This time Harry is living with Gary during his Hogwarts break. Please, again, any constructive criticism would be great :)
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuGxondaOQs[/media]
You really shouldn't have signed up just for views/to advertise your videos.
And in terms of the video, the intro sounded almost like a rip-off of College humours 'If google was a guy' - I don't know if this is coincidence or not.
I found that the voice acting was more annoying than anything, but I don't think i'm within the range of the target audience, seems like it is attempting to appeal to 10 - 15 year olds more than anything.
[QUOTE=kill3r;47394275]You really shouldn't have signed up just for views/to advertise your videos.
[/QUOTE]
I feel like this is an unfair response. I've been on these forums since the early Garry's Mod days. Nearly 10 years. Just because I hardly post doesn't mean i'm not active on the forum. The only time I really feel like posting is to get comment on my work. Creationism Corner used to be the place I usually posted, as they gave valid and constructive feedback. They were helpful. Now that that part of the forum has closed I've had to settle here. Unfortunately a lot of the responses here aren't as constructive, or helpful. I don't consider it spamming.
It wasn't intended to rip anything off, that is a funny video though.
Thanks for the feedback. I'm really struggling with the voice overs and will hopefully manage to sort that out one day.
Where is the humor? Like all the previous videos, there's nothing funny. No joke, no punchline, nothing. Like the part where Harry shows pic of Ginny and Emma, no joke there. The other dude just smirks. That's not funny or clever. The polyjuice part, also no joke. Ok so Harry fucked his girlfriend, so what? The can/mouth part. Same thing, there is nothing funny. Same for the rest of the "jokes".
Yeah we get it Harry is a wizard and can use magic and has a cloak that turns him invisible. But I don't need your video to know that. Where's the comedy?
Your biggest problem is that your skits are not funny. Tried finding someone to write jokes for you because whoever is doing it now can't even pull a smirk out of me.
I say work on the VO and production and all that crap later, first find someone who can write hilarious jokes. Reminds me of that dude who draws shitty stick figures with huge chins, terrible art but hilarious as fuck.
One thing I would do is if you are going to add swearing to the script don't censor it just put a language warning tag on the video, And if you're worried about kids hearing it trust me kids have seen and heard worse e.g.. Most let's players language.
As itisjuly pointed out the jokes need work all of these we have seen or heard before so work on those.
Another suggestion would be the background do it up to suit whatever character theme is on that video.
Stop churning these out every other week and work on your writing.
They aren't getting better.
[QUOTE=Lexinator;47398148]One thing I would do is if you are going to add swearing to the script don't censor it just put a language warning tag on the video,[/QUOTE]This so much. If you deliberately include swearing, don't censor it. Otherwise just don't include it.
[QUOTE=Gez;47398304]Stop churning these out every other week and work on your writing.
They aren't getting better.[/QUOTE]
Its been one a month, not every other week.
[QUOTE=itisjuly;47396399]Where is the humor? Like all the previous videos, there's nothing funny. No joke, no punchline, nothing. [/QUOTE]
Want to help me write the next one? XD
[QUOTE=jameslove1;47400284]
Want to help me write the next one? XD[/QUOTE]
No, I'm not a comedian.
Do you have a target demographic in mind for these videos? because I'm not quite sure what you're trying to aim for.
[QUOTE=Aphtonites;47400455]Do you have a target demographic in mind for these videos? because I'm not quite sure what you're trying to aim for.[/QUOTE]
I can't think of a demographic that would enjoy this. It's too vulgar for old people, it's too unfunny for young people, it's not immature or random enough for younger people. So I dunno.
Stop with the bleeps. This is 2015, we dont need bleeps on the "bad words". The only thing i found funny was the polyjuice potion joke. Other than that, there was no substance to anything. i feel like i was back in 2004 at Newgrounds.
[QUOTE=itisjuly;47400404]No, I'm not a comedian.[/QUOTE]
Still apparently funnier.
[QUOTE=jameslove1;47394217]This time Harry is living with Gary during his Hogwarts break. Please, again, any constructive criticism would be great :)
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuGxondaOQs[/media][/QUOTE]
Gotta admit, it's pretty damn terrible. Badly animated, horrible voice acting, the lines are not funny at all. ALOT of work to even be considered Mediocre.
[QUOTE=matreox;47400850]Gotta admit, it's pretty damn terrible. Badly animated, horrible voice acting, the lines are not funny at all. ALOT of work to even be considered Mediocre.[/QUOTE]
The original idea was to make it live action. Would you think that would work better?
Honestly it kind of feels like a less funny version of this.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKS3MGriZcs&ab_channel=sboss[/media]
Sorry.
Why does every roommate act like an obnoxious tool?
[QUOTE=Xavith;47402436]Honestly it kind of feels like a less funny version of this.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKS3MGriZcs&ab_channel=sboss[/media]
Sorry.[/QUOTE]
Are you telling me to add some canned laughter? XD
[QUOTE=FunnyStarRunner;47403375]Why does every roommate act like an obnoxious tool?[/QUOTE]
If they were the best house mate ever then there wouldn't be a reason to kick them out
I'm not a joke writer, but both the delivery and the fact that there aren't any punchlines at all make this really unfunny.
Take the shower scene for example - okay, Harry is creepy, great. That's not funny in itself though. What if Harry told his housemate "Yeah i check out the girls all the time with my invisibility cloak" and the other guy wants in on it. Harry gives him a normal blanket or whatever, and the housemate gets busted. I don't know, just [I]something[/I].
Animation's obviously what you do best, but that's honestly not saying much. It seems like everything's in slow motion, and the bad VA and delivery just emphasises this.
Maybe use more than a month for the next one and spend [I]a lot[/I] more time on the writing?
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