Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

Welcome to the Social Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread (v8)! Do you have problems with your friends? Do you need help asking that girl out? General advice? Chat? Ask us here! We have a plethora of users with loads life experience, ready to help you out, right now! Little tip for those giving advice - be nice, be tactful, and be honest. Think before you post and if you're not 100% sure if you're right, don't post. There's nothing worse than the feeling of knowing that you fucked someone's situation up by giving the wrong advice. It also helps if you watch the 2005 film "Hitch" starring Will Smith, as it's essentially the love advice handbook. (I disagree but this was in the last OP so whatever) For those receiving advice - Don't be afraid to ask questions, but be receptive, be polite and don't complain if you hear something you don't want to hear. Half the advice given in this thread will be of the sort that the receiver will not be pleased about. Sometimes it is hard to hear the truth. [URL="steam://friends/joinchat/103582791433756842"]CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE STEAM CHAT[/URL] Past Versions: [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1133771"]V1[/URL] [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1152241"]V2[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1160400"]V3[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1220984"]V4[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1250101"]V5[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1257818"]V6[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1446327"]V7[/URL] Updated: -Fixed Hyperlinks for previous verisons

So I need some general advice - I start my second year of university around the 21st of September and I assumed that first week back would be just like freshers, as in we have no actual lessons that aren't spacey introduction lectures, [I]and I was wrong.[/I] I'm going to a David Gilmour concert in London on the 24th with my boyfriend and now it turns out I have a seminar ending at 5pm that day, obviously I'm going to the concert still but it's going to suck skipping a first-week-back seminar hello-tutor-I-am-a-responsible-person. I can't physically get to London in time for the concert (doors open 6:45, starts 7:45) from where I am in Norwich - So.. Should I email the tutor (whom I've not had before) and explain why I can't go under the excuse of 'well at least I'm emailing instead of just not showing up'.. or should I just not turn up? And would it be a better idea to claim I can't/couldn't make it for a different reason than 'yeah sorry I'm going to a once-in-a-lifetime concert'?

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48544515]So I need some general advice - I start my second year of university around the 21st of September and I assumed that first week back would be just like freshers, as in we have no actual lessons that aren't spacey introduction lectures, [I]and I was wrong.[/I] I'm going to a David Gilmour concert in London on the 24th with my boyfriend and now it turns out I have a seminar ending at 5pm that day, obviously I'm going to the concert still but it's going to suck skipping a first-week-back seminar hello-tutor-I-am-a-responsible-person. I can't physically get to London in time for the concert (doors open 6:45, starts 7:45) from where I am in Norwich - So.. Should I email the tutor (whom I've not had before) and explain why I can't go under the excuse of 'well at least I'm emailing instead of just not showing up'.. or should I just not turn up? And would it be a better idea to claim I can't/couldn't make it for a different reason than 'yeah sorry I'm going to a once-in-a-lifetime concert'?[/QUOTE] You should definitely email ahead of time, just about any reason sounds better if it's planned rather than "I just didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning".

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48544515]So I need some general advice - I start my second year of university around the 21st of September and I assumed that first week back would be just like freshers, as in we have no actual lessons that aren't spacey introduction lectures, [I]and I was wrong.[/I] I'm going to a David Gilmour concert in London on the 24th with my boyfriend and now it turns out I have a seminar ending at 5pm that day, obviously I'm going to the concert still but it's going to suck skipping a first-week-back seminar hello-tutor-I-am-a-responsible-person. I can't physically get to London in time for the concert (doors open 6:45, starts 7:45) from where I am in Norwich - So.. Should I email the tutor (whom I've not had before) and explain why I can't go under the excuse of 'well at least I'm emailing instead of just not showing up'.. or should I just not turn up? And would it be a better idea to claim I can't/couldn't make it for a different reason than 'yeah sorry I'm going to a once-in-a-lifetime concert'?[/QUOTE] It's worth the shot of emailing, that makes you look vaguely more responsible for at least taking accountability

