Majority of gamers cannot finish the first level in Super Mario Brothers - Polidicks

[quote]We watched the replay videos of how the gamers performed and saw that many did not understand simple concepts like bottomless pits. Around 70 percent died to the first Goomba. Another 50 percent died twice. Many thought the coins were enemies and tried to avoid them. Also, most of them did not use the run button. There were many other depressing things we noted but I can not remember them at the moment.[/quote] [url]http://www.p4rgaming.com/majority-of-gamers-today-cant-finish-level-1-in-super-mario-bros/[/url]

...You cannot be serious, right?

HAHAHAHA Oh wow I'm pretty sure this article is satire, though

[QUOTE]This year, around 90 percent of the test participants were unable to complete the first level of Super Mario Brothers. We did not assist them in any way except by providing the exact same instruction manual we used back then[/QUOTE] Wait... I beat those games as a child without the manual... I was like 6..

[quote=Satoru Iwata]There were many other depressing things we noted but I can not remember them at the moment.[/quote] :v: [I][quote=Satoru Iwata]Some of them wanted a mandatory tutorial while others wanted more ways to kill things besides jumping on them. We explained that Mario could shoot fire balls with the Fire Flower power-up, but then they wanted Mario to start with more weapons like a sword or a gun.[/quote] Wow that is actually depressing....[/I]

P4R is a fake journalism website like the Onion

I'm pretty shit at games in general, and mario but jeez, I can get past the first level without dieing, I can do the second as well.

I remember the first time I played it took me a long time to figure out why pushing up on the pad didn't make mario jump

I'm pretty terrible at Mario games, I raged so much playing Galaxies over things that should have been fairly easy to do.

I refuse to believe that "many" gamers were stupid enough to believe that [I]coins were enemies. [/I]Which is good because I just remembered this is a fake site. :v:

[QUOTE=GeneralMastiff;41314894]P4R is a fake journalism website like the Onion[/QUOTE] This. I remember when the GabeN article came out...people lost their shit

from the same site as [url]http://www.p4rgaming.com/new-mirrors-edge-uses-no-buttons-in-its-controls-to-improve-accessibility/[/url]

[QUOTE=article]Around 70 percent died to the first Goomba.[/QUOTE] “WHAT THE FUCK NO QUICK TIME EVENT?!”

[QUOTE=absolalone111;41314906]I'm pretty shit at games in general, and mario but jeez, I can get past the first level without dieing, I can do the second as well.[/QUOTE] Its not Call of Duty.

Oh, it was a fake new site? Oh dear, I am so sorry. Please do lock this thread.

I used to have issues playing Super Mario Bros, to the point that i stopped playing. I think the issue i had was always jumping over gaps, no matter how i did it, i couldnt get over many of them. Now that ive read this, it sounds like i wasnt using the run button, which i didnt even know was in that game. Ill have to try it again sometime and see if that was it

[QUOTE=GeneralMastiff;41314894]P4R is a fake journalism website like the Onion[/QUOTE] It should be a bannable offense, this keeps happening.

[QUOTE=SGTNAPALM;41314959]It should be a bannable offense, this keeps happening.[/QUOTE] I thought it already was. I've seen people banned for posting satire before.

This is a parody site.