Some of you may remember me. I've been gone from DD for a very long time now, and I just thought I'd pop back in to give a few words of advice from my recent experiences.
I've always thought that I've been a responsible drug user. Not letting an addiction form, being careful not to damage my health or my safety. Looking back on my experience using drugs, this has been far from the case. Keep in mind throughout reading this that it is my experience alone, and I'm not assuming anything about how you use specifically, or saying anything about drug users in general. Sorry for the wall of text, by the way.
A bit of background information. I've always been smarter than people in my age group by a wide margin. I attribute this to the fact that my parents have been excellent, and that I've been culturally broadened by my experiences online. What I haven't always realized, is that this has led to a certain sense of independence and arrogance, thinking that I know what's best for myself, seeing as I'm so much smarter than those around me. I now realize that I'm not as smart as I've always thought I was, and that I haven't always known what choices are best. Keep in mind that this is not the case throughout my story.
So I started lurking Facepunch when I was 12, if I recall correctly. Long story short, curiosity took hold, I started reading DD. Soon after I started participating, and I decided I wanted to start experimenting with drugs. DXM was my first. Boy, was it a ride. Unlike anything I had ever experienced. My mind was blown by how intense a third plateau trip was, but at the same time, it felt comforting and safe. The knowledge that DD provided kept me in check, making sure I didn't take enough to damage my body. I continued using DXM for maybe once every few months, and at the most I used it once every weekend for short periods of time. Then, I started smoking weed when I was 13. Weed was great, I was able to use it more frequently, maybe once a night, and it gave me a clearer high. It was instant, I didn't have to take 20 pills and wait an hour to get fucked up, I could smoke a bowl and I was there. Throughout my use, I kept safe, away from my parents, making sure that they couldn't know what was going on. They've always been very anti-drug, solely because of the legality and how it could affect my future.
Eventually I slipped up. I got caught smoking behind a skating rink with 2 friends. I took the blame, seeing as it was my weed, and the cops were called, my friends were let go, and my parents were contacted. I promise I'd never smoke again, but I was outright lying. I was merely promising to myself that I'd be more careful, and not get caught next time. Well, then I got caught smoking in my room. "It won't happen again, I promise." I laid low for a while, and didn't get caught using for a very long while.
Due to circumstances outside of my drug use, I was sent to a private school. My parents wanted to get me away from the public school environment, because the stress it was causing me was negatively effecting my health. My family is not wealthy by any means, but some way or another, I was lucky enough to go to a 5-day/week private boarding school. It was an hour away from my house, I went home on the weekends. The kid rooming next to me sold Spice. Some of you might recognize it as K2, or JWH-018, or some other synthetic cannabinoid. It got me high without showing up on a drug test, and that was fucking awesome. I took it home on the weekend and got fucked up, and it worked really well for a while. I didn't get caught because I knew how not to. I was careful and methodical and didn't let it become a problem. Well, then, my roommate informed me that his mom smoked pot. I convinced him to steal some from her, so we could smoke in the dorm. We had smoked spice out of our window a few times before, but due to how the school was set up, with a strict curfew and a night guard checking periodically throughout the night, this was a bit difficult to pull off. My roommate got a small nug of weed from his mom, it was maybe a .3, but to us at the time, that was fucking worth it's weight in gold. We were stupid about how we smoked that week. We made it three days in a row before the night guard caught us, and we were both expelled from the school. Legal actions were not taken, due to the backlash that would cause the school's reputation. A lot of you might criticize me for wasting my parents hard earned money, throwing it away because of my drug use. I completely agree with you, but at this point in the story, I still haven't learned my lesson.
So, I went back to public school. At this point I'm a sophomore, grade 10. All my friends knew that I smoked, and I got a pretty reliable connect, and I started selling. This is when I REALLY got cocky. I went an entire semester selling pot successfully, while smoking all of my profits with my friends after school. I shared the profit I made, and that justified everything for me. The consequences of my actions never occurred to me, I knew that if I got caught that I would be in some serious shit, but I was smart enough not to. I was smarter than the administrators in my school, I was smarter than all the systems set up to catch me. I knew this because I hadn't been caught yet, everything had been working so well. I had a system. I had a plan. I had friends who had my back.
February 2012, I was caught and arrested with 6 bags of weed with a .5 in each, expelled from school, placed onto probation, and assigned 40 hours of community service. Think this taught me my lesson? Fuck no. All the while before my probation started I was smoking like a goddamn chimney and getting away with it. It was so much easier now that I didn't have school in the way. All the while I had never thought that I had an addiction. You can't get addicted to weed, it's not like coke or meth or heroin or all those other hard drugs you get warned about. At the most, I had a smoking "habit".
