Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[OogalaBoogal]

[B]Welcome to the Social Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread![/B]

It's good to be back on the first page!

Do you have problems with your friends? Do you need help asking that girl out? General advice? Chat? Ask us here! We have a plethora of users with loads life experience, ready to help you out, [U][I]right now[/I][/U]!

Little tip for those giving advice - be nice, be tactful, and be honest. Think before you post and if you're not 100% sure if you're right, don't post. There's nothing worse than the feeling of knowing that you fucked someone's situation up by giving the wrong advice. It also helps if you watch the 2005 film "Hitch" starring Will Smith, as it's essentially the love advice handbook.

For those receiving advice - Don't be afraid to ask questions, but be receptive, be polite and don't complain if you hear something you don't want to hear. Half the advice given in this thread will be of the sort that the receiver will not be pleased about. Sometimes it is hard to hear the truth.

[B][URL="steam://friends/joinchat/103582791433756842"]CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE STEAM CHAT[/URL][/B]

[B]Past Versions:[/B]
V1: [URL]http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1133771[/URL]
V2: [URL]http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1152241[/URL]
V3: [URL]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1160400[/URL]
V4: [URL]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1220984[/URL]
V5: [URL]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1250101[/URL]

[B]Don't feel comfortable posting in the public eye? Message one of these people, they are the best of the best![/B]
[I]- [URL="http://facepunch.com/member.php?u=184747"]​OogalaBoogal [/URL]
- [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/member.php?u=434686"]Rhenae[/URL]
- [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/member.php?u=245288"]Yahnich[/URL]
- [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/member.php?u=282144"]Guy Mannly[/URL]
- [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/member.php?u=51838"]thisispain[/URL]
- [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/member.php?u=134496"]Disseminate[/URL]
- [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/member.php?u=292313"]SataniX[/URL]
- [URL="http://facepunch.com/members/177719-killerteacup"]killerteacup[/URL]
- [URL="http://facepunch.com/member.php?u=35274"]djshox[/URL]
- [URL="http://facepunch.com/member.php?u=308999"]Nikeos[/URL]
- [/I][URL="http://facepunch.com/member.php?u=266176"][I]hunterNormandy[/I][/URL]

[killerteacup]

I think the problem with 25 page limits is the last 5 pages is us posting off topic trying to hit the next thread

[Nikeos]

i approve of this title

[mako_]

Gonna get together with this girl in the near future I think

Excited for a different, better kinda relationship than I've been having in the past

Just thought I'd share that, vibes for your new thread

[OogalaBoogal]

[QUOTE=Nikeos;40101266]i approve of this title[/QUOTE]

You would, because you made it.

[Rhenae]

I do not approve of the title containing swearing. Otherwise stellar thread.

[Dark_Light]

I honestly cringe now when I read some parts of that ~alpha~ shit that I wrote ages ago. Some of the friend-zone stuff is okay but if anyone wants to rewrite either for the OP and take my name off of them, they're more than welcome.

I also don't know if I'm the [I]best of the best[/I] but I'm always happy to receive PMs as well. My specialities include falling hopelessly in love with girls that have boyfriends, being shy and quiet and probably depressed but still a pretty cool guy that can talk to people, (not) dealing with a breakup, and writing.

hmu

[killerteacup]

Don't interfere

Coming out of the closet is a really serious business and you shouldn't be pushing him one way or another about it, 'trying to help someone realise' is basically having the ego to assume that you know exactly what their mindset and situation is and noone knows that better than he does

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=Vodkavia;40102837]If a relationship is out of the question, I'd at would at least want to ease him into idea of being gay.
[/QUOTE]

what
no

that's a terrible idea

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;40102841]Don't interfere

Coming out of the closet is a really serious business and you shouldn't be pushing him one way or another about it, 'trying to help someone realise' is basically having the ego to assume that you know exactly what their mindset and situation is and noone knows that better than he does[/QUOTE]

I agree. Be nice to him and help him if he has questions or people are picking on him (dunno how public his problems are) or whatever but figuring out something like that is way too internal and really is just something they have to do on their own.

[thisispain]

and i dont know about the " it's complicated and NSFW" thing but you can do things with dudes and still not be gay. sexuality isnt that concrete and its wrong to make judgement about it.

[killerteacup]

"this guy had sex with me and I'm a guy so he must be gay" is like

not a good logical conclusion

[thisispain]

well youre not really at liberty to decide whats a big deal to someone
if he really is closeted its probably a HUGE deal to that person

[wauterboi]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40102726]I do not approve of the title containing swearing. Otherwise stellar thread.[/QUOTE]
Why not? If you think it's offensive or too bold, it's only that way because you make it so. It's not saying anything crazy like "If you go out with that special someone you will have hitler babies kill yourself," it's just a push for people to ask whoever out. ;D

It's positive and motivational.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Vodkavia;40102922]It was kind of my experience though, I.E. I was unsure for a while and I interacted with LGBT people online and they p. much convinced me it wasn't a big deal and would turn the world upside down.

I guess I'll do nothing then.[/QUOTE]

it's okay to help him figure out there's nothing wrong with being gay- everyone should know that - but its not okay to push him into it because you have a thing for the guy

[wauterboi]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40102878]I agree. Be nice to him and help him if he has questions or people are picking on him (dunno how public his problems are) or whatever but figuring out something like that is way too internal and really is just something they have to do on their own.[/QUOTE]
I also think that trying to ease him out could have some seriously negative effects, such as him lashing out at you and pushing himself farther into the closet.

[fear me]

I'm really looking forward to Monday so I can simply not deal with this one girl.

