It is 11pm, a cold autumn night. A slight downpour of rain has ceased, and my clothing is moist from an umbrella riddled with holes. My stomach rumbles, I haven't eaten anything in hours. I ponder up a storm while sitting on a wet parking curb. A fly lands on my jacket, I quickly swat it. My mind enters a state of deep thought in search of the perfect fast food chain I can feast in. McDonald's? No, too many children. I am too old to go there. Popeyes? Close, but not exactly what would satisfy my strong cravings. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Perfect.
I slowly walk in the direction of the nearest KFC in my locale. My boots make splashes in the puddles lined along the empty street. I frequently look over my shoulders to see if anyone is attempting to join me in my quest to indulge in fried chicken. In the far distance I spot a long chain of thrift stores, but I haven't spotted the target I have desired to eat at.
After what seems to be a lengthy trek through an empty town I look at my watch. Only 11:04pm. Oh, how long time feels as you have such strong desires for chicken. I can taste the chicken rubbing gently on my lips as I delicately kiss the beutiful drum sticks and chicken breast. The warm mashed potatoes with gravy sliding down my throat as I take a sip of an ice cold Dr. Pepper. My mouth begins to water and I dry off my lips with the sleeve of my jacket. I feel as if I have almost reached my destination.
It appears I see something down the road. I squint my eyes and try to see what it could possibly be. It is too far away, I quickly spring up off the ground and run along the opposite side of the street to get a better view. Finally, it is in sight. The KFC I have been trying to find for so long. It appears to be about 463 feet away, plus or minus 10 feet or so. I feel as if I can no longer continue at such a slow pace, I make a quick dash in its general direction. 37 seconds later I arrive at last, at the doors of the kingdom. I approach them eagerly.
My hands are cold, palms are wet and clammy. As I get closer to the door something catches my attention. I notice the weekly hours and proceed to the hours for the current day. "Thursay: 8am-10:30pm" I take a look at my watch. 11:13. "This cannot be...", I think to myself. I grasp the door handles tightly and start pulling the doors. No success, they are locked. I take a peek into the building, it is dim and empty. I become enraged. I start pounding the door and I punch the wall, the skin on my knuckles breaks and begins to bleed. I slide down the wall and become overwhelmed in tears. There must be a way in...
I quickly get up and walk around the KFC looking at various entrances, windows and ventilation systems. I closely inspect a vent and begin to remove screws with a small piece of broken metal found in nearby bushes. The vent opens, I make my slow and cautious entrance. After crawling through the 2 foot wide tunnel and pushing spider webs aside I can see an exit. I look through small holes at the end of the vent and spot stoves and pans. I must be in the kitchen. I punch out the vent cover and drop down face first and land on the cold floor tiles below and begin my search for chicken.
There are many fancy gadgets and containers in the establishment, far from my intelligence level. I begin browsing through cabinets and drawers looking for a possible sign of chicken. I move on to the area where the chicken is stored before it is put into containers for orders. Nothing to be found, every last inch has been cleaned up. There are many doors in this KFC, more than any other I have raided in my life. One happens to catch my attention. It is a thicker and more reinforced door made out of steel. I quickly search for keys and I find them. I put them in the locks and I slowly open the door.
I pull out my flashlight from my back pocket and shine the dim light into the area. Something catches my attention. I look at the walls and notice they are not made out of drywall or concrete, but rather they are made out of rock and mud. I quietly creep into this stone tunnel and hear drops of water falling from the top and collecting in small pools near the bottom of the tunnel. A spicy aroma fills the air. It seems familiar. I think a minute to recollect any previous scents I remember. This aroma was that of a spicy chicken breast. My eyes widen and I walk down quicker into this dark abyss. I stop. There are voices further down the tunnel. I become afraid.
As I venture further into the tunnel I point my flashlight into a corner of an enlarged portion of the tunnel. I see reflections of some sort. As I get closer it becomes apparent as to what the reflections are from. They are the reflections from dozens of eyes looking at me. They become larger and I hear mumbling. I pull out a police baton and lash it out, extending it. I turn the flashlight lens and focus the light. There are hundreds of naked and wet black people, feasting on piles of chicken in the underground KFC passageway. They wipe their dirty greasy fingers on their chests and faces and slowly begin to crawl towards my light.