So then my probation started. I made an excellent first impression with my PO, I've always been good with authority. I instantly made her trust me, she instantly respected my intellect and believed my drive to quit using and improve my life. But at the same time, I kept smoking. Both spice and weed, but the important thing being weed, seeing as it shows up on a drug test. I knew ways to get around drug tests, I knew the dilution method and I did it well. I passed two drug tests before I waited a little too long before my break, and so I failed my third drug test. I was given another chance, my PO was kind. I passed another, failed another. "Don't fuck it up again." I was so sure of my method, that I just had to be more careful next time. The consequences were minimal, regardless.
Let me just cut the repetition and get to the present moment. I'm still on probation. I'm on my literal last chance, after having about 3 last chances before now. If I smoke weed again, I go to a residential treatment facility for a year, my parents lose custody of me, and I become a child of the state. This story has mainly focused on my mistakes, but keep in mind that with all those failures, there were many, many successes that kept me reassured of my actions. 80% of the time I was beating the system, and that was enough to keep me confident in myself. I'm now seeing a counselor and realize that this is a serious addiction problem. Maybe not to the substance itself, because shit, I'll get high off of whatever is put in front of me as long as it's not seriously life threatening, but I'm addicted to the risky behavior. I'm addicted to being proven that I'm smarter than the people around me and the system in place. That has been my downfall throughout these years. I could have written this story from my perspective in the moment at that time, and it would have seemed so much more logical, so much more reasonable. But I'm choosing to write it from where I am now, sober and clear-headed.
I've been sober for about two weeks now, and I'm really enjoying it. I haven't been sober this long for maybe 2 years. It really clears your mind, and fixes a lot of problems that you don't even realize that drugs cause. Problems you don't even realize are problems. If you're ever worried about your drug use becoming a problem, take a break. Talk to a counselor. Attend an NA meeting. It seems stupid as fuck, I know, and it seems useless and a waste of your time, but you might be surprised. Don't let it take control of your life like it did mine.
I'm not condemning drug use by any means. I think that it's great in moderation, but don't let it become habitual. Don't let it be the only thing out of your day that you look forward to, don't just use to use, to stave yourself from bordem. Because then it might become a problem.
Oh, and another thing, don't fuck around with synthetic cannabinoids. They're some shit, and by far the most addicting drug that I've ever done. And I've done the drugs that most people classify as the most crazy and addictive, but I'll leave out specifically what, because I haven't ever gotten caught using those. Don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass.
I'd like to request that you all don't lash out and call me a moron for my past experiences. I've learned from them, and now know that I can't handle things as well as I've always thought. I don't want to say I'm "better" now, because it's only been two weeks, but I'm getting there, I hope.
Much love.
yeah pretty much all i ever learned from rehab looking at it all objectively is that drug use is okay, just only take drugs you can handle and don't do to much.
it starts becoming a problem when it starts affecting you mentally, physically and your life negatively in general. that's when you gotta stop and look around.
like that old aged rule noones probably ever heard
"stop fucking drinking once you start fucking puking"
but some people just aren't meant for intoxicating substances.
[QUOTE=Bradmastah;39311440]
Oh, and another thing, don't fuck around with synthetic cannabinoids. They're some shit, and by far the most addicting drug that I've ever done. And I've done the drugs that most people classify as the most crazy and addictive,[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry mate but this is just ridiculous.
"smarter those around me"
"when I was 12 I did dxm once every few months"
uhhhhh
If you were smart you would've realised that it was a terrible idea to even do drugs at that age im sorry but thats were your first fuck up was.
Don't start drugs that young kids.
[QUOTE=Mindtwistah;39312309]I'm sorry mate but this is just ridiculous.[/QUOTE]
Ehh, might seem like it to you but that's just how my mindset handles that stuff. It's so easy to get, so easy to smoke, and so easy to go through a 3g pack in <24 hours that it became very addictive to me. I didn't have the same access to hard drugs, so that's my reasoning behind that. I should have explained myself further. I've also met a lot of people who say that synthetic cannabinoids are the most addictive substance they've done and that it's ruined their life. I just haven't been able to handle it. You and many others are probably much more responsible.
[editline]22nd January 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Stormcharger;39313768]"smarter those around me"
"when I was 12 I did dxm once every few months"
uhhhhh
If you were smart you would've realised that it was a terrible idea to even do drugs at that age im sorry but thats were your first fuck up was.
