• Unload your mind in this thread.
    492 replies, posted
[B]Yo!![/B] I guess threads like these have been made several times, perhaps there is one that I missed right now even. I haven't been as much on DD lately as I used to be. It's been kinda dull here frankly. This has nothing to do with my thread though, other than the fact that I wanted to contribute with something to post in. And also, I just felt like writing something. If there's recently been a thread like this then r8 l8 I guess. It's a pretty long read from my part I suppos, but you don't need to read what I write to contribute. I suppos it doesn't matter if people bother to post or even read, but I'll feel better when I'm done. And I hope someone else will post stuff to get off their minds. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [B]My contribution[/B] I'm just going to write as stuff comes up in my head. Personally, I'm not a "heavy" user of anything. I drink on the weekends. Not every weekend, but mostly 1-3 times a month. I also smoke weed. I've been smoking a bit over 2 years now, i started when i was 18. (That makes me 20 for those of you who are too fucked up to do simple math:P ) I can smoke weed 3-4 days straight or a month may go by without lighting up. Though usually I smoke 1-2 weekends a month. Reasons I don't smoke might be everything from low on cash, to not having the time or I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like weed has any control over me or that it currently has any negative effects on my present life. It's common knowledge that weed makes you lazy and less.. hmmm... Productive isn't a right word, but you get the point. You might drop out of school, be out of work, never get things done, etc etc... But for me... It's been like this my whole life... I'm lazy, I don't get things done. I postpone tasks that should be done quickly. I wait til the last minute. I've finished school and I'm now working at a grocery store. It's my second year "off" as I call it. I was planning to have one year "off" to work and earn me some money, and then study at some uni. Yet I'm still working and it's the second year. I work 4 days a week, and I'm not able to save up any substantial amounts of money, so you might as well just say that these two years off have been pointless. Now... If I said this to someone that has negative feelings towards weed, they will probably tell me that it's because of the weed. It's making me lazy and I don't get things done, but as I stated above, I've always been like this. So it's hard to know if weed is the reason for my current situation or if it's just me. Anyways, I don't think I smoke enough to be affected by it in such a manner. The most negative part it has on me that I can think of is the money. I live in Norway, and weed ain't exactly cheap here. It's partly the reason I'm not able to save any money, but far from the main reason. One gram of decent/good weed costs from 125 kr to 150 kr. Which is somewhere around 15 and 20 euros/20-25 bucks/13-17 quid. If I'm going to think of positive effects of long term smoking, I can only think of one thing, though again it's hard to know if weed is the reason or if it's just me again. The last year I've started thinking differently, viewing stuff in a different light, from a different perspective. I've been working on my self to try and get rid of what I think are negative sides of my self. Sides that I've never even shown to anyone. Especially one thing... For as long as I can remember, I've been paranoid. I guess we all are in some way, but I doubt everyone is like me. I've always felt like someone is watching me. I can't explain it... I've felt kinda like that movie with Jim Carrey. But even to the extent that my thoughts are being monitored. I've never done much out of this... It doesn't affect my life i guess, at least not how i function when I'm with people. It's more something I think about when I'm alone. I might stop my self from having a thought becuase I don't want to seem weird to who ever might be monitoring me. (I use the word monitor just because I can't come up with anything better. I don't have any specific thoughts about who is monitoring, but it's just a feeling. For all I know, it might be God ((I'm not religous, or an atheist, but thats a whole other discussion)). I've always been very... hmm... I can't think of a fitting word in english, but well... I care what people think of me. Not how I look or anything like that. More what they think of [I]me[/I]. My personality, my thoughts, my meanings. One of the worst things I know is if someone has a false impression about me. Like they think they know something about me that isn't true. Or if someone call me a liar when I'm not. Now if you "mix" this in with the paranoia, I sometimes might feel the need to explain stuff I do when I'm alone, so that "who ever" won't get the wrong impression. Sometimes I'm not able to sleep because I keep thinking of stuff that happened in the past, and ways I could correct it if I had the chance. Many people probably do that, but I only think about stuff that happened in social situations, stuff I said and what I think people thought of me when it was said. It's just retarded and I know nothing good comes out of it, but i still do it. Now i've fallen completly off the point I'm trying to make... The positive side is that all that I told you about now, is gotten better. I've started "catching" my self when I have these thoughts and tell my self that it's retarded. Like... I get the urge to explain my self, but i tell my self it's retarded and I don't do it. If I start thinking back to stuff that happened in the past, I stop my self before I think too much. And I'm able to think of something else. I feel I've gotten more control over my brain and thoughts. As I said I don't know if the weed is the reason for this, but I know it helped to start the process. When I'm really high I see stuff from a total different perspective and get a new understanding. Sometimes weed makes you paranoid obviously, but other times it's made me "give less fucks." Like... "No one is fucking monitoring me, and even if they were. So what?!" About the paranoid stuff lol... I had to make a new account because I don't want people I know to read what I have written. Even though the chances of them even seeing it would be slim. I don't want you to get the wrong impression (lol), I'm not "crazy" and I function as everyone else. I'm pretty much as average as you can get. Only thing that is different from average is the amount of time spent infront of a computer, but other than that there is nothing odd about me from an outside point of view. I'm not a depressed person, nor am I an overly glad one, I have friends, I have a job, I like to socialize. I don't have a girlfriend, never had one either. I'm not a virgin though. I just never got into a relationship yet. Mainly becuase I don't have the biggest self esteem, but this is also someonething I'm working on. And I feel it's gotten better. I don't have trouble talking to girls on a regular basis, but going out on town and picking up a girl is not something I've been able to do as of yet. Mainly because I'm to worried about what the girls I approach will think of me. Will they laugh? Why would they be interested in me? It's not becuase they are girls that I'm not able to do it, but it's all got to do with the stuff I talked about that I hate when people get the wrong impression about me. If I'm always the person in our group that keep kind of on the side and I talk less when we're around people I don't really know, or people that non of us know. I like to observe and see what kind of person it is. And then judge how I'm going to act around this person. And this usually takes more time than you have when you are trying to pick up a girl. I don't have any trouble talking with girls I know obviously, or girls I know I have to spend time with in the future (like new co-workers, a friends girl friend and her friends.) It's all in the act of actually picking up a girl. I know how to act around girls and I know what to say etc. I can give advice to others that works, but doing it my self... Too scary. Too afraid of rejection. I've started forcing my self to give girls compliments, so I can actually see how easy it is. I already know that there is no reason to afraid, no logical reason that I shouldn't be able to pick up girls. It's all in my head and I'm guessing there are many of you here that know the feeling. You know what you should do, but you can't. You know it's not hard, but... You just can't. I do feel that it helps to give the girls i already know, compliments, it will eventually help me. I'm slowly building my self confidence. I kinda feel like I'm my own shrink. I'm working through problems alone. Problems many seek help for. I feel I don't need help. I'm doing better now than 1 year ago. So clearly I'm doing something right. Maybe in the near future, my confidence will be good enough to pick up girls. I've always felt that one should really try to fix your own problems before you seek help. But if you can't do it your self then there is nothing wrong with asking for help in some way. Arrrr... I kind of lost my train of thought I guess because I don't have anything else to write. This is all just... Rambeling... As I said I wrote as it came to me, so it might be a bit messy. I'm trying to come up with more to write to kind of... end what ever i started on, but I think I'm done. I can't write this any differently. I'm not a write. So I'm just posting it as is. There is probably a few weird gramatical errors there as well, but I'm too tired to read through this now. It's 06:08 in the morning. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you don't read, that's fine, but maybe you want to unload? Don't be scared. Just do it!
I'm assuming that this thread is the forum's equivalent of screaming into a pillow, so, here goes. This is directed to a certain person that was once in my life. I hate you. You're a miserable wretch of a person. You use people, you exploit their weaknesses, you toy with weakened hearts like they were playthings and you care for nobody but yourself. I did so much for you, with little to no expectations from you, yet I am the villain. I hate you. You expect me to cross oceans and climb mountains for you without question, emerging battered and bruised on the other side, and then cast me aside like a piece of rubbish. Even worse, you expect me to put up with it. I hate you. I loved you once. But now, no longer. I have seen who you truly are. It took me two and a half years, but I finally realized it. You manipulated me all this time. You never cared about me. It was all just a game to you, and I was the willing and stupid pawn. I hate you. That felt good. Needed to get that off my chest.
