I kind of just wrote this on a whim.
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Soldier's Log: Staff Sergeant Jason Stewart - 6/24/2059
Operation Broadsword is a complete failure. At 13:00 hours our convoy entered the city of Baryn. We penetrated roughly 6 kilometers into the city's suburban exterior with little resistance. At 13:45 we were ambushed heading west on 103rd street. A large "Deathworm" unborrowed right in front of the convoy (the vibrations caused by it's approach is virtually undetectable while in a moving vehicle), dozens of tentacles unfolded from it's skyward open mouth and grabbed several infantry and personnel directly out of the vehicles simultaneously, mostly turret gunners and exposed passengers. It's tentacles were sufficiently strong enough to flip several of our lighter trucks and Humvees. I believe at least twenty of our number were taken and tossed into the thing's toothed maw. Before our tanks were able to rotate their main cannons to engage, it had already receded back underground. I started hearing the exact same scenario play out with the other convoys over the radio.
Immediately after the deathworm attack, biosuit soldiers (or biosoldiers) opened fire from hiding in the various buildings along the street. From the distinct sounds of the gunfire I could tell that they were armed with firearms scavenged from the populace, this includes Kalashnikov-type weapons and RPGs. The overturned vehicles and the massive sinkhole left by the deathworm disallowed any chance of escape and we were forced to engage on foot in this highly unfavorable situation. Several vehicles were totaled by rocket-fire and dozens of casualties were sustained in the next few minutes of combat. Knowing that the odds of winning in this situation were almost nil, I ordered my squad to make a break for a nearby building 20 yards away from the road. They'd be extremely exposed but I believed at the time that there wasn't any other option. Myself, Pvt. Andrews, Pvt. Brunson and Pvt. Sanders were the only ones able to make it out of my ten man squad. The rest were killed by shooters.
I was able to keep the rest focused enough to sweep the building for biosoldiers. It was clear. We quickly infiltrated away from the battle and deeper into enemy territory. The sounds of battle behind us became more and more sparse as it came to a close. We came across no one. There were no apparent signs of life in the back alleys and small neighborhoods we passed through. There were however, many signs of homes and buildings being broken into. I have reason to believe that the bioform threat were seizing the civilian population. We didn't find any bodies either, which raised more questions.
At 16:00 hours we encountered a small patrol of biosoldiers accompanied by a yet undocumented bioform. We were, at that time, inside of a small apartment complex, on the second floor. Many of the doors had been knocked down and the rooms all showed the signs of struggle and the odd smear of blood. We were able to spy on the new bioform from the window of one of the apartments. It walked on four legs, slightly low to the ground and had an enormous mouth. It's forelegs were heavyset and it's entire front appeared armored with bone similar to the biosoldiers accompanying it. I agreed with my subordinates that we were in no condition for combat and should wait for the patrol to leave. However, as I was checking again on the patrol through the window the beast must have saw me. It turn it's head, opened it's mouth and unleashed what I can only describe as a sonic blast. The attack shattered the window and I threw myself onto the floor, deafened.
Pvt. Sanders dragged me into the hallway and put me to my feet, my ears were still ringing and I could barely tell what they were saying. The ringing began to subside a little and I could hear the beast still continuing it's sonic assault from outside, though it's force now dulled by the walls of the building. I also heard footsteps on stairs, the biosoldiers were on the first floor working to flush us out. I suspect that they weren't equipped with grenades as they assaulted us directly. One of them jumped through the door to the stairwell and fired the shotgun it was armed with (I believe it was a Remington 870). It was gunned down immediately with concentrated fire. I noticed the single shot must have hit Sanders as I saw him collapse. The second one came through the door before the first had even finished falling. I managed to put a bullet in it's head before it could fire. That stunned it long enough to follow up with several more rounds. A biosoldier's anatomy is so different that it no longer required the host's brain to function, so a headshot doesn't do much other than bewilder it for several seconds.
I quickly ordered Pvt Brunson to lob grenades into the stairwell. We followed up on the blast, and killed two biosoldiers caught in the explosion. We swept the first floor for more of them, which there were none. The beast was still roaring outside, I stated that we'd have to kill that thing before it attracted more attention. Our next challenge was to somehow kill it. It would blow the brains of anyone caught in the open with sound pressure and it's armored hide would likely be proof against any weapons we had. We were tired and mentally exhausted. Then the sonic barrage stopped suddenly.
I looked out of a window in another room. The beasts had disappeared, and before I realized what it was doing I heard it plowing through a wall in the other room, where my squad was still. I hastily ran to support them, dust of destroyed brick and mortar flowed around my feet. The beast was right there, at least a half meter taller than any of us. We all opened fire on the thing, but I don't think it noticed. It moved it's head back and unleashed a blast from a gigantic maw filled with shark-like teeth. It turned it's head, targeting each of us individually. Brunson simply collapsed under the attack, Andrews was hit as he was turning to run, falling mid step. I was trying to duck back into the room I was in before when it faced me. I staggered backwards, my skull felt like it was in the vice of a nutcracker. I blacked out halfway though the doorway.
