Falling man (story 1)
[quote]Falling Man
I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock buzzing at 4.00am I got out of bed reluctantly. I got dressed and ate my breakfast and drunk 3 cups of coffee. I walked out of my door to find my car was smashed up so I broke into my neighbour’s garage and nicked his Ferrari Enzi and set off to work without getting any speeding tickets. On my way I stopped at my girlfriend’s house to talk to her about the party the night before. Then I said bye to her and her baby. Then I blasted down the motor way to get to work on time. Then I got a speeding ticket as I parked up out the police station. Then I felt horrible because I could not get to work for the next 2 hours the time was 5.30.
I pulled up in my space in the car park I looked up at the towers I felt tired because I don’t normally do it, I walked through the doors and saw the boss, he was ringing people saying where they should be here by now. People were discussing the party last night. I went up in the lift and I met Bob, Jim and Fred I went up into floor two and looked out the window to discover there was someone keying my car I went down in the lift to punch him in the face. I was too late he was not anywhere to be found. I walked back. Luckily I turned around and saw him again and I smacked him one. Then I had a phone call from my neighbour saying “were my car you ************”. I put the phone down and walked back.
I looked up at the sky 8.45 am on my way back then I saw a plane heading straight towards the tower and underneath the plane was my neighbour, so I pulled out a gun a shot him in the head. I ran into my mangers office and through my manger at it but it would not stop so I ran in and shouted “RUN”! Some how I had to reach the 100th floor because my girl friend was there having breakfast. I would have to make a choice to risk my own life or get out and let her die. I had to make my choice quickly I heard a scream as I was running up the stairs I could not reach it the heat was unbearable I ran down I could not do anything. I had to get out I ran out, I got out at 9.30 am rang my girlfriend to find she was in the other tower having breakfast. I ran out to reach her I got up there 10.28am, I was talking to her as the second plane hit people were pushing and pulling to get to the air a man through a desk at me so I threw one back at him the window. It was not a laughing matter I was getting really unwell I had to get to a window I found one and smashed it with somebody’s head and I got some air.
I got to a window I felt like through my self out but I didn’t I looked behind me and saw someone just about to throw my girlfriend out the window at this point I pushed everyone out the way and threw him out the window and he was falling out the window I ran down to the floor above what the plane hit the heat was unbearable I was sweating like anything it was really hot my girlfriend passed out the heat was so hot I nearly did but I didn’t I walked back up the stairs to the 90th floor I through myself at the window but I could not people were screaming safe us. I shouted back bye and pushed this man out the window who was kissing my girlfriend.
I pulled out a gun on my other manger and he would not leave the desk so I thought fuck this and turn into terminator and killed 50 people and got into a plane and drove into the other tower and got my girl friend and shot another 50 people and then I found some sun glasses and looked cool and then slide down a zip wire and looked even cooler. Then I got dressed as a Mexican and started shaking maracas as people died in front of me and shouted “hell yeah!” at the top of my voice then someone with a bigger gun tried to shoot me so I pulled out a rocket launcher and went areba and killed 2 people then my depty manger came and I shot him 10 times in the head then jumped out the tower and drove of in a bugatti vayron. And went back got into another plane and drove back to Mexico and someone asked me what I should do about climate change I said let me Google that for you then he went what about the credit crunch I replied you’re a credit crunch
Then that night I rung the American president on the phone and he said hello I replied it cold out side then he said who is this then I replied I like orange juice he said who ever this is were going to war with you I replied bob, bob who boob frank Jim bob from china he replied how did you get my number I replied you’re face is assume.
Then I got back in the plane a flew back to the twin towers. Were I saw some fagot trying to through my girlfriend out the window so I parked the plane in his head. And grabbed a machinegun and started a war with the other tower.
Once that was all over, The dust was filling the room the building was crumbling I though to myself I am not dieing for anyone the time for me to try and get out was coming I ran for about two flights of stair before the heat got to me I sore someone through the smoke dead this made my felling stronger to go back and die next to my girl friend I ran back I was just in time the ceiling was falling on top off us the3 last seconds we spent together would be are last. All I felt was falling and heat.
Then I turned into super man and grabbed my girlfriend and flew off to my house. I went home and that same bloke was knocking on my girlfriends door, I lost it and threw a punch at him and said if you want to talk come back later or if you’re here to threaten my girlfriend.. He said “yes” I replied “YES!” He just backed away and said by the way I was having an affair with your girlfriend. I flipped at him and smashed his head into the pavement and asked him what is your problem he replied you’re my problem getting with my ex wife and threw a punch at my face I caught it and threw him into my car and drove off to empire state building. We got onto the roof of the empire state building, and just carried on the argument additionally, just as he was about to push me I threw a punch at his face . Just as I was about to pull a gun out at him he pushed me, off the empire state building, when I felt someone grab my leg so I grabbed hold of a brick and knocked him off. And then got a gun and just randomly shot people as they walked past.