[QUOTE=Furioso;33311358]I'm assuming that this thread is the forum's equivalent of screaming into a pillow, so, here goes. This is directed to a certain person that was once in my life. I hate you. You're a miserable wretch of a person. You use people, you exploit their weaknesses, you toy with weakened hearts like they were playthings and you care for nobody but yourself. I did so much for you, with little to no expectations from you, yet I am the villain. I hate you. You expect me to cross oceans and climb mountains for you without question, emerging battered and bruised on the other side, and then cast me aside like a piece of rubbish. Even worse, you expect me to put up with it. I hate you. I loved you once. But now, no longer. I have seen who you truly are. It took me two and a half years, but I finally realized it. You manipulated me all this time. You never cared about me. It was all just a game to you, and I was the willing and stupid pawn. I hate you. That felt good. Needed to get that off my chest.[/QUOTE] :( is that the chick you used to tell me about man?
Yeah. Bitch is crazy.
Since a bad acid trip I had a month back I've been viewing reality at a much different level, part of me doesn't like it. I'm always paranoid about going into a psychosis again for some reason because that is what happened on my bad trip, and it remains burned into my memory more vivid than reality. Sometimes I question reality, I lose trust it my perception of things and I go back into the dark place in my head. Lately I've been practicing meditation to battle this and it has helped but I can not forget what happened that night. It used to keep me up at night and I'd cry wishing I didn't think in the ways I do now, and now I'm learning to live with it.
[QUOTE=dedo678;33311472]Since a bad acid trip I had a month back I've been viewing reality at a much different level, part of me doesn't like it. I'm always paranoid about going into a psychosis again for some reason because that is what happened on my bad trip, and it remains burned into my memory more vivid than reality. Sometimes I question reality, I lose trust it my perception of things and I go back into the dark place in my head. Lately I've been practicing meditation to battle this and it has helped but I can not forget what happened that night. It used to keep me up at night and I'd cry wishing I didn't think in the ways I do now, and now I'm learning to live with it.[/QUOTE] You might not realize it, but one day, you'll look back on it and find that it was all worth it. It can take months to recover from a horrible trip, but when you do, you'll only be a stronger person for it. Hang in there, man. I know it's tough, but you just gotta keep on truckin'. [editline]16th November 2011[/editline] Given the nature of this thread, I feel this is appropriate thread music Us and them, DD, us and them. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue5uST-Pj3Q[/media]
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My mom and I have 6 days to move out and pay $2500 to our landlord or she can be charged with contempt of court and sent to jail. She's a deputy and so is our landlord. They both work for the same agency. They always talk about how being in law enforcement is a "brotherhood" but she always gets screwed over by everyone there even though all she does is try to be a decent person. The reason we're in this situation is we were both in a car crash over a year ago. She got hurt pretty badly and all of our money has went towards medical bills and groceries, etc. She just now was able to go back to work but we're 2 months behind on rent so it's too late. Don't know what to do. I wish our landlord would drop dead. He's such a despicable human being.
