High Noon - Short Story - General

A generic, boring, and old; Zombie involved short story. High Noon The jets flew by again, the sun slowly falling in the distance. I looked down off the side of the bridge and saw a few deaders taking naps in the concrete river that ran through the city. Crashed cars were down there also. The city seemed so deserted, the deaders even left the city alone and they went to go ravage another city. They didn’t want it and I didn’t want to be in it but it was my only chance of surviving. Their patterns don’t let them come back to the ready destroyed cities because they know there is no more food left. A growl, I looked around, in the distance was one of them. It saw me and then it dashed the other way. The chase was on I guess, I started to dash after it to make sure it didn’t alert the other ones of my presence in the city. I quite hated running with a full backpack of food and a double barrel shotgun on my back. It nearly weighed 40 pounds and I wasn’t in shape to run and carry that much. It was one of the other. I turned the corner and saw the deader, He knew I wanted to stop him and he didn’t really care (That’s what I believe because you know, they can’t really think abstractly.) I pulled the shotgun off the back and fired, Like most of the shots I fired it was loud, messy, and completely off target. I could have sworn I heard the deader laugh at me. I fired off another one and it hit him this time, and by him I mean the dead body on the side of the road. The deader let out another ghoulish laugh and then turned and started to dash. I swung the shotgun back on my back and took off after him once again. Trying to catch my breath I slowed down as I turned the corner. For a split second, I thought he was going to be long gone and alerted his pack already but no, He wanted to fuck with me and right when I turned that corner he jumped on me like a rabid dog. I can’t lie, I’m not strong or fit but when he jumped on me the adrenaline kicked me and I pushed him off me and raised my foot. I always wanted to say something like they do in the movies so I looked down at him and said “You got something on your face.” My leg slammed down and his brains, skull, and what I believe was his head went flying everywhere. I think I messed up the heroic movie line. I found a quiet nice abandoned store near the deader I just killed. Pot meat, I never loved potted meat until the end of the world and then I started to love the 10 pounds of salt they poured into it. As I pulled out my spoon and dug in I remembered the movies I watched back in high school and the first parts of college about the heroic zombie killer who gets the girl and survives. For me? The nearest I’ve ever been to a woman is when a beautiful woman with half her neck and face missing jumped on me. Other people? None, I’ve been to atleast five cities along my journey and people claim to be immune and claim there to be a safe city but they are all dead. The fuckers travel in huge 10,000 packs from city to city making more as they go. I looked out the window and saw the sun sink into the horizon. As the darkness rolled in I sat there with my Potted meat, Memories, and Shotgun thinking about what would happen if military ever came. I once heard from people that wrote on the walls in stores, those people are the greatest. They said the Russians nuked the borders and the government and people retreated to Siberia. I wish I was in Siberia right now, It’s better than sleeping next to some dead person. They smelled horrible.

Zombies and jets flying over. Sounds like L4D Two. On topic:This is a good story.

I enjoyed the writing very much so! not much of an original idea tho :P (but i guess you kinda made up with it because i was sucked in straight from the beginning)

I might read some more later. Also to Entace, How is it not a original idea? Unless you are talking about the zombies.

woo generic zombie story. tip: short stories should do more than just paint a scene; gotta tell me something about myself. but i do like the writing style; the amateurish feel makes it seem like a non-poet trying to just get his thoughts down on paper before being devoured was the writer. also how could he tell she was beautiful if half her face was missing

You guys call this good? Let's see... Tense issues, grammar issues, incorrect use of commas, incorrect use of capital letters, lack of description, too many small sentences and no paragraphing. You jump from place to place with no interlinking sentences and your possessive case fails. If I were a teacher, I wouldn't even give it a C.

there's nothing wrong with small sentences and lacks of description. terse writing is often the best writing. that said, yeah, it could stand for some variations in sentence length. short periodic sentences only get you so far [editline]06:36PM[/editline] im not saying that this is good in any way. it really isnt. however, with some strenuous polishing and reworking it could be.

[QUOTE=InsaneInThe;17747114] also how could he tell she was beautiful if half her face was missing[/QUOTE] It was a joke.

[QUOTE=lintz;17747177]You guys call this good? Let's see... Tense issues, grammar issues, incorrect use of commas, incorrect use of capital letters, lack of description, too many small sentences and no paragraphing. You jump from place to place with no interlinking sentences and your possessive case fails. If I were a teacher, I wouldn't even give it a C.[/QUOTE] O.K. That was just harsh. It wasn't a bad story, a lot of the sentences did interlink and most short stories have some issues with grammar and things like that because the writer is just trying to get it down. It's getting published on a forum. It doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, it's there for peoples enjoyment in reading.