I've lost all my good friends and I'm close to ruining my family. - General

Through my hole life I've always been a nervous, unsocial little guy, I mean ever since I was and went to kindergarten. So I've never really made any friends on my own, luckily though I met two good friends in kindergarten that I playing with and have been friends with a long time. When I went through my years of 5-12 I had a pretty cool class except this one guy, this little prick who made school a nightmare for me and my other classmates. He was mean, aggressive, bigger than all of us. No one ever dared to stand up against him and he always had the way he wanted. I was always afraid of him, ofcourse. And around age 6-8 I started playing the computer; Call of Duty and Battlefield if I remember correctly were the first games that really got me addicted and so. The computer was awesome, it was great fun for me and it was probably my favourite 'hobby'. I played soccer back then, but I quit at age 11 or so, because I thought it was boring; I think the computer had a lot to do with it. Around age 10 or so though I started playing basketball, so I guess that made up for soccer. Anyway, I have always been addicted to the computer and I would always think of the computer. I had friends so I mean, I was pretty happy although I spent more time on the computer than with my friends and this has been the major huge misstake of my life. When I became 13 and started my second school (I'm european but not english so the schools work a little different here, age 6/7-12 first school, age 13-15 second school, age 16-18 or so usually for third school and then there is a fourth school wich is very free so you can basically go at any time you want for how long you want) our classes became bigger and were split up, luckily I came in the class with basically all of my friends. This is where I quit basketball because I didn't like it anymore - again probably because of my addiction to the computer; I just wouldn't bother going to the trainings anymore. My two best friends still played basketball, but since I stopped I didn't hang out with them as much anymore. When I got into this new class I met a new friend though, apparently he was very unsocial, had a mental 'sickness' or so, not sure what the name is, and he never really had any friends because he was really wierd and would do wierd things. I thought the things he did was hilarious, just like all of the others, except my laughs were kind off like when you laugh at a friends joke, not when some random guy accidently falls or something. So I started hanging out with him and he was very interesting, a really cool guy when you got to know him. He was also like me, sitting his ass by the computer every freaking second he was not in school. I had a crush on a girl in my class, but I was too unsocial and scared to do anything, you know, I couldn't look at her, talk to her, and I got really nervous around her. Here's where things started go wrong for me, my old two friends I had kind off 'moved away' from or however you would say it, started hanging out with that girl and a few of her friends. And here is where I started looking back at my life, looking at myself and see what a horrible direction I've been going in and shit. Back to the age of 10 or so my parents started giving me stuff to do at home, landry, cook and shit like that, but I was always just sitting on the computer and my parents would go nuts on me. I never went outside to do anything, so my body has just been crumbleling, and my health sinking. At this point I felt like I needed to kind off go back to my old friends, but they were always around that girl, doing stuff like going to places and shit. I didn't want to go up and ask if I could hang out with them or so because it'd look really wierd and probably be creepy, like why would a computernerd like me enjoy go swim in the lake?. Hell I love swimming, I love going bowling, going to listen to music, play pingis, ride bike but I had no one to do it with. Now they've made other friends, people I've never heard of, hanging out in big groups, going to parties and stuff like that. And I would be lost doing any of that shit because I'm alone. Ever since I started realising that I became really depressed, and I've been thinking that I'm crap, I'm nobody. My self-esteam and my confidence has been very low for ever, but it has just reached the bottom and I don't feel like I'm doing anything right. I've always failed at everything, never done anything right. My parents have been fighting so many times I cannot remember, each weekend my dad and mom would come home from some friends, drunk. Especially my dad, he would be stoned, you'd know on the way he'd speak, walk and just smell. My father would drop something or hit something and my mom would tell him to be careful and my dad would just go nuts. He'd start rambling on about how mom is always complaining and that my dad always did misstakes and that she never did anything wrong and so on and so on, untill my mom would almost start crying and go to bed. She even has started crying at some point. And I'm so afraid, I'm afraid of living. My dad told me to go down to the store a day when he was away and buy some milk and stuff. You know what I did? Nothing, I couldn't handle it. I can't even go down to the store because I'm afraid I'm gonna look wierd, do something wierd and what they'll think of me, all the people. So what did I do instead of going down to the store? Sit by the computer, trying to get my mind of something else. Because there is nothing else to do, what would I do otherwise? Go down and sit on a chair for hours untill my dad came home?. The worst thing about this is that my dad don't know how I feel, he just think I'm a lazy ass that just think about myself wasting my life on the computer on purpuse, so he just rages and tells me he's gonna put away the computer for good. When I went to school things were... alright I guess. I did something that was important at then, I learned and I got my grades. But now that the school is over I have nothing to do. And I feel so god damn lonely because I haven't got any friends to do anything with. I have a few friends who just sit by the computer all day like me, but I can't do anything with them. My dad told me recently when he got mad at me that he and mom was probably gonna separate because they fight so much over me. And I don't know what to do, because I haven't got anyone supporting me, not even my parents. Well, I've been talking a little bit with my mom but she just... She always got mad like my dad, but would understand me a little bit, but at one time a few days back she just told me that she had given up. She just told me that if I want to live my life by the computer for the rest of my life, that was fine by her and she wouldn't care. She didn't look mad, she just looked empty and sad. My dad was about to yell at me but she just told him that she didn't want no fighting and just sat down, she looked hopeless. I have a little brother, and he is just making my life worse. He has alot of friends and is all happy about himself being selfconfident and all that, and he just thinks I'm a pussy, and he keeps telling me that. Whenever someone asks me what I've done for example or so he just pulls off a joke of how I've just been sleeping all the time, sitting by the computer or that I don't know what the sun is or so. And it makes me feel really bad. I may be a pussy, maybe I'm just a complete nerd, with no life, no one has ever said anything else and I can understand why. I don't even know what to do anymore, I've been bottleling up feelings for a few years now and I'm close to a breakdown. I've even considered suicide, many times when I've been feeling at worst. I don't want to do it, and I'm trying my best to keep away from any thought of such kind. And when I've been really close to doing it I think of my family and how crushed they will feel, and I just feel so guilty because I don't want to make it any worse than it alreay is, it'd probably kill my parents relationship and ruin my little brothers life. I'm not posting this as a reach for attention, I just wanted to tell you how things can end up if you chose to live like I did, and think about how your lives are right now and maybe, if you are like me at the moment, change your way of living. [B] tl;dr[/B] I've been a computer nerd my hole life, lost all my friends, ruining my family and don't know what to do anymore.