I played a big part in introducing this girl to drugs and tried to do it in the most sensible and safe way but it's all gone wrong. I had a small thing with her (which lead to nothing) and she's been trying to get over a relationship (which is the only reason she had anything with me) and now she's going overboard with everything. She'll basically take anything she is given by anyone without second thought and won't listen to anyone about the consequences. The quality of the stuff she's willing to take is despicable, she did a few lines of 'dolly-mix' at the weekend, which is the biggest load of horseshit i've ever heard. Dolly mix is supposed to consist of ket, md and coke. I mean, if you're going to give people a random bag of white powder, atleast make it slightly fucking believable. She's determined to get some MD even though she only had access to the Lowest quality shit imaginable but she literally doesn't give a shit. She's going downhill fast, she's smoking weed often throughout exams and its going to ruin all her grades but she just doesn't care. This has all basically stemmed from me. If she didn't ever meet me, it could have been completely different for her. I've tried so many times to talk sense into her and she just doesn't listen, she doesn't care about quality or the effects and risks, she just wants to get high, which is a bad attitude to have around so many shit drugs. She had no idea what's going on around her and doesn't understand the world of drugs and dealers and why they are mostly out to get cash, she's loosing her friends over it and the ones that are close to her are worried but don't know what to say. Obviously truth is I'm worried about her too. I don't want to be. I hate her for not listening to me and I hate her for being so naive but I care about her and most of what happened is down to me, she would be finding other ways to deal with her problems and probably be over them by now. I just wish she wasn't being so fucking stupid.
[QUOTE=SuPeR_MaN;33311999]I played a big part in introducing this girl to drugs and tried to do it in the most sensible and safe way but it's all gone wrong. I had a small thing with her (which lead to nothing) and she's been trying to get over a relationship (which is the only reason she had anything with me) and now she's going overboard with everything. She'll basically take anything she is given by anyone without second thought and won't listen to anyone about the consequences. The quality of the stuff she's willing to take is despicable, she did a few lines of 'dolly-mix' at the weekend, which is the biggest load of horseshit i've ever heard. Dolly mix is supposed to consist of ket, md and coke. I mean, if you're going to give people a random bag of white powder, atleast make it slightly fucking believable. She's determined to get some MD even though she only had access to the Lowest quality shit imaginable but she literally doesn't give a shit. She's going downhill fast, she's smoking weed often throughout exams and its going to ruin all her grades but she just doesn't care. This has all basically stemmed from me. If she didn't ever meet me, it could have been completely different for her. I've tried so many times to talk sense into her and she just doesn't listen, she doesn't care about quality or the effects and risks, she just wants to get high, which is a bad attitude to have around so many shit drugs. She had no idea what's going on around her and doesn't understand the world of drugs and dealers and why they are mostly out to get cash, she's loosing her friends over it and the ones that are close to her are worried but don't know what to say. Obviously truth is I'm worried about her too. I don't want to be. I hate her for not listening to me and I hate her for being so naive but I care about her and most of what happened is down to me, she would be finding other ways to deal with her problems and probably be over them by now. I just wish she wasn't being so fucking stupid.[/QUOTE] none of it is your fault, get that out of your head right now. Just because you introduced her to something doesnt mean its your fault that they cant handle it. Some kids get it, most kids dont, when it comes to responsible drug use. She doesnt sound disciplined at all and she would act that way with anything and drugs just happens to be the thing she got into. Its not good that you feel guilty for her mistakes especially when you have tried everything to stop her. Im glad that you tried everything to help her out and to try and teach her but in the end its her actions.
[QUOTE=SuPeR_MaN;33311999]I played a big part in introducing this girl to drugs and tried to do it in the most sensible and safe way but it's all gone wrong. I had a small thing with her (which lead to nothing) and she's been trying to get over a relationship (which is the only reason she had anything with me) and now she's going overboard with everything. She'll basically take anything she is given by anyone without second thought and won't listen to anyone about the consequences. The quality of the stuff she's willing to take is despicable, she did a few lines of 'dolly-mix' at the weekend, which is the biggest load of horseshit i've ever heard. Dolly mix is supposed to consist of ket, md and coke. I mean, if you're going to give people a random bag of white powder, atleast make it slightly fucking believable. She's determined to get some MD even though she only had access to the Lowest quality shit imaginable but she literally doesn't give a shit. She's going downhill fast, she's smoking weed often throughout exams and its going to ruin all her grades but she just doesn't care. This has all basically stemmed from me. If she didn't ever meet me, it could have been completely different for her. I've tried so many times to talk sense into her and she just doesn't listen, she doesn't care about quality or the effects and risks, she just wants to get high, which is a bad attitude to have around so many shit drugs. She had no idea what's going on around her and doesn't understand the world of drugs and dealers and why they are mostly out to get cash, she's loosing her friends over it and the ones that are close to her are worried but don't know what to say. Obviously truth is I'm worried about her too. I don't want to be. I hate her for not listening to me and I hate her for being so naive but I care about her and most of what happened is down to me, she would be finding other ways to deal with her problems and probably be over them by now. I just wish she wasn't being so fucking stupid.[/QUOTE] You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves man, all you did was try to show her alittle fun and she went overboard with it. This is in no way shape or form your fault.
