So what if they ask you to pour the tea into their mouth while they're unconscious?
This is a horrific example to show to Irish people. It's always touted as an Irish thing, and I'd say other cultures do it as well, but if someone offers a cup of tea, you usually have to refuse about 4 or 5 times before they take you seriously. In certain situations it's politer to say no first.
When I was 16 I went on a student exchange program to Germany, and our teacher was warning us beforehand that if we were offered food/drink over there, and said no, we'd be taken at our word.
Because audible messages are the only cues someone wants to have sex, right?
Me and my gf don't always ask each other if the other one wants to have sex but we initiate it anyway. Am I supposed to understand that I'm both a serial rapist and a victim of numerous rapes?
what if she's super drunk and says she wants tea
did he just admit to going off to rub one out at the end of the video
is he talking about sex he's talking about sex
[QUOTE=Silly Sil;47748589]Because audible messages are the only cues someone wants to have sex, right?
Me and my gf don't always ask each other if the other one wants to have sex but we initiate it anyway. Am I supposed to understand that I'm both a serial rapist and a victim of numerous rapes?[/QUOTE]
You've established that relationship though. This is for people who met at a bar.
[QUOTE=Korova;47749207]You've established that relationship though. This is for people who met at a bar.[/QUOTE]
So what if a guy and a girl are at his/her place, they talk and laugh, they pause and look each other in the eyes and they start kissing without any questions about it are they sexually harassing each other? And what if then the girl unzips his pants and starts sucking his cock, is she molesting him? What if after she sucks his cock she turns around and bends over and he puts the cock in without asking anything, is he raping her?
It's fucking retarded. You cannot simplify it to the same level as asking if someone wants a cup of tea.
Armchair generals of sex life...
Instructions unclear, got dick stuck in fan.
I mean this might be useful to show to 13-year-olds, but now it just comes across as a preachy ass attention-grabbing way for them to show off their awful animation and get those sweet clicks and views. Gay as heck.
[QUOTE=Silly Sil;47748589]Because audible messages are the only cues someone wants to have sex, right?
Me and my gf don't always ask each other if the other one wants to have sex but we initiate it anyway. Am I supposed to understand that I'm both a serial rapist and a victim of numerous rapes?[/QUOTE][QUOTE=Silly Sil;47749285]So what if a guy and a girl are at his/her place, they talk and laugh, they pause and look each other in the eyes and they start kissing without any questions about it are they sexually harassing each other? And what if then the girl unzips his pants and starts sucking his cock, is she molesting him? What if after she sucks his cock she turns around and bends over and he puts the cock in without asking anything, is he raping her?
It's fucking retarded. You cannot simplify it to the same level as asking if someone wants a cup of tea.
Armchair generals of sex life...[/QUOTE]
When someone asks you for tea, it's possible to nod your head, give a thumbs up, give a big smile, or start jumping up and down in joy.
I'm sorry that his analogy didn't account for every single possible way to say yes or no.
I'm also sorry that he didn't bring up offering one type of tea but giving another, the tea cup having coffee stains in it, tea parties, offering tea to minors, putting tea in your pet's water bowl, tea-transmitted diseases, or drinking tea resulting in a tea plant growing inside of you.
[QUOTE=Last or First;47750041]When someone asks you for tea, it's possible to nod your head, give a thumbs up, give a big smile, or start jumping up and down in joy.
I'm sorry that his analogy didn't account for every single possible way to say yes or no.
I'm also sorry that he didn't bring up offering one type of tea but giving another, the tea cup having coffee stains in it, tea parties, offering tea to minors, putting tea in your pet's water bowl, tea-transmitted diseases, or drinking tea resulting in a tea plant growing inside of you.[/QUOTE]
That's not what I said at all. How is asking to stop acting like audible messages are the only cues equal to "asking for EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE way to say yes or no." I'm asking to include like half of the fucking subject.
Why not next time focus on addressing what I actually said instead of focusing on passive aggressive sarcastic tone?
[QUOTE=Korova;47749207]You've established that relationship though. This is for people who met at a bar.[/QUOTE]
The only solution is to stop having sex with strangers.
what about having sex with tea.?
