Man pleads guilty to jizzing into co-worker's coffee - Polidicks

[QUOTE]MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) — A 34-year-old Blaine man has pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge accusing him of ejaculating on a co-worker’s desk and in her coffee. According to the criminal complaint, an employee at Beisswenger’s hardware store in New Brighton called police on Aug. 26, 2014, saying she thought Lind, her co-worker, was leaving bodily fluids on her desk. She told police that she had found Lind standing at her desk with his back turned toward her. Lind allegedly had both of his hands in front of him near his genitals. According to the original complaint, when Lind noticed the woman he looked at her with a “deer in headlights” expression and quickly went into another room. The woman told police she inspected her desk and noticed a strong odor that resembled urine, but was a bit different and strange. She said her coffee smelled the same way and noted that she had had an ongoing issue with a experiencing a foul taste in her coffee.[/QUOTE] [url=http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2015/04/02/man-pleads-guilty-to-ejaculating-into-co-workers-coffee/]Sauce ;)[/url] [img]https://cbsminnesota.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/lind-john-robert.jpg?w=620&h=349&crop=1[/img]

I guess he added a little sugar to her coffee.

His victim wants this sort of thing to be considered a felony. Frankly, I'm all for this, this rates up there as pretty creepy.

[QUOTE=Mingebox;47450733]I guess he added a little sugar to her coffee.[/QUOTE] I think you mean cream.

[QUOTE=Chryseus;47450756]I think you mean cream.[/QUOTE] I think we all know it was tartar sauce

Yeah that deserves more than a misdemeanor. What if he has an std, or is hiv positive?

[QUOTE=Chryseus;47450756]I think you mean cream.[/QUOTE] Shit, that makes way more sense.

What the fuck is wrong with people in my town?

Did he learn this from Cumcake girl?

[QUOTE=Berkin;47450943]What the fuck is wrong with people in my town?[/QUOTE] Maybe there's something in the coffee there

Jizz in my coffee is just disgusting!

-snip-

[QUOTE=AkujiTheSniper;47450971]Maybe there's something in the coffee there[/QUOTE] Well, I have had [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak"]coffee that came out of the anus of an Asian palm civet[/URL]. So maybe you're right.

[QUOTE=Fish Muffin;47450764]Yeah that deserves more than a misdemeanor. What if he has an std, or is hiv positive?[/QUOTE] Iirc it's really hard to get an STD by drinking semen. She'd have to have some nasty open sores in her mouth for that to work.

[QUOTE=Aetna;47451074]Iirc it's really hard to get an STD by drinking semen. She'd have to have some nasty open sores in her mouth for that to work.[/QUOTE] still more likely than if he had not came in her coffee at all

Someone here on facepunch said their friend jizzed into a customer's macdonald's drink.

i can perfectly envision the scene where he got caught, its pretty great

[QUOTE=Fish Muffin;47450764]Yeah that deserves more than a misdemeanor. What if he has an std, or is hiv positive?[/QUOTE] What sense does that make? If he [I]did[/I] have an STD, [I]then[/I] charge him with bodily harm and the other stuff. You can't charge people based on harm they [I]could[/I] have done, that's absolutely backwards! "Well you were going just 5km/h over the speed limit here but if there was a mother with twins in a pram randomly crossing the highway, you would have smeared their entrails all over the place so, you are going to the slammer bruh!" What this guy did is absolutely gross and deserves punishment but trying to change the classification of a crime based on what [I]could[/I] have happened would be absolutely batshit.

[QUOTE=Awesomecaek;47451244]What sense does that make? If he [I]did[/I] have an STD, [I]then[/I] charge him with bodily harm and the other stuff. You can't charge people based on harm they [I]could[/I] have done, that's absolutely backwards! "Well you were going just 5km/h over the speed limit here but if there was a mother with twins in a pram randomly crossing the highway, you would have smeared their entrails all over the place so, you are going to the slammer bruh!" What this guy did is absolutely gross and deserves punishment but trying to change the classification of a crime based on what [I]could[/I] have happened would be absolutely batshit.[/QUOTE] You don't fuck around with bodily fluids. There are too many unknowns. [editline]3rd April 2015[/editline] The car analogy doesn't work because speeding is a victimless crime. What he did was more like shooting a bullet randomly at a house, knowing someone was inside.

That is fucking disgusting.

