• some lyrics i wrote to a song i'm working on called "the stench"
    3 replies, posted
sorry if this is the wrong section i'd love some criticism though if its not too much trouble to the tune of this thing [media]http://soundcloud.com/sharkalarm/the-stench[/media] [QUOTE=yeah] in west virginia, born and raised even though i can't remember none of those days moved to california after wiping my brain i got eternal sunshine with the summer rains can't predict 'em, let 'em be tried to be nice to everyone i see tried to shake hands, make them see me but after thirteen minutes i had to get free came here, now i'm gone trying not to stay in one place too long now niggas blowin' up my phone seems like it's almost time to get gone maybe broadway, maybe london anywhere's chill when you got something to run from pass me the fire, pass me the fire, open up a skylight let me out of this birdcage i can see my house from here hello everybody my name is martine i drive a little scion and i keep it real clean i got a little puppy and i named it irene so i could keep you chained at my feet maybe you just wouldn't even recognize me i'm 7th or 8th on your 6 degrees so i'll hang back and blow trees, and pray "jesus please, send somebody to love me!" oh no, there it go, always climbing trees to escape these woes that stink reekin' up my clothes 2AM there's smoke go out my window set me down another way open up my life to another day gimme long hair and a pretty face to say she cares about me and i'm doing okay, well maybe i'll go to hell i don't know, only time can tell if i don't, then well shit, that's swell but can it wait till after saved by the bell? and regular show is gonna be on soon i probably won't be waking up until noon it's been two weeks, and i still haven't cleaned my bathroom pass me the fire, pass me the fire, open up a skylight let me out of this birdcage i can see my house from here make it hollow make it resonate make it hum like an electric dream [/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]in west virginia, born and raised[/QUOTE] I then proceeded to imagine all these lyrics sung to the Fresh Prince theme.
I think you should change the beginning because once I read the first line I couldn't think of it being sung without the fresh prince theme
Yeah seems decent enough, but that line is forever reserved.
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