Romeo and Juliet in the Future, or something like that.

[Slippery Things]

So basically I was faced with the task of rewriting [i]Romeo and Juliet[/i] for English class. We were supposed to keep the main plot, and main characters, but beyond that anything was fair game. So I decided to go right for it, and write it in the setting of 1960's Cold War era Washington. I wrote a paragraph to introduce the changes:
[quote]In this take on [i]Romeo and Juliet[/i], the rivaling families, the Montagues and the Capulets, are represented by the USSR and the US respectively. The setting has been modified from Verona to the mid-1960’s United States, during the Cold War. The plot remains largely the same, with a few key adjustments; Romeo is a Russian double agent, who initially went to the US with espionage in mind, but quickly finds his loyalties compromised as he falls in love with Juliet, the daughter of the American president; the majority of characters who were originally related in the play are simply under the same power; a few minor characters have been added as well as removed, most notably County Paris; lastly, the character of Prince Escalus is represented by a group of characters, the United Nations. The story is largely reliant on narrative instead of dialogue. The dialogue has also been adjusted to conform to the period.[/quote]

You do not necessarily have to have read [i]Romeo and Juliet[/i] to understand, but obviously it is useful for comparison. Well, if I haven't lost your interest already, here goes.

Keep in mind:
-It may not be entirely historically accurate, I only have a basic understanding of the proceedings of the Cold War and a Wikipedia education on the subject,
and
-I am mainly looking for C + C regarding creativity and writing style.