[quote]Alright FP I gotta let some stuff off my chest. So basically back when I was in High School just first starting out as a Freshman I had a crush on this girl. All throughout High School we were really close friends but me being the anti-social guy I was back then never had the balls to actually ask her out. So basically I wasted all four years of High School chasing after this girl, but after graduating I came to terms with the fact that it wasn't ever going to happen and got over it. It was pretty heart crushing to see her with different boyfriends throughout High School wishing that was me but I eventually did get over it and moved on. Anyway fast forward two years I'm a junior in college now. I'm talking with a friend I made in my math class when I pass by a bench and guess who I see. That old buddy of mine was sitting on the bench and I kinda tried to pass her by but she caught my eyes when I quickly glanced over and shouted out my name. So she ran up and hugged me (which surprised the hell out of me for someone I haven't talked to in two years), and we talked for about an hour and caught up. What sucks is that when she left she touched my arm before saying she'd see me later. That entire ordeal brought back a wave of emotions which was pretty bittersweet because 1. I've tried extremely hard to put my pre-college life behind me and make a lot of changes to my appearance and personality because I used to be almost the exact opposite of what I am today, and 2. the situation was very reminiscent of back in those high school days and pretty uncomfortable. Yeah I'm glad I got to see an old friend, but it's gut-wrenching that it had to be her out of all of them. And she was way more touchy feely than I remember which only made it worse. I would have just left it at a "hey how's it going" and passed her by but I would've felt like an asshole (especially because during the convo she was complaining about how she knew nobody at this campus except me and like one other person from High School and I felt pretty bad for her). I asked her if she'd been rock climbing before and she said no but looked like she really wanted to so I'm going to ask her Wednesday to see if she wants to go climbing with me, but I feel like going down this path may not be the best idea.[/quote] So an update on this: I ended up deciding to ask her to go climbing with me and she was pretty excited to go. Also got her number again so think I'm going to get to know her a bit more and ask her out somewhere. Going to try to get a job though first since I literally just came back to college and don't think I can be in a relationship without having my own form of income.

Thanks Mannly and metallics, guess I know you're right but just want the confirmation since I know I'm going to feel like an ass emailing to say I won't be at seminar #1. Oh well, I will need to ask to make sure I get the work and keep up, and odds are I still come off better than the hungover people who won't make it. Always plan ahead, kids!

My friend said something a little strange to me a few days ago. I mentioned I had been talking to a girl I found quite attractive, and she seemed to like my company. He got a look at her then asked me if I noticed that she looked almost exactly like another girl I used to go out with before we broke apart. I only thought about it briefly - and yes she does look awfully similar - but it's a different person altogether. It doesn't bother me personally, but is that something that's deemed negative to some people? Getting to know someone reminiscent of another person in terms of appearance?

[QUOTE=ilmon3y;48546121]My friend said something a little strange to me a few days ago. I mentioned I had been talking to a girl I found quite attractive, and she seemed to like my company. He got a look at her then asked me if I noticed that she looked almost exactly like another girl I used to go out with before we broke apart. I only thought about it briefly - and yes she does look awfully similar - but it's a different person altogether. It doesn't bother me personally, but is that something that's deemed negative to some people? Getting to know someone reminiscent of another person in terms of appearance?[/QUOTE] Just means you have a type Not a big deal, and it doesn't bother you so what's the problem here? I like short brunettes with brown/green eyes and big asses

Metallics deserves thousands of thanks'es. I've been here on facepunch for a good while, I've seen his posts since long time ago and he was always talking sense and good suggestions without taking any kind of sides. He always knew and knows stuff about everything and always gave good feedback and suggestions. Thank You. P.S - always wanted to say thanks in all threads you posted suggesting something but never got around doing that, so saying that now.

You know, when we're not at each others throats, we can be a good community sometimes.

chick I'm dating disabled her okcupid account I don't know if I'm ready for this level of commitment

Sometimes I worry that no one will ever be interested in me like my ex was. I feel like she was the only one who gave a shit and sometimes I feel like I'll just be alone forever. It's probably silly, selfish reasoning (especially since I'm not the most attractive person, and I have the opportunity to change that but can't bring myself to do it.), but I just feel too alone.