[QUOTE=Valcor X1;47751394]The only solution is to stop having sex with strangers.[/QUOTE]
But can I offer a cup of tea to a stranger still?
[QUOTE=Silly Sil;47750726]That's not what I said at all. How is asking to stop acting like audible messages are the only cues equal to "asking for EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE way to say yes or no." I'm asking to include like half of the fucking subject.
Why not next time focus on addressing what I actually said instead of focusing on passive aggressive sarcastic tone?[/QUOTE]
Communication or language does not require EXCLUSIVELY auditory stimulation and clearly people are not dumb enough to think so (otherwise they would think deaf people cannot consent to sex...)
What it DOES require, is CLEAR communication. It just so happens that a great deal of our culture resolves issues of ambiguity with our ears and mouths (Do you want this? Did you clean your room? Literally so many questions). If you and your girlfriend have developed a system of language that lets you communicate sex without talking - thats great! I bet you also have tons of inside jokes/habitus that would be alien in other relationships.
When you are dealing with strangers, you should make sure that ambiguity is resolved because the consequences can be pretty severe. Imho, the tea analogy holds for the reasons above.
[QUOTE=Flameon;47754231]Communication or language does not require EXCLUSIVELY auditory stimulation and clearly people are not dumb enough to think so (otherwise they would think deaf people cannot consent to sex...)
What it DOES require, is CLEAR communication. It just so happens that a great deal of our culture resolves issues of ambiguity with our ears and mouths (Do you want this? Did you clean your room? Literally so many questions). If you and your girlfriend have developed a system of language that lets you communicate sex without talking - thats great! I bet you also have tons of inside jokes/habitus that would be alien in other relationships.
When you are dealing with strangers, you should make sure that ambiguity is resolved because the consequences can be pretty severe. Imho, the tea analogy holds for the reasons above.[/QUOTE]
93% of communication is non-verbal and ambiguous, if you want communication with strangers to be clear and precise then you're shit out of luck. The entire breadth of non-verbal human communication and complex social hierarchies just cannot be simplified down into the metaphor of asking for tea.
[QUOTE=theevilldeadII;47753859]what about having sex with tea.?[/QUOTE]
Prepare to have a burning sensation in your loins afterwards.
So let me get this straight... if I want to have sex with a woman, I must first offer her tea?
[QUOTE=Zyler;47754302]93% of communication is non-verbal and ambiguous, if you want communication with strangers to be clear and precise then you're shit out of luck. The entire breadth of non-verbal human communication and complex social hierarchies just cannot be simplified down into the metaphor of asking for tea.[/QUOTE]
nice job not actually reading what you're replying to
if he were to write a reply he could save time and just quote his own post
[QUOTE=hydrated;47748607]what if she's super drunk and says she wants tea[/QUOTE]
Well then you make her tea. When she sobers up you fuck her.
I'm fucking outraged by this video and I'm actually going to start arguing about it now
[QUOTE=bitches;47754697]nice job not actually reading what you're replying to
if he were to write a reply he could save time and just quote his own post[/QUOTE]
Okay, let me break this down a bit further. He said "Not all communication is verbal, but you need a clear and unambiguous affirmative or negative response", then I said "93% of communication is non-verbal, NOT CLEAR and AMBIGUOUS."
Does that make sense? I'm not just saying that the communication is non-verbal, I'm saying that the non-verbal communication is specifically not a clearly affirmative or negatory. There are complex social hierarchies and socialized behaviors involved with this stuff, it's very, very, very complicated. Simplifying the issue of consent down to a tea metaphor removes the very complicated intricacies involved in human interaction, which goes down into subtle body language ques, little nods and hints.
If the vast majority of human communication just resolved around a human individual (a man or a woman) asking another human individual "Hey, wanna fuck?" and the other human individual saying "Yes" or "No", either in the affirmative or the negative; then sex would actually be comparable to tea. But sex is not tea. The situations are not comparable. Tea is not sex. Hence, you're shit out of luck.
For an example, an individual can be peer pressured into wanting sex, but not really want it. It's also possible that someone could have sex, having wanted it at the time, and regret it later. A case can exist in which two individuals have different ideas of what a sexual relationship involves. People have different standards for what sex should involve and who they should have sex with. A person could, alternatively, be put off by the idea of sex until a certain prerequisite is reached, or they might just be waiting for the 'right' person. The only way to find out about any of these things is to ask someone, but it is such a social taboo to ask someone about their sex life that it is, generally speaking, impossible to do so.
