My S.T.A.L.K.E.R fan film, I'd like some constructive criticism
31 replies, posted
here is my mini fan film. sorry for shaky cam. that's what i get for letting my little bro record the film.
I would really like some constructive criticism tho. any way to improve at all.
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzSMyK9KpWA[/url]
30 minutes for filming
2 hours video editing
3 hours sound editing
1 hour upload to youtube -_-
i always knew stalker secretly took place on a suburban home's patio. could you at least have gone to a forest or something?
im sure your mommy and daddy would get mad but you really should paint the tip of your gun black
[editline]20th May 2011[/editline]
also, are those grass footstep sounds pulled from morrowind?
Weird acting
Terrible camerawork (Shaky shaky shake shake that ass)
Incredibly obvious fake gun
Unfitting setting
Unfitting music
If you got hit by a bullet, wouldn't you scream?
Fuzzy audio
Inaccurate costume
Etc etc etc
Nothing about this says "STALKER" to me at all. This movie basically screams "Low budget lithuanian B-Movie."
I dunno, I liked it. What are you expecting, DireAdvenger, The next Lord of the rings?
Also yeah the tip of the gun should be painted, could try a bit out on the land more if you can too.
[QUOTE=Dark207;29961802]I dunno, I liked it. What are you expecting, DireAdvenger, The next Lord of the rings?
Also yeah the tip of the gun should be painted, could try a bit out on the land more if you can too.[/QUOTE]
He certainly could've done a lot better with both the camerawork and the acting. All of the other stuff would've been minor annoyances, but it's hard when I can't really see what's happening in the movie when everything's going all tectonic disaster and shit.
Didn't know that stalkers used JG M16s.
[editline]21st May 2011[/editline]
or used M81s.
Despite some guy leaving a very positive comment on your youtube channel, it wasn't great.
This 'film' lacks in every aspect: A good story, turn of events, camera angles and positions and overal experience of creating films.
You really need to come up with better camerashots. The shaking of the camera doesn't even matter that much as long as you turn it into a style. Right now it looks as if you guys just do something very random.
So think about how you can turn the shaky cam into a style. Maybe pretend the camera is a third person, besides the main character and the audience. Whatever you do, think of consistency throughout your shots and make them create a flowing scene.
Take a look at this: [url]http://www.mediacollege.com/video/shots/[/url] and incorporate some into a next movie.
Right now your film is just a mess with shots all over the place, most of your shots dragging on too long without anything interesting happening.
[editline]21st May 2011[/editline]
Not trying to put you down as everyone has to start somewhere, but criticism is the best way to learn.
thanks everyone for the criticism. ill try to improve everything. the only thing i might not be able to change is the orange tip of the gun. btw lil_n00blett my parents wouldn't be the ones mad, probably the local police. its illegal if it dosen't at least have 6mm of orange on it.
[QUOTE=dkparadox;29964488]thanks everyone for the criticism. ill try to improve everything. the only thing i might not be able to change is the orange tip of the gun. btw lil_n00blett my parents wouldn't be the ones mad, probably the local police. its illegal if it dosen't at least have 6mm of orange on it.[/QUOTE]
You can always tape the tip with some black tape and put a note upfront in you video stating you weren't using real guns.
Stalker: Shadow of Suburbia
A tip for future projects, get beat up clothing. Go to a surplus store and buy some actual used stuff, not perfect condition BDU's like that shirt your wearing, it looks straight out of the cleaners.
[QUOTE=Viper202;29965398]Stalker: Shadow of Suburbia[/QUOTE]
i know its a joke but that could come out pretty good. mind if i use that name? maybe make it like a 3 mile island type story.
Keep training, get a better camera, get this also :
[img]http://www.rentcenter.co.il/uploads/2009/01/27/tripod_2.jpg[/img]
Not expensive at all.
Nice camerawork. Jerry bruckheimer would be proud.
oh and put some actual planning into it, like places you'll be filming, and get some decent post on it.
lol at minecraft sound effects.
I notice a trend, almost every post apocalyptic fan/short movie starts with
1. Protagonist unconscious
2. Slowly gets up, gets bearings, guns, etc.
3. Walks around slowly and dramatically
4. If you're lucky, events significant to the plot.
5. Some kind of death for protagonist.
Feel free to break the mold, write a script, get some actors, add some background and some plot. Don't mind the criticism, everyone has to start somewhere and as long as you're motivated to improve, it can't hurt.
My tips for you:
-Get a better camera, learn about lighting. Much too dark, low quality, etc.
