The story of how i ended up taking a Chlamydia test.
48 replies, posted
Okay, so earlier today me and the rest of my year went into our assembly and it started out the usual. Head of Sixth Form standing at the front reading out notices to us all with two awkward looking people from some charity or youth group or something who want to give us a talk. Normal police presence at the back of the room etc... Now, after the notices are finished being read out, one of the women who was standing at the front looking awkward starts speaking to us.
"Hello, my name is Sally and i'm here from the Chlamydia testing team" (Sally wasn't her real name)
After she said this, me and my mate just looked at each other, smirked a bit, then both sank back into our reading (He was reading a magazine about films, "Empire" i think, and i was reading "Smugglers Moon", loads of people read in assembly because it's boring) so i can hear her rabbling on in the background about what Chlamydia is and why it's on the rise (Most of us knew about this stuff already) then she says the bit that made my balls go tight and made a lump rise in my throat.
"So today you'll all be taking a Chlamydia test"
Jesus and holy fuck i thought to myself. They can't MAKE us take a Chlamydia test. Turns out they can't forcce you to, but they'll have a pretty good go at it. So she rambles on about how we all have to go to the assembly room in a free lesson or at break or lunch to get a test kit. The test for guys is just to pee into a pot and give it back to them. Now, i saw this as a waste of time and government money for me to take the test, seeing as the closest i've ever got with a girl is making out, i didn't see much point in it.
So i'm walking down to the assembly room to sit back with a can of appletiser and chill out with my book becuase i didn't have any homework to do. I go in there and sit down, there is a teacher in there i knew (That's normal, they like to make sure we're not playing card games before 11am) so yeah, he was my old english teacher and after i sit down and get into my book a bit he starts up a conversation about the book. Fair enough, seems like he's just bored of marking whatever it is he was marking.
Then all of a sudden he just comes out and says "So, have you taken the Chlamydia test yet?" I tell him no, and i don't really see much point in me doing it (I guess he understood my reasons why when he didn't ask for more detail) but then he starts going on about how i really should do it anyway "Just to be certian" I keep telling him no and eventually he lets off and gets back to his marking.
It comes to break and i'm really hungry, so i decide i want to get a bacon roll. Now, i have two options here. I can either go through the common room to the canteen to get one for 50p, or i can go to the bakery down the road and get one for 80p. I decide to get one from the college canteen. So as i'm walking past the desk where the woman is handing out the test kits to people. She looks up and me and says
"I haven't seen you take a test kit yet" This is a statement of truth, and i take it she was making absolutley no attempt to pressure me into anything, so i decide to give her a cold answer back.
"Correct. You haven't. Because i haven't taken one" I say, and then i keep on my way.
I now have my bacon roll and am forced to go back past this woman (there is only one way in and out of the damn room) as i'm walking past she says:
"It's okay you know, we don't judge you, there's nothing to be embarassed about here" so i reply;
"That's nice, but i don't want to take the test thank you" and i carry on walking.
I go and sit in the assembly room again with my bacon roll, and as i go to sit back down again, the teacher who was in there (joke-ily) says to me;
"Ah, having a post-test cheer up roll are we?" This is when i exploded inside.
I eat the rest of my bacon roll on my way back into the common room. I go up to the woman at the desk giving out the test kits and ask for one. She very happily gives me one. I go into the toilets, piss in the pot and bring it back to her. I fill out my name and mobile phone number on a little bit of paper and give it back to her. She then says;
"Thanks, did you know that Chlamydia can travel on your fingers as well?" so i say
"Then you're pretty screwed touching all these bits of paper, aren't you?"
She just looked at me weridly, tried to make some sort of laugh, and then i walked off.
So i ended up doing the test. They send me the result via text message in about 2 weeks. Now i've done the test though, im paranoid that i'll somehow have Chlamydia. Make of this what you will.
tl;dr: College pressured me into taking a Chlamydia test, i caved and did it. They're going to text me the results in a few weeks and i'm paranoid that i now have Chlamydia.
