• MJBs guide to hipster photography: HOW u can become hipster photo legend get 5 stars
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hi there in this thread i will teach you the basics of being a great hipster indie photographer. after this guide you will take the BEST pictures and make art that WILL get you access to the genitalia of your choosing. all your photos will look timeless and classy and it takes NO effort from u. here we go: [b]STEP 1: FIND A GOOD SUBJECT[/b] this technique works best with indie bands/rockers or just people who frequent whole foods and have a great theory about how sythetic foods were created by the government to make weed illegal and give you cancer so you stop production of your independently published blog/newspaper/poetry book. they have to have an ugly smile and be willing to do something outrageous and whacky so its best to find somebody who was abused as a child and thus hasn't matured past age 11. if youre planning on taking nude photos and are worried about asking somebody to be your subject, just tell them its art and that nobody will beat off to it. also tell them its natural and make something up about how the photos symbolizes how intrusive society is about nudity. [b]STEP 2: TAKE A PHOTO[/b] hipster photography is all about taking something that looks retro and modern at the same time. its also about being really funny and making something that symbolizes society. so here i have taken this photo: [IMG]http://imgur.com/1waTF.jpg[/IMG] note how WHACKY this is. WHO COULD HE BE ON THE PHONE WITH??? HE'S SOO HAPPY ITS ALMOST UNNATURAL!! this is really the funniest photo ever and it also symbolizes how connected we all are because he's LAUGHING BUT THERES NOBODY AROUND. its a snapshot of a carefree world, one where we can all sell hemp and sing songs from albums that are only available on an obscure myspace page. note the lighting. i used a single light with a bunch of diffusion placed right above the lens. this is so the image has no depth or contrast. both are bad aspects of photography and should be avoided at all cost. also the backround is a white wall because we dont want anything interesting back there. it will distract from the HILLARITY that is our wacky and out of control subject. already this is a work of art and worthy of a place in any basement art gallery run by a chick with 70 piercings, but we can make it even better with photoshop. [b]STEP 3: FUCK YOU HERE COMES THE PHOTOSHOP[/b] if you dont know what photoshop is its a free program that lets you turn both technically and artistically horrible images into great and amazing arts. our photo is cool but it doesnt quite look retro enough so go fucking wild with curves. make sure to throw white balance out the window and fuck up the colors. this will trick everybody into thinking you might have taken it on antique film back in the 1960-1970s when people were really hip. now you TOO can pretend you lived back then and fought the man in your vw bus. [IMG]http://imgur.com/bi2Ab.jpg[/IMG] this is now officially art. this alone would be enough to impress your hipster friends but if you really want to be a hipster king you have to do more: [IMG]http://imgur.com/E7IwP.jpg[/IMG] this is really subtle but a very important step. i used photoshop magic to brighten up all the dark areas and darken all the bright ones. remember we hate depth and contrast so make sure to do this and remove any amount that was accidentally left in the original. also i blurred my mask which leaves an irritating bright halo around any dark shapes (note between the edge of the hair and the wall). this will trick people into thinking your picture was hdr which is another award winning art style that will get you laid. [b]THE FINAL TOUCHES[/B] [IMG]http://imgur.com/0CO1S.jpg[/IMG] i did two things here that are essential to hipster photography that will make ANY photograph instantly amazing VIGNETTING: people in old times used to take photos through cardboard toilet paper tubes attached to the lens, so true hipster artists do the same digitally by darkening everything close to the edges. just make sure you don't do it subtly, because people will ignore your photo if they don't notice a vignette right away. BORDER: good photos always have a superfluous border because when people see it they will think the photo is actually framed and hanging in an art gallery. if it doesn't have a border you're not a professional and you run the risk of people actually questioning your abilities as a photographer. [b]AND WE ARE DONE[/B] [IMG]http://imgur.com/thGSY.jpg[/IMG] NOW YOU ARE AN AMAZING HIPSTER PHOTOGRAPHER. your images convey the full spectrum of human emotion and conflict. people will be moved to tears by your amazing combination of humor and symbolism. the sheer visual beauty that you can now create is enough to inspire change, to mobilize people in protest of conflict, and to manifest ALL dreams and desires to full. remember jenny, your friend and girl that wears polka dot dresses and follows you to every indie concert you go to? your photos will be enough to inspire her to dump her 30 year old boyfriend, take out her clit piercing, and squat on your love shaft. after a night of that sweet love you'll wake up to a beautiful vegan breakfast, followed by a youthful and carefree day at the beach. [b]OTHER GOOD TIPS[/b] START A DEVIANT ART / MYSPACE / FLICKR ACCOUNT: there you can show off your hipster photography to legions of other hipsters who will worship you and shoot down anybody who gives even the slightest amount of criticism. POST A THREAD ON FACEPUNCH: if youre going to post here this is how you should start your thread: Hello all, Today me and jenny had a shoot sesh. Here's the best of the day's photos. Please rate and comment only if you love my work. Get out if you don't. Thanks, Your Name Here COMING SOON FROM MJB INSTRUCTIONAL THREADS: MJBs guide to macro hipster photography: HOW u can take great closeup shots of acoustic guitar strings and flowers on pavement get 5 stars MJBs guide to industrial/urban photography: HOW u can pretend you're in stalker/fallout 3/half life 2 get 5 stars MJBs guide to wallpapers: HOW u can use brushes and presets to shit out the best wallpapers ever get 7 stars
O damn! I was gonna ask some people for post processing tips, but this will keep me busy for a while! Thanks MJB.
