I wrote this for a class I'm in last night; I started at midnight, went way beyond the required task (one page) and ended up writing four and a half pages instead. Here, you can read it.
The way sack is repeated so much and said makes the reading feel awkward.
[QUOTE=Performual;18289307]The way sack is repeated so much and said makes the reading feel awkward.[/QUOTE]
shut up or he might sack u
"I have, have collected." (What?)
Your sack appears to have have become your brain's roommate.
Fragmented ideas/sentences towards the beginning of your essay. (Similar to this post) Try combining like sentences that have common topics to make the sentences feel less "choppy".
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