I've been toying with the idea of writing short stories because it is something that has always interested me. However, I cannot gauge my skill by asking friends because they will ineevtiably tell me it is good. I do not want that. I want someone on FB to expose my literary weaknesses. I would appreciate that a lot and do the same for any of you aspiring writes anytime.
[url]http://pastebin.com/ZrKUKHcN[/url]
It is a little rough around the edges but it's my first venture into the realm of the short story.
I'm no author or creative writing expert, but I also have an interest in writing. Don't take what I say to heart or anything. Here's my two cents:
Between 101-102, I feel like you go from third person to a first person view in a very blurred fashion, and while it's not awfully confusing, I did reread that part a few times. It feels like you do it quite often during the second half, and it's just not something that's very defined.
The moment you split the story at 97, I begin to lose that spark I had for the first half, and the story doesn't really feel like it flows.
And while I absolutely understand it's a bit rough, that last sentence absolutely killed me.
Of course, this could just be me. I really suggest you post this story in its complete form, that way we can know your full capability! :smile:
btw, i did indeed make an account just to post this. you're very special, harry.
Thanks I appreciate the criticism. I thought the switches between 1st and 3rd person would display some sort of confusion within the memories of the character.. I honestly read a situation like that in a novel called [I]Dog Soldiers[/I] and I thought it was cool.
Switch from the boys perspective to the old man's is kind of strange, and the last line is very corny.
Let me know if you have anything you'd like me to read.
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