Don't start drugs that young kids.[/QUOTE]
In my defense, DD somewhat encouraged it. But I wholeheartedly agree, you shouldn't be altering your mindset at such a young age. Hell, I'm 16 now, and it's still probably too early.
[QUOTE=Bradmastah;39313888]Ehh, might seem like it to you but that's just how my mindset handles that stuff. It's so easy to get, so easy to smoke, and so easy to go through a 3g pack in <24 hours that it became very addictive to me. I didn't have the same access to hard drugs, so that's my reasoning behind that. I should have explained myself further. I've also met a lot of people who say that synthetic cannabinoids are the most addictive substance they've done and that it's ruined their life. I just haven't been able to handle it. You and many others are probably much more responsible.[/QUOTE]
I definitely see your reasoning, but if you have ever truly been addicted (physically, not just habitually) you will know how silly that sounds.
With synthetic cannabinoids you can smoke a lot, sure you can smoke a whole lot and it is cheap as fuck and easy to get, easy to smoke and easy to start overdo it and keep going for months or years even. But when it's time to stop you get some insomnia, sweats and a cloudy mind for a few days and then you are done, no problem.
With anything more addictive (tobacco, opiates, amphetamines, benzos e.t.c.) you can do the same thing, you form a habit out of it, start using it every day, keep going for a few months or years. Then try to stop. You will have a problem.
This is what makes [B]really[/B] addictive substances, and perhaps one day when you are older you will understand.
Mindtwistah i agree theyre not addictive however a lot of people who use them for a while have terrible long term effects its not just insomnia, sweats and a cloudy mind, some of it might even be permanent damage.
Dont do synthetics regulary, its just not fully known what they do
[QUOTE=Stormcharger;39316326]Mindtwistah i agree theyre not addictive however a lot of people who use them for a while have terrible long term effects its [B]not just insomnia, sweats and a cloudy mind, some of it might even be permanent damage.[/B]
Dont do synthetics regulary, its just not fully known what they do[/QUOTE]
Would you mind giving me a few examples? I find it hard to believe that the triggering of cannabinoid receptors can lead to severe long-term damage (not including psychosis, which can happen with weed just as well).
[QUOTE=Bradmastah;39311440]Oh, and another thing, don't fuck around with synthetic cannabinoids. They're some shit, and by far the most addicting drug that I've ever done. And I've done the drugs that most people classify as the most crazy and addictive, but I'll leave out specifically what, because I haven't ever gotten caught using those. Don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass.[/QUOTE]
Hey, if you really wanna get high, use meth, it doesnt stay in your system long, and its cheap... now i have stopped using meth, but its still a great high.
[QUOTE=Mindtwistah;39316393]Would you mind giving me a few examples? I find it hard to believe that the triggering of cannabinoid receptors can lead to severe long-term damage (not including psychosis, which can happen with weed just as well).[/QUOTE]
This may sound a tad ignorant, but if you can overdose on it, then it's obviously not just like weed. and it probably acts on other parts of the brain we don't know about. It also depends on the spice, I'd imagine.
[QUOTE=zach1193;39316634]This may sound a tad ignorant, but if you can overdose on it, then it's obviously not just like weed. and it probably acts on other parts of the brain we don't know about. It also depends on the spice, I'd imagine.[/QUOTE]
Yes that is ignorant. They act on the same receptors, just with different affinities and in different ways.
And you can overdose on both weed and spice, but no one has fatally overdosed on either. It is very hard to die by overstimulating cannabinoid receptors.
[QUOTE=Mindtwistah;39316695]Yes that is ignorant. They act on the same receptors, just with different affinities and in different ways.
And you can overdose on both weed and spice, but no one has fatally overdosed on either. It is very hard to die by overstimulating cannabinoid receptors.[/QUOTE]
no, you really cannot physically overdose on green weed, unless you consider a panic attack or something OD'ing. it's just not possible unless you change it somehow. but yea apparently anyone who ever died on spice was because of pre existing physical issues
[QUOTE=zach1193;39316975]I don't have a specific link or anything, but I have read in a few places that some kids have indeed overdosed on spice, and, no, you really cannot physically overdose on green weed. it's just not possible unless you change it somehow. Look man, just because you enjoy spice, don't be one of those guys who ignores the negatives.[/QUOTE]
Yes and I have read in a few places that some people smoke weed and start peeling themselves because they think they're oranges.
Don't dismiss my arguments as self-justification for using the drug unless you have any actual knowledge and understanding aside from anecdotic evidence, hearsay and sensationalist news articles to back up the opposing opinion.
Tell me of one fatal overdose, just one, that can be clearly and directly attributed to synthetic cannabinoids and I will change my mind. Go ahead.
