• I'm writing a story about a time-travelling record collector. I want your feedback.
    3 replies, posted
Some of my friends and I collect records. One day we dreamed up the idea of someone who goes back in time in order to get mint copies of rare records to add to his collection. Yesterday I started writing a story about this, and I've done a few pages worth already: [url=http://dl.dropbox.com/u/28898399/2012-05-17%20-%20timetravelandrecords.pdf]I've put it in PDF format so I don't lose all formatting by sticking the text in quote tags[/url] I'd really appreciate any feedback on this that I've written so far. Specifically, I want to try and keep my characters consistent, so if you spot any glaring character errors from this (admittedly short) three chapters, please let me know. Thanks and enjoy!
i read the thing and i'll leave my two cents i suppose... i don't feel the names you've given your characters. the name you use should match the personality of the person you portray, or reveal something about their character (for example: Daniel or Michael are very common names that would suggest an average person; biblical and strange/made-up names tend to signify uniqueness, moral standing) you break your 'chapters' far too often, as you obviously realize. while this is all down to writing style (yes, some writers have a lot of one-page chapters, i know) it doesn't fit the way you write. you could easily use those intervals for more description or even just leave them blank you're very eager to jump right into the main storyline (his time traveling) but you should slow it down a little and have some introductory story. i mean, you could literally have upwards of 25% of the book before he ever time travels...it would make it a lot more important to the reader if you know what kind of a life he had beforehand and such otherwise i like your writing style, although it could definitely use some work in the phrasing department but that's just my opinion [editline]21st May 2012[/editline] and i'm stupid so you probably shouldn't listen to me
Yo, haven't read any of it ATM, about to go to sleep BUT I just want to point out that Daniel and Michael ARE biblical names, and giving characters made-up names in a real-world setting usually isn't a good idea. That said, there's a lot of diversity you can get with real life names, especially with names of foreign origin. Also, it's true that you don't have to jump into something like time travel right away, especially if it's not a "normal" thing in the world you're writing in. Harry Potter spends a few chapters with the Dursleys to establish that he lives in a (slightly exaggerated, whimsical but grounded) version of real life before his world is invaded by magic. So if you're going to have an fantastical conceit in an otherwise normal setting, give the reader some time to get used to what the fictional status quo is before upsetting it. However! Just because the big precipitating event hasnt happened yet doesn't mean the characters have to sit around doing nothing. The beginning of the story is where you can establish character relationships and tensions that you can resolve later in the story. Look at Shaun of the Dead--before there's zombies everywhere, were introduced to Shaun's dissatisfaction with his life, his relationship issues, his tensions with his roommate and stepdad...all of which are threads of plot that get resolved over the course of the movie [I]in addition to[/I] the main idea, which is zombies eating everyone. That's what makes stories the most interesting. Try to have an arc for each major character, sonething through which they find some kind of closure, and find ways to incorporate it into the main story. Every scene should be written with an express purpose, whether it's driving the plot forward or developing a character relationship. The best scenes can do both and more simultaneously.
Yeah I see what you're getting at about jumping into the main plot too early. I'll spend some time detailing the plight of the main characters (such as the financial state of the shop), which I guess will actually add to the plot points I have in mind for after the time travel sequence. Thanks for the feedback guys
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.