I opened my eyes again, a few minutes later I think. I absently rubbed my ear with my hand. When I brought it back it was bloody, then I realized I couldn't hear a damn thing. I was too dizzy to stand, so I dragged my body into the room with the window. I then oriented myself so I could peek back through the doorway. The beast was dragging Brunson head first into it's mouth. Andews laid on the floor some distance away, either unconscious or dead. The creature chomped downward, bisecting the poor bastard and his legs falling limply on the floor. It swallowed the entirety of Brunson's upper half and turned it's attention to Andrews. I turned away. Crawling to the furthest corner from the doorway, I remained silent for what felt like hours. I listened to the thing devour my comrades and leave, apparently not noticing my disappearance.
I haven't yet moved. The chance of me surviving this simply isn't possible. The attack has failed and I'm left here to die. Tell my wife I love her.
[ This log was recovered from the body of Staff Sergeant Jason Stewart on 8/19/2059. His body was found atop a large pile of corpses being used to feed several larger bioform creatures. There was a single bullet hole in his temple. His status of MIA has now been updated to KIA. ]
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It's related to a plotline/backstory I posted a few weeks ago.
[quote]My idea is science fiction, but doesn't involve outer space.
Humans never make it off of Earth, apart from herding some people on a rocket, telling them good luck, and launching them towards the nearest, possibly hospitable, planets. But not much beyond that. People are content to continue growing on Earth, conflicts are still going on and we're still fighting amongst ourselves.
Biotechnology has been a science on the rise since the 2030s. A man-made algae has replaced the need for fossil fuels. Even more applications have been made in medicine and many fields of engineering. However, one thing that is forbidden by almost every superpower nation is the modifying human DNA or researching immortality.
...
2046, along comes EDEN, a supercomputer capable of simulating organism growth down to the chemical level. It cut out what would otherwise be a dozen years of trial and error and allow human to engineer their own creatures. The governments across the world pull the reigns on it, telling scientist to not mess with human DNA, or introduce engineered creatures into the environment.
But still, this technology give humanity huge insight on the mystery of life. The technology is applied to a variety of things, curing cancer. The technology is as closely guarded by superpower governments as nuclear technology itself, if not more so.
Other stuff happens, but it's irrelevant to the plot.
The US government commissions biological armor, that can protect and augment the soldier wearing it. They put together a top team of scientists and bioengineers to make it happen.
It's a success, apart from the mysterious disappearance of two of the scientists on the team.
But that's not important right now
The bioarmor, despite being somewhat controversial, blows all the combat armor before it out of the water. The military orders about a thousand of them.
A few years later, the US in involved in some conflict in Africa or something. the bioarmor is being used. Then shit happens.
All the soldiers wearing the bioarmor turn rogue, turning on their squadmates (who aren't wearing them) and killing them before disappearing/retreating into the city and hiding in the slums.
What had happened is that the biosuits had been sabotaged by the scientist who made them, capturing the poor souls wearing them and taking control of their bodies, forcing them to turn against their friends as they could do nothing but watch.
The head scientist was, for lack of a better word, mad. He was obsessed with remaking humanity into something perfect. The other scientists joined him in his delusion, enticed by the thought of immortality or utopia. The two missing scientists were killed for refusing to take part in it. The research team had become little more than a cult in the time they worked together.
So, as the phrase "oh shit what just happened" swept across the world. The scientists themselves had retreated to a third world country near where the conflict was happening, promising that country secrets of biotechnology in exchange for security.
Then the bioarmored soldiers appeared again, in groups. Raiding outposts and bases outside the city, harvesting inactive bioarmor and killing surprised soldiers. Along with the biosoldiers came other things, alien beasts made in the labs of twisted scientists.
Frightened civilians of the city are harvested, to become more biosoldiers or organic matter is used to grow more beasts.
The Bioform threat shows itself.[/quote]
It's more meant as the basis of a video game, but I might try to make it into a novel or something about it if I'm able.
If this story is terrible it's probably because it's 2 AM
C&C welcome regardless, I don't write very often so it will help a bunch.
First impression: Your soldier's diary is dry and impassionate. A big tentacled worm eating a bunch of my comrades right in front of me would probably elicit more of an emotional response that [i]its strong tentacles flipped a couple of trucks,[/i] and if I knew I was going to die and had a chance to leave a final message to my family you can be damn sure I'd do more than write "I'm going to die now. Somebody tell my wife, okay?" Expounding on that, your character doesn't actually describe anything. Is this a grocery list or a story? Try adding in some details. So many writers assume that putting your story in diary format excuses you from good descriptive technique, but this isn't the case. If you want me to read a diary, you'd best make it an interesting one.
Also, drop all parenthetical notes:
"[i]Bio-suit soldiers (or biosoldiers)[/i]"
That? That needs to go. This is his own diary, right? Who the heck's he making notes for? His wife? It seems that this diary was written after he was attacked, as he lay dying, and so he decides his final action is to write an account of the attack for his wife, complete with footnotes on various terminology she may not understand? That doesn't make sense, man.
It's more of a military report, but okay.
I was purposely skimping on details and metaphors and things because this was written in the perspective of a guy sitting in a corner with blood sopping from his ears who witnessed an unbelievable amount of carnage the past few hours and is totally mentally exhausted. So his thoughts would be rather objective, I think.
Normally I do write in more detail and description.
Okay, sure, but it's boring.
[editline]27th February 2011[/editline]
What I mean is, don't sacrifice readability for some contrived notion like that. It's uninteresting right now. Find a way to make it more so.
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