So basically a DD chat/thought thread? I will give it a go. Now, I haven't used psychedelics yet. They're probably hard to get because most of my country looks like this: [img]http://www.balsas.lt/07/03/lietuva_px600.jpg[/img] I smoke weed sometimes, but eh, I think the high should be something better or maybe I'm just smoking indica. Our weed is probably shit, or I just don't know enough people. SWIM and SWIM's friend ordered DMT and it never came. Customs probably got it, because they make random mail checks. I don't understand people who go like "omg <I/we/whatever> tripped so hard on <drug>, for example, LSD". That shit should be used for enlightenment, in my opinion, and it seems as tho nobody researches their stuff before using. I don't know, just seems like that. It's also hard for me to express myself, like erm, lack of words maybe. Lack of psychedelics makes me sigh, because, for example, after watching Spirit Molecule or just generally reading about them and trying to comprehend what it would be or feel like for my mind to be blown by them, my mind "gets blown" just from the thought. Sigh, hopefully soon... or in the near future. All for now, if this thread goes good, I might post more. Sorry if this is a shit post.
I dunno I don't think psychadelics have to be used for enlightenment, they can be great for a good time as well. [editline]17th November 2011[/editline] I never trust any ideas i think of when I was tripping anyway, It just seems like a bad idea to me :v:
I fully support Marijuana and it's uses. I don't care if it is ever going to be legalized in my state, I will continue to smoke it no matter what. I don't think that is a problem either. The US Gov. should regulate Marijuana and decriminalize it for good. I feel like our Gov. is doing the same bullshit that they did with Alcohol back in the day. Fuck the police. Smoke weed all day erry day.
[quote]Music is a safe kind of high. - Jimi Hendrix[/quote]
You are your own therapist We are all students. The class is life and the teacher is good old trial and error(also KRS-One).
i hate how my mother is totally okay with me drinking, but can not stand the thought of me smoking herb. i can come home and puke all over my room, cause i've been drinking way too much, and she is still okay with it, but if i come home, and act just a little tired, she will be all over my case, and asking if i've been smoking, threatening to test me, etc
"You must plunge into the pool of life. But ask yourself, will you jackknife or cannonball?"
Agh, well here goes. Goddamn other people like to make shit fucking complicated. Quite more so than it ever needed to be. I've reached a state of mind now where, whatever the fuck happens, fucking happens. I do what I see I need to do and try not to think too hard about it. But fuck, some people don't understand this. I'm scared DD. I feel a rift coming between my best friend and I. I could not stand losing that guy. He's probably the only thing that has kept me from killing myself several times in the past. I don't know why either, or rather I'm scared to ask myself if it is my fault. I feel another lapse into good old manic depressive psychosis coming along too. Some days, I feel that if I actually let myself feel what's going on, it'd be too much. My mother just got on psych meds. She had a bad reaction the other night. Fucking screamed at me for hours, threw shit at me. I can't even look at my dad now some days. There's just this placid animosity between us I can't place. I feel as though I should stay away from drugs for a while. All I've been doing as of late is Xanax and binge drinking on weekends, but the compulsion, the primitve desire, it can take the rest of the week to fade. I itch for benzos and booze again, I craze them, not occasionally, all the time. Some days I just need them. And then we have the issue of girls, god almighty... She fuckin stomped me out guys. Barely got to a third date and now she won't even speak to me anymore. I don't fucking know why. I think I may have inadvertently hurt her. I'm just outwardly a cold person. Maybe she had expected me to warm up more? I don't really know. I fucked up though. She was a catch too, that she was. Now there's another that likes me. I'm afraid to pull the trigger on this one though, afraid I'll fuck up again. She's beautiful, this girl. She's black and white. Mixed girls are always the best aren't they? She's a cheerleader, and an amazing musician. I've never heard anything quite like her voice. But I just feel as if I'm being strung along again. There's something I can't place about her that puts me off. That she would use me, that she would let me fall at the drop of a hat. It hides behind the lust in her eyes, but I see far. Living the way I have would not allow me to be short sighted. I can't quite help looking at the world differently since the other week. The events of that night, they awoke something within me. The twenty minute long brush with death in the backseat of my friend's truck, it was thrilling. Flying down back roads doing 80, piss drunk outrunning imaginary cops. Now I just don't quite take everything so seriously, because fuck it. It's alright I guess, but I don't know.
