National Monkey Day!: The top 10 monkeys - Polidicks

[quote][url]http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2010/1214/National-Monkey-Day-The-top-10-monkeys/The-Mandrill-The-best-monkey-ever[/url] [B]10. Emperor tamarin[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1203-monkeys-emperor-tamarin/9132301-1-eng-US/1203-monkeys-emperor-tamarin_full_300.jpg[/IMG] Growing a solid mustache isn't easy. For every Tom Selleck and Billy Dee Williams, there are hundreds of guys who, through no fault of their own, can't manage more than a wispy fuzz on their upper lips. But not the Emperor tamarin. In this species, native to Peru, Bolivia, and Brazil, even the females sport commanding 'staches. This monkey is named for its purported resemblance to the German emperor Wilhelm II, but we think it looks more like the Lorax. [B]9. Noisy night monkey[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1213-noisy-night-monkey/9184489-1-eng-US/1213-noisy-night-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] Most normal monkeys are active during the day, but not members of the Aotus genus. Known as night monkeys and owl monkeys, these ones have evolved large eyes to help them snatch flying insects, move through trees in the darkness, and watch infomercials on TBS. The best night monkey is Aotus vociferans, the noisy night monkey, who keeps neighbors awake with his racket of hooting sounds. The noisy night monkey can be heard waking up neighbors in Ecuador, Peru, Colombia, and Brazil, as well as most college towns worldwide. [B]8. Spider monkey[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/2010/1203/1203-monkeys-spider-monkey/9132347-1-eng-US/1203-monkeys-spider-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] It goes without saying that if Spider-Man were a monkey, he'd be a spider monkey. Living 80 to 100 feet above the ground in the tropical forests of Central and South America, this monkey has a long prehensile tail with a tactile pad at the tip. Combine that with spindly arms and legs, and you've a monkey that can exuberantly swing, swoop, and hurtle itself through the air with abandon. The spider monkey genus contains seven species, six of which are endangered and one of which is likely to become endangered. [B]7. Japanese Macaque[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1122-japanese-macaque/9071745-1-eng-US/1122-japanese-macaque_full_300.jpg[/IMG] Also known as the snow monkey, the Japanese macaque is the most northern-living non-human primate. These monkeys are known for their intelligence, being the only animal other than humans and raccoons known to wash their food, a behavior that was observed being invented by one monkey in 1953 and then passed on to subsequent monkey generations. As with humans, different groups of Japanese macaques have distinct eating habits and child-reading practices. The females outnumber males 3 to 1, and the monkeys spend much of their time lounging in volcanic hot springs. These monkeys have also been observed rolling snowballs, seemingly just for fun. The Japanese macaque is thought to be the inspiration behind the saying 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.' [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/"]View YouTUBE video[/URL] [URL]http://youtube.com/watch?v=-euMlL9O1Kc[/URL] [B]6. Howler monkey [/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1203-howler-monkey/9132771-1-eng-US/1203-howler-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] Take a moment to scream at the top of your lungs. Finished? You just produced a sound that is a fraction of the volume that a howler monkey – the world's loudest land animal – can belt out. Thanks to super-sized vocal chords and a hyoid bone that contains a pocket of air – with the exception of the skull, bones with air pockets are rarely seen except in dinosaurs – the howler monkey can easily make itself heard some three miles away. These monkeys live in the forests of eastern Bolivia, southern Brazil and Paraguay, and northern Argentina. [B]5. Rhesus monkey[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1210-rhesus-monkey/9176263-1-eng-US/1210-rhesus-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] It's hard to think of a monkey that has been subjected to more abuse at the hands of humans than the poor Rhesus macaque. In 1948, the first ever monkey astronaut, a Rhesus monkey named Albert, blasted off in a V2 rocket, where he suffocated. In the 1950s, psychologist Harry Harlow used them to study the effects of social isolation, resulting in monkeys that were severely mentally disturbed. Today, the monkeys – which are the most widespread non-human primate in the world – are used extensively in medical and biological research, much of it stressful, painful, and deadly. In China, the monkeys are often victims of poachers, who sell the meat to restaurants specializing in exotic cuisine. The discovery of butchered remains in Hong Kong's Kam Shan country park prompted the president of the Hong Kong Chinese Herbalists