Don't kill yourself. Sadly this is all the input I can give you, I've never been in a similar situation nor do I know someone who is in one or got out of one.

Welcome to the Club

Get new friends, move on. Put yourself out a little bit more. Go to an after school club of some sort to show your dad you're trying. Also, cool story bro. [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Meme" - Benji))[/highlight]

You just need to stop giving so much of a shit about unimportant shit and put on your cool guy shades not physically putting them on, but you know what I mean

Go see a psychiatrist/psychologist, no one should be have the feelings you're having.

You just need to [b]develop[/b] them social skills. There's other people like you, find them, build your confidence up. :)

get off the computer there problem solved

Well, if your trying to find solace in numbers, you came to the right place.

I Agree with furbrain.

[QUOTE=Llivavin;23040150]Go see a psychiatrist/psychologist, no one should be have the feelings you're having.[/QUOTE]

Man your parents seem like complete idiots for not supporting you. Maybe try to start a new hobby? It'll raise your self esteem and make you feel better (not necessary anything physical if you don't want to, but maybe an instrument). I may have misread, but I think you mentioned you didn't go to school anymore? Go get a job. Maybe that might help you.

Commit suicide [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Extended for trolling" - Benji))[/highlight]

[QUOTE=Don Ochs;23040063] Hell I love swimming, I love going bowling, going to listen to music, play [b]pingis[/b], ride bike[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Don Ochs;23040063] Hell I love swimming, I love going bowling, going to listen to music, play [b]pingas[/b], ride bike[/QUOTE] I'm sorry, but that really stuck out to me.

Get off the computer, take a walk out side, go to park, sit down, look at the ducks, appreciate the beauty of life that you have been given by your parents. [editline]11:22PM[/editline] Or just listen to Hocus Pocus Focus on full volume and bass and drop a few E's and drink as much alcohol as you can, go out with a bang.

Learn an Instrument, It helped me

Join a martial arts class, you pretty much automatically make friends and it'll get you out of the house for at least a little while. Plus it's a lot of fun and you get in/stay in shape.

