Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[B]Keep your chin up, things will get better.[/B] OP copied from previous thread Feel free to share [I]anything[/I] that's causing you distress, most people in this thread are in the same(or similar) boat that you are. [B]Just be aware that Facepunch is no substitute for a Psychiatrist, but talking things out with other people can be cathartic and helpful. For diagnosis use a professional. WebMD and online diagnosis tools are bad, mmmkay? [/B][B][U]A Note About GoFundMe [/U][/B]Campaigns on GoFundMe may only be posted under dire/emergency circumstances and [B]must be pre-approved by Pascall[/B] to prevent scammers from taking advantage of members. [B]Some resources:[/B] [URL]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder[/URL] [URL]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_disorder[/URL] [URL]http://www.succeedsocially.com/[/URL] [URL]http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm[/URL] [B]Stressed about using the phone for a suicide hotline, or more comfortable with text?[/B] [URL]https://www.imalive.org/[/URL] [URL]http://www.crisischat.org/chat[/URL] [URL]http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/lifelinechat.aspx[/URL] [B]Many countries also have phone numbers you can text as well. Look around for the one relevant to your state, province, or country.[/B] [B]Relevant subreddits:[/B] [URL]https://www.reddit.com/r/depression[/URL] [URL]https://www.reddit.com/r/anxiety[/URL] [URL]https://www.reddit.com/r/suicidewatch[/URL] [URL]https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/[/URL] [URL]https://www.reddit.com/r/adhd[/URL] [URL]https://www.reddit.com/r/schizophrenia[/URL] [URL]https://www.reddit.com/r/stopselfharm[/URL] [B]Types of Psychiatric Professionals:[/B] [quote]The following mental health professionals can provide psychological assessments and therapy; however, cannot generally prescribe medications (although some states will allow it): Clinical Psychologist – A psychologist with a doctoral degree in psychology from an accredited/designated program in psychology. Psychologists are trained to make diagnoses and provide individual and group therapy. School Psychologist – A psychologist with an advanced degree in psychology from an accredited/designated program in School Psychology. School Psychologists are trained to make diagnoses, provide individual and group therapy, and work with school staff to maximize efficiency in the schools setting. The following mental health professionals can provide counseling; however, cannot prescribe medication: Clinical Social Worker – A counselor with a masters degree in social work from an accredited graduate program. Trained to make diagnoses, provide individual and group counseling, and provide case management and advocacy; usually found in the hospital setting. Licensed Professional Counselor – A counselor with a masters degree in psychology, counseling or a related field. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling. Mental Health Counselor – A counselor with a masters degree and several years of supervised clinical work experience. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling. Certified Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor – Counselor with specific clinical training in alcohol and drug abuse. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling. Nurse Psychotherapist – registered nurse who is trained in the practice of psychiatric and mental health nursing. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling. Marital and Family Therapist – counselor with a masters degree, with special education and training in marital and family therapy. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling. Pastoral Counselor – clergy with training in clinical pastoral education Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling. Peer Specialist– counselor with lived experience with mental health or substance use conditions. Assists clients with recovery by recognizing and developing strengths, and setting goals. Many peer support programs require several hours of training. Other Therapists – therapist with an advance degree trained in specialized forms of therapy. Examples include art therapist, music therapist. The following mental health professionals can prescribe medication; however, they may not provide therapy: Psychiatrist – A medical doctor with special training in the diagnosis and treatment of mental and emotional illnesses. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication, but they often do not counsel patients. Child/Adolescent Psychiatrist – A medical doctor with special training in the diagnosis and treatment of emotional and behavioral problems in children. Child and Adolescent psychiatrists can also precribe medication; however, they may not provide psychotherapy. Psychiatric or Mental Health Nurse Practitioner – A registered nurse practitioner with a graduate degree and specialized training in the diagnosis and treatment of mental and emotional illness. Additionally, your Primary Care Physician, Physician’s Assistant or Nurse Practiotioner (depending on your state) are often qualified to provide medication. [/quote] Generally, if you go with someone like an ARNP you would be best served also working with a therapist. ARNP will diagnose and check in with you to manage medication. Therapist will help you learn