That's some heavy shit man. Right now I don't think you need to worry about girls. I'm not sure how old you are, but girls come and go, dates are there to get to know eachother and if people don't like what they see they can just easily break it off. It doesn't mean you're a cold, horrible person. I've went on dates that seemed to go okay and it turns out the girl was just being friendly or something. You seem to just be infatuated. Right now you need to be concerned with your own problems. Mind if we have some background about you and your friend and how there seems to be a rift? In regards to your mother, I think you should just leave her be if you can, even if she's the one causing the commotion. If she starts screaming shit at you just get out the house, go chill with a friend or smoke some weed or something. Bare in mind, she's just got on the meds and won't be entirely used to them yet, so there's going to be some kind of prevalent side effects at the start. Try and ween yourself off the stuff for the time being or at least cut it down, in the situation you seem to be in it can't exactly be helping you out, potentially increasing your negative emotions. If you need to, use something a bit less mind altering and something a tad more relaxing. Drowning your emotions in drugs is bad enough as it is, but if you have to, use something less psychoactive. I don't entirely know if I'm right, I'm tired and about to go to bed but I wish you the best of luck; you always have friends here on DD.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;33378004]That's some heavy shit man. Right now I don't think you need to worry about girls. I'm not sure how old you are, but girls come and go, dates are there to get to know eachother and if people don't like what they see they can just easily break it off. It doesn't mean you're a cold, horrible person. I've went on dates that seemed to go okay and it turns out the girl was just being friendly or something. You seem to just be infatuated. Right now you need to be concerned with your own problems. Mind if we have some background about you and your friend and how there seems to be a rift? In regards to your mother, I think you should just leave her be if you can, even if she's the one causing the commotion. If she starts screaming shit at you just get out the house, go chill with a friend or smoke some weed or something. Bare in mind, she's just got on the meds and won't be entirely used to them yet, so there's going to be some kind of prevalent side effects at the start. Try and ween yourself off the stuff for the time being or at least cut it down, in the situation you seem to be in it can't exactly be helping you out, potentially increasing your negative emotions. If you need to, use something a bit less mind altering and something a tad more relaxing. Drowning your emotions in drugs is bad enough as it is, but if you have to, use something less psychoactive. I don't entirely know if I'm right, I'm tired and about to go to bed but I wish you the best of luck; you always have friends here on DD.[/QUOTE] Very solid advice. I find myself, even though I thought I'd moved past this, kicking myself yet again lately. I've gone through most of this before, it's just sometimes the train is upon you before you can jump out of the way. Perhaps I am infatuated with her. She made the move on me though, which is weird. Regardless no complaints. About my friend and I, it's a bit of a long story. His whole family has been involved with drugs way back. There are a lot of alcoholics, some coke heads, and some stoners that he considers just a drain on the family. He's not very much into drugs, obviously. He's been concerned about me because he knows about my underlying conditions and he's seen me at my lowest points. I think it's his opinion I should just go clean, I think he doesn't believe I can moderate myself. Which maybe I can't. He would never tell me this though, I just see it in his eyes. He thinks very highly of me and thinks there are much better things I should be doing with my life and he despises my lack of self esteem. It's been a long time rousing myself out of self-loathing. It comes as a surprise when I'm praised or when, as is right now, a fucking hot girl comes onto me.