[quote=Slippery Things] Romeo turned on the television, and quickly flicked through the channels to CNN. Word at the agency was that there was some physical conflict between Castro’s militia and US container ships that had left international waters. Evidently, the US ships meant no harm, and the United Nations quickly intervened. Romeo had always disagreed with the Socialist scare tactics such as this, but he would never dare voice this opinion to his superiors. He had been living in DC for two months now, and already associated himself more tightly with the Americans than his native Russians. This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, as his prime initiative was to gain the trust of the American government, but he mustn’t get carried away. Romeo’s train of thought was thrown astray as a knock reverberated through his ancient mahogany door. Romeo knew who was at the door without answering. It was a member of the KGB, as indicated by the special knock every party member was required to use.
“Prideno vnutri!” exclaimed Romeo, in his native tongue.
As the crack in the door widened, Romeo saw the face of his superior, Benvolio and several other party members. Benvolio gave Romeo a stern look, upset that Romeo had spoken Russian while incognito. Benvolio’s stern tone told Romeo that something important was on his mind.
“Tonight is the night,” boomed Benvolio, “All of your training and diplomacy have lead up to this. Tonight you, along with Vasily and Mercutio, will attend President Capulet’s party. There, your mission is to infiltrate the War Room, Capulet’s military briefing head quarters, where we believe lies the secret to our successful termination of the United States. I presume you have gained the trust of the Capitalists.”
“We cannot proceed tonight, to do so would be setting ourselves up to fail,” Protested Romeo. “Trust me comrade, I am in no position yet. The president is still hesitant on inviting me to his dinner parties, let alone in on his national security.”
“Good then, we proceed tonight. I am under strict order from the heads of the party to gain the intelligence on this very night. Vasily and Mercutio will regroup here at nineteen. From there the three of you will head to the White House and report back here at nine hundred hours tomorrow morning,” Proclaimed Benvolio, seemingly oblivious to Romeo’s demand.
* * *
Romeo was greeted at the door by Tybalt, the American vice president. He was cautious of Tybalt; he had seen him erupt in the past. Romeo could tell Tybalt was cautious of him as well. They exchanged respectful gestures, mainly as an act, and parted ways. Vasily and Mercutio did not arrive with Romeo, as far as the American bureaucrats knew the three weren’t associated. As he walked in to the main hall, he was astounded by the massive chandelier that was the centerpiece of the room. If there was one thing that Americans did right, it was extravagance, thought Romeo. All around were government officials, security guards, and close circuit cameras, a war criminal’s nightmare. He then spotted his main venture, President Capulet. Capulet was standing by a large fountain at the other side of the chamber, with the first Lady Capulet. Romeo approached Capulet with doubtful optimism.
“Romeo, my dear friend, so glad you could make it!” exclaimed Capulet.
It was immediately clear that Capulet wasn’t exactly himself. Gone was his expressionless face and solid exterior, Capulet seemed much more relaxed than usual. Luck was on Romeo’s side for the first time in a long time.
“Well.. hello, Mr. President,” Romeo stumbled, “Quite a turn out tonight”
“Indeed my dear boy. Have you met my daughter Juliet?”
Capulet sloppily motioned toward a young woman, no older than twenty, who gave Romeo a quick shy glance before turning away. He was thrown off guard by her elegance. Romeo slowly wondered away, not wanting to act suspicious around the president. He couldn’t help but notice Tybalt eyeing him up and down.
As the evening wound down, Romeo failed to make much progress. He had engaged in small talk with a number of important people, and managed to avoid his fellow party members most of the night. He had had his eye on one thing above all else that night, and that was Juliet. After everyone of interest had left the party, Romeo slipped off into a back room where he planned to contact Benvolio with the night’s news. Instead of privacy, Romeo found himself face to face with Juliet, who appeared flustered with the night’s events. They initially engaged in small talk, but they soon became comfortable with each other and began to converse on a more emotional level. Romeo was intrigued to discover Juliet’s loathing for her father’s presidency. Juliet feared her absence would raise suspicion, and suggested she go. She provided Romeo with a phone number at which he could contact her without worrying about the administration. Romeo, for the first time, questioned where his loyalties lay. There was something different about Juliet; he knew they had made a connection. Had Romeo not been distracted all night, Benvolio’s goal may have been within his grasp.
Romeo arrived home to a pitch black apartment. He undressed, and quickly collapsed into his bed. Despite his fatigue, Romeo couldn’t fall asleep. His brain was running at full capacity, both contemplating what to tell Benvolio of his failed mission but even more so, thinking about Juliet. After what seemed like hours of tossing and turning, Romeo came to a conclusion. Despite the high likelihood of it blowing up in his face, he would tell her everything; he needed to tell her everything. He promptly picked up the phone, fingers shaking with anticipation as he dialed each number with intricacy. The phone rang twice, and someone picked up.
“Hello?” Juliet answered.
“Hi. I know it’s late, and we just spoke but there is something I really feel I need to tell you. I-“
Juliet interrupted Romeo with vigor.
“I know how you feel, and I feel the same way. Romeo, I love you and I cannot wait to see you again.”
Romeo had far from anticipated this when he picked up the phone. Gone were his visions imprisonment and resent, replaced with the idea of a life with Juliet. The two were both silent for seemingly an eternity.
“Juliet, I am so glad to hear that. The only problem is- there are some complications. I don’t know how to say this, but I- I’m not living in truth.”
Juliet laughed nervously, expecting Romeo to go on. When he didn’t, she replied nervously; “And what, exactly, do you mean by that my dear?”
“I am a member of the KGB. I came to DC two months ago with the hopes of gathering information from your father, the president. I know you may find this shocking, but I want you to know that I can be out of the picture in an instant if you don’t believe we can make this work.”
Following this, there was an even longer pause. Romeo could see the look of dismay on Juliet’s face through the phone. After another moment of silence, Juliet finally replied.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” mimicked Romeo, shocked by her disregard, “Just okay? Does this not shock you and encourage you to blow my cover?”
“No,” replied Juliet, more calm than ever, “Politics are beside the point. I have seen through you tonight Romeo, and beneath your Socialist roots you and I are equals. I have weighed the pros and cons and there is only one option. I can’t say my father would approve.”
Romeo sat still, alone in the dark of his musty apartment, staggered.
“I am extremely impressed with your compassion. There are still a few minor bumps, however. My mission tonight was to gain access to the War Room. When I approach my superiors with the news that I was not successful in this endeavor, I will surely be sent back to Russian. My mission had been nearing its end for quite some time now as was. The only possible loophole I can see is in marriage. I am currently living in the US under a fake Hungarian visa. If we were to be married, I could attain an American green card and remain in the United States, albeit in hiding. I am going to need a commitment from you, Juliet. You need to agree to marry me if we are to remain together.”
Juliet remained silent for a few moments, weighing her options.
“I’ll do it.” she articulated carefully, eager yet cautious.
Romeo hung up the phone, realizing the time and his duties to meet Benvolio at nine hundred hours. It was settled then, they would be married tomorrow. Romeo was to contact a local minister, and allure him to marry the two, the sooner the more optimal. When he thought about it, the risks greatly out weighted the possible gains, but to do otherwise did not appear to be an option in Romeo’s mind either. If he was ever caught, it was KGB protocol to take one’s life before the enemy was able to question you. Romeo cringed at the thought of it coming to that. He would convince Benvolio and his other comrades that he did in fact gain access to the War Room, and promptly escape with Juliet before they became wise of his falsehood.
* * *

