Scientists Declare Dolphins To Be "Non-Human Persons", Still Delicious With Tuna and Mayo
239 replies, posted
[release]Scientists who have studied the remarkable lives of dolphins have found themselves in a bit of an ethical quagmire.
There seems to be little doubt now that dolphins are surprisingly intelligent, know who they are as individuals, and engage in cultural traditions that can be passed on to succeeding generations. In short, they are a lot like humans.
So, should they be treated as "persons"? Should they be recognized as fellow travelers on this planet, rather than captive exhibitionists or laboratory specimens?
Leaders in the field held a standing-room-only symposium last Sunday in San Diego during the annual convention of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, and they got an earful.
"The response was very much divided," Lori Marino, a neuroscientist and animal behaviorist at Emory University said in a telephone interview. Marino was a co-investigator in a convincing experiment that showed in 2001 how dolphins are incredibly self-aware, returning to a mirror over and over again to check out their bodies.Determining animal intelligence is a thorny problem, even if the animals are somewhat like ourselves. But it's especially difficult if the animals are very different from us, and live in a world that is unlike ours, but clearly have active minds.
Some Say Dolphins Should Be Considered 'Non-Human Persons'
Do other animals ponder the stars and wonder about the universe? Probably not. But research shows that dolphins can at least think about the future.
Findings like that have led some distinguished scientists and ethicists to suggest we need to rethink our role as humans. It turns out we are not alone, and we didn't need to journey into space to find out.
Thomas I. White of the Oxford Centre for Animal Ethics and Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles told the AAAS session that dolphins should be regarded as "non-human persons," a phrase that has caught on among some scientists.
"Like humans, dolphins appear to be self-conscious, unique individuals with distinctive personalities, memories and a sense of self, who are vulnerable to a wide range of physical and emotional pain and harm, and who have the power to reflect upon and choose their actions," White told an audience that lingered long after the session had ended because participants wanted to discuss the issue further.[/release]
[url]http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/AmazingAnimals/dolphins-animal-closest-intelligence-humans/story?id=9921886[/url]
I, for one, welcome our new dolphin overlords.
sup
Can we marry a dolphin
[QUOTE=Perfumly;20399946]Can we marry a dolphin[/QUOTE]
Only if your fursona is a dolphin, or else how would you have kids?
[QUOTE=Perfumly;20399946]Can we marry a dolphin[/QUOTE]
No, you can marry a pillow instead.
dangit
The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.
Do dolphins have guns?
No?
Fuck them.
I'd like to take this post to assert a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference. I won't actually do it because I don't know what to say, but please take this as being it and imagine it's [i]terribly funny.[/i]
[editline]01:34PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=BAZ;20399977]The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.[/QUOTE]
Ah! I see it has been done before me! Good show, chap. However I'd like you to imagine my post was even wittier than his.
I remember that guide on how to have sex with dolphins, if that's anything to go by then yes.
ah here we go; [url]http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html[/url]
[QUOTE=Lankist;20399978]Do dolphins have guns?
No?
Fuck them.[/QUOTE]
They got backup.
[img]http://msp279.photobucket.com/albums/kk137/Proton16/penguins_from_futurama.jpg[/img]
[QUOTE=Perfumly;20400017]Penguins can't even fly
buncha fagets[/QUOTE]
Micheal phelps can't outswim a penguin can he? we best not be steppin' on their turf yo
[QUOTE=Lankist;20399978]Do dolphins have guns?
No?
Fuck them.[/QUOTE]
I disagree
[QUOTE=BAZ;20399977]The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.[/QUOTE]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG6b3V2MNxQ[/media]
Dolphins kick ass.
Sharks are cooler though.
[QUOTE=iamgnome;20400004]I remember that guide on how to have sex with dolphins, if that's anything to go by then yes.
ah here we go; [url]http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html[/url][/QUOTE]
:wtc:
[QUOTE=breakyourfac;20400009]They got backup.
[img]http://msp279.photobucket.com/albums/kk137/Proton16/penguins_from_futurama.jpg[/img][/QUOTE]
Penguins:
Mercenaries of the sea
This will have many implications if it becomes widely accepted.
First and foremost, I'm sure there will be Evangelicals and Baptists that will set up the first underwater churches to save their "aquatic brothers."
More realistically, though, if they are considered "non-human" persons, then this will create some interesting law snafus. Think about it . . . would dolphins, then, own the oceans because of eminent domain? Would fishing them and catching them be considered as some sort of "man-slaughter" or even "murder?"
[QUOTE=iamgnome;20400004]I remember that guide on how to have sex with dolphins, if that's anything to go by then yes.
ah here we go; [url]http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html[/url][/QUOTE]
didn't know dolphins had nipples
Star Trek says its alright to have sex with aliens as long as they are intelligent. SO THIS MEANS ITS ALRIGHT TO HAVE SEX WITH DOLPHINS EVEN MORE CAUSE THEY ARE FROM EARTH. :q:
[quote]Q3) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?
A3) Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...[/quote]
Welp I am dying from laughter.
[QUOTE=Latex;20400511]didn't know dolphins had nipples[/QUOTE]
No, dolphins are the only mammals without 'em.
/sarcasm
[QUOTE=iamgnome;20400004]I remember that guide on how to have sex with dolphins, if that's anything to go by then yes.
ah here we go; [url]http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html[/url][/QUOTE]
Weeping Jesus on the cross, I never thought I'd see that site again
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;20400690]Weeping Jesus on the cross, I never thought I'd see that site again[/QUOTE]
Im reading through it and I cant believe people would do this.
FUCKING HELL READ THE MATING SECTION. :bang:
[quote]Q3) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?
A3) Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...
The Male:
When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....
A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.
The Female:
Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.
Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.[/quote]
[QUOTE=cephalopoid;20400427]This will have many implications if it becomes widely accepted.
First and foremost, I'm sure there will be Evangelicals and Baptists that will set up the first underwater churches to save their "aquatic brothers."
More realistically, though, if they are considered "non-human" persons, then this will create some interesting law snafus. Think about it . . . would dolphins, then, own the oceans because of eminent domain? Would fishing them and catching them be considered as some sort of "man-slaughter" or even "murder?"[/QUOTE]
No, the church will be pissed, because they firmly believe that man is miles above any animal.
Yeah let's mate wiht dolphins.
NOT.
[QUOTE=Hiccuper;20400771]No, the church will be pissed, because they firmly believe that man is miles above any animal.[/QUOTE]
Well they got something right in religion.
We are miles above animals.
Dont try to argue unless you can show me an animal that builds rocket ships.
[QUOTE=Hunterbrute;20400801]
Dont try to argue unless you can show me an animal that builds [B]rocket ships[/B].[/QUOTE]
I am going to wait for this.
[QUOTE=Hunterbrute;20400704]Im reading through it and I cant believe people would do this.
FUCKING HELL READ THE MATING SECTION. :bang:[/QUOTE]
:geno:
Rule 34... why damnit!
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