Texts from last night - Hillarious website. [NSFW]
72 replies, posted
This website features [b]real[/b] texts that have been sent [b]last night[/b] that shouldn't have.
[url]http://textsfromlastnight.com[/url]
Examples.
[quote] (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
(1-609): and?
(609): RIP clitoris [/quote]
[quote] (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. [/quote]
[quote] (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. [/quote]
[quote] (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. [/quote]
[quote](843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired[/quote]
[quote] (619): We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling. [/quote]
[quote](803): I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today"[/quote]
[quote] (619): He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on [/quote]
[quote] (816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book. [/quote]
There's [b]SO[/b] much more!
Fucking hilarious!
Link?
oh shit sorry, lol.
op updated.
not that funny
some of them are not really written like messages
[QUOTE=bodenlan2;17945182]some of them are not really written like messages[/QUOTE]
you can submit them on the website yourself (via keyboard, etc) so maybe people put updated versions when it comes to slang, etc
This is better than FML
(904): You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh lord.
Ah man, I had this site favourited.
The scum of society send such great texts :3:
This site has [B]potential[/B].
[I]Not related to above statement:[/I] However, black and red layout reminds me of redtube.
I'm not sure if it's going to catch on as much as fml.
[QUOTE=cyclocius;17945402]Ah man, I had this site favourited.
The scum of society send such great texts :3:[/QUOTE]
They're scum because they go out at night?
[QUOTE=Darkflamer;17945407]This site has [B]potential[/B].
[I]Not related to above statement:[/I] However, black and red layout reminds me of redtube.
I'm not sure if it's going to catch on as much as [B]fml[/B].[/QUOTE]
it sortof already has. its a superpopular site, at least here in new york city anyway
[quote](713): just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.[/quote] :patriot:
[QUOTE=wheresmyfish;17945426]it sortof already has. its a superpopular site, at least here in new york city anyway[/QUOTE]
Fuckmylife is popular here. This site is unknown.
[quote] (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section [/quote]
I lol'd.
(916): Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
(760): You are my hero
mydrunktexts.com ripoff
(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Too soon.
(416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Old, but always really funny.
[QUOTE=Egevened;17945556](416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.[/QUOTE]
:haw:
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
[editline]06:15PM[/editline]
(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
[editline]06:17PM[/editline]
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
(425): I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
(717): If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.
[editline]06:22PM[/editline]
(518): my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
[editline]06:23PM[/editline]
(931): so today I found out that she used to be a he....
(1-931): are you gonna get a divorce?
[editline]06:23PM[/editline]
(864): I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
[editline]06:24PM[/editline]
(732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
(803): i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
(314): You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
[QUOTE=Egevened;17945718](314): You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.[/QUOTE]
:love:
[editline]02:31PM[/editline]
(647): It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So fucking true. :3:
[editline]02:32PM[/editline]
(678): better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
[editline]02:34PM[/editline]
(902): Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
(818): i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
(484): He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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