coping strategies and work on other aspects of yourself you wish to improve. [B]Cognitive Behavioral Therapy[/B] [quote][URL="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy"]Cognitive behavioral therapy [/URL]is commonly used by therapists, psychiatrists, and other -ists to teach the patient coping strategies and better thought habits (in general, counselors do it too. Anyone not prescribing medication likely knows how to use some of these techniques. CBT is not superior or inferior to medication, and must be evaluated on a patient-by-patient basis. It is another tool in the toolbox of mental health though, so it deserves consideration and acknowledgement. Its also a pretty broad term, covering a therapeutic approach (afaik) rather than a specific technique. [URL="http://psychcentral.com/lib/in-depth-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/"]Good read on CBT here[/URL] [/quote] [B]Medication Side Effects:[/B] [quote]In the wise words of the Hitchhikers Guide, Don't Panic. If you can. Sometimes you can't help but panic, and in that case ride that one out. Something to understand with medication though is that any malaise or disorder that appears during the trial of a medication must be added to the warnings (essentially). Also, warnings and side effect labels commonly go into too much detail or can emphasize the extremely uncommon high-severity side effects instead of the usually mostly benign common ones. Combine that with our own tendency to focus on the worst-case scenario and a health distortion of perspective and it becomes easy to panic. Avoid webmd, drugs.com is a good resource for side effects as you can read a detailed background that will tell you how common a symptom is, as well as cite trials. With some medication side effects are split into demographics as well, covering varying ages and genders. It also includes an interactions checker and is pretty easy to sort through and read. Be careful though to not let this site, or other warning sites, lead you into too severe of worries. Sometimes a small thought or stressor can snowball into something much larger. If you are worried at all and the internet is not able to assuage your fears, please do contact the professional who prescribed you the medication and be clear about your concerns. Same applies if a new side effect suddenly shows up or something really gets to you. Their job is to help you, and by and large many of them will do their best ot help you and make you feel better. You can also contact hotlines belonging to the manufacturer or your medication, local poison control, non-emergency numbers for hospitals, or search around online (as mentioned). Consider looking for testimonials or forums that collect experiences and reading through those. If you're still worried, ask for alternatives. If your doctor is being uncooperative, dismissive, or rude find a new one. Telling you something you don't want ot hear (but need to hear) is not the same as the former factors though. Keep that in mind. [/quote] [B]Mindfulness Meditation:[/B] [quote]Mindfullness meditation isn't some crazy hippy bullshit and it isn't going to solve all your problems, cure you of your issues, or make you buy a yoga mat and start "juicing". What mindfullness mediation can do is make you more mindful of your own thoughts and behaviors, and bring you into the present. Importantly, it is NOT about stopping thinking all together. It can be used to detach yourself from thought snowballs running amok and causing you issues, identify items that trigger any of your mental health problems or worsen them, and recognize malign thought and behavior patterns. It does not require a large time commitment, a pose, music, or anything except yourself. It can be as long as you want or as short as 30 seconds. The key is to detach yourself from your thoughts, and simply observe them. If thoughts are birds, you are simply watching them and not chasing them, shooting them, or worrying about where they're flying oh god are they migrating what season is it did I forget an assignment for a class am i forgetting some important item man i always forget important things and dates speaking of dates i wonder if the stuff in my fridge is going bad what does "sell by" even mean and so on and on and on. Observe your thoughts in this time period. You can also literally just make a mental note to step back from a situation and begin meditative breathing, which does have some physiological effects. Focus on breathing, slow deep breaths with a bit of a hold at the apex of each cycle (breathe out, light hold, breathe in, light hold, etc). Keep it slow and comfortable to you and try to relax tensed up muscles in your body bit by bit. Shoulders, arms, neck and the jaw are all common places to tense up when anxious. [URL="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-courage-be-present/201001/how-practice-mindfulness-meditation"]Here's a link better at this than I am[/URL], except my psychologist stressed that rigorous adherence to posture and equipment is silly. Done consistently every day you can use it to help build routines and become more mindful of your own, well, mind. Thats the key to the name. The goal really isn't to change you but to make you more mindful of the present instead of stressing about the past or the future. [/quote] [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/xa1Zm3b.jpg[/IMG]

