I was bit by a Wolf spider today, am I going to die? - General

Alright Facepunch here's a story for you that happened to me today. So in my highschool we have this class that essentially all we do it catch bugs and pun them and shit. In this class me and a couple friends of mine go out and find a couple spiders and put them in these little pill containers. When we have these spiders we put them on, lets call him Aj, aj's neck, because when he feels one on him he freaks the fuck out screaming and taking his clothes off (And no, he's not retarded). Because of this after a couple of weeks we can pretty much just touch his neck and he'll think it's a spider. So fast forward to today. Me and a friend of mine were walking down the hall, off to our next class. On our way there we see this huge ass wolf spider, the most scary fucking thing you'll ever see, just chillin in the middle of the floor. We tried stomping around it to try and see if it is still alive, but it wouldn't move. So I decide to poke it, guess what happened. Absolutely fucking nothing. So I grab it by one of it's legs and its sitting on my left hand thumb like a total bro. When we found this fucker we decided we absolutely had to put it on Aj. So we walked down to his next class, Band. On the way there my hand started to go a little but cold and numb but I thought it was only because it was so fucking scary holding a (presumed) dead spider. So we got to Aj's class and we wait for him outside. He takes a while so we hang out in the halls talking to some people we know. After a minute or so I look down at my hand and the spider is moving and walking up my arm. I nearly shit myself. After recollecting myself I decided to put it in a container for Aj tommorow. So facepunch, my hand it now numb and cold and there is a red mark where the bite is. Am I going to die?

When bitten by a possibly deadly spider, be sure to ask Doctor Facepunch. But seriously, go to a doctor. As soon as possible. Have a professional take a look at it.

Your DNA will soon alter itself and you will turn into Wolf-Spider Man!

Yes you are going to die, no easy way to put it, it's incurable, choose your next moments carefully as they'll regretfully be your last.

Yeah my hand feels itchy, slight pain above the wrist on the back side of my arm, and it's pulsing. Fuck.:downs:

He planted babies in you.

[QUOTE=SweetSwifter;37893143]When bitten by a possibly deadly spider, be sure to ask Doctor Facepunch. But seriously, go to a doctor. As soon as possible. Have a professional take a look at it.[/QUOTE]Ehh, it's not even that bad but I'll see what I can do. [editline]3rd October 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Shnozz;37893287]He planted babies in you.[/QUOTE] What.

why the fuck are you asking facepunch for you idiot go to a fucking doctor before you die or some shit

this thread reeks of redneck "i was picking up a wolf spider to put on my friend and something i should have expected happened, am i going to die?"

[QUOTE=adam1172;37893155]Your DNA will soon alter itself and you will turn into Wolf-Spider Man![/QUOTE] 50% wolf, 50% spider, 50% man That's right. 150%. AHOOOOOOOOO

[QUOTE=killover;37893290]Ehh, it's not even that bad but I'll see what I can do. [editline]3rd October 2012[/editline] What.[/QUOTE] Wolf spiders lay eggs with their fangs. So within about 1-2 weeks you should see a bump that will eventually hatch about 50-100 little baby spiders.

[QUOTE=DrBreen;37893329]why the fuck are you asking facepunch for you idiot go to a fucking doctor before you die or some shit[/QUOTE] FP members are Wolf spider bite specialists

[QUOTE=Novangel;37893376]FP members are Wolf spider bite specialists[/QUOTE] I agree I'm an expert I'm afraid you're going to have to cut off your arm with a steak knife before the poison spreads to your balls.

you gotta visit your local gypsy magician and make her cure you.

[QUOTE=ruarai;37893498]There is only one known cure for this. Stick your arm in an oven for 9 hours on maximum.[/QUOTE] Actually removing a piece of flesh with the bit spot should also work however you will need a knife forged by a monk who lives in Mount Athos.

Are you retarded or something? Go see a doctor.

On a serious note, you should probably warm the arm, so your enzymes break down the venom faster. Use something like a furnace, and heat the bite wound to about 80 degrees Celsius. That's just the right temperature for enzymes, and it's cold enough to not get burns.

Why would you put spiders on someone? This thread is nightmare fuel.

Amputation is the only answer.

warm a sharp knife red hot over a fire to dis infect it, then remove the skin and small portion of meat around the bite area to get rid of the eggs.

The only remedy is lobotomy I'm afraid.

Cut off your whole body.

Rest in pieces

Get bitten again just to be sure.