[QUOTE=Mindtwistah;39317054]Yes and I have read in a few places that some people smoke weed and start peeling themselves because they think they're oranges.
Don't dismiss my arguments as self-justification for using the drug unless you have any actual knowledge and understanding aside from anecdotic evidence, hearsay and sensationalist news articles to back up the opposing opinion.
Tell me of one fatal overdose, just one, that can be clearly and directly attributed to synthetic cannabinoids and I will change my mind. Go ahead.[/QUOTE]
well you see.... I must've been editing my post whilst you were commenting, I looked up some things...
But the whole peeling thing, well those were fucked up people to begin with then.
[QUOTE=zach1193;39317103]well you see.... I must've been editing my post whilst you were commenting, I looked up some things...
[B]But the whole peeling thing, well those were fucked up people to begin with then.[/B][/QUOTE]
Na man, my point was; don't believe everything you "heard somewhere". The peeling thing is bullshit and a textbook example of drug propaganda.
[QUOTE=Mindtwistah;39317171]Na man, my point was; don't believe everything you "heard somewhere". The peeling thing is bullshit and a textbook example of drug propaganda.[/QUOTE]
Yea haha, I felt stupid and tried to retract my statement as best I could. I just personally don't like the idea of spice, so yea I guess, as wrong as it sounds, I just try to find bad things about it...
Lol, Mac, eat a dick.
If you were so smart why were you doing DXM when you were like 12? Doesn't sound very smart...
[QUOTE=Mindtwistah;39316393]Would you mind giving me a few examples? I find it hard to believe that the triggering of cannabinoid receptors can lead to severe long-term damage (not including psychosis, which can happen with weed just as well).[/QUOTE]
Oh my god I used to have a thread on bluelight bookmarked that was like 20+ pages of people documenting their long term side affects but I just can't find it right now, once I find It I'll get back to you man, this is really frustrating me because I remember being so surprised as I read it.
[QUOTE=StonedGamer;39317607]If you were so smart why were you doing DXM when you were like 12? Doesn't sound very smart...[/QUOTE]
It obviously wasn't smart. A smart person can make stupid decisions. It was merely curiosity and exploration, and at the time, being able to "trip balls" off of simple OTC cough syrup was too good for me to pass up.
[editline]22nd January 2013[/editline]
Another thing about synthetic cannabinoids, that is really saying more about the specific user and not the drug itself, but my friend almost killed us both while he was driving while on it. Understand that I thoroughly understand how fucking retarded driving high is, but he's always had it under control. I didn't expect him to smoke as much as he did in the car, but he got to the point where he started nodding out, and I thought he was just fucking with me until he veered not only into the other lane, but onto the sidewalk. We were lucky it was late at night and there was no other cars on the road. Shortly after he realized the seriousness of the situation, he popped his back right tire, and we had to abandon our mission of picking up our friend, and drive 7 miles back home. Synthetic cannabinoids and packaged smokables might be two different categories of drug entirely, but I'm assuming they're one in the same, to a certain extent.
Basically what I'm saying is, 1. Don't drive high. Ever. Don't drive with anyone who's high if you value your life. Especially don't drive high if you have fucking passengers, because that's reckless and stupid and you might as well be playing russian roulette. Doesn't matter how confident you are in your ability to drive intoxicated. You might surprise yourself, and then it's too late. And 2. Don't assume synthetic cannabinoids have the same effects as weed. My friend was nodding out. It would have been impossible for him to get that fucked up that quickly just from marijuana. Synthetics are stronger, faster, and unpredictable.
The whole message I'm trying to get across in this thread is always second guess your confidence in your drug use. Don't get cocky, or you might not have a chance to reconsider your actions. Make sure you aren't just justifying to keep using, and make sure you aren't taking up the behaviors of an addict. I'm sure most of you can handle your use much better than I, but I still want you all to be safe and not go down the path that I have.
[QUOTE=Bradmastah;39320586]It obviously wasn't smart. A smart person can make stupid decisions. It was merely curiosity and exploration, and at the time, being able to "trip balls" off of simple OTC cough syrup was too good for me to pass up.
[editline]22nd January 2013[/editline]
Another thing about synthetic cannabinoids, that is really saying more about the specific user and not the drug itself, but my friend almost killed us both while he was driving while on it. Understand that I thoroughly understand how fucking retarded driving high is, but he's always had it under control. I didn't expect him to smoke as much as he did in the car, but he got to the point where he started nodding out, and I thought he was just fucking with me until he veered not only into the other lane, but onto the sidewalk. We were lucky it was late at night and there was no other cars on the road. Shortly after he realized the seriousness of the situation, he popped his back right tire, and we had to abandon our mission of picking up our friend, and drive 7 miles back home. Synthetic cannabinoids and packaged smokables might be two different categories of drug entirely, but I'm assuming they're one in the same, to a certain extent.