[QUOTE=Fish Muffin;47451330]The car analogy doesn't work because speeding is a victimless crime. What he did was more like shooting a bullet randomly at a house, knowing someone was inside.[/QUOTE] By your logic shooting at random without a care in the world is a victimless crime as well if nobody is harmed by it. Speeding is restricted because it makes accidents more likely, it's not very different from your own example except for the fact a lethal outcome is less likely. You'd have a much harsher punishment for discharging a firearm at people partly because it exposes them to greater danger, partly because it would in most cases stem from an intent to kill.

[QUOTE=Fish Muffin;47451330]The car analogy doesn't work because speeding is a victimless crime.[/QUOTE] Not until you hit someone when you're that out of control.

The article combined with the mugshot is just hilariously disgusting to me

Gross, I woulda backhanded his dick

[QUOTE=_Axel;47451372]By your logic shooting at random without a care in the world is a victimless crime as well if nobody is harmed by it. Speeding is restricted because it makes accidents more likely, it's not very different from your own example except for the fact a lethal outcome is less likely. You'd have a much harsher punishment for discharging a firearm at people partly because it exposes them to greater danger, partly because it would in most cases stem from an intent to kill.[/QUOTE] Nice straw man argument. Discharging a firearm without knowing what is downrange is just as dangerous. Even if you can guarantee no one is where you are shooting, you would also be charged with destruction of private property. Unless you are Discharging your gun with knowledge of what is behind your target on your own property (or with the consent of the land owner) , it is dangerous and violates the rights of others. I was saying that his argument didn't work because there was no victim in his analogy. No one had the opportunity to be hurt. I did not mean that in all cases speeding is a victimless crime, only in that most it is, and certainly in his example. Driving is a skill and also relies on the skill of others around you. Cumming in someone's coffee is not a skill and giving someone a disease relies solely on your own health. Even with a clean bill of health there is no guarantee that he would not transfer something. This is why bodily fluids are a biohazard and require strict policies for clean up and disposal. If you honestly think Cumming in someone's coffee without their consent is nothing more than a misdemeanor, that's fucked up.

I guess he made it an Ejaculatte

Besides, I never said [I]what[/I] he should be charged for, only that it should be more than a misdemeanor.

[QUOTE=Fish Muffin;47451438]I was saying that his argument didn't work because there was no victim in his analogy. No one had the opportunity to be hurt.[/QUOTE] Except all the other drivers on the road? Speed limits exist for a reason. If a crime doesn't have any potential victim then why make it illegal in the first place? [QUOTE]Driving is a skill and also relies on the skill of others around you. Cumming in someone's coffee is not a skill and giving someone a disease relies solely on your own health. Even with a clean bill of health there is no guarantee that he would not transfer something. This is why bodily fluids are a biohazard and require strict policies for clean up and disposal. If you honestly think Cumming in someone's coffee without their consent is nothing more than a misdemeanor, that's fucked up.[/QUOTE] Yeah I don't see why you bring up skills here, it's irrelevant. When people disregard speed limits they put other people at risk regardless of their skills and should be punished in consequence, simply not as much as if their actions actually killed other people. Similarly that man should be punished for putting the woman's health at risk, but to punish him as if it actually harmed her is foolish. If the sentence for potential harm and actual harm was the same, culprits would have no reason not to ensure their victim is actually harmed, whereas if they are different, then it actually serves as deterrent.

I never said that he should be charged as if he caused bodily harm. What I said was that the risk of bodily harm he posed deserved more than a misdemeanor. "If a crime doesn't have any potential victim then why make it illegal in the first place?" Like smoking weed at home? Or drinking underage? Or not watering / cutting your grass? Or any of the many other laws in the books that are only there to make the state money? But this isn't the point. [editline]3rd April 2015[/editline] Thanks for misinterpretating my post awesomecaek

[QUOTE=Awesomecaek;47451244]What sense does that make? If he [I]did[/I] have an STD, [I]then[/I] charge him with bodily harm and the other stuff. You can't charge people based on harm they [I]could[/I] have done, that's absolutely backwards! "Well you were going just 5km/h over the speed limit here but if there was a mother with twins in a pram randomly crossing the highway, you would have smeared their entrails all over the place so, you are going to the slammer bruh!" What this guy did is absolutely gross and deserves punishment but trying to change the classification of a crime based on what [I]could[/I] have happened would be absolutely batshit.[/QUOTE] Do you need a fucking analogy for cumming in someone's fucking coffee? How is this anything but a fucking felon? Oh, it's nothing. Just a little bit of light hearted jizzing in someone's fucking food.