I happened to make the last post on the previous thread, so I just wanna say again that some positive stuff has happened in my life, which makes me actually [I]want [/I] to be alive. So that's cool.

This thread always makes me more depressed. But atleast it has some good advice once in a while.

The main points of my situation I am living with my best friend His girlfriend is living with us I am in love with his girlfriend, and have been for almost a year now She is an amazing human being, he is kind of a fuckup and doesn't treat her well enough Every minute is torture I have had daily suicidal thoughts since I was 13, and I am now 23 and not sure how I lasted this long Should I just kill myself now, or wait it out and see what happens

[QUOTE=Most wanteD;50826252]The main points of my situation I am living with my best friend His girlfriend is living with us I am in love with his girlfriend, and have been for almost a year now She is an amazing human being, he is kind of a fuckup and doesn't treat her well enough Every minute is torture I have had daily suicidal thoughts since I was 13, and I am now 23 and not sure how I lasted this long Should I just kill myself now, or wait it out and see what happens[/QUOTE] I've been in a similar situation. A bestfriend of mine, a girl dated this douchebag for nearly two years. He treated her like shit, and it's just the opposite, without her living with him and me. We were all friends together for a while. Then everyone fell on it's head. IMO relationships don't last, especially if he's going to treat her like a dick. Hold on to the strongest feelings you have, whether it's anger or hope and just hold on. I got through a nasty four years of my life because I held on to anger, and it helped me become a better person some how.

.

I would do a hell of a lot more with my life and go to many more places if it wasn't for these depressive, psychotic episodes coming and going as they fucking please.

Bad news; My life just got worse :C

Let me give you a quick rundown of my life right now because i felt the need to type it out : Wake up tired and feeling like total shit, since sleeping became difficult. Lift my ass out of the bed, take a quick shower and go to work. Feel spaced out the whole time, look at people like a dead fish, like they're not really there. Take the bus, confused the whole time, and wait until i hit my workplace. Start working, don't even know what the fuck i'm doing since my concentration and focus capabilities fucked off two months ago when the symptoms first appeared. I don't listen to myself and i keep trying. After a whopping 30 minutes, on a good day, the eyestrain kicks in (and not the small one, no, the one that literally makes you feel that your eyes are drenched in acid). I don't listen to myself and i keep trying. After that, the dizziness kicks in, my eyes can't focus on anything anymore so i get nauseous. But i don't listen to myself and i keep trying. After that, the tension headaches kicks in. Feels like my head is being squeezed by two clamps, or that i'm wearing a very tight headband that keeps getting tighter. At this stage i just can't handle this shit anymore, i'm closing whatever i was (trying to) do, and i head back home. Eat something, usually something minimal considering that i'm not in the state to be the next Gordon Ramsay and go to sleep. Not because i want to, but because i don't have any choice on the matter. I sleep. I sleep again. I can't do shit. I sleep. I decide to wake up to check something on the computer, after five minutes of reading a simple text the headaches and dizziness kicks back again so i go back to bed. Of course since i slept the whole fucking day i have some difficulties to sleep at night. So i don't sleep during the night. I lay on my bed watching the ceiling. Repeat the next day. Sometimes there's variations and new symptoms, but it's [B]never[/B] something positive. Right now it's tinnitus. No peace. Nothing. It's a daily purgatory. I can't work, i can't read, i can't stand in front of a computer, i can't stand in front of a smartphone, i can't write, i can't watch television. If you wonder how i managed to type this shit out, well, i'm basically sitting on a box of sedatives so here's that, and even then my eyes are telling me that i should stop. Basically everything that i used to like, or to a minima would allow me to relax and forget the situation a little bit is [I]forbidden[/I] to me. They all trigger headaches, dizziness and fatigue. Only laying in the dark with my eyes closed and my two arms crossed over my chest brings a semblant of release. Which is funny, because it's exactly how death looks. As for the medical aspect, well, they're pretty much out of ideas. It's either an auto-immune disease, like ocular myasthenia and i will take the words of the neurologist the [I]"symptoms are too mild and vague to be appropriately diagnosed right now, come back when you can't walk, see, or swallow anymore"[/I] or according to the more "general" practitioner [I]"you don't sleep well and you're anxious so that's it, bye, take some benzos and call me back in two months, oh and here's my bill"[/I]. As for my therapist, well we're at the stage of "just breathe better and meditate". This will probably not end well. I was strongly thinking about rushing to the hospital with a knife the other day, and start threatening people. Not because i want to [B]actually[/B] hurt anyone, far from it actually, but because i'm in a spot where every single day of my life became hell because of something obviously physical (how the fuck would you explain that the headaches/dizziness and eyestrain only appears when there's a visual stimulation, and only then ?) is slowly sucking any kind of life out of me, and that i feel underlistened, and more importantly undiagnosed. I could mentally deal with the situation if they told me [I]"you have multiple sclerosis"[/I], because i would know what is making me suffering. But they don't. They don't want to take the risk, but more importantly they don't want to take some time and ressources to push the research further when they can just swipe everything under the good ol' depression & anxiety carpet and be done in five minutes.

