The Apocalypse Opener, or: The Only Pickup Line You Will Ever Need - General

Gentlemen, I present to you: Ciaran, who will now masterfully explain how to not only get numbers from incredibly hot women, but sleep with them in the same night. Think I'm bullshitting you? Read on, padawan: [URL]http://themajesticself.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4322[/URL] (I feel it's better to read it in it's original format instead of copy/pasting then quoting, but for the lazy, I will excerpt) [quote=Ciaran][U][B]SHOCK and AWE... The Apocalypse Opener[/B][/U] ................................ Chat up lines don't work. That's the main problem with them. I mean, we all know this. If there was a simple line you could just spiel out and get a girl, the community wouldn't be as big as it is. The fact is, getting a girl isn't really about what you say. It's about what you DEMONSTRATE and what you PROJECT. [B] HOWEVER...[/B] What if there WAS a chat up line that did work? What if there was a chat up line that led to an instant makeout? What then? [B]THE BEST CHAT UP LINE I EVER HEARD[/B] About 18 months ago I was in the smoking area of a pub on Edinburgh's Royal Mile. It's very picturesque. There's a castle and everything. Anyway, this time I'm out with just ONE girl. She's a good friend of mine, and for matters of convenience and privacy, we shall call her Susan. So me and Susan are chatting away, and the subject wanders on to chat-up lines. I asked her what the worst chat-up line she ever heard was and she gave me some chodely horror-story of unimaginable lameness. Then I asked her "So... what's the best chat up line you've ever heard?" Susan considered this for a while, and then said this: "Ok, this one guy had a great one a while back. It worked on me." "What do you mean, it worked on you?" "It worked. I banged him." "Nice. You're very ladylike." Susan smiled politely. "So what was it?" I asked. [B]THE APOCALYPSE OPENER...[/B] "Well," she said, "it goes like this... What she then told me made me literally choke on my beer. It was genius. I will never know who this man is, but whoever he is he deserves a prize. A big, shiny Nobel prize. [B]Here it is, lads: [/B] You rock up to a chick and, in a confident, level voice you say "Hey, how's it going." She will say "Fine." You then say "Cool. What are you doing later?" She will say "I'm not sure." You then say "Do you want to come home with me?" Then you hold. Hold. HOLD.................... HOLD IT MY SON.......................... HOLD THE FUCKING LINE.................. Boom. Makeout. And that's the Apocalypse opener. You don't 'build rapport.' You don't 'elicit values.' You don't 'kino escalate.' You don't even ask her fucking NAME. You ask if she wants to sleep with you in the THIRD SENTENCE, hold the line, and reap the whirlwind. [B]CIARAN, YOU HAVE [I]GOT[/I] TO BE KIDDING ME[/B] Nope. It is and remains the most amazingly powerful chat up line I've ever seen in my life. I realise that you're all just shaking your heads with a million problems that you can see with doing this, so let's go through this step-by-step. [B]DOES IT WORK?[/B] Well, let me tell you a story...[/quote] And there you have it. I highly recommend reading the rest of his post, and the thread for that matter; it's a very interesting read. Again, for the lazy, I feel it's necessary to link the other half of Ciaran's thoughts, this time serving as a warning: [URL]http://themajesticself.com/forums/showpost.php?p=31131&postcount=77[/URL] I've talked to my close friend about this, and we both agree that this is best way to go about picking up chicks, getting laid, starting a relationship (to an extent), etc. Needless to say, I have completely changed my mind about the whole "game" after reading this. Terrific stuff.

If I tried that line I'd probably get punched in the face. [editline]04:55PM[/editline] or the crotch.

works

this is bound to work

Nah. I usually go with someting like.. "Babe, you make my software go hardware."

To be honest with you I was a bit let down.

I have a personal account of this working. Granted she was so wasted she could barely walk.

Brb trying this *tries it, gets kicked in the balls* gais it didnt work did i do eet wrong?!

