Time machines take us to cloudy cities under streetlamps where emotions are whores
perusing the streets for the two-bit businessmen who trust that the dollar bill can pay for devotion.
Love's gown, sewn from silk words, fondles her arched back as she bends over
for a fleeting shadow who will dump her on his doorstep before dawn.
A pianist says he is a good man,
though every night he gropes a lady who cannot say no;
an audience ogles as he pelts her ivory breast and she shrieks,
clawing at love's leash as she squirms at her own echo.
any type of comment or feedback would be nice.
Hmm, to me, I didn't see a point in reading it, I couldn't take anything from it.
What's it about exactly, I'm having trouble extracting a theme or message.
Is it about the depravity of society, no matter the year?
[QUOTE=Socram;23730959]What's it about exactly, I'm having trouble extracting a theme or message.
Is it about the depravity of society, no matter the year?[/QUOTE]
not sure what you mean.
I'm not exactly fond of telling people what the point of my writing is. It's supposed to be more open ended. One element I based it on was the glorification of emotion in spite it being common. Even if I didn't get that across, I'd hope you got something else out of reading it.
dude2193, I hope you didn't comment after skimming through it once.
[QUOTE=dude2193;23725704]Hmm, to me, I didn't see a point in reading it, I couldn't take anything from it.[/QUOTE]
This is a straight example of an asshole
Also i thought it was great since it reminded me of sex.
[QUOTE=FurrFagsMurr;23734557]This is a straight example of an asshole
Also i thought it was great since it reminded me of sex.[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't say he's an asshole. He's just being honest about his opinion, which is what I'm asking for.
However, he ought to keep in mind that while it is the writer's job to communicate as effectively as possible with their reader, the reader still has to think for himself. Good poetry has depth and requires thought to understand.
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