I'm really paranoid I'll get banned so I most likely won't post too much. Also, my life peaked a little again. I hope it continues

decided to go from cutting to bulking again and I feel great! I think the surplus of food alone has done wonders for my energy, it is a little too easy to get drained when you're not eating enough. with bulking in mind, I'm also going back to the gym yet again. I made dinner from scratch today as well, been a few weeks since last time I did that. been mostly microwave food. felt good to do something productive for once. it really helps to start small, like just making dinner. that alone seems to have caused this domino effect, I feel a lot more motivated to do even more now! I think it'll be great to hit the gym again, will be fun to see how much strength I've lost (shit). also seeing my psychologist again, think she's properly back from vacation now. I think that's gonna be good too. lots of stuff gonna happen now. I've realized I can't live at home anymore (I can, I just can't tackle it) so it has made its way to my top priority right now, the next goal on my roadmap. definitely gonna nag the fuk out of the folks helping me out in the system so this becomes a reality as soon as possible.

So, with all the Tumour shit happening it appears that someone mentioned it to my parents. Of which i havent talked to in 2 years (And actually legally changed my name in order to avoid them) I'm kind of fuming, the person did it in good intentions but everyone within my circle i started in my new life and the only one i allowed in from my past to know of me now had to go and ruin what i had worked to avoid. I wont go into details why i cut contact with them, but it was for deep seeded reasons and i was happy, they dont appear to want to track me down, but they know my new alias and they know whereabouts i moved so i am kind of pissed off, even if there is no real reason to be.

Oh hey, new thread!

It's incredibly hard trying to rebuild my self esteem when all these things happen around me that are pushing me back down. And I'm not blaming other people here.

I'm just gonna toss out an offer that if anybody wants to talk I'm always available. I have bipolar 1, was kicked out, have been involuntarily hospitalized for a suicide attempt, and was homeless for just about 8 months. I've been through a lot. I can't claim to understand everyone's issues, but I do understand enough to actually help. It's no trouble to me at all. Seriously. You're not going to inconvenience me or be a burden just for talking. I'm not going to argue with you. If you tell me something, I take your word for it. You're [I]not[/I] making excuses. You're [I]not[/I] seeking attention. And for everyone, [B]please just remember[/B]: [I]It's not your fault if you feel bad about something[/I]. That's how depression works. It fucks up your brain so it's [I]really hard[/I] see the positive side of things. People feel bad about things, and that's perfectly okay!

