• mymasturbation.com - Making you feel better about yourself.
    279 replies, posted
So, me and my friend just found this website, mymasturbation.com, and it has the greatest storys ever. My favorite gems: [QUOTE]Now this might be kind of hard but it works. Grease your hair (really). Works best with long hair -- and yes, the hair on your head. Then bend down REALLY FAR. Stick your cock in your hair put on some rock music and head bang. This is the most maximum pleasure ever! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I found one of the best ways to jerk off is to use some form of paint as a lube. Weather its house paint, or acrylic, the paint makes a nice smooth feeling. Just remember to wash it off ASAP to avoid a new decorating style of cock![/QUOTE] [QUOTE]My friend and I were horny one night on vacation, and we decided that it would be fun to just masturbate together, but we discovered that having someone else jack you off feels soooo much better, and it doesn't make you gay, because you don't have to look at the person. Just watch porn and let them jack you off to climax. It's awesome, and we're still good friends, but we just happen to help each other out now and then, haha.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I like to masturbate with someone with me. One time I was at my best friend's house and no one was there but me and him. He had just gotten out of the shower (he doesn't care who's there, he'll get naked anyway) and he took off his towel and his cock was just hanging there. He asked me if I wanted to jerk off so I took off my clothes and me and him were just jerking off. After that me and him licked each other's cum (but I'm not gay, I just like his cum). After that we fell asleep.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]My favorite way to masturbate is to lie on my back, throw my legs over my head, and then pump the whole load right into my mouth. It tastes great and it is not too filling. Enjoy! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Masturbation Tutor technique actually involves swallowing my own cum. It really tastes great and I never miss a drop. Now my wife has no idea I eat my own cum. That is my little secret. My technique includes a simple funnel contraption to catch my goo. I take a small funnel and attach a piece of clear tubing to the end. I lie on my back and stroke my manhood and just as I begin to cum I squirt it down the funnel. I place the tube end in my mouth. At this point you have a couple of options. You can hold the tubing in your mouth and let the cum drain onto your tongue and savor the flavor and then swallow the load. The other technique I have tried involves actually swallowing a short portion of the tubing and allowing the spunk to drain down your throat without even knowing you swallowed it. This idea is a huge turn-on knowing you swallowed your load and never even got a taste of it. My next fantasy involves my wife feeding me my cum through this device or better yet letting me cum in her mouth and holding my cum until she kisses me and forces my load down my throat. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I love to leave my apartment drapes open so that my married next door neighbor might see. I sit on a chair facing the window and lather up my cock with lotion. I hold my big balls tightly with one hand while I stroke my cock with the other. I bring my hand down the length of it and swirl it around the fat head. I jack it faster and faster. She has watched me many times. I always pretend I don't see her as I shoot my cum all over the place.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I take a small nail and insert it into my penis through my pee hole and gently push it in until I can feel it deep inside me. The deeper it goes, the closer I get to an orgasm, until the sensation of the nail inside my penis eventually initiates an ejaculation. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] visit one of my friend's websites where she has a lot of photos of herself posing in sexy swimwear (no nude photos though). I imagine her naked and stroke myself up and down. With some more imagination, I fantasize her kneeling in front of me, ready for a huge load of cum on her face and hair. I cum (for her) in no time. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I use a big loudspeaker. I put my penis on the loudspeaker cone, play heavy music, and crank the bass and volume. It gives me a great orgasm. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]There are many ways I like to masturbate. However, my favorite is to actually suck myself off. I put my legs over my head, bring my cock to my mouth and start by licking the head. Slowly I lick all around squeezing out loads of pre-juice. After a while I can lick up and down the shaft and slide the entire head into my mouth. I pump my mouth till I can't hold back any more then shoot a huge load down my throat.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]This works the best when nobody is home. Set up a camera in the bathroom, or wherever you get horny. Record yourself masturbating, and when you play it back, you have yourself your own porno. This works better if you dress up in female clothes and strip down. If you don't record your face, it almost looks like a woman. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] Make sure you put a finger or two in your anus while you stroke. I do it and I am not gay. It gives a hell of a lot more pleasure because the man's G spot is exactly between your anus and your penis. When you stimulate this it results in a much better orgasm.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE] I'm not gay, but once at a scout camp me and my friend were jerking off and I really loved it. We got in the sleeping bags so only our dicks were out and we swapped: I jerked him and he jerked me. We're not gay but will help each other out all the time. We once ate each other's come. It tasted great! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I like to look at some porn like a movie or a book. Then I lie on my stomach (on carpet) and while looking at the porn I rub my cock on the carpet. It feels great! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I learned this in Boy Scouts: Get horny then get some lube. I use Vaseline. Put your hands on your dick, then rub them together with your dick in between them. The orgasm is intense.