okay i guess i'll do this too i'm miserable, all the time. i wake up everyday and just think 'fuck, time to do the same old shit all over again.' everything is boring. school sucks. i cant even enjoy video games anymore. i used to be semi-popular and i would always date the super fine preppy chicks and i would always be going out and stuff, but now most of those people dont even acknowledge me. i have a group of like 3 close friends , and i dont really hang out with anyone else. drugs seem to be the only things that really cheer me up anymore. i havent had a girlfriend in 8 months, and that really bums me out. i've always hated being single, and this is the longest time i've gone without a girlfriend, and it sucks. i'm lonely all the time, even when i'm with my friends. i'm overly shy, and have some pretty bad social anxiety. overall i'm just not happy and my life really needs a change, fucking stat. end rant
[QUOTE=Rediscover;33378203]okay i guess i'll do this too i'm miserable, all the time. i wake up everyday and just think 'fuck, time to do the same old shit all over again.' everything is boring. school sucks. i cant even enjoy video games anymore. i used to be semi-popular and i would always date the super fine preppy chicks and i would always be going out and stuff, but now most of those people dont even acknowledge me. i have a group of like 3 close friends , and i dont really hang out with anyone else. drugs seem to be the only things that really cheer me up anymore. i havent had a girlfriend in 8 months, and that really bums me out. i've always hated being single, and this is the longest time i've gone without a girlfriend, and it sucks. i'm lonely all the time, even when i'm with my friends. i'm overly shy, and have some pretty bad social anxiety. overall i'm just not happy and my life really needs a change, fucking stat. end rant[/QUOTE] Go totally clean for a few months. I did, not by choice mind you, and I couldn't in retrospect explain to you with any confidence how it helped me. But regardless, it did. Perhaps it was just the shock, the jarring of it all. It brought me out of a funk, albeit temporarily.
[QUOTE=Teal Moose;33378236]Go totally clean for a few months. I did, not by choice mind you, and I couldn't in retrospect explain to you with any confidence how it helped me. But regardless, it did. Perhaps it was just the shock, the jarring of it all. It brought me out of a funk, albeit temporarily.[/QUOTE] i dont really do drugs that regularly, to be honest, so i'm pretty sure it's not the problem its just that if i'm having a shitty day (everyday) knowing that a bag of weed or a couple hydros are waiting at home just makes me feel that much better
im 17, single, and lovin it
Thread music [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic7KH1PpbMY[/media] :v:
I'm not sure if I want to word this post negatively or not. I guess it's moreso the fact that I'm scared-Scared for myself. For the past 2-4 years I've been in a major depression, and it all started happening when I was eight-A fucking eight year old. I am fourteen-75%(According to my calculator) of my time on this Earth has been spent with that nook, that cranny in my mind. Not too long ago(Comparatively. It was probably half a year to a year ago) my therapist started mentioning that I might be in a psychotic major depression. I looked it up on Wikipedia, and even though it's not the best source, it said the average PMD patient experiences 4 to 9 episodes in a lifetime. I've only been through one so far, and it's been hell-I can't begin to fathom going through another one or two, let alone [i]4 to 9[/i]. I do use drugs recreationally, and the majority of the time I'm careful about it. Spending my time researching and reading experiences of other people who have tried that drug. Yet, I feel as if though I all started because I couldn't cope with my problems, that I needed an escape from the pain. I never tried anything more than marijuana for at least 8 months(For the record, I started when I was 13). I've delved into some other things recently, and I keep asking myself if that's only the beginning to much harder, harder drugs. In the past month or so I've become a much happier person, and I don't feel like I need cannabis to help me. For a while now, I've told myself that using a drug(Which includes medication, to an extent) to deal with a problem wasn't the right way to go unless I absolutely needed it in the short-term, and to use that time to resolve it. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that I feel a amount of regret that I started smoking and using drugs for all the wrong reasons, but yet now that on a regular basis I still use them because they are fun, not because I need them. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but I fear that if I encounter another problem or episode in my life that I'll use drugs for these problems again, and possibly go to stronger things. Even with things being better now, I'm scared that depression will come for me again-And I fear that if it happens again I won't live through it. When I was at rock bottom and had those thoughts on a consistent basis, moment to moment-Day to day, it was hell. I felt as if that was the only solution and I had managed to reason out that there was no other solution, or that this was the quickest least painful way. I want to live, I'm at least moderately happy, don't get me wrong, but I fear that if I come to grips with it again, I won't live through it. That's it for now, I guess. It feels good to get my thoughts out.