[QUOTE=ECrownofFire;50837121]I'm just gonna toss out an offer that if anybody wants to talk I'm always available. I have bipolar 1, was kicked out, have been involuntarily hospitalized for a suicide attempt, and was homeless for just about 8 months. I've been through a lot. I can't claim to understand everyone's issues, but I do understand enough to actually help. It's no trouble to me at all. Seriously. You're not going to inconvenience me or be a burden just for talking. I'm not going to argue with you. If you tell me something, I take your word for it. You're [I]not[/I] making excuses. You're [I]not[/I] seeking attention. And for everyone, [B]please just remember[/B]: [I]It's not your fault if you feel bad about something[/I]. That's how depression works. It fucks up your brain so it's [I]really hard[/I] see the positive side of things. People feel bad about things, and that's perfectly okay![/QUOTE] Glad you are in a better position in life <3

Working on making everyone hate me now, so people won't miss me when I die...

[QUOTE=Torjuz;50839486]Working on making everyone hate me now, so people won't miss me when I die...[/QUOTE] It doesn't work like that, mate.

I've never been the sad sad type, but it's got to the stage where I have to do [I]something[/I] before I can be happy again. I've been planning to start a channel on YouTube as a form of therapy. I'd just sit down to cover topics about life, people, memories, games, whatever. I'd actually make it interesting and that's what my channel would be about. I want to get it right without editing to get that out of the way, so I just have to figure out my equipment and words. Deadline is tuesday.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;50840279]It doesn't work like that, mate.[/QUOTE] I know, but it's worth a shot.

I just realized that if I were to ever commit suicide, I would do it by taking all my money just to get to where Area 51 is supposed to be and see how far I can get into it without getting shot. I mean it'd be something.

Ever since my uncle died of a, I forget what to call it, burst artery in his heart, I've been terrified of dying. This was about four months ago. I mean, I've always been afraid of dying since I was young. I'm not sure why. Now it's just tremendous. Until now, it's never forced me to break down in tears just by thinking about it. Speaking honestly, it makes me cry just about twice a week, usually when I'm trying to fall asleep. I've tried talking to my mother, my fiance, my best friend, everyone I can imagine that I'm close enough to that it's comfortable to discuss with. All I come away with is feeling like I burdened them with my fear. I've tried looking up self-help, or positive encouragement online, and it just makes me more sad. I think part of it is, how suddenly my uncle died. Everyone else in my family who's passed on, including my father who died of brain cancer when I was much younger, lingered. They faded out, said their goodbyes, so on and on it goes. (And it was still terrible to lose each one of them.) That didn't happen with my uncle. My uncle just said he was feeling badly, like he had become very tired and was having a hard time breathing, then he was dead before the ambulance even got to his house. I don't want that to happen to me. It seems just so terribly unfair. He had a huge family, hadn't even retired, and was healthy and everything. I don't know what I'm looking for. I just want to stop being so afraid, I think.

i hate being alone

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50842960]i hate being alone[/QUOTE] You and me both. My parents are out for one week, to see my grandmother in italy. I wanted to go with them but in my current state taking the plane is virtually impossible. So basically i'm alone at home with my problems. It's for one week but still, shit will certainly fucking suck.

haven't had any alcohol for about a week now, but every time i try to stop drinking i eventually get fed up with not being able to sleep/feeling lonely and getting caught up in my own thoughts, that i just give up and fall back into the habit. the problem is that i'm not really replacing it with anything, and it's also more tempting the longer i haven't had any, because i notice the effect more if i haven't had it for a while. then i fall back into the habit and i get used to it more and it starts to just feel like shit so i stop again. i've been stuck in this cycle for months now. i really need to just stop and reflect on my life and find real solutions to my problems. time is going by so fast & i feel really unfulfilled and haven't accomplished anything this year.. because i have a habit of just shutting down when things get hard and feeling like there's no point. i really need to try and power through this feeling of hopelessness. it's difficult though when i try to explain myself to my friends/loved ones and i don't feel like they understand, and i feel like they're getting sick of my complaining. i really need support right now to get myself out of this rut.

