The story begins with me last year on my first Christmas living on my own.
I had moved out of my home, and began working for a living - The money was acceptable for just myself. Unfortunately after moving house I had no near by friends or family. I would have gone to my parents but the had flown to South Africa for a few weeks.
Enough back story - Let's see how I stoop myself to such low levels during Christmas.
The local pub near my flat was always busy and had a nice atmosphere, the people were friendly and the drinks were decently priced. After a few weeks of stopping down the watering hole I bump into one of the most gorgeous women (lets call her Tiffany) I have ever met, I say to myself "What's the worse that can happen?" We start chatting and what do you know she's a really nice person too. We part ways after a few drinks but every few weeks we'd bump into each other.
Fast forward to the 2nd week of December, I bump into Tiffany once more at the pub and we start conversing and I ask her why she is never down here with anyone and she tells me she only moved here a few months ago and she didn't really know anyone here.
This was the first step of my downfall.
I ask her if she was doing anything for Christmas... Shyly she says no - So being the gentleman I am I tell her that we should a Christmas dinner together (my attempt of asking her out). She smiles and agrees the idea. This is my opportunity to get with her I think to myself.
The 2nd two weeks fly by and it's Christmas day!
Unfortunately - I had forgotten about my arrangements with Tiffany and had bought myself a Turkey for one Christmas ready meal for my dinner that day. I decide to drop by the Pub for a quick drink to pass the day by - oblivious to the fact Tiffany will be having dinner with me.
A few drinks later I leave the pub and walk home.
That was the 2nd part of my downfall.
As I pace myself back home - A car slows down next to me... Tiffany was driving it.
"There you are! So we still on for dinner tonight?"
My brain locks up - How did I manage to forget dinner?!
"Y-y-yeah of course, just heading home to finish up the turkey now!" I sputter.
"See ya at 8 then!" she replies.
She drives off and my mind starts to race - There's no chance in Space's Hell that I'm gonna be able to make a dinner. I pondered to use the microwave turkey - but I reject it as it could barely feed one person, let alone two
So I run back to the pub and ask the bar man if he knew where I could get a turkey
"I actually I do have half a turkey - taking my missus and me kids to the hotel restaurant." He replied
"I'LL TAKE IT!" I hastily respond
"Erm actually I don't think you should the dogs fought over it and ended up chewing half of it so I threw it in the bin"
I leave the pub, my mind considering what options to choose...
This is where I reached my lowest point.
I go round the back of the pub and open the large garbage container - and there it is a half eaten turkey.
Upon further inspection one side of the Turkey wasn't so bad and actually resembled a part of a turkey.
I grab and leg it home.
I wash out the Turkey thoroughly and heat it up.
here were still some teeth marks on the use able side so I make a herbal filling paste to fill in the gaps of the teeth marks and cover it up with Bacon strips.
"Am I actually doing this?" I ask myself
*DING DONG*
Too late to back out now, she's here and the turkey now kind resembles to proper turkey from a once ravaged and dirty carcass.
The turkey is cooked - I add my garnishes and veg to it and serve it to her.
She devours it and no time and appraises the use of the herbs.
She looks at my plate - the only thing left on mine is the turkey.
"You never touched your turkey!"
"Yeah I was snacking the whole day so I didn't have much room, heh"
She spots the box of the turkey dinner for one.
"I didn't expect one of those instant meals to be so tasty" She says.
"Well not till I decided to put a few finishing touches to it" I quietly reply
After a few drinks she leaves and I go to bed - mortified.
I hope to not repeat anything near that this year.
TL;DR
Girl I like wants Turkey dinner. I forgot. Rummage in bin for half eaten Turkey. Girl eats Turkey. No repurcussions.
Now tell me FP:
Am I a bad person for feeding her turkey that had been chewed up by dogs and thrown in the bin?
Edit:
She never got sick or anything and was left unaware of my actions.
Sorry but, that was a dick move.
She was the one that weren't in the kitchen.
On the other hand, yes.
I really want to call you a dick, but she didn't notice, and as far as you know, no ill repercussions have come from it...
So you're not a dick, you're just absent-minded for forgetting you made dinner arrangements.
That was a great story, but no. Unless she gets sick or dies or something, all turkey's fair game.
Hey it is the thought that counts.
It's not your fault that you forgot- it happens to everyone. I do realize that you were short on time, but the best path to take would have been to say that you forgot, and offered to either just go out for a good night, and eat out for a nice night, or offer to share the microwave turkey because it's really the thought that counts. What really matters here is that you honestly tried to fix the situation, so kudos to you on that. You washed out the turkey, and made the best you could with what you had.
Don't put yourself down for this; just think of it as a learning experience.
it is
you didnt even get laid what the fuck you pussy
make a woman a meal doesn't even fellate you, what a bitch
You did what you had to do..
Did you have sex with her? :q: If you did you are forgiven.
Holy shit, you're lucky she never noticed.
Dude you could tell me that it had dog bites and shit and I [B]STILL[/B] have eaten it.
Hahahaha
Get a calendar and stick it on your fridge or bathroom mirror. Write things on it. Then you don't forget dates.
That was horrible and she could have gotten really sick, but you already know that. Next time, just be honest.
I would like everybody to know that dogs' mouths are cleaner than humans mouths, and people share drinks and food and shit all the time. I mean come on you washed it out and all and it was really nice of you to try and make amends and stuff. No as long as she doesn't get sick or anything what's done is done.
What happened to her?
How could she get sick, he re-heated it, well I hope thoroughly. Surely that should have killed anything that could harm her off?
Wow, you're lucky
[QUOTE=AgentBoomstick;26892173]I would like everybody to know that dogs' mouths are cleaner than humans mouths, and people share drinks and food and shit all the time. I mean come on you washed it out and all and it was really nice of you to try and make amends and stuff. No as long as she doesn't get sick or anything what's done is done.[/QUOTE]
this is true, dogs/cat saliva acts as a natural disinfectant.
Do you know what dogs lick on a regular basis?
Frankly, you are an idiot for being so desperate to give her disgusting trash bin dog turkey.
But you are more of an idiot for not getting with her on that night when obviously had the opportunity too.
[QUOTE=ConvolutedLogic;26892776]Do you know what dogs lick on a regular basis?[/QUOTE]
Maybe thats why she enjoyed it, it tasted like cock.
If she was that gorgeous how on earth did you forget you had a date with her?
[QUOTE=AgentBoomstick;26892173]I would like everybody to know that dogs' mouths are cleaner than humans mouths, and people share drinks and food and shit all the time. I mean come on you washed it out and all and it was really nice of you to try and make amends and stuff. No as long as she doesn't get sick or anything what's done is done.[/QUOTE]
He took it out of a fucking dumpster.
Builds character.
And what she doesn't know can't hurt her, plus if you tell her she'll chop your dick off.
Plus you were technicaly recycling and saving food, that was going to the landfill to rott, homeless people eat that stuff yadda yadda.
Well hell, there's people who practice "dumpster diving" and they love to proclaim how it's not harmful, so you may as well rest easy
dick move man
You know, this is the type of situation I'd think you would hear about on sitcoms like "How I met Your Mother" or "Friends" you cant make that shit up.
I thought it would get worse and she find out and press charges on you or something.
On the other hand, this could make a great story on how you met.
On the other other hand she could get rabies or some illness and die.
Maybe you can find someway to confess without getting her too mad, if your feeling guilty about it.
If she doesn't know, great. If you got laid, even better. This is something that is perfectly OK to do as long as she doesn't die.
that's pretty fucking funny if true, good job pulling it off
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