Association to reiterate that [URL="http://www.thestandard.com.hk/news_detail.asp?pp_cat=11&art_id=79509&sid=23083791&con_type=1"]there's no right way to eat a Rhesus[/URL]. [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/"]View YouTUBE video[/URL] [URL]http://youtube.com/watch?v=fg9QCeA4FJs[/URL] [B]4. Proboscis monkey[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1206-proboscis-monkey/9140846-1-eng-US/1206-proboscis-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] The Proboscis monkey, native to the Southeast Asian island of Borneo, is known for its humongous schnoz, which it uses to attract females. The nose also serves as a resonating chamber that amplifies the monkeys' warning calls. The proboscis monkey spends most of its time in trees, but it is also an excellent swimmer, having been picked up by fishing boats in open ocean up to a mile from shore. Troops of proboscis monkeys have been filmed walking upright, making the only monkey known to walk on two legs for significant lengths of time. In addition to its huge nose, this monkey is also known for its pot belly, leading locals to refer to it as the "Dutch Monkey," remarking that their colonizers from the Netherlands often had similarly large noses and bellies. Only about 1,000 proboscis monkeys are known to still exist in the wild. [B]3. Marmoset[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1213-pygmy-marmoset/9184947-1-eng-US/1213-pygmy-marmoset_full_300.jpg[/IMG] With a body length of only about six inches, the pygmy marmoset is the world's smallest monkey. Yet it can jump more than sixteen feet. That would be like a six-foot tall person being able to jump almost 200 feet. So if you're a comic book publisher looking for an idea for a new superhero, "Captain Marmoset" would be a fine choice. But what really makes the marmoset an extraordinary monkey is that all 22 species exhibit something called germline chimerism, a phenomenon not known to exist in any other primate species. A chimera is an organism that has tissues from two distinct genetic lines; for example, hair taken from one part of a marmoset might have different DNA than hair from another part of the very same marmoset. Here's how it happens: Marmosets almost always give birth to fraternal twins. In utero, the placentas for each twin fuse together, allowing cells from one embryo to mingle with those of its twin and vice versa. Over half of male marmosets have chimeric sperm. That means that, if one of these marmosets reproduce, his offspring will have his brothers' DNA. Which kind of complicates the phrase "I'll be a monkey's uncle!" [B]2. Capuchin monkey[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1203-capuchin-monkey/9132703-1-eng-US/1203-capuchin-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] If you're in the market for a monkey butler, look no further than the capuchin. Named for their resemblance to the Catholic friars, in earlier times these monkeys have worked alongside organ grinders and as jockeys in greyhound races. Today, they often serve as domestic assistants to the disabled. Capuchins are widely regarded as the most intelligent of New World monkeys. The tufted capuchin has been observed using tools and engaging in long-term planning. In 2005, Yale economist M. Keith Chen introduced a group of tufted capuchins to the concept of currency; and watched as the monkeys learned to exchange coins for grapes or Jell-O cubes. The monkeys seemed to respond rationally to price shocks and irrationally to gambling opportunities prompting Chen to tell the New York Times that the monkeys were "[URL="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/05/magazine/05FREAK.html?pagewanted=all"]statistically indistinguishable from most stock-market investors.[/URL]" According to the Times, Chen was forced to alter his currency experiment when he spotted two monkeys engaging in prostitution. [B]1. The Mandrill: The best monkey ever[/B] [IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1213-mandrill-monkey/9184772-1-eng-US/1213-mandrill-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] Blue and red ridged thing on its face? Check. Tie-dyed looking backside that wouldn't look out of place at an Allman Brothers show? Check. Ginormous fangs? Check. Weighing almost 80 lbs, and standing at three feet, the mandrill is the largest species of monkey. But despite being huge and colorful, Mandrills, who live in the rainforests of Cameroon, Gabon, Equatorial Guinea, and Congo, are actually quite reclusive. Yes, they have those huge canines, but baring them is typically a friendly gesture among mandrills. Mandrills spend most of their time on the ground, foraging for fruit, nuts, insects, and small lizards. Their cheeks have built in pouches so that they can store their food for later. At night, they sleep in trees, selecting a different tree each evening. Mandrills are threatened. Considered a delicacy in some African cultures, these colorful beasts are often hunted as bushmeat.[/quote] Happy monkey day everyone!