-It looks like you have some really nice woods near/on your property. I think even the field would have been a much more fitting location, starting on your porch does need atmosphere make.
-Learn about color correction. The blood when he gets shot is too dark. Research the Curves adjustment that's available with any Adobe product or it's equivalents, to make the colors of special effects match the lighting in the environment.
-Coordinate your effects more carefully. Have it planned out exactly so that when he fakes the recoil, there is a muzzle flash (I saw you/him jerk the gun at least once without a firing effect), and when he gets shot there is a reaction. The first time was good, but as he's falling he gets shot again and doesn't react, which looks very poor. When the tree is shot, you should have it planned out that he covers his eyes or moves away from the tree. The FX are only one part of the equation, the reaction and interaction from the actors makes it complete.
-Get some fake blood. Make it with corn syrup and red food coloring, maybe add a little water to get it more runny. It's sticky so you wont have to reapply it too often (unless you make it thinner), looks good, and washes out easily. Simple touches like fake blood and holes in cheap clothing can really up the immersion of a movie, and with your movie it would have been very easy to add a gun shot wound of some sort.
-Listen to DoubleDD, he is right about the importance of good camera angles. If you have time, switch the angle style and location every few seconds of footage, it'll really take the look to the next level. Be artistic and experiment.
-Get dirty. One of my favorite parts of the STALKER series is the grime and decay, it's so gorgeous (in it's own way of course) and captivating. You need to reflect that if you want to recreate the feel of the game. Experiment with different types of paint, and dirt, roll around in some mud, break out the sandpaper and steel wool. Get your BDUs dirty, and just make sure anything that the viewer will focus on (the compass for example) looks worn and well used. Just taking some muddy water and letting it dry on something will give a gorgeous dirty look to it with some practice.
EDIT:
Haha, wow, that's a lot of words.
thanks biscuit-boy great advice. and about the mine craft sounds. actually i got them off freesound.org. the sounds were made and posted in 2005. notch got them from there.
i demand you rate me clock
[editline]22nd May 2011[/editline]
Gracias.
get out of here stalker
Well we all have to start from somewhere!
Keep at it. Watch some tutorials about video editing and film making. You will get better!
[QUOTE=Dark207;29961802]I dunno, I liked it. What are you expecting, DireAdvenger, The next Lord of the rings?
Also yeah the tip of the gun should be painted, could try a bit out on the land more if you can too.[/QUOTE]Is atleast some effort too much to ask?
Only the blood effects were suprizingly good, rest was shit.
It had no atmosphere: the weather was off, the music was off, the costume was off.
It was shot in a fucking backyard. You must be pants on head retarded to think this is a good idea, unless you live in a bomb crater or something.
No tripod or atleast monopod woud've been nice. It's just another "shaky cam adventure: gasmask edition"
The costume is horrid. Just because you have a goddamn gasmask doesn't mean you're instantly stalker. Speaking of which, have any of you even seen atleast screenshots of the game or something?
The prop usage was beyond stupid. You had the orange tip on. Atleast tape it with black tape or something. You held it like you hold a garden hose not a gun, you showed us the magazine, which had no ammo in it, and the actor even fucking sighted at how goddamn airshit it is. And yet despite having no ammo. it had the muzzle flash of a 30mm cannon, while making the sound of a chick fart.
Only thing that was legimately great was the blood effects, if you hadn't shown in the next shot THAT THE ACTOR IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY.
He ddidn't have even a single stain or a crumple on his shirt. It's like he died out of dissapointment that someone shot at his general direction.
Yeah great you made a movie. Just because you made something doesn't mean the whole world should see it.
[editline]23rd May 2011[/editline]
also the fence kick was uneccesary and looked ridiculous.
[editline]23rd May 2011[/editline]
If you want to make a film, put some goddamn palnning into it not "LOL I GOT A GASMUSK LETS MAEK MOVIE NaO"
Storyboard, script take days of planning and if you can't be arsed to go throught that stage stop expecting anything good to happen.
[QUOTE=3v3ryb0dy;30005293]Is atleast some effort too much to ask?
Only the blood effects were suprizingly good, rest was shit.
It had no atmosphere: the weather was off, the music was off, the costume was off.
It was shot in a fucking backyard. You must be pants on head retarded to think this is a good idea, unless you live in a bomb crater or something.
No tripod or atleast monopod woud've been nice. It's just another "shaky cam adventure: gasmask edition"
The costume is horrid. Just because you have a goddamn gasmask doesn't mean you're instantly stalker. Speaking of which, have any of you even seen atleast screenshots of the game or something?
