"All The Wrongs of Humanity Packed into a Store" A poem about Walmart - General

[release][h2]All The Wrongs of Humanity Packed into a Store[/h2] [b]A man's hatred of modern society, and Walmart by Pvt. Martin[/b] [i]Twas one Saturday morning when I awoke and remembered, that I had to return a broken MP3 player I got last September. The video was glitchy, and the screen was broke, showing me that the device had croaked. I drank my coffee and went out the door, greeting the neighborhood all quiet and bore. I got into my car, and drove down the street, the roads were always bumpy, never nice or neat. It didn't take long to get to Walmart however, but the parking was quite the endeavor. I drove all around trying to find a spot, about as easy as finding the tiniest dot. Finally I did manage to park, which felt as good as finding the ark. I walked to the entrance to look and see that inside there was a hell for me. Children screaming and crying and throwing a fit, all the more reason for their parents to hit. The place reeked of a foul stench, the smell of baby wee wee properly spent. As I walked to the back I couldn't help but notice, Several couple that weren’t in loco parentis. Their children having tantrums and not able to sit, apparently their parents just stopped giving a shit. Their lives in control by a little brat, that will just grow up to be a fat annoying prat. I walked past the sweets aisle see a show, a horrible big fat ho. Her manners were rude and offensively mean, she wanted to pretend that she was the dean. Yelling at her kids wanting to give them the ditch, Must have happened to you, you fat horrible bitch. Alas I finally got to the service aisle, to begrudgingly see that it was about a mile. Filled with more screaming children, and their parents a hoot, really wanting to give their kids a boot. I stood in that line for what seemed like hours, waiting to speak to the man named Bowers. I saw a woman running after her kid quick, damn woman his ass is thick! Must have been the example that you have led, there is never a limit for someone to be fed. Finally the moment I had yearn, It was at last my turn. I gave him my media device to learn of great shock, that I could not return it at all, what shlock! I walked slowly out of that place, mourned and defeated, all around me, humanity bleated. Everyone showing reason for my personal torment, the prime example of time present. Children begging and being needy, only because they are just fucking greedy. They know their parents don't want to seem rude, yet they themselves are even more quite prude. They don't give a damn for their kids at all, They rather just leave them alone at a mall. Quite the modern couple that makes me sick, The wife a bimbo, her husband a dick. And our modern kids a load of tripe, perfect reason for their stereotype. Fat kids waddle around like penguins at the pole, Their faces looking like ugly moles. Screaming brats throwing fits for not getting what they want, typical for a parent's jaunt. I eventually reached the door and walked right out, of that hell full of heat and shout. As I got into my car I saw one last thing, A parent and her child causing a scene. The parent slapping her child for being a brat, Who cares, they're both just prats. I drove down the bumpy road once more, back into the simple neighborhood bore. I parked the car and went on in, and threw my MP3 into the bin. I went upstairs and slammed my face, into a pillow concerned of our disgrace. “What have we become?” I said to myself, trying to compute our society's mental health. “Children are brats, and their parents prats, beating their rats with baseball bats.” “It's amazing how Walmart simply shows what is more, that all the wrongs of humanity are packed into a store” I wrote down a note, to explain it in a whistle, then went to my drawer and drew out my pistol. I saw down and put the gun to my head, knowing well for our society that it is the end.[/i][/release] So what do you think?

I'm not too keen on how you've presented the subject matter. Yeah, there are a lot of problems with Walmart, consumerist America, and the world as a whole. However, this is more of just you ranting about bad parenting and fat people. If that makes you lose faith in all of humanity, you must have very little to begin with. I'm also sure bad parenting isn't exactly a 'modern' phenomenon, although I know what you're getting at.

[QUOTE=Galago;34767767]I'm not too keen on how you've presented the subject matter. Yeah, there are a lot of problems with Walmart, consumerist America, and the world as a whole. However, this is more of just you ranting about bad parenting and fat people. If that makes you lose faith in all of humanity, you must have very little to begin with. I'm also sure bad parenting isn't exactly a 'modern' phenomenon, although I know what you're getting at.[/QUOTE] I forgot to include in the op, that It's not me in the story, but a disgruntled narrator. Walmart's atmosphere inspired this, suffice it to say. and just to make it clear, I did not say that to cover anything up, I really forgot to put that note into the op.

Didnt like the suicide bit Rhyme is kind of forced otherwise its ok I guess

Thanks for the criticism guys I really appreciate it.

I enjoyed reading this but when I read the title I was expecting a variety of topics. The way I see it, there are a lot more examples of what's wrong with contemporary society that can be witnessed at your local wal-mart. This poem seems to be focused on inconveniences such as annoying little shits or a lack of parking. You gotta think outside the box, man! Otherwise, a good read. Enjoyed the wit but I agree with above poster, nothin to blow your brains over.

I like it, need more formatting though.