[QUOTE=Y'all.;50843027]haven't had any alcohol for about a week now, but every time i try to stop drinking i eventually get fed up with not being able to sleep/feeling lonely and getting caught up in my own thoughts, that i just give up and fall back into the habit. the problem is that i'm not really replacing it with anything, and it's also more tempting the longer i haven't had any, because i notice the effect more if i haven't had it for a while. then i fall back into the habit and i get used to it more and it starts to just feel like shit so i stop again. i've been stuck in this cycle for months now. [/QUOTE] Well, I had a similar problem once, couldn't even fall asleep without drinking at least a little bit. Yet, eventually alcohol just stopped helping me with my depression, so I quit drinking it as I never liked it that much anyway. I mean, the addiction was still there, but the thought about drinking became even more disgusting. Not really sure what to advice you pal, as I've never been good at pushing all those supportive rants, which are pretty useless anyway imo( at least they never helped me). From my experience, you always eventually come to the point where you are so fed up with your sorry state you just can't keep things going the same way anymore. Just make the right choice when the time comes. I guess it's a universal advice for all people in trouble.

This story is really convoluted so I will just give you lot the run down and you will have to take my word. Long story short. I have Autism and a Rare Sleep disorder called Non-24 hour Sleep Wake. Both of these made me have to leave school 8 years ago, when I was 8, (17 on Friday), so I didn't really have any friends except for 1 who is my best friend. Back in 2012 I went to Youth Group to Socalize, met a girl who I liked. Stupid stuff on both sides, I think I may have been Emotionally abused as when I was crying, she came up to me and told me she was dating my brother, which wasn't the best thing to hear, same year, Tried to take my own life. Didn't die due to the tablets being weak and needing a ton to even make me sick. Same year I met this other girl who was way friendlier and was awesome, had a crush on her, she was pretty much my second best friend. I would hang out with her nearly every Saturday/Sunday, but I screwed up and in 2013 I stopped talking to her, since last year I found out I still have feelings for her and I can't contact her due to her strict parents not letting her have Facebook, and when I was friends with her she never had a phone. She also moved, and had a falling out with her parents so she is living with her aunt. In 2015 I went back to Youth Group and still go to it, last month I went to a week long event and it was quite emotional for everyone, a friend helped me out and talked to me and gave me advice. Had a crush on her, didn't want to date her, just needed it off my chest. Told her, she isn't interested in dating anyone and life went on Told her about my experience with the girl who I still have feelings for, she tells me that I didn't nothing wrong and it's time to move on Found out she, her brother and another person I know where in the same martial arts class. Now I have been losing touch with reality, as in I am starting to get way more paranoid, not trusting people, not even trusting my friends, I don't even know if they are my friends. I have also been getting thoughts, not suicidal thoughts, just self harm thoughts, cause like I said before, I am starting to lose grip on reality and I have no clue who to trust, and I just need something to happen to ignore it. I have no clue what to do.