The prop usage was beyond stupid. You had the orange tip on. Atleast tape it with black tape or something. You held it like you hold a garden hose not a gun, you showed us the magazine, which had no ammo in it, and the actor even fucking sighted at how goddamn airshit it is. And yet despite having no ammo. it had the muzzle flash of a 30mm cannon, while making the sound of a chick fart.
Only thing that was legimately great was the blood effects, if you hadn't shown in the next shot THAT THE ACTOR IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY.
He ddidn't have even a single stain or a crumple on his shirt. It's like he died out of dissapointment that someone shot at his general direction.
Yeah great you made a movie. Just because you made something doesn't mean the whole world should see it.
[editline]23rd May 2011[/editline]
also the fence kick was uneccesary and looked ridiculous.
[editline]23rd May 2011[/editline]
If you want to make a film, put some goddamn palnning into it not "LOL I GOT A GASMUSK LETS MAEK MOVIE NaO"
Storyboard, script take days of planning and if you can't be arsed to go throught that stage stop expecting anything good to happen.[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't call you sweetheart but you are basically correct. The movie I'm working on now has been under planning on and off for a year, I have pages of text about the context, script, storyboard, props, etc etc, and I'm still months from shooting anything except some parts that are supposed to look like shit and take place outside of the main narrative (which, by the way, are much still higher quality than the OP's camera, you can get a camera that shoots up to 1080p for $120 (read: Kodak Zi8 = best cramera on the market))
Anyways I still think if you want to improve you can make it happen, just remember: Effort, effort effort.
Working on one as well, first edition of script was done some concept art has been done, now we're looking for a truck to paly the lead actor and in a month or so I'll read the script over again and see if I can get this working, and then let 5 different people read it also and give their word on it. also have some film students providing us with tutoring and some contacts to get better audio and camera equipment.
[QUOTE=3v3ryb0dy;30012498]Working on one as well, first edition of script was done some concept art has been done, now we're looking for a truck to paly the lead actor and in a month or so I'll read the script over again and see if I can get this working, and then let 5 different people read it also and give their word on it. also have some film students providing us with tutoring and some contacts to get better audio and camera equipment.[/QUOTE]
If you want to send a copy my way, I'd love to look it over. Also, what do you mean "truck"?
Anyways, I wish I had connections, my only option is to rent a pair of Canon 7Ds and a T2i, a SteadyCam Merlin, and a shoulder rig with a follow focus, etc etc. Maybe a Nikon D7000 since we have some lenses for it. VDSLRS are expensive as hell haha.
Like previously stated camera needs to be improved in both quality and direction but also a little colour correction type of filter could make it look a lot more professional. A gloomier atmosphere is required especially when you're trying to pull off your modern house as a setting.
[QUOTE=Haunted;30030877]Like previously stated camera needs to be improved in both quality and direction but also a little colour correction type of filter could make it look a lot more professional. A gloomier atmosphere is required especially when you're trying to pull off your modern house as a setting.[/QUOTE]
i did color correct. just started learning color correction. for just starting i think i did alright. well better than the original quality at least
[IMG]http://i918.photobucket.com/albums/ad25/dkparadox9494/Image1.jpg[/IMG]
[QUOTE=dkparadox;30035521]i did color correct. just started learning color correction. for just starting i think i did alright. well better than the original quality at least
[IMG]http://i918.photobucket.com/albums/ad25/dkparadox9494/Image1.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]
It's a good start, but you need to keep the lighter areas too, you don't want [i]everything[/i] to be dark. So you want more contrast, the image is overall too dark. Still, it looks a lot better.
I thought it was a decent effort. For me, the music fits. The acting could have been less jumpy and dramatically militant; you could [i]see[/i] what was down the stairs, there was no need to go halfway down and then snap to the right with your gun up, no one would do that. By the same token, instead of walking down the middle of the way into the garden and looking both ways, you could have kept close to the wall on your left to make yourself less vulnerable. Costume needs work, as others have said already. Shaky camerawork could be passable to give that third person in the action feel, but not shaky to THAT degree. The sound effects were pretty good, as were the blood splatters. However, I think it would have made the video if you had dropped the FPS accordingly the instant the bullet hit you, to make the floating tail of the blood seem fitting and the fall look more realistic (you really could have done with falling over quicker after being shot as well.)
The part after that when you roll over is dreadful, do away with it.
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