I shout at the delusional people to stay back as they are moaning and clawing the floor with greasy chicken fingers. One comes to close and charges. I smash him in the jaw with my baton, he drops to the ground. More come in the general direction. They must believe I am the creator of their chicken, the KFC manager. They thought wrong. Their eyes are large and wide as they plead for chicken. I attempt to make a dash and hurdle bodies to get a handful of this delicious KFC for myself, but I trip. They begin to grab my clothing and their breath is fowl. I manage to get onto my feet. I begin beating the savages as they overtake my body. Bodies begin to collapse under the power of my ruthless strikes from the baton.
I do not know how long I can manage to fend off these menacing people. Hit after hit my hand begins to weaken and tremble. After about 17 minutes of defending myself and at least 96 black people eliminated from my path through the tunnel their numbers falter and become thinner and thinner. The moaning becomes quiter but slowly is replaced by the gurgling sound of unconscious corpses blood filled mouths. My enemies have been defeated. Why did I have to face such a diffult obstacle in order to attain my mouthwatering goal?
I quickly fumble to the end of the murky tunnel with my gimpy leg. The scent of chicken becomes stronger and stronger. A few moments later I see a glimmer of golden light. What I see is too great to believe. It is a dozen of fresh buckets of KFC and warm mashed potatoes. The warm rancid breath of the tunnel monkeys must have some how preserved this glory of glowing chicken and kept it warm. This was no ordinary chicken either. It was much more pure than any I have ever seen before. I stuff as much as possible into my stomach and gently carry the buckets out of the tunnel as I fumble on the bodies I walk over. I reach the end and open the door and carry my chicken along with my on my glorious journey down a barren wasteland I call my town.
Shit, the 1st paragraph makes this seem like a good read already
[QUOTE=Tippmann357;20773475]Shit, the 1st paragraph makes this seem like a good read already[/QUOTE]
disappointment ahead
That story is false, you sir are an impostor!
amazing
Nice copypasta you got there.
What the fuck, haha. That was a bit racist, I must say, and I hardly think you created that on your own, but it was an entertaining read at that.
Need to find local KFC still open at 9:40 PM now.
That was awesome.
He's a fony, A big fat fony
Good read. You should create short stories more often also this is something you shouldn't read when you are hungry...
Read words 0-2.
Stopped.
Too read didn't long.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Too long didn't read" - verynicelady))[/highlight]
I need to eat at KFC now.
[QUOTE=Pocoyo;20774727][url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=803517[/url][/QUOTE]
Yo that's whack.
What a magnificent tale.
[QUOTE=Pocoyo;20774727][URL]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=803517[/URL][/QUOTE]
(User was banned for this post ("Wrong Section" - RayvenQ))
I wish FP was still as strict
[QUOTE=Burrito21;20773456]They begin to grab my clothing and their breath is fowl.[/QUOTE]
is this some kind of chicken pun or just bad spelling
Last time I ate KFC I received food poisoning....
Fantastic read
Why does it have to be 1:30am.... FUCK
[QUOTE=Monkeytracks;20773925]He's a fony, A big fat fony[/QUOTE]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk9HN7AwlX0[/media]
[QUOTE=Kabstract;20775680]Last time I ate KFC I received food poisoning....[/QUOTE]
Put you off KFC for life?
How ironic, the black people were eating fried chicken.
[QUOTE=Kabstract;20775680]Last time I ate KFC I received food poisoning....[/QUOTE]
This happened to me, except with McDonald's.
[QUOTE=Eluveitie;20775980]Put you off KFC for life?[/QUOTE]
In my case, I put off McDonald's for life. Because it's been happening the last 9 times. Yes, I've counted right.
Also, amazing read. Will publish.
[quote]sliding down my throat[/quote]
Epic read.
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