• Alcoholic Friends/Family Discussion
    23 replies, posted
WWWW
That sucks dude. I don't know what to do, but with my family, alienation worked. I don't know what is the right thing to do. Alienate or try to change the person? By alienating them, you may be able to force them to change themselves, which is generally difficult thing for anyone. If you try to help them, they have to recognize they have a problem in the first place. Does he deny his alcoholism? Does he even recognize there is a problem?
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My parents are not alcoholic but most of the times the consequences of them drinking are fucking bad. I can't stand their behaviour even if it's just sitting at the kitchen quiet and alone - it still makes me very angry. Because of all stress I had with this, I've developed a fear of getting drunk myself. Also telling my mom that shit is bad freaks her out, saying that 'I don't understand' and shouldn't teach her how to live. It pisses me off so much (that once I went starting punching walls to calm myself, after that I just was sitting and crying because of realizing that I cannot change them for good, and even more that mom doesn't like my intentions) and leaves me no hope, fuck this shit, I can't help them.
[QUOTE=suXin;44873698]My parents are not alcoholic but most of the times the consequences of them drinking are fucking bad. I can't stand their behaviour even if it's just sitting at the kitchen quiet and alone - it still makes me very angry. Because of all stress I had with this, I've developed a fear of getting drunk myself. Also telling my mom that shit is bad freaks her out, saying that 'I don't understand' and shouldn't teach her how to live. It pisses me off so much (that once I went starting punching walls to calm myself, after that I just was sitting and crying because of realizing that I cannot change them for good, and even more that mom doesn't like my intentions) and leaves me no hope, fuck this shit, I can't help them.[/QUOTE] Shit dude. I'm sorry to hear that, my advice is instead of taking out frustration on a wall you should take it out on their booze.
[QUOTE=marcosppp;44873804]Shit dude. I'm sorry to hear that, my advice is instead of taking out frustration on a wall you should take it out on their booze.[/QUOTE] It doesn't worth it and I often wanted to do that, but it'll only make the conflict worse and [I]won't change them[/I]. Better just to maintain my sanity and not interact. It happens 1-3 times a month and is bearable.
[QUOTE=suXin;44873882]It doesn't worth it and I often wanted to do that, but it'll only make the conflict worse and [I]won't change them[/I]. Better just to maintain my sanity and not interact. It happens 1-3 times a month and is bearable.[/QUOTE] Yeah dude just do what you think is best
Everyone outside of my sister and parents are heavy alcoholics in the family, my sister drinks a lot though and I'm really prone to binge drinking every day, thankfully I've kept it in check so far because I've been working out every day for years and drinking alcohol is a bit counter-productive.
My dad's an alcoholic but he's 9-10 years sober thanks to AA He's still an asshole a lot of the time
Both my parents drank most my life, and around 7 years ago it started to to get real bad with my mother. My father ended up quitting before it got to bad in hopes that my mom would follow in his steps but she didn't. On top of this her father died of alcohol about 6 years ago which made things even worse, she would constantly drive drunk and go to work drunk. That terrified us because she is a nurse and we always worried that she would end up killing someone while she was working so we called the hospital she worked at and told them. She was let go shortly after that. Fast forward two years and my father is getting a divorce and him, me, and my brother had to make the hardest decision we ever made. We had to kick her out, I hope no one here ever has to experience that. We tried rehab 5 times and she was getting put in the hospital every other day which was dragging my father down so enough was enough. She ended up living on the streets for over 2 years until she met a guy named Alan who was a drugged out schizophrenic alcoholic. We knew this but we were just happy she had someone to somewhat look after her because we only saw her about once every few months. A few more months pass and her mom phones her and tells her to come up to Alaska to live with her, of course now she won't go without Alan. So I (being only like 17 at this point) made the decision to move out of my fathers home and go up to Alaska as well to make sure she kept her head on straight and to keep Alan away from my grandmother because with his schizophrenia he was a ticking time bomb some times. Everything was going great for about 4 months and then I noticed one night that my mom was slurring, so of course I lose my mind and start digging through her stuff to find the alcohol and dump it. I eventually found it and dumped it which made Alan lose his mind completely. He got in my face and started yelling at me and then got in my grandmothers face and slapped her as hard as he could. This was 1 of the 2 times in my life that I have almost killed someone. I grabbed my grandmothers pistol and ended up in a standoff with him for about 5 minutes until my grandmother talked me down. I had just had enough of it at that point and I almost snapped. I ended up having to do the unthinkable again, kicking my mother out for the second time in my life. The drama with Alan and my mom didn't stop