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Take a couple pieces of bologna and warm it up in the microwave. Wrap them around your cock to make a nice little hole. Use both hand and grab it tight and pump away for 10-15 min (start and stop method is great!). Feels just like a hot piece of ass. When you get so hard you can't stand it, remove the bologna and start whacking your cock for another 10 min or so, using the lube from the bologna. When you just can't hold back any longer, let him blow. You'll have a huge load!!!!!! I promise you'll have to clean up way behind your head! [/QUOTE] [Quote]Take one of your favorite stuffed animals and cut a hole in it about the size of your rod and go to town on it. Best part is it's quiet and there's no clean up.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Sometimes, I'll refrain from jerking for a long time (for me, that's 2-3 days). Then when I get all hot, I'll rent XXX movies and start jerking. I like to squat down on the floor and lean against my bed. That allows me to stick my finger up my ass easily. I always lube my ass, sometimes my dick too. I jerk until I can't stand it, until I'm gonna cum. Then I stop! You have to have the discipline to do it *right before*. If you do it right, your penis will jerk and ejaculate on its own, but you won't orgasm! Hold your hand out to catch your warm cum, but don't touch your dick at all or you'll misfire your orgasm while you're ejaculating. After the squirting, I like to shove my cum up my ass, rub it on my face, and eat it. I'm usually grossed by this, but not at this point! Then I use my still-warm cum as a natural, and very excellent lubricant and resume the jerking. I explode! If you have the control, you can do this multiple times. I've done it four times before I can't stand it. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]In my car on long trips, with my left leg up I just go to town! The other drivers passing you can see you for that split second. It makes me cum all over! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]For this you need fairly decent length and girth but it feels so damn good!! This is best done in a bath, or stand on a bin liner which you can throw away afterwards. The thing is to crouch down on your tippy-toes and point your hard-on downwards. Grasp your cock between both your ankles (or lower legs) and move your weight up and down so you start to masturbate with your ankles. If you can't keep hold of your cock try wrapping stuff round your legs to make them fatter, but skin on skin feels best!![/QUOTE] [QUOTE]About a week ago I was cleaning the aisles at work late at night at a hardware store and found this paint can shaker. You know the electric ones at paint supply places. Yup, you guessed it -- it clamps down on your cock perfectly and it has a setting of speeds I used this for like 45 seconds and kaboom. I shot hot cum all over it. Plus it doesn't hurt, it just tugs and wiggles before your cock gets hard your spraying down the aisles. God I love work!! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Last night I stuck the head of my penis just a little bit my anus. The pain of twisting it there and pulling and pushing was almost enough to make me cum, but I ended up just jacking off with my penis twisted around so that my warm cum hit my anus. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Lubricate your penis and get it hard, wear a mask over your face and put a mirror in front of you, then put your middle finger up your asshole and rub it up and down real fast, as it makes you more horny (make sure your fingernail is short), Then with your other hand softly start rubbing your penis and imagine your reflection in the mirror is some other person jerking off over you. Before you know it you're rubbing your penis real fast as cum flies. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] used to work at the Gap, and during my breaks I would pretend to be trying on clothes, get completely naked in a fitting room, sit on the bench and masturbate in front of the mirror. It was hot to see me jerk myself off, my big balls bouncing as I yanked my cock up and down steadily with my left hand. Hearing the voices of the women around me trying on clothes, in only their bras and panties would make me cum all over the mirror, the floor, and the bench. I would clean up my load with one of the shirts I grabbed to try on. Afterwards I would return to work. Don't worry, I would ""damage out"" the shirt each time, so it wouldn't get sold. If you are ever in the Gap stores, stay out of fitting rooms number one, three, and nine. I might have been there. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] love to masturbate anywhere. Whenever I go into a public bathroom I love to jack off in the stall. Sometimes I make it really loud if there is a person in the next stall. Once I jacked off at a urinal and this guy walked in and decided to do it. And I swear I'm not gay but it was cool. I didn't look at him but I enjoyed it. I even did it on a city bus once at the back and came all over the seat. I love people to see me do it. I dunno why.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Raw eggs feel like a wet mouth. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I like driving late at night down dark streets looking for drunk guys who seem friendly. I park the car under a street light and start playing with myself, sometimes I pull my trousers down so the light shows my hard cock and balls. If the guy walks by and looks in and sees me playing with myself, he may keep walking or stop and start talking. Sometimes they start playing with their own cocks as well and we toss off together. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Sometimes at night I give single guys a lift in my car. We start talking about the evening and he asks me what I have been up to. I tell him I have been at a friend's house watching porn all night and am so horny that I can't wait to get home and toss off. If he is interested/curious then we talk on about the porn I watched. I tell him how one guy's cock was so big it looked as if it would rip the tight pussy, and if my cock was that big I would take pleasure in showing anybody. I grab myself discreetly, as if I don't want him to notice, but hope he does. Sometimes the guys grab themselves as well and we talk dirty for ages, saying things straight guys just never would say to another guy. It is a real turn-on. Some married guys say they want to compare dicks with me or see what it is like to suck a guy's cock. Both of us leave hard![/QUOTE] Of all websites ive ever seen, this is by far the funnyest. For those who want link: [url]www.mymasturbation.com[/url]
Oh god, that first one...
