alien creatures ripped through every defense we had. As most of Europe fell to the onslaught, it gave warning to the rest of humanity, run, hide, fight, survive.
My blog/place-where-i-am-writing-the-story is here. [url]http://hiigarasstorytime.blogspot.com/[/url]
44 views and no comments, if this is terrible at least tell me guys. lol.
Too quick. Elaborate more on the detail. Describe what the pods looked like. What about the drones? Did the pods glow when they came. Paragraphs do not equal chapters. You appear to be writing this as if it was a movie and that this is just the script for the narrator
Also, two weeks =/= three years two days.
Well this is my explanation as to how i wanted the beginning to be like. i wanted it to take place through journal entries. i want the quarter of the novel to be completely narrative, form 2/4of the book till 3/4's to be 3rd person of the characters i make, and the last quarter to be first person perspective. but thanks for the criticism, and i will definitely edit it for that. any one else have any thoughts?
It's too short, the sentences are all the same structure. And it's repetitive.
"It was dark. It was raining. The pods fell. The pods scraped the skyscrapers." etc etc.
You're not ready to write a novel.
You're not even ready to write a short story or essay. Your prose and general mastery of the language you're writing in are poor. The idea is old, and you've executed it badly even as far as it's gone.
To be frank, you need to be a certain sort of person to write well, someone who reads and has read a lot, easily inspired, with a flair for creativity and the ability to reproduce what they imagine through the medium of words, tempered for those who will read it. Personally I don't really think it's something you can just work on if you want to be an author. The ability to express yourself so comes from childhood, comes from experience, comes from living your life as that sort of person and cultivating your early ideas for years.
In short, constructive criticism won't help you become a writer, you just don't have it in you. Sorry kid, but someone had to tell you.
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;31206400]you just don't have it in you. Sorry kid, but someone had to tell you.[/QUOTE]
A bit harsh, wouldn't you say?
[QUOTE=GhostG45;31211232]A bit harsh, wouldn't you say?[/QUOTE]
He has a bit of a point. This is nowhere near being able to write a story.
Such is life.
Maybe his friends said it was cool and he started getting his hopes up and thinking he had real potential, but when you post something here, you're exposing it to feedback from a more informed peer group. It's the same with posting paintings or drawings or anything else here, no one's going to hold back on telling you what's wrong with it. I didn't just tell him he wasn't good enough to do it, I did my best to explain why as well.
That's not to say he can't improve though. From how he posts, we can assume he is rather young, and therefore has a lot more room for improvement.
Something that I once tried was doing some writing on a word document that is formatted and sized just like an actual book. That gave me a feel for how much writing I should do in a chapter and gave me a nice point of reference on length.