Or you could, like someone who posted earlier suggested, just not have sex with strangers.
The reality is that sexual relationships are a complicated and highly ritualized song and dance, there are societal expectations and rules to this stuff that have developed over millennia of human social and cultural evolution. For whatever socially awkward young person this video is directed to, this video is extremely misleading and perhaps dangerous. We should be open to talking about sex and sexual relationships, but this approach is simply bashful and condescending towards any young person who is trying to discover the socially acceptable way to approach individuals of the opposite sex.
This is the social etiquette equivalent of fundamentalist Christian sexual education; where the local parish priest explains how a man puts their "dang-a-lang" in the woman's "hoo-hah" and nine months later a stork brings a baby in the mail. I guess that's where they got their tea metaphor from.
The post you responded to went on to explicitly mention that you can have non-verbal consent, in situations where you've already established this ahead of time. The context is important, and this video is clearly not referring to situations where you've known someone for a significant length of time.
You're acting as if the video is socially stunted, but it is only intending to explain common sense in sexual contact with light acquaintances.
You compare it to fundamentalist religion preaching, and yet you're the one suggesting to not make any effort to be on the same page as a partner because of ~societal expectations~ and you even suggest not having sex with strangers at all. It's like you're deliberately misinterpreting the video, to much irony.
Use the hot, scalding tea as lube
[QUOTE=bitches;47754897]The post you responded to went on to explicitly mention that you can have non-verbal consent, in situations where you've already established this ahead of time.[/QUOTE]
Yes, and we're presumably talking about having sex with strangers, which is what the video is about. So this is irrelevant. Do you think I was referring to the previous poster's post about his relationship with his girlfriend?
This one:
[QUOTE]Because audible messages are the only cues someone wants to have sex, right?
Me and my gf don't always ask each other if the other one wants to have sex but we initiate it anyway. Am I supposed to understand that I'm both a serial rapist and a victim of numerous rapes?[/QUOTE]
If so, I'm sorry. I should probably have made it clearer that I'm talking about non-verbal, non-clear and ambiguous communication with strangers, the kind you might have in a bar. Not with a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[QUOTE]You're acting as if the video is socially stunted, but it is only intending to explain common sense in sexual contact with light acquaintances.[/QUOTE]
It's not like you can go up to a "light acquaintance" and say "Hey gurl, wunt some fuck?". I mean, well you can, but it's not going to turn out well. You seem to be under the impression that only people who know each other for a long time communicate using body language, and that strangers just flat out say what they want out of a relationship. If anything, it's actually the other way around. If you know someone better you can freely ask for things like sex or whatever you want really, and if they say no it's no big-deal. With a stranger, if you openly "ask for tea" you could have someone dislike or even hate you for the rest of your life or even worse: have them tell all their friends what a creep you are. Instructing a young person to just "ask for tea" is like instructing them to jump off a proverbial cliff.
Even if you take the video as just some sort of 'tip-bit' for dealing with "acquittances" that the person already knows as opposed to someone you pick up at a bar, assuming some idiotic young person isn't going to take the video to mean they can't just go up to random strangers and ask for sex, the video lacks so much information on the etiquette and right way to go around "asking for tea" that it's still a terrible example to show a young person. A good video on this sort of subject should go into objective detail in an adult-like manner, explaining the intricacies of what is in actuality a very complex and adult social interaction.
Instead this video uses simplified and misleading metaphors like "asking for tea" as some sort of ispo facto direct equivalent. In this case, "asking for tea" is exactly the same as the parish priest's "ding-a-ling" and "hoo-hah" or the explanation that a stork brought you.
[QUOTE]You compare it to fundamentalist religion preaching, and yet you're the one suggesting to not make any effort to be on the same page as a partner because of ~societal expectations~ and you even suggest not having sex with strangers at all. It's like you're deliberately misinterpreting the video, to much irony. [/QUOTE]
I never said you shouldn't engage in sexual interactions with strangers, just that you probably shouldn't if you're going to use THIS video as some sort of instruction. Again, I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear.
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