[img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp/rating/rainbow.png[/img]
what the fuck
"im not gay i just like another mans cum"
:wtc: Because grabbing your freinds cock and fapping it till you both have an enjoyable happy time is totally normal [/sarcasm]
Interesting.
I love how everyone says "jerking off with your friends isn't gay" It just is, okay?
1) Is just weird 2) I lol'd 3 & 4) I'm not gay but etc... Also, link please. Can't be arsed to copypaste.
I like cock, but I am not gay
This is amazing...
"Licked each other's cum (but I'm not gay, I just like his cum)" Lol wut.
[img]http://www.illogicopedia.org/images/e/e6/Sloth.jpg[/img]
Now those guys have [B][I]spunk[/I][/B] :smug:
The first one is a rather ingenious method. Still weird as fuck D:
[quote][B]Shampoo bottle[/B] I look at my porn collection and touch my ass as deep as my hands can go. Then I take a shampoo bottle and stick it up my ass as soon as I pull out my hand. Then I jack like a monkey in a anal parade until I cum. [B]Cup and balloon[/B] I take a cup from my kitchen, and I go to my mom's room -- when she not there. I then take my pic of Britney Spears. I take a balloon, fill it up most of the way with water. I then place the balloon in the big cup and make sure it's a tight fit. I then rub my dick with lube (vegetable oil) and shove my cock in the balloon. I then fuck like crazy. I feel an orgasm coming, then the sensation arrives and I cum! I wash the balloon and do it again! [B]Golden oldie [/B] I have a fetish for older women so I typically imagine fucking my mother-in-law or another golden oldie that I've come across. [B]Hits the spot[/B] Make sure you put a finger or two in your anus while you stroke. I do it and I am not gay. It gives a hell of a lot more pleasure because the man's G spot is exactly between your anus and your penis. When you stimulate this it results in a much better orgasm. [/quote] Lol Britney Spears pic.
That site hasn't been updated in atleast a year or two. Goto [url]www.solotouch.com[/url] thats updated every day or so
I remember this site, theres some really mentally disturbing shit here, what has been read cannot be undone :ohdear:
When I was younger (like 12) I knew a guy (around two years older than me) who had group masturbation sessions with his friends, like 5 people sitting on the same couch jacking off wildly while watching porn. I went :geno: when he told me (partly because I was thinking "Why the hell are you telling me?"). And no, I never joined him and his friends in case someone was wondering.
[QUOTE=acds;18009694]When I was younger (like 12) I knew a guy (around two years older than me) who had group masturbation sessions with his friends, like 5 people sitting on the same couch jacking off wildly while watching porn. I went :geno: when he told me (partly because I was thinking "Why the hell are you telling me?"). And no, I never joined him and his friends in case someone was wondering.[/QUOTE] Winner for misunderstanding the thread the most goes to.....
[quote]Free willy When I was a teenager, I had a Shamu killer whale plush animal, with that really soft fuzzy stuffing inside. Well, somehow Shamu got a rip above his nose, a perfect size. Seeing how I was just getting into my sexuality, I found that little hole very pleasing. FREE WILLY! [/quote] Uhh...
[QUOTE=Comtochus;18009753]Uhh...[/QUOTE] :geno:
THE INTERNET: Full of completely sane people.
Some of these are really, really horrible ideas.
I'm saving my hair to try the first one..
:smug: you know...
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;18009877]Some of these are really, really horrible ideas.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I take a small nail and insert it into my penis through my pee hole and gently push it in until I can feel it deep inside me. The deeper it goes, the closer I get to an orgasm, until the sensation of the nail inside my penis eventually initiates an ejaculation.[/QUOTE] What could possible go wrong?
Thread title certainly was accurate. but some of those things... will scar me for life :geno:
Oh god the first one.. priceless [editline]05:35PM[/editline] [QUOTE=Swimbound;18009893]What could possible go wrong?[/QUOTE] Oh my god STOP IT
[QUOTE=lum1naire;18009908]Oh god the first one.. priceless [editline]05:35PM[/editline] Oh my god STOP IT[/QUOTE] :razz: And I cant believe people are considering the first one to really do.
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