[QUOTE=NikoChekhov;48551165]Sometimes I worry that no one will ever be interested in me like my ex was. I feel like she was the only one who gave a shit and sometimes I feel like I'll just be alone forever. It's probably silly, selfish reasoning (especially since I'm not the most attractive person, and I have the opportunity to change that but can't bring myself to do it.), but I just feel too alone.[/QUOTE] In order to be interested in someone, you have to have something to actually be interested about. Being physically attractive makes you approachable, but it doesn't build intimate relationships/friendships. You need to get to know people before you can know whether either of you will be emotionally invested in the other. You might want to start by focusing on making friends, whether they're male or female. It sounds like you're pretty lacking in social support right now. Romantic relationships end more easily and much less gradually than friendships do - it would be helpful to have some stable friendships so you don't become overly dependent on one romantic partner. [editline]27th August 2015[/editline] And from your post in the other thread, it sounds like your ex has set a pretty low standard in terms of showing interest in you, considering that she's broken up with you three times. Toying with someone's emotion and breaking up with them on a whim before you're fully sure of your own emotions is incredibly insensitive.

The problem with her, from all that I know of her, I think is that she's too terrified of commitment. It's also not fair to count the first time as one, because we were never serious in the first place, so I think I'll edit that out. So in reality, I guess we broke up once, she gave me another chance, then blew it. [editline]27th August 2015[/editline] And I guess I feel like I have friends, but not -friends-. I don't really have anyone left that I can truly talk to, the ones I did have kinda just drifted out of my life and are too busy or maybe just aren't interested anymore. Everyone else are people I get along with and probably like me, but aren't people I've ever really been able to hang out with and definitely not confide in. [editline]27th August 2015[/editline] I mean I'm bothering anonymous people online about my problems, so I guess that's proof enough I don't have anyone to confide in.

[QUOTE=PollytheParrot;48546889]Just means you have a type Not a big deal, and it doesn't bother you so what's the problem here? I like short brunettes with brown/green eyes and big asses[/QUOTE] Come on Polly, you're fooling no one. We all know your type is blue/green plumage and really big black beaks.

[QUOTE=Jho;48550659]You know, when we're not at each others throats, we can be a good community sometimes.[/QUOTE] Unless you have an opinion that's strongly uncommon, otherwise it too turns awful.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;48552684]Unless you have an opinion that's strongly uncommon, otherwise it too turns awful.[/QUOTE] Depends, sometime I truly want to understand why someone has the opinion they do

[QUOTE=Kite_shugo;48552701]Depends, sometime I truly want to understand why someone has the opinion they do[/QUOTE] Most of the time people just tell you you're doing it wrong rather than trying to understand your thought process

I just can't catch a fucking break. Right after I asked that girl if she wanted to start dating again and she said "Yeah I'd really like that", the way we flirt in person and over text for WEEKS and we end up kissing for christ sakes she suddenly turns around and says she just doesn't feel it anymore and just sees me as a friend. I've been racking my brains for days wondering what I did wrong, but all my friends tell me that was a shitty thing of her to do and that I shouldn't worry about it. I'm not too upset about it, yeah I know there's other fish in the sea and I'll find someone else but just.... Goddamn it. I really thought it was going to work out for once.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;48547498]Metallics deserves thousands of thanks'es. I've been here on facepunch for a good while, I've seen his posts since long time ago and he was always talking sense and good suggestions without taking any kind of sides. He always knew and knows stuff about everything and always gave good feedback and suggestions. Thank You. P.S - always wanted to say thanks in all threads you posted suggesting something but never got around doing that, so saying that now.[/QUOTE] Thank you - Someone very important to me once told me that I should always try to be useful and the best way to be useful is to give out objective advice wherever you can.

advice isn't always useful though, even if it's good advice

[QUOTE=Sector 7;48553962]advice isn't always useful though, even if it's good advice[/QUOTE] Tell me more

Don't give advice to someone who doesn't respect your opinion because then you're probably just talking at a wall.

[QUOTE=Pascall;48553986]Don't give advice to someone who doesn't respect your opinion because then you're probably just talking at a wall.[/QUOTE] Also it would seem don't give advice if you think people might take it absolutely literally

[QUOTE=metallics;48553983]Tell me more[/QUOTE] I ignore literally all advice ever given to me. I ask people for advice all the time but it's only to use them as a springboard to find out what I want. I'm primarily a critic; I see the negative side of everything first. If you tell me I should do something I'm less likely to want to do it. Some people also see constant advice-givers as being pretentious or overbearing. I know this because I am pretentious and I give a shitload of advice. Oftentimes when people talk about their problems, they're looking for empathy, not orders or suggestions.