cole
You forgot the part about wearing chucks MJB. I'm not forgiving you.
Great thread mjb. Feel better soon m8
the colors are so vibrant and warm i feel like i am sitting in front of a fire. if you want access to my genitalia just ask me.
[QUOTE=CadetBailey;16387978]the colors are so vibrant and warm i feel like i am sitting in front of a fire. if you want access to my genitalia just ask me.[/QUOTE] Do you bathe regularly???
This is why I bought a film camera and have taken 4 years of classes in photography. I hate rich camera-flailing hipsters.
alex9324 needs these tipz
Holy shit! That's almost as good at that one guys photos!
Holy shit dude. I did that and I'll be right back, I gotta have sex with a lot of girls
thats some bad reading................
If the message of this public service announcement escapes you, you should stop taking photos
Already I have herds of hairy girls knocking on my door.
i look at that picture and i wonder "who is he talking to on phone?"
awesome thanks mjb
[QUOTE=rilez;16388924]i look at that picture and i wonder "who is he talking to on phone?"[/QUOTE] yeah, and he looks so happy it's almost unnatural!
A real hipster would've used a red phone
[url]http://hadleyjamesprtfolio.blogspot.com/[/url] okay this guy takes the cake ^ (he's from my facebook)
[QUOTE=beatzdawg;16390785][url]http://hadleyjamesprtfolio.blogspot.com/[/url] okay this guy takes the cake ^ (he's from my facebook)[/QUOTE] [quote]alice shoot was a amazing project to be working on and had an amazing time been asked to work it the theme had so much potentchal which rely inspired me and as a group we worked so hard on it so with all the costumes made by fashion design student Thomas Godsall and myself i look farad to working on similar project with this team.[/quote] Doh!
cool thanks for these tips ill be sure to keep them in midn when im takingg some shots of my local rgadening center thanks m8 [editline]02:39PM[/editline] gardening*
[QUOTE=beatzdawg;16390785][url]http://hadleyjamesprtfolio.blogspot.com/[/url] okay this guy takes the cake ^ (he's from my facebook)[/QUOTE] Haha, oh wow [img_thumb]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_BMFaZgB2WWU/SmOO3eL_pZI/AAAAAAAAACQ/STZQm068QQI/s1600/DSCF4498.JPG[/img_thumb] [quote]Lobster bob was a run way show down the center of queen street cardiff the costumes were designed buy the university fashion students and was arranged buy the fashion promotion students.[/quote]
very good thread mjb i give you a 5 it is real good tutorial
[IMG]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2472/3775257393_24e2b01cb6.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2447/3776062326_93711d5f77.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2640/3776061872_94c095ff0e.jpg[/IMG] I followed ur advice and I even wore converse!!!! These get me all the chicks thank u mjb! [editline]07:59PM[/editline] oh man i forgot to vignette!
i give these pics three cats out of five, perfumly. pretty good colors, and i like the idea of the guy drinking milk out of the carton (who doesnt, be honest?), but the lack of vignette is bad for immersion i don't feel like i am there drinking milk with him and i am disappointed by this
i have fixed one of your images and made it more hip pls use this as a template for the future [IMG]http://imgur.com/FcvPR.jpg[/IMG]
Woow that looks much better thank u mjb! U are a pro hipster photographer
These are the hippest, swingin'est pictures ever - the skills of these snappers are a clarion call to action for the beat generation.
VNL approves. [editline]10:21PM[/editline] so you must obey.
yo vnl knows whats hip for real, she was chilling with the first hippies in the early 60s and also the dinosaurs during prehistoric times and dinosaurs are hip
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