I know this may be a bit of a Schoolpunch thread, but i felt it could be a wise lesson for all facepunchers. I'll update the thread when i get the result sent to me.
[QUOTE=Cheezy;18222024]Was it so fucking hard to take the test?[/QUOTE]
No. I just felt uncomfortable handing over a small pot of my urine to a total stranger in a room full of people that hate me. Also, i haven't had sex before so there isn't really much point.
[highlight]GOT A TEXT MESSAGE SATURDAY MORNING. I DONT HAVE CHLAMYDIA[/highlight]
wow okay
you're not gonna magically have chlamydia because you pissed in a pot and touched some paper
That's fucking dumb you should have punched the fuck out of her.
Good job caving to pressure.
I loved that part where you went to a girl and fingered her, and went home, and watched tv.
i took one and got a £5 boots voucher for doing it. there's no reason not to really since it's free.
[editline]03:30PM[/editline]
oh also i got to know i don't have chlamydia. which is nice.
Was it so fucking hard to take the test?
this is is not a wise lesson at all and this is you explaining some event in your school that doesn't need to be mentioned to anyone else
[QUOTE=Cheezy;18222024]Was it so fucking hard to take the test?[/QUOTE]
No. I just felt uncomfortable handing over a small pot of my urine to a total stranger in a room full of people that hate me.
Whats a bacon roll? sounds incredible. :swoon:
You know you can't get an STD if you haven't had sex before?
[QUOTE=MasterFen006;18222359]You know you can't get an STD if you haven't had sex before?[/QUOTE]
Yeah this should make you feel better.
[QUOTE=rathat48;18222388]Yeah this should make you feel better.[/QUOTE]
That's what I thought also.
Don't worry, [b]no-one[/b] on facepunch will [b]EVER[/b] get chlamydia.
:ninja:
[QUOTE=MasterFen006;18222359]You know you can't get an STD if you haven't had sex before?[/QUOTE]
Which is one of the main reasons he didn't want to take the test.
[QUOTE=rathat48;18222254]Whats a bacon roll? sounds incredible. :swoon:[/QUOTE]
some bread with a nasty piece of cheap bacon in it
[QUOTE=CombineGuru;18222458]Don't worry, [b]no-one[/b] on facepunch will [b]EVER[/b] get chlamydia.
:ninja:[/QUOTE]
Because people on facepunch aint got girlfriends. except computer ones.
What's with the STD threads all of a sudden?
2 weeks later.
"Chlamydia test: Negative"
"Optional Aids test: Positive"
[QUOTE=rathat48;18222254]Whats a bacon roll? sounds incredible. :swoon:[/QUOTE]
A roll with bacon in it...
[QUOTE=toxicpiano;18222877]A roll with bacon in it...[/QUOTE]
The contents of the roll :downs:
Usually it's porkmeat, quite delicious actually. Especially for that price.
Facepumch stories should all be easy to read like this
[QUOTE=:smug:;18222838]What's with the STD threads all of a sudden?[/QUOTE]
Nobody new ever joins Facepunch, so I guess the existing members just hit puberty or something.
I took one at college and got a free sperm on a keychain. why are you so angry? You can get chlamydia from just shaking hands with someone and it takes like 5 minutes to do. Turns out one of my mates had it and now no girl wants to go near him
Here's the story of how I ended up taking one: They do it automatically when you go the doctor's for a check-up.
Exciting, right?
[QUOTE=CombineGuru;18222458]Don't worry, [b]no-one[/b] on facepunch will [b]EVER[/b] get chlamydia.
:ninja:[/QUOTE]
Wrong emote.
Should be :tinfoil:
Cool, calm, unconcerned on the outside - you're really a man of passion. You caved into the desires of others, but it was for your benefit in the end.
You should of said, "If I have Chlamydia your mom knows why." Also, fuck people who think you've gotta take a test ,and don't rage about people making fun of you... Just make fun of them.
[QUOTE=Deadollie;18221638]*fucking massive wall of text*[/QUOTE]
:byodood:
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.