[url]http://johnmm.bol.ucla.edu/sexualphysics/[/url]
An excerpt:
[QUOTE][B]TOP 10 REASONS WHY SEX AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT IS NOT AN ADVISABLE FORM OF PROCREATION[/B]
[B]10. Penile length contraction: [/B]
According to the relativistic theory of length contraction, this is an inevitable consequence of performing sex at the speed of light. An average penis of length 13cm traveling at 99% the speed of light will contract down to a length of only 1.8cm (this is about the same length as the smallest functional penis officially recorded). At the speed of light, length contraction leads to an interesting paradox in which the penis seems to have no length at all, but is still managing to have sex somehow.
9. Penile black hole formation:
At the speed of light, relativity also predicts that the penis will attain infinite mass, essentially becoming a black hole. When its owner realises that his penis has turned into a black hole, he will become profoundly depressed and overcome by a feeling of loss. John Bobbitt would understand; but Mr Bobbitt had his penis sewn back on, whereas a penis lost to a black hole is a penis lost forever.
[B]8. Penis vaporisation: [/B]
If the penis is not lost to a black hole, it will be lost to the uncaring force of friction. A penis traveling in and out of a vagina at close to the speed of light will be subjected to enormous resistive forces. Since resistive forces are proportional to speed, this will heat up the penis enormously. The temperature of the resulting internal environment will be so high that the penis molecules will actually undergo a phase transition into a gas, vaporising the penis almost instantaneously.
[B]7. Relativistic flaming semen: [/B]
In the unlikely event that a vaporised penis can perform ejaculation, then the relativistic semen will create enormous air resistance, burst into flames almost instantaneously, and generate enormous impact forces. These forces will be sufficient to pierce a small hole straight through a woman's lower torso, just like a speeding bullet, only incinerating the surrounding tissue as it passes through.
[B]6. Time-dilated necrophilia: [/B]
Unfortunately, the woman will probably be dead before ejaculation anyway. According to the relativistic theory of time dilation, then if the man is to actually thrust in and out at a speed infinitesimally close to the speed of light, then from his point of view, his partner will be ageing extremely quickly, and will be long dead before he ejaculates. Legally, he will be committing necrophilia.
[B]5. Lack of visual appeal: [/B]
Time-dilated necrophilia, flaming relativistic ejaculation and penile black hole formation are all very dramatic, but unfortunately they don't translate well onto the big screen. In reality, relativistic sex would only last for a fraction of a second, and would appear as a sort of muddy grayish white smudge, since the eye merges all images together at such high speeds. This is probably not visually appealing enough to make a porn-at-the-speed-of-light series out of.
[B]4. Religious values: [/B]
Certain branches of Christianity would view porn-at-the-speed-of-light immoral anyway. It's in the Bible.
[B]3. Property damage:[/B]
A penis is made up of a collection of charged molecules, and accelerating charged molecules emit radiation. To accelerate charged penis molecules up to the speed of light in a single thrust requires enormous acceleration. This will produce a frequency and intensity of radiation similar to that produced by a small nuclear explosion. It may be worth hiring out a hotel room if you don't want your own room obliterated.
[B]2. Deafening sonic booms: [/B]
As a penis accelerates up to the speed of light, it will inevitably surpass the sound barrier, producing deafening sonic booms with every inward and outward thrust. If the neighbours haven’t already been woken by your moaning, they will be now. Or then again maybe not, because they will be conveniently deafened and unable to hear you.
[B]1. Excessive dietary requirements: [/B]
The amount of energy required to accelerate an average person up to 99% the speed of light for a single inward thrust is approximately equal to 16 million billion kilojoules. This is equivalent to the amount of energy gained by consuming 78 trillion weetbix. But 78 trillion weetbix will increase an average person’s mass by approximately 1.2 trillion kilograms, requiring them to eat even more weetbix just to accelerate this additional load up to the speed of light. Nine out of ten nutritionists may recommend weetbix, but this is slightly more than the recommended daily intake.[/QUOTE]
Interesting.
what i've gathered from a quick glance
in the future it won't be "we joined the mile-high club"
it'll be "we survived the lightspeed club"
reminds me of [url]http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/[/url]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/vwpx.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/_9ps.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/avqa.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/mwd6.png[/img]
Now that's science.
[QUOTE]will contract down to a length of only 1.8cm (this is about the same length as the smallest functional penis officially recorded)[/QUOTE]
"Functional penis" means somebody somewhere has a smaller one!?
[QUOTE=Chinook249;43562490]"Functional penis" means somebody somewhere has a smaller one!?[/QUOTE]
I'm sure you could cut a penis down to be smaller, but I doubt it will be functional
The source is full of comedy gold.
[quote]As appropriate for any physical investigation, we must first make reasonable assumptions and simplifications to the real situation, so that our calculations become achievable, but still retain reliability. We will assume that your boyfriend in his aroused state is a rectangular box with a generous 9-inch cylinder protruding from about halfway along his length.[/quote]
[QUOTE]a penis lost to a black hole is a penis lost forever.[/QUOTE]
Trying to get flaming cumshots of death is pretty risky I guess.
[QUOTE]wormholes can open up a number of interesting new methods of self-pleasure just like women’s holes have opened up methods of group-pleasure for millennia[/QUOTE]
found my new favorite quote
[QUOTE=fishyfish777;43561786]reminds me of [url]http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/[/url]
[/QUOTE]
[quote]A careful reading of official Major League Baseball Rule 6.08(b) suggests that in this situation, the batter would be considered "hit by pitch", and would be eligible to advance to first base.[/quote]
:v:
Got a semi over here
physics theory is HOT
If you had sex whilst perpendicular to your direction of travel, going near the speed of light, your penis would be normal length! Just decidedly flatter.
Sex at the speed of light sounds painful
I don't know though, I don't think nerve impulses travel anything like as fast. Oh wait frames of reference fffffff
Related
[video=youtube;KEChIzlaPjI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEChIzlaPjI[/video]
[QUOTE=fishyfish777;43561786]reminds me of [url]http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/[/url]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/vwpx.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/_9ps.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/avqa.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/mwd6.png[/img][/QUOTE]
In the same vein:
[IMG]http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20131016.png[/IMG]
[QUOTE=fishyfish777;43561786]reminds me of [url]http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/[/url]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/vwpx.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/_9ps.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/avqa.png[/img]
[img]http://imgkk.com/i/mwd6.png[/img][/QUOTE]
[video=youtube;LStoIMZemOw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LStoIMZemOw[/video]
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