though. About a couple years later her and Alan had settled down in a home and were sober (as far as I knew) back in Spokane. I ended up making an unexpected visit to their apartment one day to drop of some extra groceries I didn't need and I walked in and found them both passed out on their bed in positions that made me think they were dead. So I freaked out and yelled and yelled "mom" to which they both got up in a daze, both drunk. After some mean words here comes Alan again and this time things got physical. He tackled my and started punching me in the face and chest, after a couple punches I was able to grab my pocket knife and start slashing at him. I got a couple good swings at him before he backed off and started freaking out so I ran out of the apartment covered in blood and yelled for someone to call the police. Which they did and Alan was arrested for assault while I was let go because they determined by my mom's account that I was acting in self defense. So fast forward another few months and I haven't had communication with my mother because she left Spokane with Alan shortly after this when he got out of jail. I don't hear anything from here for about 8 months and I'm just assuming she is dead, which still haunts me till this day having to think that. All of a sudden I get a call and it's from her, she is in the hospital telling me she has to get one of her legs cut off because of the years of diabetes and all of the alcohol had done damage to her circulation in her legs and a auto immune infection she picked up caused sores which weren't healing. So she has the operation and ends up in a nursing home for a few months while her legs heals a bit. Which brings us up to present day, she is currently has her own apartment which she lets Alan visit but never stay over and last I checked she has been sober since the operation over 8 months ago. I am really hoping for the best because she had periods of sobriety but they went south before we knew it. There is really a lot more to this story but I don't want to go in to far because it all ends up in the same situation over and over. Right now I just have to dwell on what is currently going on and just think of the better times while she was sober and we were up in Alaska having a good time. [img]https://scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t1.0-9/1235160_10200481691185286_1070929962_n.jpg[/img] Sorry for the wall of text but some things you just have to get off your chest.
My mom and dad hooked up in a Casino. They both worked there and their relationship had me come into this world. Turns out my dad was an alcoholic, constantly drinking while he was supposed to be doing his job as a floorperson. Always hung out by the bars and snuck in a few drinks during his shift while just talking to people, so what my mom said to me. It affected the relationship and they got into a pretty hard divorce proceeding when I was just two years old. I had the pleasure of reading into the records of the divorce proceedings and it sounded my mother drank a lot as well and the custody of me was put into question. Apparently my mother won me. It's been almost 21 years since I last saw my dad.
Well I don't usually get to talk about this much so here we go. In my family substance abuse was a huge thing. I've had a heroin addicted cousin steal $600 from me when I was 15, watch my grandma be doped out at Christmas, and even see a brick mailbox get demolished by my aunt in a car to name a few things. My mother's side has always had problems, but my dad's just did a better job hiding it. I can remember as young as like 10 that my parents would get seriously drunk. My mom was worse then my father always, but it didn't really matter because such behavior made me disdainful unfairly towards them. It was only until my family went to Hawaii 3 years ago finally my mom hit rock bottom did things change. She was laying out by our vacation home pool about 2 days sober after we had a mini intervention begging her to stop. The rest of the family was in the car ready to go hiking up a volcano for 3 hours. As we were about to drive out, my brother realized he forgot something and went back into the house and found my mom having a seizure next to the pool. We found out later the seizure was from a lack of achohol. Luckily, she didn't fall into the pool and we hadn't left. This moment changed our lives as it allowed my mom and dad to see how bad it had gotten. Soon we were having interventions for everyone in my family. My mom went to the Betty Ford treatment center, which is where we met Lindsay Lohan of all people. Imagine spending a Christmas week at a rehab with your family including Lohan and hers.... Crazy... My mom and dad are two years sober so far and I gotta say, besides the occasional family drama, life is sooo much better. I am very proud of my parents now. I attend alonon meetings and have lead a few alateen meetings. I highly suggest anyone in this thread who is distraught with a family member abusing to attend one in your local area. They really helped me when I was young and felt by myself. You really learn how to separate yourself from the negativity. Only my previously mentioned cousin is the one still causing problems. Last I heard was he got arrested in North Dakota waving a shotgun he stole around. He turned gay to pay for his meth, and had one of his boyfriends/drug dealers call up my other cousin and ex-uncle threatening to kill them if they didn't pay bail...... And too think he was part of Texas's best high school football team with a scholarship at one point.