[QUOTE=tommyc225;23040118]Get new friends, move on. Put yourself out a little bit more. Go to an after school club of some sort to show your dad you're trying. Also, cool story bro.[/QUOTE] If it was that easy we'd all be pimps.

I've been playing the piano since I was very little. But I don't play infront of people, because I can't play anything else than blues, unless it's pretty basic. Also my school hasn't ended yet, it's just ended for the summer. Furbrain, I know I should get off the computer. But I don't know where to go after I've done that, if there was a place I could go and just sit down I would, but there are no parks, no hills, no empty space around here. There are no clubs around here either. I just need some way to feel better about myself. Also, sorry for some minor spelling misstakes. One or two may have been just stuff I didn't notice, but then again I'm not english. Edit: Perhaps my life doesn't look so bad, and maybe you can see many options. But I've never felt worse than I do now.

Just take a break from the computer.

[QUOTE=Don Ochs;23040445]I've been playing the piano since I was very little. But I don't play infront of people, because I can't play anything else than blues, unless it's pretty basic. Also my school hasn't ended yet, it's just ended for the summer. Furbrain, I know I should get off the computer. But I don't know where to go after I've done that, if there was a place I could go and just sit down I would, but there are no parks, no hills, no empty space around here. There are no clubs around here either. I just need some way to feel better about myself. Also, sorry for some minor spelling misstakes. One or two may have been just stuff I didn't notice, but then again I'm not english. Edit: Perhaps my life doesn't look so bad, and maybe you can see many options. But I've never felt worse than I do now.[/QUOTE] Go see a damn shrink, and tell your parents how you feel. You exhibit all the classic signs of some sort of depression.

Get a job, you meet other people, get away from the PC and you make money.

you should play Transformice. That's where the real fun is at.

I was in the exact same boat as OP, but eventually I managed to turn my life around. I'd slowly drop in small comments on Facebook to my old friends or something, and eventually start small chats and got back close with them. Then I gave myself a ban on Steam, not literally getting myself banned, but I'd disallow myself to go on. I uninstalled all fo my games and uninstalled Steam. This went great, I was having a much better social life, and suicide was no longer a thought for me. I now have a girlfriend, and loads of friends. I'm actually going to a party tomorrow. However, things are dying down with my girlfriend and I'm going to end it within the next few days due to issues. This did drop my confidence and I reinstalled Steam and I'm back at Stage 1. My advice: UNINSTALL ALL GAMING SHIT, EXERCISE (RUN, WEIGHTS, GYM W.E) CHAT AND SLOWLY REGAIN RESPECT AS NOT A COMPUTER NERD.

Also, smash your PC. Seriously.

ITT facepunchers can't read signs. This kids issues can't just be solved with "take a break from the computer" Go see a psychologist/psychiatrist.

[QUOTE=Llivavin;23040591]ITT facepunchers can't read signs. This kids issues can't just be solved with "take a break from the computer" Go see a psychologist/psychiatrist.[/QUOTE]

Sports clubs and things like that are a good way to meet people. Also excessive computer use ruined my year 7,8 and 9. Then I discovered beer, beer leads to "I love you bro" conversations and it all kinda got rose tinted from there.

I was shy and unsocial, my parents would fight a lot and my mom would cry, everyone thought I was weird in middle school and I never had more than 2 friends. Now I'm going to college and I can say that I've changed. And not because someone told me or made me feel better, it's more of a way of thinking. You just gotta say fuck everyone and raise your ego through the roof bro, who cares about what they think or say. Point is, shit happens. Sitting around and complaining or telling other people about it isn't going to do things for you or help your situation. You have to stand up, put yourself in the right way of thought and just go and do the things you enjoy. Don't let anyone's opinion of you or anything else stop you. To get your life back on track just start talking to people you think would be pretty cool. A simple hi and then a topic will do, it will carry itself on from there, really. Heck my mom still has small fits when she's drunk. I couldn't believe it what she said to me when I refused to go down to the store and buy some fish or something, made me feel pretty sick about myself because I didn't think that's the way she thought of me. But I still said fuck it who needs her and moved on with my life. Won't be seeing her in 4 years anyway. Yeah a pretty arrogant way to think, but sometimes it's what you gotta do.

Start exercising. I found that once I started jogging regularly I had more motivation and work ethic to figure out my problems. I don't know why but exercising puts me in a good frame of mind and makes me want to be a better person. Once you start with exercising, it's all a barrel roll from there