• The Twilight Dildo, "The Vamp"
    99 replies, posted
[url]http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-latest-ridiculous-twilight-product-a-sparkly-d,31972/[/url] [quote]Because the world just didn't have enough hilarious attempts to cash in on the Twilight phenomenon yet, a California sex-toy company has taken the obvious next step by introducing, yes seriously, a Twilight-themed dildo. "The Vamp" is a realistic-looking silicone cock, but "with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow." (That oh-so-subtle attempt to evoke Twilight without using the world "Twilight" continues through the product copy, in increasingly pointless ways: "Don't let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn, place your order today.") And yes, of course it does have that authentic Twi-vamp touch: It sparkles in sunlight. Never mind that the whole point of the books is the girl not fucking the vampire for hundreds upon hundreds of angsty pages. Tantus Inc. (motto, available on a T-shirt: "Make dildos, not war!") knows what Twilight readers really want: To skip to the series climax (so to speak) and get it on with something sparkly and rigid that doesn't have a pulse. The order page even notes that "The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience." Unfortunately, the "authentic experience" would actually include a lot of glowering, threats of murder, and offhanded put-downs of the user. Maybe the next one can come with a voice-chip that plays pre-recorded discouraging messages like "You're just like food to me, you stupid lamb" and "You're so clumsy and useless, it's a wonder you can even get this thing where it's supposed to go." First, though, Tantus should put out a fur-covered dildo for Team Jacob fans. Because no Twilight pandering is too much Twilight pandering.[/quote] [url]http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP[/url] Nothing like being shafted by a sparkly vampire wanger.
Dear god in heaven why [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve6OT91e-lM[/media]
Just what those 13 year old girls need.
my friend showed me this the other day :v:
Just when I thought I'd seen everything.
Throw it in the freezer for an authentic experience. [img]http://i41.tinypic.com/ayt5t.gif[/img]
:eng99:
:byodood:
Don't the books like promote abstinence, though? Is this dildo meant to satisfy the girls until they're married, or something?
:geno:
:Dawkins102:
[img]http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb118/rewriter101/WTFSloth.jpg[/img]
best idea ever
ahahha it even sparkles
[QUOTE=MrYippie;16985722]ahahha it even sparkles[/QUOTE] It only sparkles. What did you think made it "vampire"?
These things only happen in... The Twilight Zone.
Sparkles in the sunlight? Who the fuck carries sex toys around in broad daylight? Anyway, isn't the point of a sex toy to replicate, you know, sex with a person? I mean a plastic vibrator or dildo wouldn't naturally be warm, but who the hell puts one in the fridge, seriously. Although I suppose they're aiming toward the right gender. I'd laugh so god damned hard if I saw a Twilight Fleshlight. Also, this reminds me of some article about how girls aged 12-14 were "playing" with their vibrating Harry Potter brooms in privacy for extended periods of time.
:gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :fuckyou: If you cant get enough of Twilight, then check out this sparkly pretty dildo
[QUOTE=Maurice;16985754]It only sparkles. What did you think made it "vampire"?[/QUOTE] Supposedly 50% the color and 50% the marketing.
[QUOTE=Teal Moose;16985803] Twilight Fleshlight. [/QUOTE] I'd buy it.
Great idea considering the only people who enjoyed twilight were either fat or ugly.
Helping 13-year old girls masturbate to Edward.
[QUOTE=Kidd;16985841]I'd buy it.[/QUOTE] Well, I suppose a fake plastic vagina is just that. I just hope you aren't supposed to freeze the water you pour in it before use.
[QUOTE=wanabeGmoder;16985702][img]http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb118/rewriter101/WTFSloth.jpg[/img][/QUOTE] embodies my thoughts exactly [editline]02:04PM[/editline] [QUOTE=Kidd;16985841]I'd buy it.[/QUOTE] only if it was dakota fanning themed
[QUOTE=Teal Moose;16985803]Sparkles in the sunlight? Who the fuck carries sex toys around in broad daylight? Anyway, isn't the point of a sex toy to replicate, you know, sex with a person? I mean a plastic vibrator or dildo wouldn't naturally be warm, but who the hell puts one in the fridge, seriously. Although I suppose they're aiming toward the right gender. I'd laugh so god damned hard if I saw a Twilight Fleshlight. Also, this reminds me of some article about how girls aged 12-14 were "playing" with their vibrating Harry Potter brooms in privacy for extended periods of time.[/QUOTE] I guess you could call it a Twilight :hurr:
what a tiny little penis it looks just like a phallic butt plug
[QUOTE=Teal Moose;16985803]I'd laugh so god damned hard if I saw a Twilight Fleshlight. [/QUOTE] I'd get so goddamn hard if I saw one. The sensation of screwing Kristen Stewart without having to be with Kristen Stewart? Yes please.
I saw this a few days ago. Or was it a week ago... Anyways, it's amazing. Honestly. I can imagine it now. Girls bringing there twilight dildo into the open, and using it in parks, just to be fucked by a twilight dildo at it's full capacity. It'll also have chunks of ice on it. Because they kept it in the freezer for like a month.
i bet stephanie meyer is spinning in her grave.
[QUOTE=Jessesmith1;16986128]i bet stephanie meyer is spinning in her grave.[/QUOTE] Don't I wish.
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