It's gonna be great. I'm gonna avoid the fuck out of her.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=wauterboi;40102937]Why not? If you think it's offensive or too bold, it's only that way because you make it so. It's not saying anything crazy like "If you go out with that special someone you will have hitler babies kill yourself," it's just a push for people to ask whoever out. ;D

It's positive and motivational.[/QUOTE]

It is somewhat positive and motivational, but I don't feel the harsh wording is necessary and it comes off as overly aggressive, which doesn't tend to make helpful advice.
I just have a personal preference against shouting and swearing at people.
I essentially don't ever shout (I appear to be incapable even when I try just to get someones attention), and I only ever swear at things, not people.

edit:
I don't care if anyone else swears I'm just not fond of having to read it all the time for no reason :v:

[OogalaBoogal]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40102997]It is somewhat positive and motivational, but I don't feel the harsh wording is necessary and it comes off as overly aggressive, which doesn't tend to make helpful advice.
I just have a personal preference against shouting and swearing at people.
I essentially don't ever shout (I appear to be incapable even when I try just to get someones attention), and I only ever swear at things, not people.

edit:
I don't care if anyone else swears I'm just not fond of having to read it all the time for no reason :v:[/QUOTE]

I'm putting all the blame on Nikeos.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Vodkavia;40103064]I've tried talking to him about at times (I'm going to stop completely now) but he's never lashed out at me. It hasn't been without any response though, he's made sexual comments towards me a number of times and I can't for the life of me tell if he's trying to screw with me or not. He's even tried to manipulate me into giving him information via spontaneous lap dance. He's either not heterosexual or goddamn devious.[/QUOTE]

I know a lot of people who would do that to buddies (gay or otherwise) but I'm pretty sure my friend group isn't a good representation of any standard :v:

[wauterboi]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40102997]It is somewhat positive and motivational, but I don't feel the harsh wording is necessary and it comes off as overly aggressive, which doesn't tend to make helpful advice.
I just have a personal preference against shouting and swearing at people.
I essentially don't ever shout (I appear to be incapable even when I try just to get someones attention), and I only ever swear at things, not people.

edit:
I don't care if anyone else swears I'm just not fond of having to read it all the time for no reason :v:[/QUOTE]
I thought it was humorous - especially considering I've been in situations yeeeears ago where I've actually been told, "JUST ASK HER OUT ALREADY!"

[thisispain]

nah for what reason when dudes get together the less of a female presence there is the more homoerotica there will be

[wauterboi]

[QUOTE=Vodkavia;40103064]I've tried talking to him about at times (I'm going to stop completely now) but he's never lashed out at me. It hasn't been without any response though, he's made sexual comments towards me a number of times and I can't for the life of me tell if he's trying to screw with me or not. He's even tried to manipulate me into giving him information via spontaneous lap dance. He's either not heterosexual or goddamn devious.[/QUOTE]
Well, I'm not saying that he's going to do any of that nor do I speak on his behalf - I'm just saying that if you try to force it there's a chance his defense mechanisms will push you away and make him even more distant as a person. It's great to be there, but be wary.

[sp]I'm saying that with hardly any experience with anything having to do with people and their sexualities. I'd only assume that this would happen.[/sp]

Uh, sorry - I'm not trying to spam this thread - I was hoping that I could merge this post with the last one and someone else posted. :(

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=wauterboi;40103082]I thought it was humorous - especially considering I've been in situations yeeeears ago where I've actually been told, "JUST ASK HER OUT ALREADY!"[/QUOTE]

I would like to note your example is minus the swearing in the title as well. :v:

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Vodkavia;40103226]Also could a get some help on maintaining eye contact during conversations? I have this horrible habit of looking away to something else when I finish a sentence and it has killed the occasional casual talk. It's entirely unintentional and I don't notice a conversation suddenly pausing until I'm staring at the ground or a wall.[/QUOTE]

Just practice. Nothing we can do for you and no magical drug or answer.
Try looking at peoples mouths instead of eyes if your uncomfortable or having trouble with it. It's still focusing on them and their face. People naturally tend to watch other peoples mouths when talking to them and there is some evidence that people subconsciously lip-read, since people often find it harder to tell what someone is saying if they can't look at them but are just as close in hearing distance.
It'll keep you focused without having to stare deep into their soul the whole time, which isn't really necessary anyway. A bit of eye contact is enough.

[Dark_Light]

It's just one of those things you need to work on over time. I also used to find it impossible to maintain eye-contact at all during conversation and even now I still sometimes look away when I get nervous/shy (aka if I am talking to a really cute girl) but you need to just keep working to improve on it. Force yourself to look at their eyes or their forehead or their nose or their mouth or a cycle of any of the above and eventually it becomes easier and less scary and you think about it less.

If you're also more focused on the conversation that you're having and simply enjoying the moment that you're having with the other person then it will come more naturally, so try not to get so caught up in your head with shit like that. Obviously easier said than done though so you're going to have to put in the effort to improve.

[Makrin]

[QUOTE=Vodkavia;40103226]Also could a get some help on maintaining eye contact during conversations? I have this horrible habit of looking away to something else when I finish a sentence and it has killed the occasional casual talk. It's entirely unintentional and I don't notice a conversation suddenly pausing until I'm staring at the ground or a wall.[/QUOTE]

I always had this problem. It took me a while to phase it out but what I did was focus on their eyes and try to read the emotions on their face as I talked to them. Don't focus too hard though or you'll end up like me and forget your train of thought :v:

[HellSoldier]

Long story short my friend completely snaked the girl I was hitting on in a party. I was going off really well with her, had to leave to get something (house party so needed some supplies) and I come back to my friend and this girl making out. Then he took her home. Currently feeling really pissed at him.

What do

[thisispain]

he was obviously doing a lot better with her than you were i dont know what you want to do

[HellSoldier]

the guy knew i was going after her but then he snakes me anyway

sort of a 'not bro' thing to do
yknow