[QUOTE=x2yzh9;33379422]I'm not sure if I want to word this post negatively or not. I guess it's moreso the fact that I'm scared-Scared for myself. For the past 2-4 years I've been in a major depression, and it all started happening when I was eight-A fucking eight year old. I am fourteen-75%(According to my calculator) of my time on this Earth has been spent with that nook, that cranny in my mind. Not too long ago(Comparatively. It was probably half a year to a year ago) my therapist started mentioning that I might be in a psychotic major depression. I looked it up on Wikipedia, and even though it's not the best source, it said the average PMD patient experiences 4 to 9 episodes in a lifetime. I've only been through one so far, and it's been hell-I can't begin to fathom going through another one or two, let alone [i]4 to 9[/i]. I do use drugs recreationally, and the majority of the time I'm careful about it. Spending my time researching and reading experiences of other people who have tried that drug. Yet, I feel as if though I all started because I couldn't cope with my problems, that I needed an escape from the pain. I never tried anything more than marijuana for at least 8 months(For the record, I started when I was 13). I've delved into some other things recently, and I keep asking myself if that's only the beginning to much harder, harder drugs. In the past month or so I've become a much happier person, and I don't feel like I need cannabis to help me. For a while now, I've told myself that using a drug(Which includes medication, to an extent) to deal with a problem wasn't the right way to go unless I absolutely needed it in the short-term, and to use that time to resolve it. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that I feel a amount of regret that I started smoking and using drugs for all the wrong reasons, but yet now that on a regular basis I still use them because they are fun, not because I need them. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but I fear that if I encounter another problem or episode in my life that I'll use drugs for these problems again, and possibly go to stronger things. Even with things being better now, I'm scared that depression will come for me again-And I fear that if it happens again I won't live through it. When I was at rock bottom and had those thoughts on a consistent basis, moment to moment-Day to day, it was hell. I felt as if that was the only solution and I had managed to reason out that there was no other solution, or that this was the quickest least painful way. I want to live, I'm at least moderately happy, don't get me wrong, but I fear that if I come to grips with it again, I won't live through it. That's it for now, I guess. It feels good to get my thoughts out.[/QUOTE] You should stick to the trees.
I have to take a shit.
[QUOTE=Dedmytas;33314496]So basically a DD chat/thought thread? I will give it a go. Now, I haven't used psychedelics yet. They're probably hard to get because most of my country looks like this: [img]http://www.balsas.lt/07/03/lietuva_px600.jpg[/img] I smoke weed sometimes, but eh, I think the high should be something better or maybe I'm just smoking indica. Our weed is probably shit, or I just don't know enough people. SWIM and SWIM's friend ordered DMT and it never came. Customs probably got it, because they make random mail checks. I doesn't understand people who go like "omg <I/we/whatever> tripped so hard on <drug>, for example, LSD". That shit should be used for enlightenment, in my opinion, and it seems as tho anyone researches their stuff before using. I don't know, just seems like that. It's also hard for me to express myself, like erm, lack of words maybe. Lack of psychedelics makes me sigh, because, for example, after watching Spirit Molecule or just generally reading about them and trying to comprehend what it would be or feel like for my mind to be blown by them, my mind "gets blown" just from the thought. Sigh, hopefully soon... or in the near future. All for now, if this thread goes good, I might post more. Sorry if this is a shit post.[/QUOTE] Use the legal loop holes and order the shit you need to make either Shrooms or DMT and make it yourself. I have no experience making DMT but once your shrooms are germinated there's only really one piece of work left and that is done in 5 minh and after that you just wait :)
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