I often try not to think so rationally with any of my current issues, since it doesn't tend to offer me any new perspective or make me feel better. Well, when I say rationally, I usually just say to myself "everything's fine, why are you acting all pissed?" Despite the gut feeling that it's sometimes not. And yeah I rarely categorize what I say as 'advice' since I find that I prefer to write everything as a means of getting things off my chest, rather than intentionally trying to help somebody. But its cool if someone exerts something helpful out of something I say.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;48552684]Unless you have an opinion that's strongly uncommon, otherwise it too turns awful.[/QUOTE] Work on your persuasive abilities then. Being able to persuade others is important to forming strong opinions for yourself, because it not only shows that your views have validity/can actually be argued, but it means that you've actually thought them through and have real reasons why you hold those particular views aside from being unwilling to change. [editline]27th August 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Sector 7;48554089]I ignore literally all advice ever given to me. I ask people for advice all the time but it's only to use them as a springboard to find out what I want. I'm primarily a critic; I see the negative side of everything first. If you tell me I should do something I'm less likely to want to do it.[/quote] A lot of the time, unless we're dealing with someone who has some sort of mental disorder or is otherwise terribly misguided, the advice people give is just based on what the person is thinking. When it comes to giving advice, we only know what people tell us, and people tell us what they think is important - even the seemingly random details people add into their descriptions of situations are always mentioned because the person sees them as being relevant on some level. A lot of the time people already have an instinct about how to handle a situation but they're afraid to take ownership of that instinct for fear of being wrong, so they ask other people who are outside of the situation to see whether they agree. [QUOTE=Sector 7;48554089]Some people also see constant advice-givers as being pretentious or overbearing. I know this because I am pretentious and I give a shitload of advice. Oftentimes when people talk about their problems, they're looking for empathy, not orders or suggestions.[/QUOTE] The trick is to never offer advice unless it's asked for. Everyone hates unwarranted advice. Don't ask questions like "do you want my advice", because it implies that you already have your own judgments and advice planned for the other person - just subtly try and figure out whether they're talking to you to vent, and listen for whether they specifically ask you what you think. The exception is this thread, because of the pretext that it's an advice thread. The only time it's really unwarranted here is when people in "advice-giving" mode are given advice. Even when people aren't asking questions, on some level they are here because they either want guidance or reassurance. [editline]27th August 2015[/editline] Another thing to keep in mind/general rule of thumb - in sociology, it's noted that women and men have different intents when communicating. Women communicate to build relationships while men communicate to give or receive information. If you're in a heterosexual relationship and you've ever had issues where one of you is venting and gets mad because the other tries to give advice, this is why.

Alright, so remember that girl I mentioned in the last thread who I met at a party? Yeah, she went silent. :v: I'll be blunt with the details: I met her for the first time there, she offered me her number, then she initiated making out with me, she seemed into me, blah blah. A day later I text her, she asks who I am, I tell her it's me, and I got no response since, and I haven't sent her anymore texts since either. The only reason I'm even bringing this up is because I'm confused, and I'm wondering why, and want to learn from it. I've never had anything like this happen with a girl, where they showed so much interest in me and then suddenly go quiet like that. It's just downright strange. I can't for the life of me think of what might have gone wrong. Being the pessimist I am, it's my assumption she lost interest. Should I even bother trying to initiate contact again?

[QUOTE=UntouchedShadow;48557599]Alright, so remember that girl I mentioned in the last thread who I met at a party? Yeah, she went silent. :v: I'll be blunt with the details: I met her for the first time there, she offered me her number, then she initiated making out with me, she seemed into me, blah blah. A day later I text her, she asks who I am, I tell her it's me, and I got no response since, and I haven't sent her anymore texts since either. The only reason I'm even bringing this up is because I'm confused, and I'm wondering why, and want to learn from it. I've never had anything like this happen with a girl, where they showed so much interest in me and then suddenly go quiet like that. It's just downright strange. I can't for the life of me think of what might have gone wrong. Being the pessimist I am, it's my assumption she lost interest. Should I even bother trying to initiate contact again?[/QUOTE] One night stand maybe? Happens to many girls where once they drink they will just do random stuff that wont remember. If I was in your shoes, I would probably take lesson as: Don't take drunk girls serious, either just pass or enjoy the fun without taking it seriously.

Atleast your one night stand lasted the whole night!