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Mexican (story 2)
[quote]Torre mural Recovered from the twin tower disaster.
I moved to Mexico and started a new life with all, my pet including a panda that had chicken pox, as we were walking through a street a Mexican, licked him on the cheek so I pulled, out a knives then a load of people pulled out guns. I went and hide behind a market stool and pulled out a machine gun, and started throwing tacos at them. Then I went back to my flat were my panda was sitting at the letter box with a gun waiting for the postman in the morning.As I was watching Mexican eastenders, the phone rang. It was someone called, frank saying do you want a job in the torre mural, building because, I heard about your amazing twin tower escape and we want someone, like that to work for us slowly I agreed. He said see you there at 9.00 tomorrow.
I went to work after hiding the postman’s body, and saw someone had nicked my superman outfit. I dressed as Mexican people do and walked to work with all my guns underneath my Mexican outfit. I saw a man in a plane. I just carried on and saw some woman, who was going to my work and walked past her and said, “You’re a tree cave” she slapped me and walked off. When I got to work she was there again and slapped me again.
I got into my office and saw a bloke with a gun walking around outside so I told my manger and said he’s ok he are security guard I went oh I be right back and hide his body under some leaves and joined a Mexican band playing maracas.
Then I went back to work were I saw the American president saying have you got a Chris working for you he said yes a pointed at me I shouted your face is oarsmen and he got the Mexican fbi it looked like me looking in a mirror until they had bigger guns so I said wait there and rung my panda to come and bring my double barrel shot gun then I saw a plane head striate towards the tower with my panda jump out the back and threw me my gun.
I looked up at the tower and saw fluffy on top because he had a busy days I grabbed hold of my panda and tied him up and gave him to the postman who walked by and I turned around and saw him go all Kong fu on the postman I turned around crying in laughter. Then the president went are u going to help me save everyone I replied no I will go and get fluffy and then screw everyone else he agreed so I went in there with a rifle in one hand and my shot gun in the other.
I then went to the top floor and got fluffy and then the woman who slapped me was there in the corner I went up to her and went that wasn’t very nice and left her there then I saw my boss and went you’re a fagot and shot him then I had to waste some time so I started to dance them time walk with loads of people who were on fire it looked well cool then I left and noticed the other floors were doing the ymca so I pulled out a bomb and ran out the window then I realised what I did and looked like a fagot so I landed in my pandas arms and flew to Russia and rung up my friend arkmed I said you no that bomb you gave me I used it today he replied cool then I said your face is so ugly you even make grow men tremble, he said what did you say I repeated it he said you no that bomb I gave u I said yes it didn’t work I rung up the fbi and went did the bomb work he said yes and were are you the panda’s got a gun I said tell him he’s a fagot I heard that he did then my panda picked up the phone and hung up.
I ran back to Mexico and put him on his lead and took him to the postoffice in London and left him there for a few days I turned over to the front page the next day and it said all post man are dead with a picture of my panda dressed as terminator so I got dressed as terminator and went to pick him up and then a terrorised tried to shoot me. I said I like grapefruit juice he said ok and walked of strangely. Then I got my panda and went to see the American post men.
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Mexican trip to WW1 (story 3)
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I got my things together including my really cool gun, and then ran really fast ani clockwise around the world till I became in world war one it was really cool because I saw a Jewish person who looked like Billy so I laughed and shot him then I laughed again when I saw the Germans shooting me.
I decided to get up after the German had left and went to England to get the British troops none of them wanted to come so I shoot them all then I jumped off Big Ben and found some random people. I got a team together and went to France were I new they were I was dressed as terminator and got my gun and shot up into the air it looked well cool then the Germans started shooting at me I just walked through the bullets and went up to the person who was in charge and said were my panda or don’t you want kids he replied panda what panda I got a knife out he said oh that panda he is in Germany.
I got to Germany in a land rover and powerslided in to someone house I went have you got any milk and gave me a cow I said thank you and picked the cow up and took him with me. I was walking through a street when the American army turned up I said what use are you and shot them all there and then I got to this really big building were there was a big man standing at the door I said I take the big bloke while you get in a ran there and the big bloke turned away and a smaller man took his place I thought this is going to be easy then he turned into a nija so I said go away your really pissing me off keeping on punching my legs so just stop it and picked him up and throw him into Russia.