I feel like I'm pushing everyone around me away. Or I mean, I don't think I'm doing it much to friends but I really feel like I'm doing it with my family. I've become very uninterested in their lives and I'd rather just sit idle on my room all day than to strike up a conversation with any of them. If they first do strike up a conversation I can't help but answer with short replies since I don't think I care or have the energy to care. I'm not sure which one it is. I know that family is something you can always rely on but I shouldn't take it so for granted. These people are always gonna be a part of my life and if I don't tread carefully, I imagine that might end up not being the case. I do think it helps for my sanity to have them around even though I don't really interact much with them. The thought of being 100% lonely which has never been the case due to them being around is a scary thought. At the same time, I really want to detach from their lives but eh. Just now, my sister was playing some music loudly through her audio system. She never really uses it since I absolutely hate the bass it produces and we share walls. Today she seemed to think it was a good idea to put it in use which very quickly irritated me. I went over to tell her that I was in fact home, and she told me she was going to use it for another few minutes. I told her that's not acceptable and that she should turn it off and use her other speaker immediately which she usually does, but today she was going against my word. "No". I tell her yes, and she replies no again and I abruptly cut her off with an angry punch in the wall, raised my voice and told her yet again, "Yes." and went on about how I just can't tackle the sounds of that thing. She looked scared, I think I scared her. She cut the music off pretty quickly after that but now I feel pretty bad. Am I becoming a more irritable person? Am I becoming a less likable person? I'm having more and more episodes where I do in fact raise my voice and go against what people say when in the past, I'd be too scared to do such a thing. It is kinda liberating to be able to tell people to fuck off very bluntly, but where should I draw the line? Am I becoming angry for good reasons here? It is okay to get angry I feel, but the reasons has to be good and it's hard to determine if mine are good when I can only speak from my own perspective.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50843696]Just now, my sister was playing some music loudly through her audio system. She never really uses it since I absolutely hate the bass it produces and we share walls. Today she seemed to think it was a good idea to put it in use which very quickly irritated me. I went over to tell her that I was in fact home, and she told me she was going to use it for another few minutes. I told her that's not acceptable and that she should turn it off and use her other speaker immediately which she usually does, but today she was going against my word. "No". I tell her yes, and she replies no again and I abruptly cut her off with an angry punch in the wall, raised my voice and told her yet again, "Yes." and went on about how I just can't tackle the sounds of that thing. She looked scared, I think I scared her. She cut the music off pretty quickly after that but now I feel pretty bad. Am I becoming a more irritable person? Am I becoming a less likable person? I'm having more and more episodes where I do in fact raise my voice and go against what people say when in the past, I'd be too scared to do such a thing. It is kinda liberating to be able to tell people to fuck off very bluntly, but where should I draw the line? Am I becoming angry for good reasons here? It is okay to get angry I feel, but the reasons has to be good and it's hard to determine if mine are good when I can only speak from my own perspective.[/QUOTE] It's never wrong to feel a certain way. You don't have perfect control over that regardless. Any wrongness is only from how you deal with those feelings. Try talking to your sister. Ask her how she felt about that. Especially if she mentions anything negative, just say you didn't want to make her feel that way and you're sorry if you did. And Mr. Rogers is always relevant. [video=youtube;xTs73qO5ehk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTs73qO5ehk[/video]

[QUOTE=PredGD;50843696]I feel like I'm pushing everyone around me away. Or I mean, I don't think I'm doing it much to friends but I really feel like I'm doing it with my family. I've become very uninterested in their lives and I'd rather just sit idle on my room all day than to strike up a conversation with any of them. If they first do strike up a conversation I can't help but answer with short replies since I don't think I care or have the energy to care. I'm not sure which one it is. I know that family is something you can always rely on but I shouldn't take it so for granted. These people are always gonna be a part of my life and if I don't tread carefully, I imagine that might end up not being the case. I do think it helps for my sanity to have them around even though I don't really interact much with them. The thought of being 100% lonely which has never been the case due to them being around is a scary thought. At the same time, I really want to detach from their lives but eh. Just now, my sister was playing some music loudly through her audio system. She never really uses it since I absolutely hate the bass it produces and we share walls. Today she seemed to think it was a good idea to put it in use which very quickly irritated me. I went over to tell her that I was in fact home, and she told me she was going to use it for another few minutes. I told her that's not acceptable and that she should turn it off and use her other speaker immediately which she usually does, but today she was going against my word. "No". I tell her yes, and she replies no again and I abruptly cut her off with an angry punch in the wall, raised my voice and told her yet again, "Yes." and went on about how I just can't tackle the sounds of that thing. She looked scared, I think I scared her. She cut the music off pretty quickly after that but now I feel pretty bad. Am I becoming a more irritable person? Am I becoming a less likable person? I'm having more and more episodes where I do in fact raise my voice and go against what people say when in the past, I'd be too scared to do such a thing. It is kinda liberating to be able to tell people to fuck off very bluntly, but where should I draw the line? Am I becoming angry for good reasons here? It is okay to get angry I feel, but the reasons has to be good and it's hard to determine if mine are good when I can only speak from my own perspective.[/QUOTE] Was it really that impossible for you to hang in there for those minutes she said she was going to keep playing and just let her?