for the 37 years I had walked this earth seeing the suffering and agony caused by human beings due to land, money, religion, pure hatred. ...
I shall tell you about me. I was 16 a sophmore in highschool shit grades and unsure about my future, for years many of my freinds had told me I need to write a book on my thoughts and ideas. I did it was published i made millions, I invested those millions and by age 22 I was the youngest mulitbillionare in history due to smart investments and corporate buyouts by 32 I had more money than a greater majority of the worlds countrys it was in the trillions...
I was an athiest by way of life I worshipped nothing and no one, it made it easier for me to get things done to make enough money to change this world no one knew of any of my intentions everyone thought i was just the richest man in the world I never voiced my opnions
one day when I knew i had had enough of the worlds current state i took my money and bought an island country, cuba whos 80~ year old leader had just died I payed every citizen, politician, and being on that island to leave gave them each 2 million$ to move to a new country.
what I did after that and the subsequent stories and events is here.
no grammar or anything has changed
i am new to writing so be nice but I still want opinions
i have the plot but I am not outlining it yet
First, learn to use punctuation. Then, write the story as if you were speaking to the person with interest. For example change the sentence "I shall tell you about me." to "First, I want to tell you who I am" or "I want to tell you about me" or "But who am I?". Also, make the story flow with binding words and clauses. Also, make sure it makes sense. You were the youngest multibillionare at 22, but you had walked the earth for 37 years. Things like that.
i couldn't figure out how to change that first sentence :rolleyes:
thank you for your help :)
Right now, the story seems quite extremely silly. Plus, your punctuation needs to improved quite a lot. And your grammar is quite horrible.
Quite.
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