Then we stormed the building and saw another jew I said fuck you not being racist and shot him in the head then I thought I am British I am meant to be saving the jew then I saw a little jew baby so I shot the mother and gave the baby a new life on my back then I saw Skippy’s hench men I new this was going to end bad so I went fuck this and started to shake maracas then I got changed into terminator and did that diving shooting move what looks cool and killed them I tried to kick the door down and realised it was lead so I used one of the dead people head instead.
I broke in and saw my panda being tortured with picture of postman I don’t know who was doing it because it wasn’t Skippy then he turned round and it was Hitler’s dad I went oh hell no and took my sun glasses off, and decided to get the Germans and the British to sort this out so I said witch one is better British or Germans witch one is better there only one way to find out then Harry hill popped out of no were a screamed fight so we did till the end of the war and England one once again even though it wasn’t the fight what one the war.
Then I got my panda back just, as I was about to leave, then Skippy jumped out and said this isn’t the last time we will meet and a lightning bolt came and absorbed Skippy. I was like wow then 2 came to pick up me and my panda and then a girl walked past and went your not going to far your going back to the twin towers and this time you are going to kill Mr Frankie before it happens to change the whole future of the Mexican man what you have came to love and adore I said what if I have refused he said well then you can carry on living in the present day till he finds you I said ok and carried on to the present day. When I got back to Mexico there were loads of people surrounding me cheering I said what did they said you got are favourite panda back I was like ok then they all turned into robots and I though fuck this and turned into Rambo then the head came off my panda to discover he wasn’t a panda …….
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Mexican supermarket adventure (story 4)
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As I was back in Mexico I had nothing to eat, I decided to go to Mexican tesco’s with my new pet. I got out the car after accidentally parking in the supermarket window and I got out my pet monkey he was sitting on my shoulder he looked well cool so did I with my black leather jacket I walked through the shop a supermarket worker said can I help you and started dancing so I pulled out my maracas and had a dance off and everyone was like hell yeh and my monkey saw hue Edwards and did loads of back flips and shot him in the head I was to busy to see this and got kicked out of tesco I cried and my monkey did not come out of tesco so that night I went and got my panda.
I drove to the supermarket there the Mexican army were there dressed as postman I didn’t even have to tell my panda he jumped out the car and started playing basket ball with them, at this point I realised I brought the wrong panda. And I went into the shop because I needed some milk I went there and there was none there then I saw mr cow and he had all of it he said you want it I said no because I new he would kill me if I said yes so I walked of and got my panda and decided to swim to Russia for it.
I made it to Russia were someone started to talk Russian to me I got very upset and said your mums a tree cave I did not no what that was in Russian but in about a minute a load off Russian hit men were around me then I let out my ninja duck and he kicked all there arses I was like hell yeh then another lot came then all of a sudden the president came and said what do you want I said I want some milk he said fine take your milk and gave me a Russian man I got extremely terrified and ran off to England.
When I got to England I saw my girlfriend doing stuff with a big man I said oit mate what you doing he said do you like the solar system I punched him in the noise he said that wasn’t very nice I rung the police he said your illegal I said to my girlfriend how do you put up with him she said I put up with you for long enough I replied oh and got my milk and went back to Mexico in time for Mexican eastenders because we were going to find out who killed reg the retard I was watching in then I found out it was me and my panda the phone rang and said you watching Mexican Harry hill I said no why he said your panda is fighting mr Mexican (mr blobby) I replied that were he is.
I ran onto the set and grabbed my panda and said we are going to kill the big man he growled at me I slapped his noise and he shot me with a machine gun I got up and said no naughty boy no Mexican panda watch for you tonight he gave me a bomb and run off I said that no Mexican panda watch all month I got home and found my panda already for the Japanese postman I got into bed and woke up the next morning there was no post or panda’s but there was a note the note said funky gibbon I went into Rambo mood and ran to America and said it cold outside I new that way everyone would be there in a minute.
I waited for a few seconds then the American police and army were surrounding me with ak47 to me I head I said do it if your man enough so they did then I woke back up and went what do you think you are doing you fucking bastard they all ran away and came back with a wild bear I went do you really expect me to kill that they went yes so I killed it with my bare hands then did a Mexican dance to celebrate.
Then I got the army to come to England with me, to fight the big fat man who called me a tree cave. I got them all together and surrounded the flat what I new he was in and shouted to my panda there was a postman in there so he went all kong fu on the door and broke it. Then I did loads of cool hand signals and the army went in and stormed the building I followed then I kicked down one door and saw Skippy with some woman who I never seen before tied up I grabbed the door and pulled it back up, and went to the next door were I went in a had a Mexican dance off with some dude called Fred it was well cool then we got the army and did the conga round the hole building.
