• I should sue K-mart. What the FUCK.
    74 replies, posted
[b]This is not my thread nor my writing.[/b] I saw this whilst checking up on my thread on Something Awful and came across this weirdly hilarious story. It's better if you read it out loud and fast. [quote="Noobicide"] I nearly had a fucking heart attack today. First of all, I am arachnophobic. I am terrified of spiders. They had a lot of candy and decorations and whatnot since its close to Halloween. I turn the corner and there are 4 or 5 HUGE FAKE SPIDERS, the size of a fucking Great Dane, sitting on top of all the displays. I fucking flip out and turn around really quickly and my feet sort of come out from under me and I almost fall over and need to stabilize myself on a cereal box display and I knock a bunch off, and some employee gives me this weird look, and is waiting to see if I'm going to pick up the boxes, but instead I start running down the aisle and wave at him like I'm saying "sorry" in traffic or something. I try to compose myself and suddenly one of those stupid statues that has motion-detection activates and reaches out its arm and says something like "ho ho ho happy halloween" and startles the fuck out of me and I walk backwards right into some old lady pushing a cart. She tells me to watch where I'm going and I say "sorry" and after she leaves I punch the statue and knock it over and his head cracks and some guy in the electronics department sees me and says "dammit". I bolt for the front of the store and decide I'm just going to leave without buying what I came for. I'm pretty much jogging, and some lady tries to stop me because I'm guessing she thinks I'm stealing something. I was only wearing a t-shirt and soccer shorts, so I lift up my shirt and quickly pull down my pants (I was wearing boxers, obviously) to show that I'm not stealing anything and say "sorry I can't stay any longer!" and she says she's calling the police. [/quote] [url=http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3350242]Original Thread[/url]
Oh lawd... I lol'd.
That was me, sorry. [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Pretending to be the guy in OP" - Jaanus))[/highlight]
Haha, it's funny how in the orginal thread they post pics of spiders.
[img]http://gyazo.com/a136e50842ebc4f7d1902909db13f67b.png[/img]
It all happens on SA!
Then the Kmart probably turned into a bear and ate him Edit: :allears:
And why should you sue them?
[QUOTE=SHoGuNNeR;25037751][b]This is not my thread nor my writing.[/b] I saw this whilst checking up on my thread on Something Awful and came across this weirdly hilarious story. It's better if you read it out loud and fast. [url=http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3350242]Original Thread[/url][/QUOTE] :cawg:
[QUOTE=MedicWine;25038855]:cawg:[/QUOTE] :frog: no one like that stupid emote
[quote=Noobcide]I went back and got what I needed. Sigh... I walked around the left side of the store (the decorations were on the right side) and strategically work my way into the middle where the coffee makers are. They didn't sell stand-alone carafes, so I had to buy another whole machine which was like forty bucks. Whatever. I went to the checkout area and the lady who yelled at me wasn't there luckily. The cashier asked if I wanted some sort of warranty on the cappuccino and I figured it wouldn't hurt considering I broke the last one I might as well be safe and get the warranty. So I walk back to my car and put the box on top of my car and decide to open it to make sure its the right size carafe (it wasn't the exact same model as out old one) and I figured I would just eyeball it to get a sense. It was really packed in tight into the styrofoam packing thing, and I tugged too hard and fumbled with it and dropped it, yet again, shattering it on the parking lot pavement. Perfect. I was really happy I opted for the warranty, and went back inside and got another and said I broke the carafe and needed to get another. She said she needed proof that it was defective. I asked if not being durable enough was considered defective and she said "maybe, but I don't even know that its broke". I told her what happened and asked if she needed me to bring in the loving glass shards as proof and she said "that would be a start". I walked back out to the parking lot and collected a few glass pieces of the remains of the carafe and brought them to show her. She said that doesn't count, because it could be any kind of glass, like a beer bottle. I've had enough of this store at this point and went and picked out another, and spent another forty bones on it, this time without the warranty. I also had a craving for some candy corn, but it was under one of the displays with a spider on top. I found an employee in the apparel department and asked her if she could help me with something. She said sure. I asked if she could go and get me a bag of candy corn. She told me she works in the clothing department and asked why I can't get it myself. I told the truth and said I was afraid of the spiders. She said "ok then" and giggled a little and I said "yeah I know its kind of pathetic" and she said "I know, who the gently caress eats candy corn?" She brought me back the candy corn and I thanked her, and went to the register. There was a bit of a line. The girl must have talked with another employee on the other side of the store, because after waiting a few minutes, I feel something strike me from behind. I turn around and at the base of my feet see this huge loving spider and some jackass laughing. I bolt for the door, carrying the second cappuccino maker and leave without paying. I think someone saw my license plate number so any minute now I'm expecting a visit from the police. I'm going to Target next time.[/quote] There is more.
What a nut.
That entire thread is comedy gold!
[QUOTE=InChoFace;25039056]:frog: no one like that stupid emote[/QUOTE] You********
Seems fake, I can't imagine somebody that scared of fake spiders in a K-Mart store. You should go in there expecting to see spiders because it's near Halloween...
Holy shit, that guy is amazing.
[QUOTE=W00tbeer1;25039143]Seems fake, I can't imagine somebody that scared of fake spiders in a K-Mart store. You should go in there expecting to see spiders because it's near Halloween...[/QUOTE] Pretty sure he didn't think they were fake when he first saw them.
[QUOTE=W00tbeer1;25039143]Seems fake, I can't imagine somebody that scared of fake spiders in a K-Mart store. You should go in there expecting to see spiders because it's near Halloween...[/QUOTE] :downs:
This is probably why he stays away from spiders [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdj9vMH4BfQ[/media] This guy is awesome
It's over a month to halloween ffs
I know how this man feels. I to am terrified of spiders even the fake ones.
[QUOTE=HarryG321;25039322]It's over a month to halloween ffs[/QUOTE] I'm sure as fuck not trying to go into a grocery store to buy my stuff last minute. That's just stupid. I had to get a can of spray hair dye on the day before halloween and I couldn't even see past people into the aisle to see which aisle the hair dye was on.
This is both hilarious and shockingly stupid at the same time. Makes me afraid for the world.
I wonder what happened while he drove home. he had to have made the return journey
This story is fake. He punched a statue that fell on somebody else. This means that there was more than one person in Kmart. This never happens. :v:
This thread requires MS Paint imagery. [editline]10:57AM[/editline] [QUOTE=Funcoot;25039725]This story is fake. He punched a statue that fell on somebody else. This means that there was more than one person in Kmart. This never happens. :v:[/QUOTE] And KMarts in MD are usually empty as shit, so I believe his story.
[QUOTE=Domokun;25039066]There is more.[/QUOTE] aww, poor guy. :frown:
[QUOTE=EndUV;25039737]This thread requires MS Paint imagery. [editline]10:57AM[/editline] And KMarts in MD are usually empty as shit, so I believe his story.[/QUOTE] Well who the fuck goes to Kmart anymore. It either Target or walmart. Mostly target
Never been in K-Mart or Walmart
That's pretty funny.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.