I know what you're thinking "Oh its just another goofin off thread/spam thread" I shit you not, its not one of those. Because today I had sex for the very first time, and I give it a "meh".
Seriously man, this is how it starts off:
I've been talking to this girl in class from Law school, and shes had always digged me, and I've always been digging her. Shes a red head, not too fat, but not too skinny, cute face and everything. We aren't those type of people that made smalltalk, we'd talk till the class was over, but we'd never see each other after class and go anywhere till today.
Today after class as she was walking the other way, I ran up to her and offered her some starbucks coffee, with her cute smile she said yes, so we went down to the starbucks that's under my apartment, (Yep, I'm awesome like that). So after I got her coffee I told her lets head upstairs to my apartment, and so we did. As soon as we got in I shut the door and she sits on the couch, looking a bit nervous and says "Look, we both know why you brought me here, lets just do it already!" I literally went :eek: So we started taking off our clothes and we started getting nasty on the couch. We made out first, we did the tongue kissing and wrapping, I even asked her to spit in my mouth and she gladly did, and then I digged my tongue into her mouth even more, that was literally the funnest part out of this session, because I love a girl's saliva.
So after the mouth stuff, we moved on to giving each other oral, I laid back on the couch and she got on top of me, she literally digged my face into her ass, I was literally licking her ass down to her panooch, no matter how nasty it was, I fucking enjoyed it, oh and of course she was sucking me off.
So we finally got down to me sticking my penis into her panooch(We even did more mouth kissing because the dirtiness is fucking kinky), it was good at first considering my bladder was full of piss (You get better orgasms when your bladder is full) she started bouncing her ass and rubbing my dick with her ass, then finally came down to the orgasm coming,she went even faster (I'm guessing we came the same time) and BAM! We both had an orgasm.
I didn't have a good orgasm, in fact it sucked, mainly cause her panooch wasn't tight at all, in fact it was a bit of a loose goose.
When I jack off, I jack off hard, and that felt better than the sex I had with this girl. Over all I'm happy I had sex for the first time. But making out with tongue and giving a girl oral is probably more fun real life experience than sex itself. Maybe an orgy party would be cooler.
I'm very proud of myself, and I'm sure when I tell my dad he will be too. And I want you to be as well, facepunch.
Oh, by the way, this is the awesome couch we had sex in
[IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/2e0mtts.jpg[/IMG]
You must be doing it wrong.
Never mind. You're full of shit. The thread title tells it's obviously your "first time" yet you type the whole story like you're a pro at sex. Willing to bet you're in your early teens.
[QUOTE=Benji;14810124]It was your first time. You honestly think it's going to blow your mind with absolutely no experience?[/QUOTE]
Well, I do watch a lot of porn and jack off. So yes?
[QUOTE=Kasparro21;14810120]You must be doing it wrong.[/QUOTE]
Well, that was an interesting read. :a2m::sotw:
You're doing it wrong.
[QUOTE=FunkyHippo;14810131]Well, I do watch a lot of porn and jack off. So yes?[/QUOTE]
Watching and doing are two completely different things.
Jesus Christ.
[QUOTE=SnakeHead;14810138]You're doing it wrong.[/QUOTE]
It sucked because the whole time you were thinking "This is going to make a great Facepunch thread".
Seriously though, panooch? What are you, 13?
That's probably because you're into weird gore necrophilia shit.
Yeah fucking right. As soon as I started reading about all the foreplay I knew this was fake.
[QUOTE=Benji;14810153]Seriously though, panooch? What are you, 13?[/QUOTE]
I read it as pan cooch like 15 times
Isn't this the same guy that said he would love to do his sister?
[QUOTE=Benji;14810153]Seriously though, panooch? What are you, 13?[/QUOTE]
I'm 24.
The painting sure fits the setting where you two had sex in.
You lost it at 24....?
[QUOTE=stupid07er;14810151]It sucked because the whole time you were thinking "This is going to make a great Facepunch thread".[/QUOTE]
That's why most things suck when you go on facepunch 80% of the day.
Also, her being loose is a big part of it. Tight is better.
You just went straight in, didn't you.
Protip: always approach from an angle.
:ughh:
You are literally doing it wrong
[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;14810182]Also, her being loose is a big part of it. Tight is better.[/QUOTE]
Exactly my point! Gosh, at least [i]someone[/i] understands where I'm coming from.
Oh god you could have left some of that out :<
[QUOTE=FunkyHippo;14810195]Exactly my point! Gosh, at least [i]someone[/i] understands where I'm coming from.[/QUOTE]
Your dick, right?
[QUOTE=FunkyHippo;14810163]I'm 24.[/QUOTE]
Fucking 24?
You need to get out more.
[QUOTE=FunkyHippo;14810195]Exactly my point! Gosh, at least [i]someone[/i] understands where I'm coming from.[/QUOTE]
Is that a pun?
[QUOTE=FunkyHippo;14810163]I'm 24.[/QUOTE]
You're a lying teenager attempting to make a thread about sex you've never had.
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