Hello,
Previously I had posted two short stories. The first one was a complete fail, and the second one didn't receive enough comments, but I'm not into bumping threads and stuff, so I let it fall.
As a school work, I wrote this third one, perhaps it's complete shit, perhaps not, I don't really know. Take care that I was really limited in my choices, my imagination was kind of blocked by a rule: I had to mimic Saki's style, at least the one found in two novels.
I had to talk about money, easy street classes, and a betrayal. As you'll see the title pretty explains these conditions.
So here it is. Once again, say whatever is on your mind, if you think that it's total garbage, say it.
Take also care of the fact that English isn't my native language, I'm a far better writer in my language.
The Diamonds Of Betrayal
Arleen and Alina are two good friends, they met each other when they were only 16 years old. Among many common points that they have been sharing until now, the lust of money and expensive things is probably the most noticeable one. Jewellery always attracted them like nothing else, to the point that they were spending every money they had in it. They are now both 26-year-old beautiful girls and it's still the same routine: They search for things to buy, even though they both know that they are completely useless, and try to compile as much as they can.
Arleen is a tall blonde-haired and green-eyed beautiful girl, she chooses carefully what she wears and never goes out with outdated or common clothes, she likes to show off her fortune. Alina, a black-haired and brown-eyed girl is on the other hand, kind of discreet, she doesn't even care about whether her clothes are trendy or not, which bothers Arleen who always tries to talk Alina into wearing what she calls “ our good stuff “.
They've been really excited for the past months because of a big auction. As usual, it would feature clothes, rings, necklaces, paintings, sculptures... But what they've been attracted into during all that time was a diamond. Even here in London, it was really rare that diamonds would show up in auctions. This one was really enormous for a precious stone, plus perfectly cut. Besides, it was worth over 9000£, which was the most important reason not to miss the opportunity.
It was March 18th when they read the advert, we were now March 26th, the ominous day. They've been preparing a plan on how to get the so precious stone. It had been decided that they would act as if they didn't know each other, and then always bid higher and higher until everyone else was out of money. They were among the richest inhabitants of London, they could easily afford to put a huge amount of money. Considering the so desired piece would start at 9000£ or more, they would without any doubt be less than 25 persons to lust after it.
10:45pm, the auction was about to begin, people were gathering into the hall in order to proceed to the opening, then it would begin. Arleen and Alina arrived at 50, just for the gentlemen to see them in their beautiful dress, probably half the price of the diamond. Alina had made a special effort this tonight, she was dressed like a princess, this was to please Arleen. They were not together, at least they acted so when they crossed the hall. The auction had started for 2-3 minutes and they were already peeping around, searching for the diamond.
Many objects were sold, mostly paintings. They bade just for the fun, to see the demented gentlemen as they were increasing the price, pushing them to their financial limits. Soon came the diamond, well cut, shiny, glowing in an electrical blue, at last. Since they always shared every thing they bought, this time it was decided that Alina would have it, so she would be the last one to bid, meaning that it would be sold to her.
As expected, the price started at 9000£. The first man who increased the price put it at 11000£, a really strong-willed man they thought. It lasted for 2 hours. Alina and Arleen were having a really good time, seeing how distraught the men were becoming, sweat appearing on their face as the price was still increasing, now to 90000£.
The two partners had planned to increase the price to 100 000£, but Arleen had decided otherwise... She set the price to 250 000£, so that Alina couldn't follow. She wasn't as well-off as Arleen was. The diamond came to her, and she literally fled from the crowd, still stunned.
Cool story bro
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Snipe" - JohnnyMo1))[/highlight]
I forgot to make this precision: I'd prefer comments by 16-year-old persons, or more. ( I'm 18. )
I have seen better, but I have also seen much worse too.
Why have you written it like that?
Books aren't set out like that.
You look like you're trying to write it like you're Morgan Freeman, the almighty narrator. Books don't read well like that, only screenplays do. Little rewriting it would look a lot better.
Seen better, but I've seen way worse.
I recommend that you change one of the names to something that doesn't start with a "A", alliteration with proper nouns causes a story to read like a C grade porno.
[QUOTE=AnthraX;22042503]Cool story bro[/QUOTE]
You gonna get banned bro
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Predicting moderation" - JohnnyMo1))[/highlight]
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