Romeo was over taken by a sense of self satisfaction as he entered his apartment from the cool September day. His meeting with Benvolio had gone well enough; despite his shaky details and alibi Romeo felt he had successfully convinced his colleagues he had been granted access to the War Room. After the meeting, Romeo had searched the yellow pages in hopes of finding a quickie marriage service, to no avail. Frustrated, he rode city transit to the residential area of Washington, and quickly located a weathered church. Upon entering the church, he was greeted by a minister. The minister introduced himself as Father Laurence. Father Laurence was hesitant to marry Romeo and Juliet on such short notice, but after hearing Romeo’s elaborate back story, reluctantly agreed to marry them that very night. Finally, thought Romeo, his tireless training in democracy had finally paid off. He had convinced the Father that Juliet and himself were eloping, hoping to surprise their parents with their marriage.
Romeo picked up the phone receiver and dialed Juliet’s number, already engraved in his memory.
“Hello?” answered Juliet, in an all too familiar tone.
“Hello my dear!” exclaimed Romeo, “Wonderful news! We will be married tonight, at the hour of nineteen hundred.”
This surprised Juliet, who had assured herself it was all a pipe dream. The two conversed a little longer, discussing their plans to escape the city the next day. It seemed to Romeo that Juliet didn’t fully understand the severity of their actions. Perhaps it was her position in which she stood to lose less, or just her naïve nature. Regardless, the stakes were far beyond a figure either of them could perceive.
* * *

As Mercutio waited diligently outside for Vasily the Eisenhower building, he pondered their proposal to Vice President Tybalt. The two had grown suspicious of Romeo not long after the three had arrived in Washington. Romeo had indifferently broken a number of KGB regulations in their presence, and showed an apparent disregard towards the mission’s success. The proceedings of the president’s party had only furthered these suspicions. When they had originally gone to Benvolio with these allegations, he quickly dismissed them, claiming that Romeo was just as straight-laced as themselves. Fearing Romeo’s recklessness would get the best of them, Vasily and Mercutio had decided to take matters into their own hands. The plan was to denounce Romeo to the VP as an illegal alien. Hopefully this, in addition to taking Romeo out of the picture, would further their own strong holdings in the American government.
Just as Mercutio began to believe Vasily had bailed, he saw a stocky figure approaching from a street a few blocks down. He quickened his pace as he saw Mercutio standing in wait, and soon the two were face to face.
“Where were you? We nearly missed our opportunity!” spat Mercutio.
The two bickered for a number of minutes over their planned time of arrival. They then entered the immense building in front of them, greeted at the front desk by a suit clad bureaucrat.
“Your business?” inquired the secretary.
“We would like to meet with Vice President Tybalt,” requested Mercutio, “I presume he is free?”
“The Vice President is not in meetings at the moment but is very busy.” Replied the clerk, staring blankly, “You will have to book an appoint-“
“Tell him that Mercutio requests his presence. I am sure he will comply.”
“If you insist, sir. Tybalt, one “Mercutio” requests your presence,” said the secretary, pressing a button to engage the intercom.
“Send him in.” snapped the unmistakable voice of Tybalt over the intercom.
As Vasily and Mercutio proceeded forward, the large oak doors entering into the VP’s office opened widely without assistance. As the large doors gaped, the doorway opened up into an equally vast room. The walls were covered with large bookcases, made of the same oak as the chamber doors and adorned with many leather bound books. In the middle of the room was a large desk, topped with papers that contrasted the tidiness of the rest of the office. At the desk sat Tybalt, alert and stern, upset to be taken from his reading.
“Well hello masters Mercutio and Vasily, what pressing issue graces me with your presence this evening?” greeted Tybalt, half condescendingly.
“A very pressing issue indeed, your honor. Mercutio and I have come to address an ongoing concern that we believe has become significant enough to be brought to your attention,” stated Vasily.
“Yes indeed sir,” added Mercutio, “We believe that one Romeo, alleged friend of the state, is a double agent, sent by the Soviets for reconnaissance purposes.”
“Oh? And what evidence have you of this?” grilled the Vice President.
Mercutio went on to explain his many allegations of Romeo, treading lightly. The two spies articulated the facts in such a way as to completely disassociate themselves with Romeo, as well as portray him in as negative a light as possible. Mercutio and Vasily were also aware of Tybalt’s dislike of Romeo , and greatly used this fact to their advantage. After pondering their proposal for no more than a minute, Tybalt agreed that the issue required immediate action.
* * *
Romeo awoke to a loud crash at the door. It was happening, he thought, they were found out! In Romeo’s eyes there was only one explanation, Juliet must have turned on him. He was quickly overtaken with a mass feeling of full body resentment, wanting nothing more than to rid himself of Juliet. Romeo sprung out of bed, looking for an escape route, quickly giving up in the cramped apartment. Seconds later he was tackled to the ground with no warning, and pricked with an undetermined needle. He struggled for only a moment before he slipped out of conscious, aware only of his inner turmoil.

