[b]Summer of 09'[/b]
[b]Summary[/b]
A boy named Clive is in love with some girl at his school named Ana.
He tries his best to get recognized by her but she just doesn't realize how passionate he is about her.
After 3 years of trying to get her to notice him, he gives up and decides to take his life...
Ana; feeling guilty about what happened, tries to really get to know the boy that was so in love with her. So she gets involved with every aspect of his 'life'
What can she find out about him?
Was he really that much of a 'loser' like she thought he was?
...Maybe not
[b]This Could be the Summer of Love[/b]:
[i]"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet."[/i]
-Plato
Summer 2009, not much different then all the other years. Just this one had a Nine instead of an Eight... Which wasn't so spectacular to say the least...
Today started off like every other miserable day. Except the fact that the alarm clock was going off at 6am and I had something to look 'forward' to... That something was school; The most boring uninteresting thing to do. Well, I couldn't complain too much cause the fact of the matter was that I got to do something other then sit on Facebook or hang out at the mall or day. Something productive!
The alarm clock continued to 'buzz' as I thought of all the things that could go wrong in school... It seemed as if I was in kindergarten. I should have been used to this shit by now... My outfit was already ironed and set out on the ironing board so it didn't risk getting wrinkled by the wrinkle ghost; That's what my Mom called it the 'wrinkle ghost'... It was when you haven't worn your clothes and by some unlucky chance they become wrinkled anyways. Maybe it was like the moisture in the air? - I don't know...
I put my black Haste the Day band tee and blue Zumiez skinny jeans and set out the door to wait for what seemed to be the most slowest bus ever... After about what seemed to be an hour I saw the bus coming towards me so I took my Bus Pass out of my pocket in 'preparation' for swiping it. I sit towards the back and put my headphones on, turned my iPod on and played my 'Back to School' play-list which had bands such as Green Day, Haste the Day, My Chemical Romance, Owl City and just too many to even mention.
Just as soon as Mama by MCR started to play, I looked up to see if I was at school yet... and I was so I pulled the stop string.
I stepped out to see Ana walking towards school. And I remember that she's in my first period class... Fuck my Life!
[b]Some Things Will Never Change[/b]:
Another year with the most beautiful girl ever is usually something any dude would be happy about; but not me...
This was because she has been dating the biggest prick ever, and she has been ever since the 9th grade... His name was John and he seriously thought he was the shit. And as far as he was concerned he was. Since he was dating the hottest chick ever!
I sat towards the front of the class, as to avoid any unwanted conflict that I was bound to get sooner or later. And just as my ass touched the seat John had to be a smart ass.
"Hey Douche-bag, how was your summer?" - Said John, with some ridiculous expression on his face, the kind where you could obviously tell that he was being a prick.
"Good" - I said, trying to avoid any more conflict that I didn't even start in the first place.
There she was; she sat right behind me... Her gorgeous blue eyes, her perfect lips and her amazing ass... Like she was the type of girl that I would go out of my way to get with... And i have; Even going as far as dedicating a journal to her. Just in case if we would to get married one day. We could all laugh about how obsessed I was with her... Let me not get my hopes up, I know for a fact that she will marry that prick John - ughhhhh...
Class was just beginning to start and the teacher was starting her rant with all that how was your summer bullshit. And of COURSE she made us write a one page summary on what we did this summer... So I was just like... Fuck it, let me write it since there wasn't much to write about anyways.
The teacher just rambles on and finally starts taking the attendance. She called my name and I said "Present!" like I was actually happy about being in school, which was an untrue gesture. About five minutes after she took the attendance I get a tap on my right shoulder...
It was Ana! She must have heard something about me liking her or something which is kind of a scary thing to know... At least she was talking to me. I guess; Right !?... She then started to speak to me.
"Hey" - She said in her adorable voice that I didn't hear that much...
"Hey" - I replied, nervous as all fuck
"Is it true that you, uhmmm... liked me?"
...This was the moment of truth... Was this a good curiousness. The kind where she says, oh my God; I like you too. Or was this the, you're a creep. I'm telling my boyfriend kind of curiosity...
-Fuck, I am really nervous. What do I say...?
Why are you writing about angsty emo kids who kill themselves because a girl doesn't like them back?
Are you supposed to be Clive or something?
Ha, yeah right.
I'm not emo in any way at all.
And because emo kids love reading so thats an easy seller xD
If these are "chapters", then your book is going to be shorter than "Breathing for Dummies."
No there not chapters haha.
And I won't publish this shit.
-snip-
The whole "Wore a Haste The Day band-t to the listening to emo music" part was really unappealing and unnecessary. Not to mention some readers may be clueless to the names of any of those bands.
Don't overuse ellipses. At the moment you have every other sentence ending in one of the little buggers which is just ridiculous. They should be used to indicate a trailing off, a passing of time or an unfinished sentence. Most of the places you have used them require nothing more than a full stop.
Lengthen your sentences. At the moment your sentences are very short and very nondescript. Not enough people when writing stories add in description. Whilst your story doesn't have to be especially descriptive of the setting, if you are doing the whole 'emotional expedition through the mind of another' thing you need to describe their feelings in more depth, maybe throw in some similes and metaphors to spice it up.
Subject matter. What you write your story about is not of my choice, but I would have to say improve on your subject matter a bit. Currently it's really quite shallow and almost seems ridiculous that someone would commit suicide over something so trivial. Try to add some depths to your characters as they are currently Generic Teen Boy #1 and Generic Teen Girl #2. Try to make his suicide sound more reasonable, maybe he was a mild schizophrenic. That way you could have an interesting internal monologue of 'voices'. Also whilst being specific with your characters, it is probably better to be nonspecific with things like the band names. Not everyone is going to know who those bands are and for all they know, he could be listening to happy hardcore.
There is some minor stuff such as using words twice in one sentence, most notably 'ass', but I shan't go into that stuff.
I have too much free time.
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