Then we got to the last door kicked it in and then a bigger man picked me up and throw me through the door were a the army were and said I found him and ran back throw then got thrown back again and said are you coming the all went e and followed me then out of no were Skippy came and put on his boxing gloves so I got dressed as Rambo and went all manly tough in his face with my fist he grabbed my panda and disappeared off I went noooooo!!!!! And some smart wise man who was walking past said he has gone back in time I went ok and started to pack
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Mexican visit to japan (story 5)
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Me and my panda soon became bored of Mexico, so we went on holiday to Japan. Were at the airport someone asked to see my passport so I said to him you’re a passport and pulled a gun out at his head at this point there were a load of security guards around me going you’re a tree cave so I replied oh no you didn’t and went all Rambo in there faces then they realised who I was and they ran off then I saw a postman run off in the opposite direction with a cadge with legs running after him with an ak47 sticking out the side.
I then got onto a plane, with a fagot called Reg at the end, of the 10 hour flight, I asked him to dress up as a post man, he agreed and I set my panda after him. Then I went, up to somebody and went no offence George, he said ok and walked off giving me evils. I walked off and booked into a hotel, were I saw a post man I thought this was a bad time, to let my panda out my car, then he left the hotel and I heard an almighty, smash with the postman tied up and being dragged, along the street.
Sitting in my hotel room that night I saw a Nissan skyline, I thought I am having that and got dressed as Ross Kemp, with a lot more guns and a lot bigger arms. I ran after him not knowing, what I was getting myself into all I saw was a flash off light and a kangaroo, jumped out from no were and started talking to the bloke from the skyline, I went fuck this and shot a round up in the air and then I noticed it was Skippy and he was putting his boxing gloves on, so I went crap and ran and hide behind, a sumo wrestler, who was trammelling in fear.
Then I went back to my hotel. Were my girlfriend rung up, and went “WHERE ARE YOU” I replied, back to her I am in Japan and said, “oh ok when are you coming back” I said “I am coming back for my last adventure were one will die” she said “ok” and hung up. I told my panda to get out, of my bed and get next to the letter box he didn’t, and throw me out the window. I then ran back up the stairs and picked, him up and throw him, out the window this was repeated, all night long till the postman from the airport, came he dropped his post and legged, it with my panda close behind him.
I then woke up the next morning with my panda getting dressed as and Japanese person no offence George, and went off without telling me were he was going. I got into my fiat 500 and went to look around Japan were I saw Skippy again and shouted you’re a postman and saw my panda do loads of back flips into my car.
Then I drove of power sliding round corners and looked like Jeremy Clarkson, then I looked up and saw loads of ninjas jumping onto my car and though fuck that and went clay pidgin shooting at there faces and killed them then I went back home were my panda collapsed on the floor with a knife in his back and I went no and broke down then I went and got dressed as rocky balboa and went to fight Skippy because I new he killed my panda.
Then I went were, I saw Skippy and he jumped out from, no were again and I throw my fist at his face then he sort of beat the crap out of me. I went back and got my terminator, outfit and went to play relief war with Skippy, and I walked through a loads of bullets then I realised I could not die, so I started running round in circles shooting randomly.
Then I ran to the seaside were I got on top of a sky scraper and jumped into the sea and started to dance the conga everybody was taking pictures so I sort of went into the sea and saw my panda and said to him I thought you died he said no that was my brother I asked him who did he hate he replied Japanese people he will be alright in an hour.
I got out the sea with my panda and went to pick up his brother and went to sort this out with Skippy and his post man the only way I new, I gave him a big bomb with a pull hear cord we all ran off and all of a sudden Skippy and his haunch men were all in frames. After this I decided to leave Japan with both pandas and went back to Mexico for another adventure.
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We all love Chris, george is some japanese person we know at school and billy is a person we always call a jew.
PS. None of these are real and are written by chris NO SPELL CHEACK WAS DONE ON THEM.
He brought a panda to Mexico..?
:geno:
These would be funny if I was much younger, probably.
Wait..... Who's Chris?
tl;dr : A guy who has a panda for a pet goes around on his epic journey around the world.
That was the biggest waste of time, ever.
Also, let's be done with join date elitism, and let's start post count elitism.
[QUOTE]I got dressed and ate my breakfast and drunk 3 cups of coffee[/QUOTE]
Stopped reading after that.
The English and grammar structure is fucking horrible.
[QUOTE=Hoboharry;20707006]tl;dr : A guy who has a panda for a pet goes around on his epic journey around the world.[/QUOTE]
he also has a jew baby having a good life on his back.
oh and this person chris, he has learning problems and he is so random that it is funny, i think its one of those things where you have to know him.
dont forget its marked under stupid what did you expect.
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