Juliet awoke to her father raising his voice in the next room. He seemed rather angry, and considering her recent daring escapades, she reasoned it was justifiable for her to eavesdrop. She pressed her ear up against the half ajar door and listened in.
“This is unacceptable. To think it’s alright, you mustn’t have been thinking straight. There will be severe consequences to come of this, Tybalt. The least you could have done was questioned him before abducting him by means of brute force.”
She feared the worst. Did he speak of Romeo? If so, where had they taken him, and why? She quickly retired as she heard the two men advancing towards the door. Tybalt stormed out of the room, quickly shuffling down the hallway and out the White House front door. Next, Capulet sauntered out of the room, with a concerned frown on his face. Juliet pretended as though she was unaware of the argument, but Capulet quickly saw through it.
“You can quit the charades, Juliet; I know you heard us.” reconciled Capulet, “The Vice President did something very drastic without my consent.”
Juliet listened intently, even more interested than she appeared.
“Do you remember Romeo? I believe I introduced you two at the party. Well yesterday, without my knowledge, two of my other associates approached Tybalt with allegations of war crimes against Romeo. As you probably heard, Tybalt issued the arrest of Romeo, without my consent and without any concrete evidence. If we find Romeo to be innocence, there will be serious repercussions!”
Juliet empathized with her father to an extent, but in truth she was completely astonished by the news. She feared Romeo would be sent to exile, never to return to the United States, or worse put to death. She knew she must seek help. However, the only person aware of her marriage to Romeo was Father Laurence. After reasoning with her father to leave the house for an apparent walk around the block, Juliet quickly packed up her things and slipped out the door. She jumped on a bus en route to the same neighborhood she was married at. Once there, she stood on the side walk for quite some time, contemplating her bid to Father Laurence. She stepped into the church, fearing the inevitable.
“You’re back,” Uttered the Father, uncertainly.
“Yes, and I have an unusual proposal. When we approached our parents with the news of our marriage, they didn’t take it too well,” lied Juliet, to coincide with Romeo’s back story, “Essentially, they have kicked me out of my house, and forbidden me from seeing Romeo. Now, we are new to this city and I have no friends or relatives to go to. Please, Father I ask of you to help me escape.”
The Father contemplated, and came to the conclusion that, as a holy man, it was his duty to help anyone in need, and this was no exception.
“Thank you Father. I appreciate any help you can give me,” praised Juliet, mostly sincerely. As she contemplated it, she felt an overwhelming guilt from conning the Father, who had been nothing but helpful to her. She then decided to tell him the truth. She poured her heart out, telling Father Laurence of her father’s political stature, their plan to escape the city, Romeo’s affiliations, and Romeo’s subsequent abduction. The Father appeared apologetic, but Juliet could sense a slight repulsion felt by the Father in helping a potential war criminal. Father Laurence arranged that she take a shuttle to New York City that afternoon, and stay in a hotel until they can find her permanent residence. Juliet was extremely grateful for the Father’s help. Despite this, she felt uneasy telling him about Romeo’s true identity, and she was reluctant to leave Washington, only time would tell whether she had made the correct decision.
* * *

Romeo awoke, from unnatural sleep with a cloth bag over his head, adhered by the dried blood previously flowing from his nose. He had no idea where he was and only a slight recollection of how he got there. He slowly pieced together what he knew. He had been ambushed in the midst of night, he knew that for sure. Suddenly the resent came flowing back, it had been Juliet who had betrayed him. Romeo removed the bag from his head and examined his surroundings. He was lying on the floor of a dank holding cell, with no apparent exit. All of the surfaces were concrete, and the room was bare. Romeo contemplated his situation. He had very nearly betrayed his country, and was paying the consequences. All admiration for the Americans was gone. The love he had felt for Juliet had been demolished with the news of her betrayal. Even if he was let free, the party would have heard of his attempt at mutiny and never accept him back. He had nothing to live for. For the first time in two months, he followed KGB protocol, strangling himself with the bag adorned on him by his captor.
* * *
Mere hours after Juliet had left, Father Laurence began having second thoughts. Fearing being wrapped up in espionage, he decided to go to the president and explain the situation. After much persuasion, he was finally able to talk to the president in person. It was then that he became aware of Romeo’s apparent suicide. Capulet immediately contacted Juliet.
Juliet had just walked into her hotel room, overlooking the vast expanses of New York City when the phone rang. She at first assumed it was Father Laurence, ensuring she had made it to New York without incident.
“Hello?” she answered.
“Hello Juliet,” replied Capulet sternly.
Juliet was flabbergasted to hear her father on the other end of the line. Father Laurence must have given in.
“I just want you to know, I am not angry. Father Laurence has explained the entire situation in full. There is just one small detail that you don’t know. Romeo is dead, he has killed himself.”
Juliet was blown away. She felt as though her insides had been impaled by a rapier. She dropped the phone and planned her next move. She weighed all of her options, and they all had one thing in common; she could not be with Romeo. And with that, she jumped, forever ignorant to Romeo’s motive for suicide.[/quote]
I can't determine myself whether it is complete shit or not. Help FP.