some lyrics i wrote to a song i'm working on called "the stench"
3 replies, posted
sorry if this is the wrong section
i'd love some criticism though if its not too much trouble
to the tune of this thing
[media]http://soundcloud.com/sharkalarm/the-stench[/media]
[QUOTE=yeah]
in west virginia, born and raised
even though i can't remember none of those days
moved to california after wiping my brain
i got eternal sunshine with the summer rains
can't predict 'em, let 'em be
tried to be nice to everyone i see
tried to shake hands, make them see me
but after thirteen minutes i had to get free
came here, now i'm gone
trying not to stay in one place too long
now niggas blowin' up my phone
seems like it's almost time to get gone
maybe broadway, maybe london
anywhere's chill when you got something to run from
pass me the fire,
pass me the fire,
open up a skylight
let me out of this birdcage
i
can see
my house from here
hello everybody my name is martine
i drive a little scion and i keep it real clean
i got a little puppy and i named it irene
so i could keep you chained at my feet
maybe you just wouldn't even recognize me
i'm 7th or 8th on your 6 degrees
so i'll hang back and blow trees, and pray
"jesus please, send somebody to love me!"
oh no, there it go,
always climbing trees to escape these woes
that stink reekin' up my clothes
2AM there's smoke go out my window
set me down another way
open up my life to another day
gimme long hair and a pretty face
to say she cares about me
and i'm doing okay, well
maybe i'll go to hell
i don't know, only time can tell
if i don't, then well shit, that's swell
but can it wait till after saved by the bell?
and regular show is gonna be on soon
i probably won't be waking up until noon
it's been two weeks,
and i still haven't cleaned my bathroom
pass me the fire,
pass me the fire,
open up a skylight
let me out of this birdcage
i
can see
my house from here
make it hollow
make it resonate
make it hum
like an electric dream
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]in west virginia, born and raised[/QUOTE]
I then proceeded to imagine all these lyrics sung to the Fresh Prince theme.
I think you should change the beginning because once I read the first line I couldn't think of it being sung without the fresh prince theme
Yeah seems decent enough, but that line is forever reserved.
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