Basically what I'm saying is, 1. Don't drive high. Ever. Don't drive with anyone who's high if you value your life. Especially don't drive high if you have fucking passengers, because that's reckless and stupid and you might as well be playing russian roulette. Doesn't matter how confident you are in your ability to drive intoxicated. You might surprise yourself, and then it's too late. And [b]2. Don't assume synthetic cannabinoids have the same effects as weed. My friend was nodding out. It would have been impossible for him to get that fucked up that quickly just from marijuana. Synthetics are stronger, faster, and unpredictable.[/b]
The whole message I'm trying to get across in this thread is always second guess your confidence in your drug use. Don't get cocky, or you might not have a chance to reconsider your actions. Make sure you aren't just justifying to keep using, and make sure you aren't taking up the behaviors of an addict. I'm sure most of you can handle your use much better than I, but I still want you all to be safe and not go down the path that I have.[/QUOTE]
no shit
honestly man you are just telling us really obvious stuff :v:
Sorry, haha, I mean of course everyone on here is going to know all of this and be responsible, but it was stuff that I thought that I knew and was really obvious, until I put myself into that situation. Which is really just stupidity on my part, but still. Stuff like this can never be said enough, imo.
number one rule is to treat yourself like you are one step from being a junkie
[editline]23rd January 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=soldier9128;39316523]Hey, if you really wanna get high, use meth, it doesnt stay in your system long, and its cheap... now i have stopped using meth, but its still a great high.[/QUOTE]
meth is ridiculously expensive over here, its like 100nzd for 0.1grams
Doesn't Meth make you look really old and nasty? (Not trying to start an argument, that's just what iv'e heard)
years of abuse it certainly does ^
this 40 year old black guy i know has been shooting meth for 15 years and he's all wrinkled and his skin is all dry and cracking it's fucking disgusting i can hardly even look at him.
Yeah, it causes deterioration to the skin due to vasoconstriction and the habits often associated with meth use, like dehydration, malnourishment and lack of sleep.
I feel kind of sorry for people like that even though its their own fault really.
I mean, you should feel sorry for them. It's always in a person's control to stop using, but addiction convinces your mind that it's worth it, that to keep using is the only logical way to go. Most people in the worse stages of addiction WANT to quit, they just don't know how. It really is a disease, it's like trying to just get over the flu or some other serious illness just by sheer willpower.
Good luck with your sobriety fella. I'm currently under wraps and double random drug testing each month for a felony home invasion I committed after not coming out of an acid trip for two weeks. But hey, truly, sobriety ain't all that bad. Just find things you enjoy. From the sound of it you're a little smarter, or so you claim, than most. I can suggest many things to keep your mind busy. Here are a few:
[B]Music[/B]
System of a down has a few philosophical songs- Aerials is my favorite
Tool is a band that has amazing lyrics that keep me afloat in this life experience: try listening to Lateralus, Right in two, Schism
Red Hot Chilli Peppers has a lot of songs about addiction and some philosophical meaning to them, Parallel Universe is a light-hearted song that you may like
[B]Movies/Shows[/B]
Carl Sagan's Cosmos is very awesome and includes topics from the cellular, and atomic level to the galactic, universal level. Evolution and higher dimensions are also conversed about in it. Strongly recommend this series.
Well, those are the few things I've been interested in lately. If you bite onto these, I have more suggestions.
Keep up the clean mind, and try staying away from synthetics. Its all about the idea of sobriety to help learn a lesson and ultimately the long length of time you spend sober will make you appreciate the ability to smoke pot once again when you can, and abusing it only will take away that cherishing attitude towards getting high. Good luck.
yeah, i can get it for only 10 for .25g in las vegas, and thats super cheap in vegas
[QUOTE=Stormcharger;39321676]number one rule is to treat yourself like you are one step from being a junkie
[editline]23rd January 2013[/editline]
meth is ridiculously expensive over here, its like 100nzd for 0.1grams[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=soldier9128;39342002]yeah, i can get it for only 10 for .25g in las vegas, and thats super cheap in vegas[/QUOTE]
Wow that must be some real shitty meth, I could be wrong tho.. Around here I've been told it's around $100 a gram, but most of the people that smoke the shit trade a box (of sudafed) for anywhere between a half to a full gram.
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