OP, If you're truly worried about your niece then strive to be [I]always [/I]be a positive influence in her life. It is a simple but important way to make her life better, it will definitely pay off in the long run. As far as doing something to better the situation...aka, your brother's alcoholism...there isn't much you can do about HIS problem. As a rule of thumb, I'd place yourself in his shoes. My advise is to be long suffering, be caring, and love him despite his problems. Do this without credit, do it when he doesn't deserve it, and especially do it when you don't want to. Granted, this may or may not help him realize the impact he is leaving on others, and [U]it will not be easy[/U]. But you'll be able to say that you treated him the way you'd want to be treated if you were in his shoes. It's unfortunate to have to suffer when people you care about are selfish. But you can't hold yourself responsible for how they act, all you can do is be a better person and treat him exactly how you'd want to be treated if you were an alcoholic asshole.
Well, what I have don't compare much to what else has been posted, but my uncle's an alcoholic and it's pretty fucking sad. Like, ten years ago he was this brilliant guy who just bicycled everyone, being fit as hell. He still has moments of brilliance (he's a very well-educated person), but only when he actually shows up. Sometimes he'll call our landline and it's not really fun being on the receiving end - he's not at all aggressive or anything, it's just a sad state to be in. I really hope you other guys' family members pull through.
i hev a alchioloic fuck.
My Mom is an alcoholic and she becomes the worst kind of person when she's drunk - Violent and religious. She's always picking fights when she gets drunk ad it happens at least 2 times a week. She refuses to go to rehab and she hides bottles so we can't find them. We all agree she's a lost cause and we just hate her.
I guess I can bitch about my father, who goes through about $4-500 in beer a month. Goes to the store 4 times a week, buys two 12 packs each time. Drinks it every time. That's 12 beers a day. He gets extremely preachy. He got violent with my mother once, and that led to cops getting called and now he has a felony on his record because my mother is disabled. They haven't slept in the same bedroom in 3 years. He was forced to go to AA as part of his probation, but as soon as it was over he relapsed. Hard. And now, every night is full of arguments, and general assholishness. Snide remarks. He sleeps in his desk chair a lot, and snores, because he passes out I guess. It's hard to describe his behavior - so I'll just write out an example that happened a few weeks ago. I was minding my own business, playing games on my computer. Apparently my chair was in the way - instead of asking me to move, my father saw it fitting to forcefully bump into my chair. I asked him to stop, because, y'know, the knock transferred some force to my desk and knocked some shit off. He stared at me, dumbfounded, for about 10 seconds, then said something along the lines of "You little shit, you're driving yourself into work the next 2 weeks." (We work at the same company. That was the last nice thing he's done for me, and that was 3 yeas ago.) I think he's a lost cause - he views alcohol as his only way to "have fun" anymore. And there's nothing wrong with a little drinking, but being physical and aggressive is completely different to having a little fun.
^ Although my situation was not so bad, some of that behavior stays around even if they sober up.
[QUOTE=fox '09;44943350]^ Although my situation was not so bad, some of that behavior stays around even if they sober up.[/QUOTE] It does. He's not as physical, for sure, but the condescending and snide attitude is very apparent.
Let me tell you a story about one person in my family: Him and his wife use to drink like it was normal, nothing too overboard, sometimes getting drunk that sort of thing. One night they got extremely drunk which led to them having an argument - things got out of hand really bad and he threatened to hit his wife. The day after he swore to never drink again, I asked him why and he just said "I will never forget the look of terror I saw in her eyes" He hasn't drank in over 5 years, still going. It's even come to the point where he refuses any sort of food that had alcohol in the process: anything with any form of liquor doesn't pass his lips.
[QUOTE=redback3;44945445]Let me tell you a story about one person in my family: Him and his wife use to drink like it was normal, nothing too overboard, sometimes getting drunk that sort of thing. One night they got extremely drunk which led to them having an argument - things got out of hand really bad and he threatened to hit his wife. The day after he swore to never drink again, I asked him why and he just said "I will never forget the look of terror I saw in her eyes" He hasn't drank in over 5 years, still going. It's even come to the point where he refuses any sort of food that had alcohol in the process: anything with any form of liquor doesn't pass his lips.[/QUOTE] Now there's someone I can respect. Someone who knows they're bad when they drink too much and are actually willing to give up the booze for others around them.
The best way to describe my Family, is that of a literal Iceberg. There's always more that meets the eye.
[QUOTE=Adlertag1940;44949125]The best way to describe my Family, is that of a literal Iceberg. There's always more that meets the eye.[/QUOTE] That's just people man, everyone has secrets. If you were 100% honest all the time with everyone around you then you would either be dead, in prison or very alone.
Sucks. Isolating the people in my life that had habits with alcohol and whatnot worked for the most part, but in the end they were needing help. Intervention can be key, doing something that can make the person think "Wow, that hurt" usually steers them towards getting a little better. But to cope with it, regardless of what happens, keep all your energy focused on the positive things in your life. If anyone around you is being negative, ignore them/get rid of them.
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