that last monkey's genitals oh god

[IMG]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1213-mandrill-monkey/9184772-1-eng-US/1213-mandrill-monkey_full_300.jpg[/IMG] Is that it's vagina? :ohdear:

[QUOTE=Eudoxia;26692781][img_thumb]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1213-mandrill-monkey/9184772-1-eng-US/1213-mandrill-monkey_full_300.jpg[/img_thumb] Is that it's vagina? :ohdear:[/QUOTE] No, that is a penis.

[QUOTE=not_Morph53;26692838]No, that is a penis.[/QUOTE] :ohdear:

[QUOTE=not_Morph53;26692838]No, that is a penis.[/QUOTE] Holy crap! That's like, what? Three times my size... EDIT: What? Am I really the only one here with the self-esteem to make a joke about [i]myself?[/i] Gee, all you who "agreed" sure could use some self-approval.

No Bonobos? I'm dissappointed :colbert:

[QUOTE]Also known as the snow monkey, the Japanese macaque is the most northern-living non-human primate. These monkeys are known for their intelligence, being the only animal other than humans and raccoons known to wash their food, a behavior that was observed being invented by one monkey in 1953 and then passed on to subsequent monkey generations. As with humans, different groups of Japanese macaques have distinct eating habits and child-reading practices. The females outnumber males 3 to 1, and the monkeys spend much of their time lounging in volcanic hot springs. These monkeys have also been observed rolling snowballs, seemingly just for fun. The Japanese macaque is thought to be the inspiration behind the saying 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.'[/QUOTE] These guys should be number one.

IMO, emperor tamarin should have been the number one. I mean, look at this badass motherfucker: [img]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1203-monkeys-emperor-tamarin/9132301-1-eng-US/1203-monkeys-emperor-tamarin_full_300.jpg[/img] It looks very damn wise.

The number one monkey will always be Bubbles: [img]http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/bubbles.jpg[/img] He has the distinction of being the only creature to share a bathroom with Michael Jackson, without being molested in the process.

FUCK YES MANDRILS! caps [editline]14th December 2010[/editline] [QUOTE=not_Morph53;26693818]The number one monkey will always be Bubbles: [img_thumb]http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/bubbles.jpg[/img_thumb] He has the distinction of being the only creature to share a bathroom with Michael Jackson, without being molested in the process.[/QUOTE] too early

I fucking love monkeys [editline]14th December 2010[/editline] and apes

I thought this was going to be a racist spam post.

Monkey hookers? :ohdear:

[QUOTE=not_Morph53;26693818]The number one monkey will always be Bubbles: [img_thumb]http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/bubbles.jpg[/img_thumb] He has the distinction of being the only creature to share a bathroom with Michael Jackson, without being molested in the process.[/QUOTE] Bubbles is Adorable. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKDDvZey5ZI[/media]

Marmoset and Emperor tamarin looks the best. Thought Marmoset looks like an owl.

I honestly thought Bobby Kotick would take the number 1 spot oh well

Wow! they all look so delicious! for me to eat

Sometimes, I like to make monkey-sounds in public. Monkeys are cool!

Fucking Mandrills, stealing my Dorfs stuff :argh:

[img]http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/1122-japanese-macaque/9071745-1-eng-US/1122-japanese-macaque_full_300.jpg[/img] [i]I see grave danger in your future...[/i]

[QUOTE=not_Morph53;26693818]The number one monkey will always be Bubbles: [img_thumb]http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/bubbles.jpg[/img_thumb] He has the distinction of being the only creature to share a bathroom with Michael Jackson, without being molested in the process.[/QUOTE] Too bad Bubbles is a chimp, not a monkey.