[QUOTE=BANNED USER;20386811]I have a personal account of this working. Granted she was so wasted she could barely walk.[/QUOTE] How romantic.

[QUOTE=Livewire2440;20386827]Brb trying this *tries it, gets kicked in the balls* gais it didnt work did i do eet wrong?![/QUOTE] Stop trying to convey actions with asterisks on a forum, then stop misspelling words intentionally, then actually go try it and report back.

[QUOTE=MowsysReaper;20386871]Stop trying to convey actions with asterisks on a forum, then stop misspelling words intentionally, then actually go try it and report back.[/QUOTE] I intend to give it a try this weekend. If you guys want, I'll give you a full report on Sunday. I have faith that this absolutely works though, no questions about it. My friend can relate, as he has had a personal experience similar to this. Paraphrasing him, when he approached a hot girl he saw: "Hi. I'm going to skip all of the flirty bullshit, and just wanted to say that I want to screw you like a jackhammer." Said it was the best sex of his life. Hmmm...

k brb I'ma go get this tattooed on the inside of my eyelids

That guy's friend is a slut.

Sorry, but he's completely wrong. You're going to come off as a fling, easy to get, and creepy for that little dose of confidence you display. You might pick up whores who are looking for a human dildo, but I look for something more in my relationships. Myth busted, guize. [img]http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Mythbusters-Wallpaper-mythbusters-175287_1024_576.jpg[/img] Also, unrelated to the topic but related to mythbusters, Adam Savage is a fucking genius in the artistic AND logical senses. Watch this whole thing, you'll be awed. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEg-ZNB3qyI&feature=player_embedded[/media]

clicked the link expecting some cheesy overdramatic bullshit. I Was Pleasantly Surprised

[QUOTE=Equidistratic;20387185]Sorry, but he's completely wrong. You're going to come off as a fling, easy to get, and creepy for that little dose of confidence you display. You might pick up whores who are looking for a human dildo, but I look for something more in my relationships.[/QUOTE] Yes, keyword "relationships." If you're going out to bars and clubs looking for a meaningful relationship, you're going to end up dissapointed. The point is, women are more inclined to enter into a relationship with a guy after sex. Not like literally after (well, maybe), but the fact is you're getting your foot in the door. Exchanging numbers, talking, making emotional connections are all possible after sex. And who doesn't like sex? Oh, and I'm sure everyone appreciates you posting a large image in the thread, that's pretty much unrelated.

I will do this, but I will take them home and make them a nice dinner and we will watch a movie. c:

Tried this, chicks just answer with sarcasm.

This plan is incredibly flawed and only works under ideal variables

No way in HELL that I'd ever do that. Well, mostly because I never go out. :v: [QUOTE=Count Esco;20386792]Nah. I usually go with someting like.. "Babe, you make my software go hardware."[/QUOTE] Now that sounds like something that I would say to a female being.

Bullllshit.

On that line or whatever he made the mistake of asking what she was doing later. At least get her name first, don't listen to this. You are bound to fail unless the chick is high/drunk.

Everything in life is worth trying, saying that I'll probably try it next time I'll be in a bar.

In reality, it would probably go more like this. "Do you want to come home with me?" "Go fuck yourself"

Genius, I picked up 12 girls with this. :rolleyes:

it works if you're good looking. maybe.

I'd laugh if somebody actually tried this. I mean, it [i]can't[/i] work... can it?

[QUOTE=Livewire2440;20386827]Brb trying this *tries it, gets kicked in the balls* gais it didnt work did i do eet wrong?![/QUOTE] People need to make less posts like this.

reading into this is makes a lot of sense it's either an extremely elaborate and well-written troll post designed to persuade you to do it, only to backfire only in the slightest way so as to get people fucked up. that or it's genuine.

This is pretty hilarious, it is to 'the game' what 'throwing the board away' is to Monopoly What's the worst that could happen?